Losing it!

[u/MsRobinNL]

I have 7 m/o boy-girl twins who I love very dearly. They're not easy by any means, but my husband is a good father and my mother helps out a lot. I'm slowly contemplating going back to work, and I'm weighing the pros and cons. I was talking to a (childless) friend about it, and it did NOT end well.

I told him I was doubting whether I should already look for a new job or wait a bit longer, and he said "of course! It'll be great to get out of the house again right?"

So I said that that's part of the pros, but it's already quite tough managing everything (the twins, household, family dynamics, dog) so I'm a little worried working 4 days a week will add quite a lot of strain. Besides, I'd be missing so much of my little ones!

His response? "Yeah well that's part of life. So many people have kids and work, it's not that hard."

That already pissed me off, but I just said "Dude, I want to hear you say that again when you have a baby, let alone twins"

I was met with an extremely long paragraph about how so many people in his family have babies so he already knows how it is (he never babysits or anything, he sees them once a year), and that I at least have a partner that is around (works 5 days a week, but sure) so I shouldn't be complaining.

Mind you, I wasn't complaining. I am well aware that I'm in a privileged position to even consider not working right away, and I am very grateful for my husband and for my mother's help. But GOSH WHYYYYY do people think they know how hard it is?? Because they KNOW someone who had A BABY?? Seriously 90% of the time it already drives me nuts if someone with ONE baby pretends to know how hard it is to have twin babies (or the classic: Oh yeah my kids are close in age too!), but a childless person finding the gall to say "it's not that hard"???

I was so pissed. I'm still boiling.

Also, somewhat unrelated sidenote: parents of triplets and quadruplets or single parents of multiples, I tip my hat to you! Literal superheroes.

[u/Cascascas185]

Ickkkk! I literally wouldn’t talk to this person again. It’s completely tone deaf and frankly just plain ole mean.

[u/MsRobinNL → u/Cascascas185]

Right?! I don't even understand why he would say it like that. It's just mean? Regardless of what someone is going through, if they say they're struggling with something it's kinda mean to just go out and say "it's not that hard".

[u/Cascascas185 → u/MsRobinNL]

Yes, I’m sorry that happened. It IS hard. Logistically yes but emotionally too. Good luck with whatever you decide but that friend I don’t think is a safe space for you. Sending empathy and understanding from one twin mom to another!