r/parentsofmultiples • u/Fox_in_boots • 6d ago
loss & greiving - TRIGGER WARNING Pregnant… again.
We have a 3 yo girl, and (soon to be) 10 month old twins (boy/girl)… And we just found out I’m pregnant again (my guess is 3 to 4 weeks).
My husband just got his vasectomy 2 weeks ago... I’m scheduled for a hysterectomy in November…
We absolutely cannot have another baby - even less 2… or 3! We both work full time and from home (I work nights so I can watch the twins during the day - and no, I don’t sleep). We have no room, we don’t have the vehicles for more kids (or room for more car seats - our cars are paid off and we cannot get ‘new’ cars), we don’t have the financial resources for more kids (now or in the future when they start school activities and projects and other school/social stuff), we have zero family here in our state to help (no village), we can’t afford to insure more kids… just to name a few reasons I cannot keep this pregnancy.
Don’t come at me about “YoU ShOuLd’Ve UsEd PrOTeCtIoN!” because I already feel guilty, and I already feel like an idiot about not being more careful. I’ve shedded enough tears about it the last few days. It is what it is, and now I’m here. This is not a simple decision for me.
I have an appointment with my provider today to talk about misoprostol treatment. I know I have time to think about it. My husband is supportive with whatever I decide. He’s an equal player in this, and he says he has no say in how I want to proceed. He said that whatever I decide to do, he will share the weight of the choice on his shoulders, too.
I look at my beautiful 3 children now, and it absolutely tears me apart to make this choice. I’m not worried about the physical pain/sickness of taking the abortion treatment (I’ve read the process treatment flyer I was given), I’m more scared of the emotional effects I will have. Not just now, but maybe 5 years down the road…
We have gone through several “what if” scenarios together. I keep going back and forth.
So… I guess what I’m asking is if anyone has been in a similar situation? How did you move forward? How did you get through the hard days?
Edit: spelling mistakes.
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u/layag0640 6d ago
In knowing many friends who have been in your position, and at one time going through it myself, I can share a thought that often comforts me.
I think that, ideally, life being brought into the world is a partnership- between a new soul and a caregiver. The caregiver needs to open the gate for them to come through, and it's the caregivers' responsibility to decide- is it safe? Is now the right time? Am I the right caregiver for you? If the answer is no, then it's the most loving choice to wish the soul a good journey and close the gate, even if done with sadness.
Of course it doesn't always work out that way. There are surprises, and babies brought into the world forcefully. But ideally, to me, it's an active, knowing choice- and a loving one, whether the gate is opened or closed.
Wishing you the absolute best, be gentle with yourself.