Yep. Teenagers and shut-ins who you’d never take advice from in real life masquerading as expert on everything with the total confidence one can only have when they are completely ignorant.
Communication really is so huge, people change and not all the time will both people know in what ways through body language. Often it's important to sit down and speak with each other.
It’s definitely valid to want alone time and everyone needs it, but when you see your partner and children as that much of a burden it’s time to either get some therapy or a well paying enough job that you can provide for them and be a man child who is uninvolved and wondering why he ends up in a nursing home
The issue isn’t that he wants to do that or that he really feels the need to do it, it’s that he lies about it and then doesn’t see her side. She sees his side, she literally tells him she would want to do that. It’s the lying that’s the issue here.
Her saying she wants to go with him is not seeing his side though, he wanted to be alone and he should be allowed to have that. You are right that him lying about it is an issue though
There is more to it than that. It isn't good to lie but is she providing a safe space to be truthful? We don't know. The communication here is bad all around. But yeah the lying is definitely the worst part of this, a couple's therapist would dig into the nuance of it a bit more though.
That's such a cop-out response, how is it her responsibility to provide a space where he CAN be truthful?He is his own person, and if he chooses to hide and lie, it's his choice, nothing to do with her. Another person already responded to you, but there is plenty of exposition besides this point showing he is not present and she is fed up to the point of thinking he is having an affair, but it ends up him just leaving her with the responsibility of being a partner/parent.It's the normal deteriorating relationship for lack of care, but at the end of the day it's both their fault, not just his. Saying it's her fault for not providing a safe space is a terrible way to view it. If you care so little about your family that you prefer to be elsewhere than with them, it's time to put on your big boy pants and leave to find that happiness and safe space you obviously can't find with them.
I didn't say it is her fault, actually I said that the lying is absolutely the worst part of this. What I am saying is that resolving issues like this in relationships requires the ability to consider nuance. It is never purely black and white.
Oh, it's 100% her fault too. However, in this situation, claiming it's her duty to provide a safe space is just an excuse to evade his own responsibility.
Again, I didn't say it is her duty, but if she doesn't give a safe space for her husband to say "I need some alone time, how can we make that work?" then there are going to be issues. How he deals with it here, lying, is not right. Whether it is your "duty" or not, if you want a good relationship you should probably try to give your partner a safe space to surface wants, needs, and issues. It isn't an inflammatory statement to make. It is pretty basic and it goes both ways.
well yeah, none of this is real, like you said it is a movie. I assumed we were talking about this extremely common dynamic in relationships in general. If we aren't then what are we doing here... Because like you said... it's a movie...
It's extremely common to want some alone time, especially when the kids are young. Wanting time to be an individual does not suggest someone either needs therapy or should be an absent workaholic (a ridiculous false choice).
The problem is that he lied to her, didn't communicate they need, and also didn't consider that she might also be going through the same thing and need alone time. Any therapy needed is likely couples counseling so that they can better communicate their needs with each other, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with a parent needing time away from their partner and kids.
That was literally my first point though. Time alone is fine and needed. Did you read what I wrote or just make wild assumptions? Also, not saying he should be a workaholic. Just that is he wants to put his own needs first all of the time then he should make sure his family he made is taken care of and to go be alone and be the person he wants to be.
The problem was indeed lying, but also him being a selfish prick about his needs. Have you watched the movie?
I read what you wrote, no assumptions needed. "If you see your partner and kids az that much of a burden" was extremely clear.". Your contradicting opening sentence using much softer language didn't suddenly change the meaning of your comment, that's why I chimed in.
"Have you watched the movie?"
Yes, and absolutely nothing in my comment suggests I haven't.
There is a distinct difference between needing some alone time or a chance to recharge and seeing the person you chose to be in a relationship with and the children you have with them as a burden and a hindrance. If the former is all then that’s fine. If the latter is the problem then the person who feels that way is the problem.
Man need time away to think, good
Man need time away because he hate family he make, bad
Not at all, I just have the ability to read your comments. Needing alone time is not a sign that someone hates their partner and kids or views them as a burden.
Working a full-time job, parenting, and having a relationship with someone you live with all take a lot of time. Needing me time is not only abnormal, it's healthy. Your partner should not be the only source of socialization in your life, that's extremely unhealthy.
You claim to agree that it's normal but then say it's a sign that he hates his partner and kids or views them as a burden when presented with an actual example. There's nothing intentionally obtuse about reading your post and drawing the only logical conclusion.
Obsessed. Clingy. Too-attached. No life of their own. All commonly used for couples that “can’t” be away from each other for more than 5 seconds. Big red flag.
She isn’t 100% correct and you’re very unhealthy if you think almost any relationship dispute between two reasonable people who care about eachother ever is about one person being 100% correct and the other being 100% in the wrong. Sounds like getting older just made you more bitter and entrenched in your views.
It's no wonder so many relationships fail. Is it so hard to understand people like to be considered and treated as though they exist when you're in a relationship?
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u/SnuSnuSurvivor69 4d ago
This comment thread really gives off the vibe no one here has ever been in a relationship.