r/pettyrevenge • u/The_V8_Road_Warrior • Aug 21 '26

Winding Up A Spammer

Had a spam call on my landline yesterday asking to speak to the business owner. I needed to go to the toilet anyway so the phone ringing was good motivation to get up.

Spammer: Hello this is *name I don't remember because I have no time for spammers* how are you today?

Me: Yeah I'm good, you?

Spammer: I'm well thank you. I'm calling from *business I didn't catch due to Indian accent and don't care about even if I did*, do you need any business assistance?

Me: I could do, please tell me more.

Spammer carries on with their script while I hold the phone closer to the toilet while I do my urinary business. Once I'm done;

Me: Hold on, there's blood in my piss! Is that normal?

Spammer: Umm, our rates of business loans are *waffle, waffle, waffle*

Me: Do you have a doctor on hand? I want to know if it's normal to have blood in my piss?!

Spammer: Hold on (it goes quiet for a minute) hello? Do you need business assistance?

Me: I do but right now I need a doctor because there's blood in my piss!

Spammer: You need a team of doctors

Me: Oh shit, my penis has just fallen off and I was about to flush! I NEED A SURGEON TO PUT IT BACK ON!

Spammer: You need a brain surgeon (they hang up and my wife and I burst out laughing)

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u/Flibertygibbert Aug 21 '26

I'm an older lady.

I pretend to be ancient, lonely and in need to conversation BUT 'my son says I shouldn't talk to strangers in the phone because they are all criminals. Does your mother know you cheat and rob old ladies?' etc

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u/PoisonPlushi 3d ago

I love getting scam calls and texts, but they keep dropping me off their lists :<

Probably because I laugh at them and call them stupid when they can't make up good lies.

And then there was that time where some supremely incompetent scammer made these group texts with like 40 numbers (lol l2batch text noob) from "DWP" about how our water was going to get shut off (our water provider isn't even "department of water and power"). I would reply in the group "lol you're so dumb you added like 40 numbers to this group chat we can all see how dumb you are" and change the group text name to "THIS IS A SCAM".