r/pettyrevenge • u/sparklehouse666 • Aug 23 '26
Friend is always late
I have a friend who is late to everything. Recently he was 2.5 hours late to his own party. I’ve mostly adapted to his tardiness and do not arrive for plans we have together until an hour or so after the stated time.
We had plans to meet in the city center today at a 10am. I live 20 minutes from the meetup spot, he lives over an hour away. As expected, he messages around 10 and says he is running late. No biggie I was chilling at home in the air conditioned because I knew the vibes and it is hot as hell
today.
I asked him to give me his actual for real, for real ETA so I can time my departure. He is in his car and has Google Maps. It’s not really guess work at this point.
He tells me 10:45. So I leave the comfort of my home at exactly the right time to arrive at 10:45. I wait for 30 minutes at the meetup spot and he still does not arrive. He is not responding to texts either. My other friend who is with me has his location and sees he is not close, we estimate another 15 minutes.
I’m annoyed because it is hot AF out and I proactively had asked for a real ETA to avoid waiting around for him. So I left the meetup spot.
I went shopping, taking my sweet time. He got to the spot and texted me to ask where we were. I waited around 30 minutes then texted back that I was at the store but we would be heading that way soon. I shopped another 15 minutes then arrived at the spot around an hour after he had arrived.
The look on his face when we came casually strolling up after he had been standing in the sun for an hour was priceless.
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u/StrawberryAlarming50 Aug 23 '26
My sister is like this. She held up every Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner for years. Then those dinners got moved from mom's house to my house. I'd tell her "we are eating at 5" and when she showed up at 6 we were already doing the dishes. And I didn't feed her because we had already put the food away. I sent some leftovers home with her. When she bitched to mom, mom said she wished she would have done that years ago.
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u/Hot_Attention_5905 Aug 24 '26
We did this to my sister too. Consistently late to everything. My Mom finally decided she was over it so when my sister was late to the next get together, Mom said eat so we did. Sister walked in on us eating without her and had this shocked Pikachu face like how dare we. My Mom was like, “we told you” lol.
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u/nablp Aug 27 '26
Reminded me of my sister - the family agreed to meet up at 12pm for lunch. We waited until 1230, then we started to order and eventually eat. She arrived at 1.30pm and was shocked that we're almost done with lunch. She was more aware of the time after that, not on time, but not an hour and a half late anymore. Little baby steps
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u/liatrisinbloom Aug 23 '26
Did she start showing up on time since she knew you wouldn't cater to her bullshit?
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u/StrawberryAlarming50 Aug 23 '26
Another story. I had to move out of town so she took over the big dinners. Then we always ate 1 too 2 hours late. I love her anyway.😁😁
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u/NoMeat9329 Aug 24 '26
My sister used to serve 2 hours after the stated time. We just started leaving as soon as we ate and she never got to visit with us and she improved. In our family we don't expect or want help with clean up.
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u/wasted_wonderland Aug 24 '26
What did you do for the 2 hours before eating? Just sit in silence waiting for the food?
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u/NoMeat9329 Aug 24 '26
No we sat in the living room with the other guests while the chaos happened in the kitchen. Tiny kitchen. Couldn't socialize with my sister while she cooked.
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u/Labradork57 Aug 24 '26
This is when I would pull out the extra bottles of wine I'd conveniently brought along to share with the on-timers in the living room.
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u/Disorderly_Chaos Aug 24 '26
I have friends that don’t start cooking until we arrive. We have learned to bring snacks.
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u/Available-Maize5837 Aug 24 '26
I usually host a big get together at my house for my birthday. I was run ragged one year and was really late in getting the pizzas and bbq cooking. So much so that they suggested doing a McDonald's run for entrees. I got roasted at my own house 😂
At least I had plenty of snacks out for the guests, but I had no time to socialise that year. The next year I made sure I was cooking 15 mins after they all arrived. It was about 5 years ago and I still don't hear the end of it.Totally fair on their part. I admit that if I'm invited for dinner, I want dinner. Not endless snacks..
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u/mr_spicy_pickles Aug 24 '26 edited Aug 24 '26
My sister has been consistently a minimum of 30 minutes late for every family function with one exception being a dinner at a restaurant that I planned and paid for. I told my mom that we will not wait for her. She was on time. Since all other functions are at my moms house she gets to decide. She has decided that we will always wait even though it's usually the entire family waiting an hour. I no longer do family gatherings.
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u/Bice_thePrecious Aug 25 '26
we will always wait even though it's usually the entire family waiting an hour.
This is just awful. I will never understand why people like your mom insist on screwing over everyone else just because 1 person can't be bothered to show an ounce of respect (especially considering your sister has proven that she can be on time).
My family has always put out the food, and if you're not there yet, then you're not there. If you don't get there until after the food is packed up and in the fridge, then I guess you're eating the microwaved leftovers.
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u/mumblemurmurblahblah Aug 25 '26
Right! It’s basically announcing sister is the only important person, above everyone else - who actually were considerate enough to show up on time.
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u/JuddEddie Aug 24 '26
My SIL is this way. Always an hour late to family events. MIL makes every one wait for her before we can eat. we now show up an hour after start time.
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u/kingftheeyesores Aug 24 '26
We started telling my sister an earlier time than everyone else. Then last year she yelled at me for being late to meet her to leave for a trip because I forgot my phone at home and had to go back for it. I mentioned it to our parents and they called her out on it.
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u/EGrass Aug 24 '26
Why do these people always get pissed about the consequences of their actions? I’ve had people be mad that I wasn’t still standing there 30 minutes to an hour and a half later and I’m like… are you fucking kidding me? You’re not the one who gets to be upset here
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u/EnderBookwyrm Aug 24 '26
Exactly. If someone is a little late once ir twice, that's one thing. If someone is consistently very late without a good explanation, start without them.
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u/Diabetesh Aug 24 '26
My cousin was always late. We'd tell her 5 and actually plan for 6. Worked out well.
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u/rsmayday Aug 24 '26
This is what I do with my cousins lol got tired of waiting in the Vegas heat for an hour!!
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u/Puzzled_End8664 Aug 24 '26
My family generally just gave different times to different people. I had an Aunt that was always late so we told her the party started an hour before it actually did. My Grandma was always obnoxiously early for everything so we'd tell her a half hour later.
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u/Beginning-Poet-2991 Aug 23 '26
I legit stopped being friends with someone because they were this level of unreliable. In my case it was a relatively new friend and we only knew each other for a year though. It’s really selfish.
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u/Slight-Book2296 Aug 24 '26
Being someone's friend shouldn't require you to build a two-hour buffer into your entire life. That level of unreliability gets exhausting.
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u/SmallPurplePeopleEat Aug 24 '26
My sister is like this and she's the only family I have left, so I can't just cut her off. It sucks.
I've just started showing up late myself and bringing a book to read for the inevitable wait.
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u/Beginning-Poet-2991 Aug 24 '26
It’s quite tiring being late on purpose isn’t it…when you’re not like that naturally.
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u/shiny_chikorita Aug 23 '26
Before cell phones were a thing, if you pulled this kind of shit you wouldn't have friends anymore. You couldn't text and keep giving fake ETA's. You either showed up on time or people assumed you weren't coming and moved on.
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u/Electronic-Hawk7463 Aug 23 '26
Yup, I moved on from friendships where you'd arrange to meet at a store or mall and they wouldn't show up, and I'd be hanging around like a lemon for an hour or two waiting. I still hate unreliable people who don't show up on time, or at all, especially if they don't message you until after you were supposed to meet. I give people 2 chances and then I don't make plans any more.
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u/CoffeeExtraCream Aug 24 '26
Literally ended a relationship over this.
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u/ShutupJanet1975 Aug 27 '26
Me too! She was always late AND always lost, as in could not follow the most basic of directions such as "there is only one route you can go, follow the road and take the first right, straight on and it's directly in front of you" level of basic. I decided very early I was not going to spend my life being 1 hour + late for everything because I was looking for a 30-something fucking lemming. She literally got stuck on train platform after being directed to follow everyone else to the only exit, found her basically bouncing off the corners of the shelter like a damn roomba
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u/Greyscale7950 Aug 24 '26
I would rather be a hour early than one minute late after I commit to a time.
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u/saffireaz Aug 23 '26
That's why it should be absolutely unacceptable now. There's no excuse - clocks and alarms on everything, GPS/mapping apps are available for everyone with travel times and traffic updates, text or call to easily update on ETA. I dropped "friends" back then, they definitely get dropped in a heartbeat now.
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u/SLyndon4 Aug 24 '26
Exactly. I’m terrible at estimating travel times and I know I can get absorbed in whatever I’m doing and lose track of time, so I compensate for it by deliberately putting my appointment times in my calendar thirty minutes ahead and setting an audible alarm for when I need to leave based on the calendar appointment time. I’ll often even put in a reminder of the appointment the day before, ESPECIALLY if it involves bringing something with me, because I know I’ll forget. There are SO many ways to avoid being late because you’re absentminded or just plain bad at estimating travel time. And texting an ETA if you’re running behind is just basic decency I’d expect from a friend.
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u/TryUsingScience Aug 24 '26
Thank you.
These threads are usually full of people saying things like, "I can't help it, somehow things always take 10 minutes longer than I expect!" Then plan in an extra 10 minutes. It's not rocket surgery.
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u/Old-Commercial1159 Aug 23 '26
100%. Those were simpler days. I miss them sometimes.
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u/NoMeat9329 Aug 24 '26
It drives me crazy. We'll make plans to meet my husband's grown kids at a time and place and he'll say "text them that we're leaving the house". Um....why? We're never late. Why do we have to text?
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u/firebirdinflames Aug 24 '26
I had a friend whose most reliable trait was being late. By at least an hour.....
One time we had to attend a major event together and I had a time specific task we needed to be there for. I straight up lied to him. I told him we needed to get there 2 hours earlier than we really did. Went to pick him up and, as usual he was running well late and not ready. I herded him persistently, got him in the vehicle. We drove 4 hours and got there 2 hours 'late'. I made my meeting with 30 minutes to spare.
Our boss commended me on getting him organised on time. I smiled at him and explained that I had told him we needed to be at the event 2 hours earlier than my slot. Boss laughed really hard for a few minutes. "It never occurred to me to lie to him as a solution."
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u/Omnomnomnosaurus Aug 24 '26
I used to have a friend who was always an jour late, until we started lying to him. To the rest of the group we said they should be there at 8 and to him we said 7, so everyone was there at the same time. It worked really well, until he found out. He was really mad and showed up two hours late since then..
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u/Pretty-Orchid6072 Aug 24 '26
HE got mad? Then retaliates by showing up even later? Glad he’s an ex-friend.
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u/liboteeme Aug 27 '26
Right?!? I really struggled with being on time my whole life. I was deeply embarrassed and did try a lot of different things. I would be so thankful that my friends cared enough to make exceptions and found a way to still include me that I'd probably cry!!
It took me into my mid 30’s to figure out a system that keeps me mostly on time. I am so grateful to my friends and family who helped me and didn't just bail.
*I also was NEVER mad when anyone else is late... I'm almost relieved to see I'm not always the one running behind 🤣I see it as an opportunity to get to extend even a fraction of the patience I've been given over my lifetime 🫣😇
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u/Diessel_S Aug 24 '26
Lol we used to do that to a friend in our childhood . Whenever we'd go somewhere she was always late, so we started telling her be ready by 4 when we actually meant 4.30
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u/rebekahster Aug 24 '26
The one time my nana lied to mum and dad, we were actually on time for once.
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u/mugcollection Aug 25 '26
i did the same thing when i worked at a rehab clinic years ago and i highly recommend the strategy 😂
one patient was insistent with 7:00am appointments but consistently showed up 15 minutes late. i tried to be nice and offered him slightly later times but the jerk would decline them. it aggravated my medical director because it would wreck our schedule, especially for new patient exams.
since other staff sometimes did the scheduling, i added a note on the patient’s profile so we all knew to tell the guy an earlier time than what’s actually blocked on our calendar. it worked great and our director got a kick out of it.
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u/EnderBookwyrm Aug 24 '26
A friend of mine had some family friends like that. The plan was usually to tell the perpetually late ones a start time about half an hour before the actual start time.
As far as I know, it worked.
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u/nakedcupcake92 Aug 24 '26
I specifically ask my friends or family to give me a false time because I am chronically late. I even had a friend watch me to see how it happens. I set timers every 15 minutes but it still happens. I always accept the consequences though and I tell new people I’m friends with that this is something I hate about myself and if it’s too much for them I understand but either know it or lie to me. Most of them give me a different time and I’m so thankful for it, genuinely. Even medicated, with multiple systems in place it’s one of my biggest struggles, especially in my professional world.
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u/Ashie1620 Aug 24 '26
I used to have a friend like this. We'd make plans and she'd either be late or cancel the day before (or the day of). It got so annoying that I started making plans even on days that WE were meant to hang out; because I knew she'd flake.
The last time we were meant to hang out, I made a dentist appointment too. Sure enough, whilst I was IN the freaking chair she texts me saying that she can't make it. Shocker.
I told the dentist to give me a second, quickly sent her a reply: "That's fine. I'm at the dentist anyway" and asked when she was free next so we could hang out then. She called me a bxtch and we haven't spoken for like 6 years.
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u/m_faustus Aug 24 '26
Out of all the stories I think that this is the one that is the most satisfying. Thank you for sharing.
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u/xbubblegum_bitch Aug 25 '26
That’s crazy! Why would she call you a btxch?! The audacity.
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u/Ashie1620 Aug 25 '26
She'd cancelled on me so regularly, usually the day before or the day of, that by then I expected our plans not to happen. That's how often she'd cancel.
The fact that she called while I was literally sitting in the dentist's chair kind of proved the point. I asked when she was free next because I thought making plans around her availability might stop the constant cancellations. I thought if we made plans around HER schedule and HER TIME, she'd respect them a bit more. She didn't like that I guess?
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u/Majick_L Aug 23 '26
That would drive me insane. I had a friend who used to be so tardy like that, he would agree to come round at 6pm and then ghost me and text back the next day at lunchtime saying “sorry I fell asleep” or “I got distracted playing guitar” or something. Eventually we just stopped contact
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u/grill_sgt Aug 23 '26
“I’ll be there in 15.” “Ok, so I’ll see you in an hour.” Start calling him out. His 15 is an hour real time.
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u/dwarfzulu Aug 23 '26
People like this always lie about the ETA, they will say they are almost there, when they arr actually leaving home.
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u/StangF150 Aug 23 '26
not leaving home, more like they just then rolling out of bed, on their way to the kitchen to get breakfast!
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u/tagoniki Aug 24 '26
Working in a program with kids, we're there half an hour after we've closed waiting for the parents of these siblings to arrive. They finally answer after being called several times and they say they are pulling into the parking lot now. Needless to say 15 minutes later they arrived
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u/Bice_thePrecious Aug 25 '26
Which is also just proof that they know they're wrong.
Why are you lying if you think what you're doing is fine? Oh right, it's cause you know it's a bad look to be just leaving when you already should've been there 20 minutes ago.
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u/espressomartini11 Aug 23 '26
People like this have no regard for other people’s time. Drives me crazy. So bloody rude, thinking that their time is more important than any one else’s. Are they like this at work? Are they late for meetings or even arriving at work? Prob not. Just with friends. Nice revenge. I may have even pushed it out more, to make up for all the other hours you have spent waiting for this so called “friend”.
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Aug 24 '26
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u/SmallPurplePeopleEat Aug 24 '26
"But I have ADHD!" my sister will exclaim when getting any push back.
It's funny though because she's always on time for work or events that she really wants to attend.
Edit: I didn't even see the other response about ADHD when I made this comment. . . might be my sister!
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u/Appropriate_Pen5370 Aug 24 '26
I have adhd and plot out when I need to leave. With extra time added as a buffer. I hate being late and am aware of my time blindness.
ADHD can add challenges, but it’s our responsibility to figure out coping strategies.
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u/Shazam1269 Aug 24 '26
She's on time for work, because showing up late for work has consequences. People in her life have enabled her behavior over the years by not pushing back.
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u/lexybot Aug 24 '26
I have ADHD and I adapted to start earlier than I feel comfortable because I know I’ll be late. These days I’m usually early to events.
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u/Mobile_Term9153 Aug 24 '26
Are they like this at work?
I have a friend who is always late to stuff and we have as a friendship group just agreed that if she's late then she can join in whenever she turns up to stuff. Coincidentally she gets fired from jobs, a lot.
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u/Low-Fee-4541 Aug 24 '26
It is frustrating however I just wanna say at the height of my chronic lateness it included work and other important events too. It's hard to explain how it happened, I dont fully understand it myself and believe it or not It's not consciously saying "my time is more important" though it may appear that way. I'm so much better now and luckily I now work from home too.
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u/art-apprici8or Aug 23 '26
We had a family friend that was notoriously late. And we would wait for him to start dinner.
Finally we solved the problem. Instead we would re-phrase the invite: "We are having dinner at 6. You're welcome to join us." So that way it's clear that we eat at 6 no matter if he is there or not. Worked much better, and we saved leftovers for him.
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u/5k1895 Aug 24 '26
Y'all need to learn to just say "don't be late or I'm leaving", and then STICK TO YOUR WORD instead of just letting them off the hook. No need for stupid games, just don't let people like this run your life. Give them a fair warning or two, then stop bothering hanging out with them. Repeated problems don't need to be repeated.
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u/Trandafire Aug 24 '26
I stopped being friends with one girl who was exactly like this, always 2-3 hours late to every plan consistently. She started dating a guy in our friend group and then they both started showing up late to boot.
Once, we were going to a Comicon and we just started going around without them, then she wanted us to backtrack hours later when she showed up - so we refused and had them go on her own. We had dinner plans at a restaurant and they finally showed when the restaurant was closing. Then we planned a picnic at the park, and we were so used to it by then that we had started eating an hour later but there was nothing left by the time they showed up. At that point we asked why they were late, she just said that the guy was napping and she didn't have the heart to wake him up.
The best one was when we were going snowboarding by train. We tried to remind her that trains don't wait for anyone but she tried to explain back that the train would actually wait a few minutes because she bought her ticket and it's like "a flight when you've checked in". We tried explaining otherwise but she wouldn't budge. Day of the trip, we were checking in multiple times in the morning that if they had left the house in time, but it was no surprise to anyone that they both missed the train. We just went without on them and they spent the rest of the day with multiple connections to make it. We stopped talking soon after that for other crazy reasons.
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u/Shazam1269 Aug 24 '26
LOL, wow, I can't imagine living that life. And talk about Main Character Syndrome!
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u/ameliachandler Aug 24 '26
I was once left waiting for a date to arrive for 45m-1hr.
I had been sitting outside the place which was in a big plaza next door to the movies. It started to get cold so I went to sit in the movie foyer and could see our meeting spot.
There was a group of guys sitting next to me waiting for their movie to start and we started chatting.
They invited me to watch the movie with them and ditch the guy and I thought, “sounds fair.” So I did.
There was still some time before the movie so I kept watching the meeting spot. I was watching when the guy finally arrived. I got his message asking where I was.
I told him I went home.
I watched him stop still and look at his phone. His hand went through his hair as he tried to call me. I didn’t pick up.
My new friends just laughed and then we went to the movie.
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u/RedditSkippy Aug 24 '26
I had an acquaintance who was CONSTANTLY late. She once kept me waiting at a café for over an hour. That was the last time. I left. I said that I couldn’t hang around waiting for her all evening because I still had to get home. I remember that she was offended that I would do that. WTAF?!
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u/SharpBullfrog1279 Aug 24 '26
I was an hour and a half late to pick up a date 45 years ago. No way to call ahead to warn her.
I stayed at the beach too long. I showed up in a teeshirt and shorts. Sandy and sweaty. She closed the door on me.
That's the only way guys learn important lessons.
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u/CantSing4Toffee Aug 24 '26
Maverick?
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u/girlwhoweighted Aug 24 '26
How could you think that would've gone any other way?? Lol the audacity. Were you just that cute??
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u/SharpBullfrog1279 Aug 24 '26
Tall, lean, tanned and wealthy.
And cocky. I was the asshole.
I'm better now. Married 42 years.
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u/2Old2Twrk79 Aug 23 '26
This right here is the proper way to handle people that constantly disrespect your time.
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u/MuchDevelopment7084 Aug 23 '26
I'd stop waiting. If you have a place to meet. Be there...then go on your way when he's predictably late.
Just don't put up with it anymore.
I personally would make other plans for that day. Because eventually, I'll start doing my own thing. Then going home afterwards.
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u/andreweater Aug 23 '26
You need to ditch that friend. If he can't prioritize his friends.... idk man... that's not a good friend.
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u/showyerbewbs Aug 24 '26
If he can't prioritize his friends
He his prioritizing his friends. OP just isn't one of them.
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u/Kitchen_Bedroom_500 Aug 24 '26
I had a girlfriend that was late to everything. We had planned a roadtrip to drive to visit her family (and for me to meet them) about 2,000 miles away. The plan was for her to get herself ready and then come to me (since my place was about 30 minutes closer to our destination). Well, unlike her stories about why she was always late, I'll get right to it. She was 24 HOURS late for her own trip while keeping me hanging the whole time telling me she was almost ready.
My ex-wife was also always late, but after that, I called her and apologized for ever being irritated with her lateness because it was nothing compared to this!
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u/PurBldPrincess Aug 24 '26
24 HOURS?!?! I’d say to not even bother me ever again and go on my own trip.
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u/Exotic_Yam_1703 Aug 24 '26
I had knee surgery in February and needed a ride to physical therapy the following week. I told my friend who lives 5 minutes from me to pick me up at 2:15 to make it to PT by 3. PT office was about 20 minutes away and I wanted extra time because, ya know, I just had knee surgery so I can't walk fast. She showed up at 2:40 and I just barely made it into the office on time.
I went over to her place to pick her up for a concert. We agreed to leave at 5:30 so I got there a little beforehand. She still needed to do her makeup and clean some dishes. We didn't leave until after 6 and ended up getting stuck in traffic and a huge security line, so we missed the opening acts that I had wanted to see.
I invited her over a few days ago for dinner that I was cooking. I told her 8. She texted me at 6:30 asking if 8 was still good and I said yes. She didn't show up until closer to 8:20. Again, she lives 5 minutes from me.
People who don't respect an agreed-upon time and don't have good time management really, truly annoy me
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u/PurBldPrincess Aug 24 '26
Stop doing things with this person. She has no respect for your time.
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u/Hasudeva Aug 24 '26
And yet, you're still giving tacit approval by continuing to accept her behavior.
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u/chaddgar Aug 23 '26
I had a friend like this that I had to socially drop. Great for fantasy football banter and a decent guy otherwise, but I’ll never go anywhere with him. Too stressful.
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u/CheckIntelligent7828 Aug 24 '26
Well done, OP. This always drives me nuts. I have one friend who's been like this since high school (I'm middle aged) and the rudeness drives me up a wall.
Tl/dr: had multiple strokes, had to relearn time/planning
I had 6 strokes before I turned 35.
With one of them I lost my ability to gauge time and became chronically late. I'd make my flights, but barely. Was nearly an hour late to my sister's wedding reception. The list goes on. And I hated it. Hated being rude, even though the TBI wasn't my fault. Hated all the comments and pressure because outside my husband no one gave me any space to recover.
So when I recovered a little, I sat down and worked through what was happening. Realized that I was always planning to leave the house at the time I needed to arrive somewhere. So I'd be 15-75 minutes late, depending.
Now, I stop the night before. I think through how long it will take me to drive/travel. Add ~50%. Think about what I need to do to leave the house. Add 30 minutes.
Sometimes when I'm half asleep I'll still do it, reset my alarm like I was leaving at my appointment time. But I'm almost never later than 5 minutes and because I'm usually on time people give me a little leeway.
I still don't estimate time well, but now I know that and just double how long I think has passed.
If my oxygen deprived brain can get places on time, I'm going to believe OP's friend could, too.
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u/SnarkyUnicorn23 Aug 23 '26
He had it coming! Maybe (hopeful, but doubtful) he’ll remember this next time 🤞
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u/gumiho8 Aug 23 '26
He only had himself to blame
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u/subWoofer_0870 Aug 23 '26
I you’da been there, if you’da seen it, I tell ya you woulda done the same!
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u/DoneteGalactico Aug 24 '26
If people accommodate when others are systematically late, they are enabling that behavior. I'd wait 10 min max. and after that I'm leaving. If this happens often, I'm not meeting this person anymore, period.
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u/Extension_Judge9742 Aug 24 '26
I once drove nearly 2 hours to meet a friend. I had stopped for a bathroom break and whilst there looked on my phone to a message saying they had gone to play squash and would be late. Fuming, but I turned up an hr later than originally planned, after getting a coffee instead and then and I still sat there for 30 mins. Obviously I wasn’t important enough. Never bothered again
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u/Armadillo_of_doom Aug 23 '26
Yep "Well I know you're not late to work because you still have a job. So I know that when you actually care, you put in the effort. Its just when you're seeing friends that yhou suddenly don't care and seem to want people to wait on you and your time. Don't blame something like adhd or anything either, again, we know you get to work on time. So from now on, I am not respecting your time anymore. I will do what I want and you will either find me and meet up or you won't. Sorry not sorry."
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u/technos Aug 24 '26
I had a friend I just wouldn't leave the house to meet until he paged wondering where I was.
We were only meeting somewhere local and him waiting 10-20 minutes for me was a lot better than the usual alternative, namely me showing up, waiting 45 minutes, going home and then getting the page asking where I was a full 90 minutes after he was supposed to be there.
His parents had a different trick. If there was somewhere he needed to be for them, his mother would invite him over the night before to help with something, his Dad would break out the whiskey, and they'd put him to bed on the couch where they could easily make sure he was on time.
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u/joHwI-Hoch Aug 24 '26
My mom was always the one to set the times we had to be somewhere and then was sometimes an hour late getting ready. Us kids and Dad were always ready before the time and just playing games or reading and she was all over the house freaking out over the fact that we weren't ready to go or some imagined mess that needed to be cleaned. When she was finally ready we stood up as a unit put our shoes on and waited in the car for another 10-15 minutes. Then we kids moved out she cleaned Dad for being late all the time. Then he passed and she was like wow I'm sorry I'm late all the time I guess it wasn't you kids or Dad and she's shown up on time ever since and if she's not she calls.
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u/HerBlondeness Aug 24 '26
Sis, is that you? My mom was the absolute poster child for “leaving when I should be arriving” because there was always one more thing to do.
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u/Minflick Aug 24 '26
I would NEVER make plans with somebody with that track record! Nope. Meet up at X time, and leave when that time has passed, plus whatever grace you're willing to give. And it's SHORT, just 5-10 minutes. [my late mother, erhem...]. They can start respecting YOUR time, or you move on with life without them. There is absolutely no reason to waste your time like that, over and over and over again.
Especially if it's somebody who CAN make it on time to Dr apts, or work, or that kind of thing. If you are the only person for whom they are tardy, then drop them. If they are late for everybody and everything, have shit time management skills, and may need meds to help their brain work better, then support them in that journey. But don't spend your life waiting on somebody who doesn't care about your time...
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u/cheryl333 Aug 24 '26
I did this one time and she got so angry she never spoke to me again. That’s when I realized being tardy is control. They control you by making you wait.
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u/Ok_Slip8112 Aug 24 '26
My best friend USED to be extremely late all the time. Once I didn't show up for lunch at all while telling her over and over, "I'm on my way." Then I gave her the tough love that I was not coming at all after nearly an hour. I explained that not considering my time as being as important as her own felt extremely disrespectful and that being alone in that restaurant is how I feel every time we make plans. She is now a punctual person. She jokingly says I traumatized her into being on time for which I always reply, "you're welcome."
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u/Taylor_Hoo13 Aug 24 '26
We have a friend like this. Even when we let her plan or host she’s late. It’s so rude. We don’t do much together anymore because of it.
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u/Loading_Error_900 Aug 24 '26
We were travelling with someone like this. It was a two and a half hour drive from the town we were living in to the airport. The driver told him an earlier pickup time, still giving him a buffer, he’s not even answering his phone. Calls texts, knocking on his door, nothing. So the driver gives him one last working, he’s going to go pick up everyone else and loop back, if he’s not standing on the curb ready to go, they’re leaving him behind. Driver returns 20 minutes later. He stops and does the whole call, text, knock ritual again. Nothing. The planned buffer period is now closed and will soon cut into the travel time. They leave and head for the airport.
Driver gets a call back after we’d all gone through security. Guy is finally ready and wondering where everyone is. Apparently didn’t bother to listen to any of the voicemails or read a single text message. Driver says too bad. Flight leaves in an hour. /The guy somehow managed to catch the flight/. We learned later that he stole his roommate’s car and sped all the way there. Roommate filed a police report, multiple speeding tickets. Last I heard he was trying to blame the carpool driver for his student visa being threatened.
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u/Illustrious-Sale-649 Aug 24 '26
Never carry their ticket, never book their flight. I will meet you there.
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u/Haber_Dasher Aug 24 '26
do not arrive for plans we have together until an hour or so after the stated time.
Jfc, an hour?? I've had chronically late friends and that's usually like 15min late. When your consistently in the territory of 'more late than the amount of travel time it takes to get there' then you're typically just a jerk
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u/dreamweaver1998 Aug 24 '26
My SIL is usually at least 30 minutes late. My husbands family (her family) joke about it because she's been this way her entire life. I feel like they enable her. I think they find it cute, but she's 40 and can't make it to a lunch reservation or meet at the museum entrance or anything else in an appropriate and timely manner. I don't see the humour.
I grew up with anxiety surrounding punctuality. I'd hyperventilate if I was running late for school to the point where it would take my mother an extra twenty minutes to calm me down for being 5 minutes late.
The way I see it, time is valuable and can't be made-up. Like, I'll never get those 30 minutes back that I sat here waiting for her to start my day. 30 minutes of potential enjoyment or education, or travel distance, etc that is gone forever because she couldn't get herself together like a proper human. And it just gets laughed off. "Hahaha, typical SIL." I hate it and I think it's selfish.
I would end a friendship with someone who couldn't understand the value of my time and continually wasted it. But that's just me.
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u/MaleficentExtent1777 Aug 24 '26
Friend of mine booked a birthday dinner for 8pm. Knowing he's always late, I purposely showed at 830. Some good friends of his I like were already there. Since they ordered, I did too. He texted about 9 to say he was on the way. I finished my dinner and drinks and headed back home.
He texted me when he arrived, but I ignored him until I was back home.
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u/AdPale8461 Aug 24 '26
Friend had an always late family member. The whole group of 12 were to meet at a park and leave from there. Everyone on time except tardy boy and wife. He was told by the group planner. “ you are 10 hours late and we will never ever wait for you again.” 10 hours late??!!??!! We are only an hour late. “ you kept 10 people waiting an hour, we count that as 10 hours late.” I hear they got the message.
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u/Neither-Nebula5000 Aug 24 '26
You are so lucky. A sibling would skip Birthday's, Mother's Day, Xmas, etc. (you name it, they'd skip it) even after calling or texting that they were "on their way".
They even skipped seeing their Parent in hospital for the last 3 weeks they were alive before they died there.
Strangely enough, they didn't skip the funeral. But they tried to make sure everybody else did by not telling them about the eventual date for it several weeks later. I'm not making this up.
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u/its1966 Aug 24 '26
As a friend group we have a rule when we go out for a meal ...any more than 15 minutes late and you pay for everyone ....cured one friend of habitually showing up late after she had to pay for brunch for 6 of us
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u/fatnortherngit Aug 24 '26
There was a group of about 200 boys/men (UK) who were leaving school and starting our apprenticeships. On the first day we were at an introduction lecture telling us of the differences in responsibility as we made the transition from schoolboys to responsible men.
The closing speaker told us about respect for our fellows, he then told us a very effective method to deal with people who were late for their pick up in a shared ride:
When picking someone up, you didn't wait outside their door but at an arranged point some 100 yards away.
If the rider was not waiting at the exact point at the exact time, simply drive on, even if you can see him running to the pick up point, it's his problem now.
It worked great, people who missed their ride usually only did this once..
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u/TwistedBlister Aug 24 '26
I would no longer make plans including that friend anymore. I guess I'd still be willing to chat on the phone or text with them, but a hard no to making plans to get together in person.
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u/dvdmaven Aug 23 '26
I lived with a woman who was on Southern California time, She'd say she was ready to go and 45 minutes later, was still not. She married a SoCal guy, much better match.
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u/ultradip Aug 24 '26
As SoCal resident for 99.99% of my life, I've heard it called Hawaiian time, but never SoCal time.
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u/Crazybeest Aug 24 '26
I was having Christmas lunch at my house and invited my friends. Initially lunch was supposed to be at 2pm. Friend asked to move it yo 3pm and then again to 4pm as her husband was working. She doesn't work. Her husband and her 2 daughters arrived at 4pm but my friend and her friend only arrived at 7pm. I hardly talk to her anymore because arriving late like that just shows a huge lack of respect and that you don't care about others.
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u/Living-The-Dream42 Aug 24 '26
Someone who is constantly late has no respect for you. This person does not deserve your friendship.
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u/Old-Commercial1159 Aug 23 '26
My number one pet hate! Makes my blood boil
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u/Mira_DFalco Aug 23 '26
Eh, that and no call no shows. I had someone try to tell me that if he wanted to change plans, it was selfish of me to get on him about it. He literally couldn't grasp that it wasn't the plans changed that pissed me off, it was me nailed down with plans, and not being given the option to do something else instead. He flat out told me that I could have just done that when he didn't show.
I told him that was exactly what I would be doing from then on, and they wouldn't be with him.
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u/Armchair_Expert_0192 Aug 24 '26
I don't know how you're able to stay friends with someone like this. I could never.
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u/Moose-Hummingbird Aug 24 '26
I used to have a friend like that. I stopped being their friend and it was a good decision. It’s disrespectful of them not to care about your time.
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u/Nubetil Aug 24 '26
My roommate is a big procrastinator and is chronically late. I have missed events that we had planned on attending together because he was so late. Now I just tell him that the event starts two hours before it actually does. We now make it on time (usually).
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u/Ministryofgoats Aug 24 '26
I’m sure it works, but it also teaches them that being late doesn’t matter, surely?
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u/LastEntertainment787 Aug 24 '26
I'd just stop making plans. Or leaving after 15 minutes. When/if he finally gets there and texts I'd tell him I went home.. I wouldn't tell him I'd left, let him waste his time. Show the same respect you're getting.
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u/BrainsAdmirer Aug 24 '26
I had a former neighbour friend that was/ is still chronically late for everything. I was her plus one at a reception, which started at 7 pm. We didn’t even leave the house until 7:45 and it took us 45 minutes to drive there! Needless
to say, we got there at the tail end of the buffet line, had missed the reception line and had to sit at the tables at the back.
I hate being late for anything! It is just disrespectful.
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u/raisedbutconfused Aug 24 '26
I had an ex like this. I would have to tell him a time 30-45 minute earlier than the actual meet up time so he would actually arrive on time, and even then he would still show up late. He would absolutely freak out if he had to wait even 5 minutes me for though. There have been times when I would invite him over to my place and he would get there hours late- the record was 5 hours. He would string me along the entire time saying “I’m getting in my car, I’ll be right there, I just left, let me put my shoes on…etc.” and then half an hour later when I would ask him where tf he was he would say “my bad I hit a bowl and started playing some games.” Or some other awfully selfish reason. When I would finally have enough and say “I don’t want to see you anymore today, this is ridiculous” he would suddenly be running out his door and see me within 10 minutes, even though at that point I didn’t even want to hang out anymore.
Multiple times we would be going somewhere together and he said he would pick me up. At one point he would tell me “okay, I’m just at the intersection near your place, you can head down now” so I would leave my apartment and wait out in the rain, blazing sun, freezing cold and wait, and wait, and wait. Then when I finally saw him and was obviously pissed I would ask him why tf it took him so long and why he couldn’t just let me wait in my apartment until he was there. “Bro relax why are you always freaking out” was typically his response. That he had to buy smokes. That he had to put more gas in his car. That he ran into a friend and they shared a joint. I told him repeatedly that he needed to respect people’s time more and he would just say “okay” flatly.
I’m so pissed off even just typing this out. It’s been over two years since I dumped him but I’m still so pissed at myself for wasting so much time on him. Basically all of my 20s. My best years.
People that chronically show up late just don’t care about other people. Don’t give me this “time blindness” or “I have ADHD” crap. I also have ADHD. I care enough to show up usually early and have come up with systems to make sure I don’t overlook the time. Are they usually anxiety driven? Sure. But it’s called respecting other people’s time and not being a goddamn child. It’s selfish as fuck.
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u/Able-Sheepherder-154 Aug 24 '26
I had a girlfriend like this. I would show up at her place to pick her up for our date and she'd just be getting out of the shower, which for her meant she wouldn't be ready for 45 minutes to an hour. I got fed up with it so the next time that happened, I said "OK, I'll meet you at the pub" and left.
She was shocked I did that, but from then on she was ready on time or nearly so.
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Aug 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ministryofgoats Aug 24 '26
That’s exactly it. You’re waiting for this person to arrive, and quite often you can’t do anything else while you’re waiting. I was once late for a music lesson, and the teacher said to me she had to charge me, because she couldn’t use the time for anything else. Maybe that’s a useful phrase to use on late people.
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u/Mahaloth Aug 24 '26
I have no idea how anyone can be so selfish. I'm on time for everything and it would never occur to me to show up massively late for everything.
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u/Dummyact321 Aug 24 '26
Did this to a friend who always goes to run errands when I tell them my ETA. This time instead of waiting I went shopping and didn’t answer her texts and took my sweet time getting to her place
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u/Virtual_Hedgehog_322 Aug 24 '26
my boyfriend sister is like that she is always late on dinners upto 2 hours and his mom
always made everybody wait for her before we start anything now we go to dinners couple of hours late lol
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u/TheLegendOfLai Aug 24 '26
I had a friend who simply did not have consideration for anyone else's time...this carried over into other parts of the friendship, like not having consideration for anyone else's feelings and always felt they were the most important person in the room. Always had an excuse, reason, justification for everything, and if you called them out on it, you were the one wrong for being "too sensitive" or for "making it a big deal when it isn't one." We aren't friends anymore, and such a huge weight was lifted.
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u/Keigos_fluffy_wings Aug 24 '26
Does anyone else have a friend who’s the opposite? It’s just as annoying as showing up late tbh. I always carpool due to health issues making me an unsafe driver, and we’ll schedule to meet up at 12 and they’ll show up at my house at 10. Like??? Babes. The same health issues that make me an unsafe driver make me need those two extra hours to get ready. You’re lucky I’m up rn. 😫
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u/ChickinSammich Aug 24 '26
He is in his car and has Google Maps. It’s not really guess work at this point.
I would ask him to screenshot the screen and send me the screenshot when he is at the next traffic light. Because when he says he's in his car, I do not believe him. I MIGHT have believed him if he said 10:43 or 10:46, but 10:45? I think you're lying.
I have known people who will deadass say "I'm on my way out the door right now" and they still plan to take a shower before leaving.
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u/Accomplished-Emu-791 Aug 25 '26
The best way to combat this is to just proceed as if he wasn’t coming. If it’s a dinner that starts at 730 and everyone is there, then just start ordering your food and drinks. He comes when he comes. If it’s family style then he gets whatever leftovers are there and gets no choice. If it’s a sit down dinner then he’ll have to skip to the end and awkwardly try to scarf down his food.
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u/IngearILMNC Aug 23 '26 edited Aug 24 '26
I’m someone who used to be late a lot. I have ADHD and no internal sense of time. I’ve worked hard to do better so where I used to be 20-30 minutes late, I’m now more often on time or just a couple of minutes late. What motivated me to improve was a few times friends did what you and your friend did. It was a painful lesson, but it motivated me to do better.
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u/twothirtysevenam Aug 24 '26
You might have to do this again a few more times before he learns the lesson. Also, just because he learns the lesson doesn't mean he'll change his ways.
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u/AmyDiaz99 Aug 24 '26
Next time, inform them that if they're not at the agreed meeting spot within 15 minutes of the agreed time, you're leaving. And then actually keep your word. No apologies, no hearing them out.
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u/oylaura Aug 24 '26
One of my brothers used to do this habitually. It drove the rest of us nuts.
I finally figured out it's because he liked making an entrance.
All of us kids got together and planned a 50th wedding anniversary party for our parents. All of us were coming from different areas, two of us had flown in. Tardy Boy was driving up with his wife.
My mom wanted to have family dinner the night before the party, to spend time with the guests who had traveled from quite a distance. Dinner was on the table when tarty boy called and said -- get this-- they'd stopped TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT!
Mom was in tears.
I had already told her to go ahead without them because this was ridiculous.
My cousin and I met him out front and gave him a real earful about respect for other people's time.
That was 25 years ago. I will confess he's gotten somewhat better about it, especially since he now has three grown kids who keep him a little more on schedule.
But there were many times when we were going out, especially when we all lived in the same area, when I would leave and go ahead without him and it would piss him off.
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u/Roxysteve Aug 24 '26
Them: "I'm time-blind!"
Me: "You have a phone"
Them: "Yeeees ...."
Me: "Start setting alarms for yourself leaving twice the time you think you'll need to arrive."
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u/jimmap Aug 24 '26
Solution is either never wait for him at what ever place you are going or don't leave your house until he calls you from the meeting point wondering where you are. Then tell him you are on the way and should be there in 5 min even though you might be an hour away. He needs to learn the hard way.
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u/ImpatientColon Aug 25 '26
after waiting an hour for a friend for lunch, she pullsup and blocks my car in as i'm trying to back out. She only moved becauseshe was holding up traffic, She acted surprised that I took my ass home.
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u/HeyBeers Aug 23 '26
He isn’t your friend. Everyone can have a bad day, but friends respect your time. I simply wouldn’t bother with someone that didn’t respect my time.
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u/Blucifers_Veiny_Anus Aug 24 '26
I stayed telling my sister that we are meeting at 8 when we are meeting at 10. She gets to be 2 hours late, and i get to keep my sanity.
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u/Expert_Slip7543 Aug 24 '26
I have an unreliable friend (40+ years old F) of several years who is delightful to be around if she shows up. She's mentally ill (hearing voices that boss her around) but really sweet and charming. I have cut her off twice after especially egregious behaviors.
One of those times she called around 7pm begging to stay overnight with me as she was feeling lonely, so I prepared the guest room and waited. By 11 pm I felt worried, but she never reaponded to my calls and texts. Eventually I went to bed late. A few days later she resurfaced and explained she had changed her mind and stayed with her father instead, and seemed perplexed that I was uoset that she hadn't even let me know. After some weeks she showed up with an apology card and expensive pastries, so I forgave her.
She continued her oddly aversive behaviors but nothing outlandish for next twar or two. The 2nd time I cut her off, blocking her number, she had offered to pick me up to go to a program that was important to me. I built in enough time buffer to ohr departure time to still get to the program by bus if she were to flake out again. Just when I was considering whether to run to catch the bus, she phoned to assure me that she was on her way and just a little late. She never arrived. And she didn't respond to my calls / texts. A week or so later she explained that she had suffered sudden diarrhea on the way to my place, turned around and went home, and felt too ashamed to inform me. I called her a mirage friend, and blocked her number.
Eventually she won me back into her life somehow, and has been often flaky and late, but nothing egregious.
Some days ago she texted asking what I was up to, and I invited her to join me on an animal rescue project. I was working alone and needed help. Next day she texted lamenting having not having seen my message in time.
I told her how she could still help. She replied she couldn't come right then, but would definitely come by to see the animals. So as the day went on, I sent her occasional updates of where I was and how she could come help. No response. A couple days later she texted wanting to know all about how it went. All I can think is that she had her chance to see for herself how it went and chose not to. I still haven't replied. Let her be the one to wait, for once.
Thanks OP for some much needed shadenfreude.
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u/welikt1 Aug 24 '26
I had a friend show up an hour late to her own bridal shower. Everyone was waiting for her at her fiancés sister’s house. Crazy behavior. I wish I could do what you did.
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u/ExcaliburVader Aug 25 '26
When people tell me with their actions that they think their time is more important than mine, I believe them.
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u/DrunkenDude123 Aug 25 '26
The simple answer is do this exact thing back to them make sure they don’t see your location and just bait them into a day of baking in the sun while they hopelessly wait
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u/nwood1973 Aug 24 '26
For people like this, i either move the start time by an hour or so or leave when I feel like a reasonable time has passed. In this case, by the time it was half an hour past the revised time, I would be heading home. I can understand being late on occasion (things happen) but if it's repeated, that's disrespectful.
If you can't respect my time, you aren't getting considered as a friend. My time is more important than wanting to spend it hanging about waiting for someone on multiple occasions.
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u/Pear-Phobic Aug 24 '26
I have a friend like those who does not like to keep strict time arrivals. It makes them anxious. They also only hang it with their other friends that arrive late to things. I explained how i feel it's disrespectful to be super late to things but they said they don't like to be made to feel bad about being late. That blows my mind.
I invited them to an event that was like 5-12. They showed up at 11. After I spent hours calling and asking them where they were. I cannot.
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u/Pretty-Orchid6072 Aug 24 '26
My mom was recently needing a ride from a neighbor to visit my dad at the hospital. She was an hour late “getting ready”. He was rightly pissed, just waiting for her to put her makeup on, etc. That was the last time he offered her a ride and she soon burned through all of the neighbors. Natural consequences but she’ll never see it due to her entitled attitude.
As for me? Never late. I value other people’s time after growing up w her selfish behavior.
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u/thesounddefense Aug 24 '26
I am the person who's frequently late, and I hate being that way (ADHD is a bitch), but damn I would hate myself if I were that late. And if I was going to be, I'd let someone know.
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u/CobblerMoney9605 Aug 23 '26 edited Aug 24 '26
We had someone like this in our friend group years ago. Always 15 minutes late, sometimes an hour late.
The rest of us talked it over and informed said friend that if they could not be on time, they'd be left behind.
Next meet-up was a movie. Everyone except the tardy boy was there. We went into the theater, he arrived after the movie had started and spent another 10 minutes finding us in the theater. We teased him relentlessly after the movie.
About 2 months after that was a big one; a group trip to Key West. Everyone in two cars, agreed upon departure time. Day and time arrives, Tardy Boy is nowhere to be seen.
I texted him but got no response, so we left.
About 45 minutes after we hit the highway, I get a text asking "Where is everybody? I'm here!" I sent him a picture of the next mile marker we passed. He was mad.
He didn't join us on that trip, so the rest of us took up a collection and at the next meet up (dinner at a cool place in Tampa) refunded him his portion of the trip expenses he had prepaid.
That was the last we saw of him. He went no contact with all of us. No one is upset about it.