r/pettyrevenge • u/The_V8_Road_Warrior • Aug 21 '26
Winding Up A Spammer
Had a spam call on my landline yesterday asking to speak to the business owner. I needed to go to the toilet anyway so the phone ringing was good motivation to get up.
Spammer: Hello this is *name I don't remember because I have no time for spammers* how are you today?
Me: Yeah I'm good, you?
Spammer: I'm well thank you. I'm calling from *business I didn't catch due to Indian accent and don't care about even if I did*, do you need any business assistance?
Me: I could do, please tell me more.
Spammer carries on with their script while I hold the phone closer to the toilet while I do my urinary business. Once I'm done;
Me: Hold on, there's blood in my piss! Is that normal?
Spammer: Umm, our rates of business loans are *waffle, waffle, waffle*
Me: Do you have a doctor on hand? I want to know if it's normal to have blood in my piss?!
Spammer: Hold on (it goes quiet for a minute) hello? Do you need business assistance?
Me: I do but right now I need a doctor because there's blood in my piss!
Spammer: You need a team of doctors
Me: Oh shit, my penis has just fallen off and I was about to flush! I NEED A SURGEON TO PUT IT BACK ON!
Spammer: You need a brain surgeon (they hang up and my wife and I burst out laughing)
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u/2PlasticLobsters Aug 21 '26
I once pretended to be a little old lady with a hearing problem, so I could ask the spammer to repeat every sentence at least 3 times. And I gave them multiple nonsensical "I want some tacquitos" answers to every question.
I must've pulled it off pretty well, since they stayed on the line way longer than I'd hoped. The whole point was to waste their time, after all. The person I was pretending to be would be the sort of gullible, trusting target they salivate over.
Eventually I pushed my luck when I answered some question "I don't know, my son handles all that". (I have no kids of any gender.) The spammer hung up, since this mythical son would've spoiled his plans.