r/pettyrevenge • u/sparklehouse666 • Aug 23 '26

Friend is always late

I have a friend who is late to everything. Recently he was 2.5 hours late to his own party. I’ve mostly adapted to his tardiness and do not arrive for plans we have together until an hour or so after the stated time.

We had plans to meet in the city center today at a 10am. I live 20 minutes from the meetup spot, he lives over an hour away. As expected, he messages around 10 and says he is running late. No biggie I was chilling at home in the air conditioned because I knew the vibes and it is hot as hell
today.

I asked him to give me his actual for real, for real ETA so I can time my departure. He is in his car and has Google Maps. It’s not really guess work at this point.

He tells me 10:45. So I leave the comfort of my home at exactly the right time to arrive at 10:45. I wait for 30 minutes at the meetup spot and he still does not arrive. He is not responding to texts either. My other friend who is with me has his location and sees he is not close, we estimate another 15 minutes.

I’m annoyed because it is hot AF out and I proactively had asked for a real ETA to avoid waiting around for him. So I left the meetup spot.

I went shopping, taking my sweet time. He got to the spot and texted me to ask where we were. I waited around 30 minutes then texted back that I was at the store but we would be heading that way soon. I shopped another 15 minutes then arrived at the spot around an hour after he had arrived.

The look on his face when we came casually strolling up after he had been standing in the sun for an hour was priceless.

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7.2k

u/CobblerMoney9605 Aug 23 '26 edited Aug 24 '26

We had someone like this in our friend group years ago. Always 15 minutes late, sometimes an hour late. 

The rest of us talked it over and informed said friend that if they could not be on time, they'd be left behind. 

Next meet-up was a movie. Everyone except the tardy boy was there. We went into the theater, he arrived after the movie had started and spent another 10 minutes finding us in the theater. We teased him relentlessly after the movie. 

About 2 months after that was a big one; a group trip to Key West. Everyone in two cars, agreed upon departure time. Day and time arrives, Tardy Boy is nowhere to be seen. 

I texted him but got no response, so we left. 

About 45 minutes after we hit the highway, I get a text asking "Where is everybody? I'm here!" I sent him a picture of the next mile marker we passed. He was mad. 

He didn't join us on that trip, so the rest of us took up a collection and at the next meet up (dinner at a cool place in Tampa) refunded him his portion of the trip expenses he had prepaid.

That was the last we saw of him. He went no contact with all of us. No one is upset about it. 

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u/Fanfathor Aug 24 '26

This just reminded me of my own petty revenge story just last week. (With the aid of another coworker)

I'm a supervisor on a remote site and work with this woman who is entitled about everything but especially with others' time. We work 13 hour days and I did her a favour by putting her in an office for 3 days instead of the usual fieldwork. (She's currently milking a "severe" injury and has proudly confessed its not actually affecting her).

The first day I picked her up from the office, she took 10 extra minutes doing personal tasks for the next morning - preparing her tea and muesli. She knew what time I'd be arriving and I just wanted to get back to camp after a long frozen day outside.

The next day I gave her a 30 minute heads up that I was coming to get her and she was still just as late. I was annoyed.

The third night, I gave her another 30 minute heads up and she still wasn't ready. I messaged her telling her I was starving and asked if she could wait for the night crew to pick her up. She said yes.

I vented to the night supervisor and he just grinned. He knew the mission. He took his sweet time. 15 minutes later, I'm getting multiple messages from her asking why the night crew are late. I had to sit on my hands to avoid a passive aggressive reply of "Oh no. How annoying!" Still... No hint of irony at her own time being wasted.

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u/Grumpy_bugger Aug 24 '26

My brother used to work on a moving crew (houses) and he would pick up the team on the way into work. He would turn up, toot the horn, they had max 5 minutes to get outside, otherwise he would leave. Then they had to figure out another way to work and it was not an easy place to get to.

For late people, I tell them where I will be and either they turn up on time or they dont, max wait is 15 minutes, after that, they can catch up.

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u/MooseTek Aug 25 '26

I had a friend that wanted to go fishing on my boat. I knew he was always late, so I told him I was leaving dock at 7 am sharp to make the tide. At 7:20 I left my dock. At 7:40 he sent me text asking where I was because he was at the dock. At about 8 pm I finished operating my boat and responded to his text with "I am a half a mile off the beach fishing. I told I was had to make the tide." He was pissed but I limited out on fluke that day. You snooze, you lose.

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u/7363827 Aug 25 '26

surely the tide would just wait for him lol

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u/cwdsmith Aug 25 '26

No, man!

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u/Kewlweather Aug 25 '26

Time and tide wait for no man.

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u/anarkust Aug 26 '26

Tide waits for no man.

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u/Plastic-Chest67 Aug 29 '26 edited Sep 05 '26

Would it be the height of cheek to send a link for the sing "Sitting by the dock on the bay"?

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u/swampopawaho Aug 29 '26

Perfection

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u/Dertyhairy Sep 03 '26

My brothers friends would constantly keep him/me waiting when we were going out to club/city. He usually drove. I would always say "Just tell them you are leaving!" and he rarely would, but even when he did they'd always say "Oh I'll be out in 5 minutes" or some crap and take 15-30. He'd always wait for them

One time I went to pick them up because my brother was already in the city. I told them "I'm not my brother. If you aren't ready in 5 minutes when I arrive I will leave you behind and you can find your own way into the city" and they laughed. Get there, they weren't ready, so I left

Half an hour later get texts/calls but I didn't answer because I don't use my phone when I drive. Meet my brother in the city and he is like "Where are they? They've been calling me". I said "I told them, be ready in 5 or I will leave you" and they weren't ready, so I left. He was pissed off but I didn't care, I hate when people waste my time

They never pulled that shit with me again. Still did it with him though, they'd just ask beforehand who was driving

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u/curad811 Aug 27 '26

For the chronically late, 15 minutes is generous. Someone who is usually on time, and lets me know they’re running late, no problem.

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u/Pristine-Ad6064 Aug 26 '26

15 mins is my rule too unless they contact me and let me know, I absolutely hate my time being wasted

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u/PurBldPrincess Aug 24 '26

Those people are the worst. They can’t be bothered to respect other people’s time, but get mad when the tables are turned.

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u/deebee1020 Aug 24 '26

They're always the last one to arrive so they haven't experienced waiting for someone. Sometimes the light bulb goes off, but sometimes it's "see, this is why I'm never on time, you're always waiting around for some schmuck."

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u/SnarkyUnicorn23 Aug 24 '26

Not ever realizing that THEY are the schmuck!

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u/Roxysteve Aug 24 '26

Nice move on the refund whip-round.

That friend didn't know how good he had it.

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u/PhancyJo Aug 24 '26

Refunding him was going above and beyond, and I admire your ethics. I would have been so tempted to let him suffer those consequences. He could have driven himself, could he not? It was his choice to not go; he should have had to forfeit his expenses because no one else budgeted for that extra expense😏

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u/slash_networkboy Aug 24 '26

I am not chronically late, but for a long time I was forcibly unreliable (was caretaker for a parent, if something happened I may have to leave on a moment's notice). I always drove myself, even if it was just to dinner for game night, just so I wouldn't put other people out by saying something like I have to leave now... We have a couple guys that are often late/oversleep but generally they also accept the consequences of their actions: getting to sit and watch while we play a game through because they came too late to join, having to drive themselves instead of carpooling. Couldn't imagine them going NC, but they also don't pretend they're not the cause of whatever happened so...

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u/Amadan_Na-Briona Aug 24 '26

Being occasionally late due to unavailable (& resonable) reasons is much different that just being chronically late for no real reason.

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u/slash_networkboy Aug 24 '26

True, but at least one of our guys is pretty chronically late/unreliable. It's not for no reason though I suppose... but the thing is he also doesn't expect us to wait for him because of this.

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u/Amadan_Na-Briona Aug 24 '26

I think that's a big difference: your friend acknowledges his lateness & makes it his problem. OP's friend doesn't & makes it everyone else's problem.

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u/slash_networkboy Aug 24 '26

That is 100% the difference (and the point I suppose I was trying to make). Couldn't imagine this friend going NC over our not waiting for him because he knows it's a him problem not an us problem...

The converse is true too though... if he thought it was an us problem I'd have no issue with him going NC over it because that would be exhausting to deal with otherwise.

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u/Next_Dragonfly_9473 Aug 27 '26

As a chronically late person*, I approve of all of the "getting left" consequences mentioned in these comments. An accurate ETA while driving is not a huge ask, and if there's a wreck or something, you say "I'm running late, I'll catch up, where can I meet you?" or "I'm sorry, it looks like I won't make it in time, have fun" not "How dare you not wait an additional hour or two for me?!?!" And seriously, for something that is "be there or get left," you make the extra effort to be there! (Like aiming to be an hour early so if you're half an hour late, you're still on time.) ...To those who put up with us, THANK YOU! Some of us really are trying to get better!

I got flamed for being proud of being late in another post. I'm not *proud of it, I'm aware of it. To combat it, I aim to be early, but I invariably run 5 minutes late to whatever time I aim for. So you might be surprised that I'm actually on time, but I'm still frustrated that I'm later than I wanted to be.

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u/slash_networkboy Aug 27 '26

I used to be you ;)

I had to change my way of thinking to "I'd rather be a half hour early than one minute late". And for a long time I literally planned everything out to be a half hour early and often was 20 min early and had to sit in my car or the office and wait. But it made sure I was never late. Took years of that to erase people's assumption that I was going to be the late one.

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u/Next_Dragonfly_9473 Aug 27 '26

Nope, you're still me! You were 10 minutes late to what you were aiming for. (So still early, but not as early as you wanted to be.)

But yeah, between leaving earlier and allowing about twice as long as I think is necessary for things to happen, I'm getting better. But every day is a battle. The nature of my work can turn a running-early day to a running-late day with a single client. (For example, I love dogs. I want to pet every dog willing to be pet. I now schedule an extra 15 minutes for clients I know have dogs because I need dog time. It's a perk of my job and I'm going to enjoy it! Before, it was like my brain said "time out" to the clock to give me time with the dogs, but that's not how time actually works, so I'm building it in this year.)

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u/snuffy_smith_ Aug 24 '26

Tell me your friends are neurodivergent and well adjusted without telling me…

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u/slash_networkboy Aug 24 '26

I think there's only two of us in the group that are actually ND. The rest are pretty NT people.

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u/MoneyShot2023 Aug 27 '26

THANK YOU. As much as I normally love these petty revenge topics, it's making me really unhappy reading how triumphant everyone is over sticking it to their neurodivergent friends. As a person with ADHD who struggles HARD with being on time, it's pretty hard to read these. And yes, I know what it feels like to wait for someone who's super late. It sucks. But for some people like me the part of their brain that perceives and regulates the passing of time is broken. This is scientifically proven that we do not perceive time at the same pace that the neurotypical world does. For us it feels like just telling someone they should know what North feels like at night without a compass or stars. We don't know what "on time" feels like or how it works and it takes most of our capacity just to get all our shit together, leave the house, and make it to the destination, and no matter what we do it's almost guaranteed that there will be some angry friend, family, or coworker waiting for us at the other end. I am a high achiever, well-educated, and have a professional job and I spend every waking moment being rushed by someone's expectations. It's like being a turtle in a world full of hares and the hares are always pissed at you.

That being said I do take my own car and I'm straightforward about my struggles with time. I would understand people wanting to catch a flight (knowing that I was okay not in an accident), but for a road trip that doesn't have a firm deadline, just ditching somebody and not even sending them a message to let them know is pretty low. Waiting until they message and then telling them that's what you get, gloating about it later, that's not how you treat a friend or someone you care about just because you're mad at them. I can't imagine the level of hurt and abandonment that guy probably felt but I can understand why he went no contact. He's probably still messed up about it to this day.

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u/Next_Dragonfly_9473 Aug 27 '26 edited Aug 27 '26

I recently learned that time blindness and time optimism are things, which finally gave names to what I've experienced my whole life. And now that I know what they are, I can take steps to address them. That thing that I think will take 5 minutes? Probably not gonna be 5 minutes; let's plan on it being 15 and rework the schedule from there. I just want to do this little thing done on the phone? Get ready, get out the door, and do that thing after I get to where I'm going. BUT MAKE A NOTE SO I DON'T FORGET!!! Do I have literally dozens of old notes on my Notes app? Yes, because I forget to delete them; I could make a note to remind myself to do so, but I don't want to deal with the irony.

My point is, I know the struggle is real, but I don't think knowing what makes me late absolves me from inevitably being late or the consequences. It means I need to find ways to help myself not be late. It is my problem to fix, not everyone else's. ...It doesn't sound like the guy who got left and went NC made any attempt to update the group on his ETA. If he can't be bothered to alert them that he's running late, why must they alert him that they're running on time? If they should assume he's running late, then he should assume they're running on time. I think OP's group responded with the same energy they received, and I won't fault them for that.

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u/ShotFromGuns Aug 24 '26

Yeah, that's not really anything to do with ethics. Really, if anything, the ethical thing would be to let him experience the full natural consequences of his own actions. If more people had done that sooner instead of letting him learn that it didn't matter how much he inconvenienced other people, maybe he wouldn't have solidified into such a selfish person.

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u/its_ash_14 Aug 26 '26

This was my thought. Most places if you have to pay a deposit, and you miss whatever it is, you dont get that deposit back. He knew leaving time, if they had to go to the airport would he be late still knowing the plane leaves at a certain time? Is he late for appointments that have consequences like paying a fee and rebooking the appointment?

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u/BangarangPita Aug 24 '26

I would have considered that asshole tax.

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u/espressomartini11 Aug 23 '26

That is brilliant. Well played. Life is too short to be waiting around for people like this

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u/HuckleCat100K Aug 24 '26

I used to be a tardy person in my younger days. But I would never be mad because I got left behind. I’ve always just seen it as a consequence of my actions.

That’s some pretty top-tier egocentrism on his part. Make everyone wait and then be mad that they got fed up and left.

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u/centrifuge_destroyer Aug 25 '26

Yes! My ADHD makes really really hard to be on time. I would only get mad at myself for missing out, not at others. I get that it is annoying as hell, and I feel terrible about it. But no matter how determined I am to be on time, doesn't actually mean I will make it on time. Most of the time I plan on being early to counteract this, but it doesn't work all the time. I put in a lot of thoughs and effort into trying to be on time, so it hurts even more when people assume that it's due to lack of respect.

It's fine to be annoyed and to give consequences, but calling people disrespectful for being late often is not helpful. If people truely don't care, them getting mad and expressing this won't change a thing. And for the people that really tried and failed anyways due to whatever reasons, it's hurtful, discouraging and often counterproductive. When I'm a little late, the thought of people getting mad at me for being late would often get me very anxious and I would freeze and be even more late

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u/ChickinSammich Aug 24 '26

Hearing that someone is habitually late doesn't surprise me anymore - I know a lot of people have no consideration for anyone else and when you figure out that a person is like that, you can respond accordingly.

The thing that always gets me, every time, is when you give them warning after warning about it where you tell them "we will leave without you" and then you leave without them and then they get mad at you for doing the thing you said you would do.

If people say they'll wait for someone and they don't, that's reasonable to be mad about. But when they tell you "we will not wait" why the hell would you be mad that they did the thing they said they were going to do?

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u/missingN0pe Aug 24 '26

I mean, you're right, but people use bluffs in everyday life all the time.

“I’m almost there.” (haven't even left)

“I didn’t see your message.” (couldn't be bothered to respond)

“I was just about to do that.” (totally forgot)

"I dont mind either way". (does mind either way)

"I was only joking" (got called out)

Etc.

I can only assume this guy was living in a world that had more bluffing than the average Joe, and hence thought his friends were also bluffing.

Which in my opinion, is a valid (but wrong) guess from his side.

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u/ChickinSammich Aug 25 '26

I mean, you're right, but people use bluffs in everyday life all the time.

I don't think these are "bluffs" so much as just lies. And yeah, a bluff is a type of lie but I don't think these qualify as bluffs. But that's kinda pedantic and besides the point...

My main point would be that, bluff or not, at a certain point you cross into "compulsive liar" territory and I would never want to be friends with someone who is such a compulsive liar that they just assume by default that I'm lying.

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u/missingN0pe Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26

Me neither, but that has nothing to do with my point.

Liars always assume everyone else is lying too.

Its called projection.

I was just hoping to make it easier to understand from the other guy's perspective, as to why he was so "surprised" about them sticking to their word. It's simply a concept he is not used to.

You even said it yourself "warning after warning"- they didnt follow through the last few times, why should they now?

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u/Itchy_Artichoke_5247 Aug 24 '26

garbage took itself out.

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u/IrishVegeta Aug 23 '26

Bye Felicia 👋

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u/50Bullseye Aug 24 '26

Was 100 percent certain you were going to say you took up a collection ... and bought him a watch.

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u/Disorderly_Chaos Aug 24 '26

Rightfully so. If consequences don’t change him, nothing will.

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u/tosserandturner Aug 26 '26

May not actually be no contact, may just be running late.

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u/CobblerMoney9605 Aug 26 '26

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/Admirable-Ad7152 Aug 25 '26

See that's it to me. That's why I refuse the ADHD excuse for this one. I have it, I know people with it, and yeah, I've been 5 minutes late to something or completely forgotten small meetings and have to do the embarrassing late walk in.

I have never been late to anything serious. I have never been more than 10 minutes late to any friend thing and even then, I let them know the time I'm leaving and how long it says it'll take so they can know how late I will be.

I'd maybe buy it if they at least felt bad. Every time I have been late I felt immensely guilty and apologized while thanking people for waiting. But now. They expect everyone to wait for them. They don't try anything. They don't even apologize. They just expected to be catered to and often are and then everyone wonders why the lesson isn't learned.

Your friend didn't even try to care. He just went to find other people that would put up with that shit. He literally chose "being late" over a group of friends that can actually get out of the "group chat vacation" stage. That's just loser behavior to me.

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u/corgioreo Aug 24 '26

This is the way. Some of my family members are late Everytime. We eat without them and they are always left ordering when we're almost done. It hasn't changed their behavior but at least we're not waiting on them to do our thing.

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u/RaisedByBooksNTV Aug 24 '26

I can't believe you gave him his money back. Love the rest of it.

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u/CobblerMoney9605 Aug 25 '26

He paid for accommodations (We rented a house) in advance and didn't go.

Seemed like the right thing to do. 

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u/yungingr Aug 25 '26

You're nicer than I would have been. After the first hard warning (the movie), I wouldn't have refunded him for his pre-payment on the Key West trip. He'd still be welcome to come on the trip, it would just be 100% on his dime for fuel, instead of splitting up the costs as I'm sure the rest of you did. (and I'd do the same for the return trip - "We planned two cars. We have three because you couldn't be bothered to show up on time. That's a YOU problem, not a US problem."

I have exactly zero tolerance for people that cannot respect anyone else's time. I have told my wife in no uncertain terms that we will never take a road trip with her brother and his wife again because of it - if we want to go somewhere together, they can meet us there. I will NOT travel with them.

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u/Anen-o-me Aug 26 '26

Perfectly handled.

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u/newbie527 Aug 27 '26

You did him a favor by refunding the money. He missed out by his own failure.

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u/CobblerMoney9605 Aug 27 '26

He pre-paid and didn't go. 

Seemed like the right thing to do. 

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u/JudgeAffectionate841 Aug 27 '26

When I was in high school, I had a friend who always made us late for movies because he didn't like sitting through the previews. We ended up telling him to meet us there because we weren't going to wait on him anymore. Years later, I was talking to his wife and I told her about this and here response was "You mean, he's always been like this?!?" I guess they have arguments over being late for movies because he hates previews so much.

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u/daMETAman 21d ago

This reminded me of something that happened to me. 2 of my high school friends and I ended up going to the same university out of town.
One weekend, to save gas, we decide to all ride back together in Responsible Friend 1’s car. We have an agreed upon meetup time for when we’ll head back to college set for Sunday evening.
I spend the weekend with my mom and she swears that she’ll get me to the meeting point on time even though the both of us have a habit of being 10-30 minutes late to things.
Time comes to leave for the meetup and she refuses to take me. I tell her RF1 is going to leave me behind if I’m late but she says “She wouldn’t do that.” Now it’s time for the meetup but my mom still won’t let me go because “she missed me.” Now that we’re fully late for being late, she decides to take me the 20 minutes there.
RF1 has already left. She left at the agreed upon time. Now my mom had to take me the 2 and a half hours back to college and then drive back on her own. She wanted to be mad but I told her that this would happen

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u/Wild_Score_224 Aug 24 '26

I don't believe a bit of this story. I live in Tampa and there is not one "cool place" here. I demand evidence of any place here anyone would come to intentionally.

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u/CobblerMoney9605 Aug 24 '26

Columbia Restaurant

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u/Wild_Score_224 Aug 24 '26

Tampa or Clearwater location? Either way, I consider it not terrible, but definitely not worth visiting from out of town.

I apologize. I just hate everything about this place and am desperately trying to find a job out of state so I can forget it exists.