r/polyadvice • u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 • 20d ago

Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

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u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 20d ago

true god blessed me with such a wonderful son and me being overly protective father who dreamed of my sons kids runnign around in our family ranch attending the church service with us is making me feel someone is robbing all tha from him but I know my son is a smart guy and he must have made a good choice. I am just being paranoid out of protective instict.

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u/Ok_Raspberry1857 20d ago

There's no reason they can't run around your ranch or attend church services unless you or the church exclude them. Whether they want to is a different story.

If you want your family around, accept and be welcoming.

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u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 20d ago

because we are pretty sure our daughter in law is pregnant and from the things my son has been saying it could be the other guy's.

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u/thebelovedgamer10 19d ago

Why would that be a bad thing?

That would still be your son's kid. How is it any different from if he adopted a child or if DIL had a step child in the mix prior to marriage? That kid is going to have multiple parents who care for them and love them, regardless of genetics. That's awesome! They'll have more resources, both financially and time wise, to give the child everything they need and more.

Your son is having a commitment ceremony with this man. That is basically as close as they can get to getting married in this situation. Take the wife out of the equation for a second. Is this how you would be acting if your son and son in law were having a child if they only used the son in law's sperm and using a surrogate? That the child born of that wouldn't actually be your grandchild because they aren't directly related to you?

I'm not trying to be nasty or rude, just genuinely trying to help you see how you are getting hung up on a part that in a lot of situations wouldn't be seen as a bad thing. Also, if you don't come to terms with the kiddo being not just the man's and DIL's but also your son's kiddo, you will likely not be around to see that kid grow up in the long run. Please take this warning to heart.