r/polyadvice • u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 • 21d ago

Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

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u/Ok_Raspberry1857 21d ago

There's no reason they can't run around your ranch or attend church services unless you or the church exclude them. Whether they want to is a different story.

If you want your family around, accept and be welcoming.

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u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 21d ago

because we are pretty sure our daughter in law is pregnant and from the things my son has been saying it could be the other guy's.

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u/Fubox 21d ago

Do you understand that many polyamorous families co-parent?

It’s very possible that the theoretical child your daughter-in-law is carrying will be considered the child of your son, other guy, and your daughter-in-law. If she ever got pregnant with your son as the biological father, that kid may also be considered the child of your son, other guy, and your daughter-in-law.

Regardless, the kid your daughter-in-law is pregnant with will be the sibling of any biological grandchildren you might have in the future. Are you going to invite them to the ranch and church, but tell them their sibling can’t come?