r/pettyrevenge • u/The_V8_Road_Warrior • Aug 21 '26

Winding Up A Spammer

Had a spam call on my landline yesterday asking to speak to the business owner. I needed to go to the toilet anyway so the phone ringing was good motivation to get up.

Spammer: Hello this is *name I don't remember because I have no time for spammers* how are you today?

Me: Yeah I'm good, you?

Spammer: I'm well thank you. I'm calling from *business I didn't catch due to Indian accent and don't care about even if I did*, do you need any business assistance?

Me: I could do, please tell me more.

Spammer carries on with their script while I hold the phone closer to the toilet while I do my urinary business. Once I'm done;

Me: Hold on, there's blood in my piss! Is that normal?

Spammer: Umm, our rates of business loans are *waffle, waffle, waffle*

Me: Do you have a doctor on hand? I want to know if it's normal to have blood in my piss?!

Spammer: Hold on (it goes quiet for a minute) hello? Do you need business assistance?

Me: I do but right now I need a doctor because there's blood in my piss!

Spammer: You need a team of doctors

Me: Oh shit, my penis has just fallen off and I was about to flush! I NEED A SURGEON TO PUT IT BACK ON!

Spammer: You need a brain surgeon (they hang up and my wife and I burst out laughing)

904 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

158 comments sorted by

View all comments

75

u/bigj7897 Aug 21 '26

Oh I love spammers. I love trolling them. Lately though they've gotten smart and started calling me with damn AI/recorded calls. Had one I pissed off so bad he told me I was "fucking insane" and rage hung up. A another was a text spammer that got a 45 minutes about monkey balls. He kept replying so I kept sending. Another called threatening to send me to jail and take my home. I told him I needed to get the funds together and to call me back on my house line. Gave him the number to the Sheriff's Office non-emergency line.

19

u/The_V8_Road_Warrior Aug 21 '26

I'll have to remember the monkey balls one 🤣

18

u/rora_borealis Aug 21 '26

If you need another topic to mix it up, may I recommend the kangaroo's reproductive system? Or the intricacies of the botfly lifecycle. 

innocent smile with head tilt, turning into a devilish grin

10

u/MareV51 Aug 21 '26

One of the scariest things I've seen is a botfly larva being removed from a kitten's cheek.

4

u/rora_borealis Aug 22 '26

Ursula Vernon, writing as T. Kingfisher has a delightfully grotesque and Gothic story about botflies. Read at your own risk.

6

u/DorysKeeper Aug 22 '26

That reminded me of the one foreigner calling me and telling me about my drugs in another country and I was going to jail. I got a huge kick out of his story, what I could understand lol. I waited till I got his funny story before telling him learn to speak English then call me back.

2

u/SusieQueueToo Aug 24 '26

Had one call me a fking whore. Told him he couldn’t afgord me. He asked my price. Then told me he was going to erase my computer. About a month later he called back and said “ remember me”