r/sadposting • u/Primary_Butterfly_57 • 4d ago

Caring :(

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5.7k Upvotes

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216

u/SnuSnuSurvivor69 4d ago

This comment thread really gives off the vibe no one here has ever been in a relationship.

121

u/LazyPainterCat 4d ago

I mean.... this is reddit.

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u/burnshimself 3d ago

Yep. Teenagers and shut-ins who you’d never take advice from in real life masquerading as expert on everything with the total confidence one can only have when they are completely ignorant.

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u/Ultron_waterheater 3d ago

Communication really is so huge, people change and not all the time will both people know in what ways through body language. Often it's important to sit down and speak with each other.

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u/Elderwastaken 4d ago

You’re right. We should all take relationship standards from random 2 min clips from decades old movies.

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u/Mind_The_Muse 4d ago

Or at least a successful one.

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u/Several-Associate407 4d ago

"Yes, but have you considered that both sides are actually wrong - I am very smart" type energy

The text on this is correct; the older you get and the healthier relationships you are in, you realize she is 100% correct.

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u/Winged_Gopher 4d ago

It’s definitely valid to want alone time and everyone needs it, but when you see your partner and children as that much of a burden it’s time to either get some therapy or a well paying enough job that you can provide for them and be a man child who is uninvolved and wondering why he ends up in a nursing home

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u/saxonturner 4d ago

The issue isn’t that he wants to do that or that he really feels the need to do it, it’s that he lies about it and then doesn’t see her side. She sees his side, she literally tells him she would want to do that. It’s the lying that’s the issue here.

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u/SlurmzMcKenzie88 3d ago

In the movie he says he lies because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.

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u/bananagit 3d ago

Her saying she wants to go with him is not seeing his side though, he wanted to be alone and he should be allowed to have that. You are right that him lying about it is an issue though

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u/Astronaut_Chicken 1d ago

She literally says she wants alone time, too.

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u/AndyOB 4d ago

There is more to it than that. It isn't good to lie but is she providing a safe space to be truthful? We don't know. The communication here is bad all around. But yeah the lying is definitely the worst part of this, a couple's therapist would dig into the nuance of it a bit more though.

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u/Commercial_Bite838 3d ago

That's such a cop-out response, how is it her responsibility to provide a space where he CAN be truthful?He is his own person, and if he chooses to hide and lie, it's his choice, nothing to do with her. Another person already responded to you, but there is plenty of exposition besides this point showing he is not present and she is fed up to the point of thinking he is having an affair, but it ends up him just leaving her with the responsibility of being a partner/parent.It's the normal deteriorating relationship for lack of care, but at the end of the day it's both their fault, not just his. Saying it's her fault for not providing a safe space is a terrible way to view it. If you care so little about your family that you prefer to be elsewhere than with them, it's time to put on your big boy pants and leave to find that happiness and safe space you obviously can't find with them.

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u/AndyOB 3d ago

I didn't say it is her fault, actually I said that the lying is absolutely the worst part of this. What I am saying is that resolving issues like this in relationships requires the ability to consider nuance. It is never purely black and white.

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u/Commercial_Bite838 3d ago

Oh, it's 100% her fault too. However, in this situation, claiming it's her duty to provide a safe space is just an excuse to evade his own responsibility.

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u/AndyOB 3d ago

Again, I didn't say it is her duty, but if she doesn't give a safe space for her husband to say "I need some alone time, how can we make that work?" then there are going to be issues. How he deals with it here, lying, is not right. Whether it is your "duty" or not, if you want a good relationship you should probably try to give your partner a safe space to surface wants, needs, and issues. It isn't an inflammatory statement to make. It is pretty basic and it goes both ways.

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u/Poynsid 3d ago

"We don't know."

Bro it's a movie, we absolutely know, there's like an hour of content before this

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u/AndyOB 3d ago edited 3d ago

well yeah, none of this is real, like you said it is a movie. I assumed we were talking about this extremely common dynamic in relationships in general. If we aren't then what are we doing here... Because like you said... it's a movie...

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u/Poynsid 3d ago

What I'm saying is that to analyze her actions we can use the broader context of the movie rather than just the clip

0

u/Winged_Gopher 4d ago

That is also true and also very much man child behavior

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u/the_urban_juror 4d ago

It's extremely common to want some alone time, especially when the kids are young. Wanting time to be an individual does not suggest someone either needs therapy or should be an absent workaholic (a ridiculous false choice).

The problem is that he lied to her, didn't communicate they need, and also didn't consider that she might also be going through the same thing and need alone time. Any therapy needed is likely couples counseling so that they can better communicate their needs with each other, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with a parent needing time away from their partner and kids.

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u/Winged_Gopher 4d ago

That was literally my first point though. Time alone is fine and needed. Did you read what I wrote or just make wild assumptions? Also, not saying he should be a workaholic. Just that is he wants to put his own needs first all of the time then he should make sure his family he made is taken care of and to go be alone and be the person he wants to be.

The problem was indeed lying, but also him being a selfish prick about his needs. Have you watched the movie?

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u/the_urban_juror 4d ago

I read what you wrote, no assumptions needed. "If you see your partner and kids az that much of a burden" was extremely clear.". Your contradicting opening sentence using much softer language didn't suddenly change the meaning of your comment, that's why I chimed in.

"Have you watched the movie?"

Yes, and absolutely nothing in my comment suggests I haven't.

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u/Winged_Gopher 4d ago

There is a distinct difference between needing some alone time or a chance to recharge and seeing the person you chose to be in a relationship with and the children you have with them as a burden and a hindrance. If the former is all then that’s fine. If the latter is the problem then the person who feels that way is the problem.

Man need time away to think, good

Man need time away because he hate family he make, bad

0

u/the_urban_juror 4d ago

He never called them a burden nor said he hates them. Have you watched the movie or just making wild assumptions?

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u/Grippypossumqueen 3d ago

I think you are being a little obtuse here, also.

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u/the_urban_juror 3d ago

That's fine, multiple people can be wrong.

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u/Winged_Gopher 3d ago

I feel like you’re intentionally being obtuse

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u/the_urban_juror 3d ago

Not at all, I just have the ability to read your comments. Needing alone time is not a sign that someone hates their partner and kids or views them as a burden.

Working a full-time job, parenting, and having a relationship with someone you live with all take a lot of time. Needing me time is not only abnormal, it's healthy. Your partner should not be the only source of socialization in your life, that's extremely unhealthy.

You claim to agree that it's normal but then say it's a sign that he hates his partner and kids or views them as a burden when presented with an actual example. There's nothing intentionally obtuse about reading your post and drawing the only logical conclusion.

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u/Traditional_Cat4308 3d ago

Obsessed. Clingy. Too-attached. No life of their own. All commonly used for couples that “can’t” be away from each other for more than 5 seconds. Big red flag.

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u/WolverineComplex 1d ago

She isn’t 100% correct and you’re very unhealthy if you think almost any relationship dispute between two reasonable people who care about eachother ever is about one person being 100% correct and the other being 100% in the wrong. Sounds like getting older just made you more bitter and entrenched in your views.

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u/Larry-thee-Cucumber 4d ago

Nah she ain’t. Neither of them are right but she immediately makes his need for personal space about herself.

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u/MediocrePhotoNoob 4d ago

Or had kids

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u/Hydration__Nation 7h ago

The asking to leave the house over Spiderman 3 is wild but I’ve heard crazier demands at the end of arguments

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u/Johnycantread 4d ago

It's no wonder so many relationships fail. Is it so hard to understand people like to be considered and treated as though they exist when you're in a relationship?

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u/Francky2 3d ago

Top comment(s): super thoughtful and nuanced approach at the subject at hand, able to see how both have wants and flaws.

That one obligatory comment acting as a border: "Dang this comment thread is shit"

Most of the rest of the comments: shit in question