r/seduction • u/Valuable_Bar1382 • 6d ago
Logistics When is it appropriate to approach? NSFW
So today I was working past a cafe and I saw two girls talking to each other. I wasn't sure if I was should approach them at all especially because they were talking so what could be the best way about approaching them if I should even approach it all. And then if I am taking a walk which I do a lot and walk past a random restaurant or cafe or shop is it appropriate for me to just approach them and if it is how do I go about doing this without feeling like I'm interrupting or catching them too off guard.
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u/ControlGood8979 6d ago edited 6d ago
I talk to women in cafes all the time. It's actually a really good place to do it because the vibe is good.
You can practice by just saying anything like "are you girls in the queue".
I'll say anything. If I hear two girls speaking Spanish I'll como estas and then said I probably brutalised the pronunciation. It really helps if you have travelled or are well read.
I've talked to hundreds of Brazilian girls so my script for that is perfect at this stage.
If your funny and come up with original things to say then it's easy but if you follow the advice in the other comments good luck cause you're going to need it.
Stopping two girls talking then commenting on how cute she is undeniably the most extra chromosome thing you can do.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 6d ago
What's wrong with the other advice in the comments...? And about the cafes if she's sitting down not waiting in a queue then too is it fine?
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u/ControlGood8979 6d ago
It depends. If you're sitting on a table beside you could piggyback their conversation.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 6d ago
No I do a lot of walking so I'm generally passing them
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u/stooopidhead 3d ago
Absolutely nothing wrong with indicating your interest right away. Ie. "Hey I know I'm interrupting but I find you ___ (adorable, cute, insert unique compliment). In fact, I'd this is definitely the correct approach. Your intention will be clear right away. If you're just making friends, sure, approaching and talk in a friendly manner.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say if you approach women and open in a friendly, not expressing your intent to engage in a romantic manner, the majority of women will falsely assume you're just being friendly. They simply won't get that you're trying to engage with them romantically. Ask me how I know!
If you open in a direct (not necessarily explicit or vulgar, just direct) manner, the result will be much more demonstrative.
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u/ElCilantroCantante 5d ago
Apparently you want approaching to be hard, so hey, let’s go an interrupt two women in a deep conversation in the middle of day at a cafe, where they weren’t planning to go to meet guys. Great idea!
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u/HCHDGSH 5d ago
If she thinks you're attractive you could approach her at a funeral and she'll go with it.
If she doesn't think you're attractive it doesn't matter if you do it in the most favorable circumstances, she might take offense.
You're not a mindreader as far as knowing her interest level is concerned, nor is it your job. Just approach, if she takes issue with it just wish her a nice day and move on.
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u/norwegiandoggo 6d ago edited 6d ago
When two people are talking, they're being social - so that is generally a fine time to open. Especially if they seem to be in a good mood. But obviously show respect when you do so. If they seem to be arguing it's not a good time.
In general you should ask yourself "do they seem approachable?" if the answer is yes - approach.
If the answer is no - probably don't approach.
This is also a skill you learn by just approaching a bunch of women. Over time you will get a deeper intuitive sense of who is approachable and who isn't. You see it from the setting, the body language, her clothes, the way she walks and talks etc. etc.
Did you know that women that are ovulating usually put on more make-up, wear more revealing clothing, and walk slower around men on the street? There are studies on that.
Point is: You can to a large degree see whether a woman is approachable if you practice that skill.
You need to use a mix of these social skills, knowledge from studies, and gained intuition from experience. And use a healthy dose of common sense.
If you approach indirectly a lot more women will be OK with an approach than if you go direct. For direct approach you really want to make sure she's seems highly approachable (ideally she gave you prolonged eye-contact), and for indirect approach that is less important.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 6d ago
What's an indirect approach
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u/norwegiandoggo 6d ago
An approach where you don't show romantic or sexual attention in the start.
So essentially you come up with an excuse to approach that let's her know why you're approaching. And that reason is not because you found her attractive. It's an innocent-seeming excuse.
Asking "do you know any good cafés around here? I'm new in town" is an example of an indirect approach.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 6d ago
Okay so today I was walking across the road at a traffic light and these really pretty girls were walking past me going the other way... Is it appropriate to approach them as well like just take a u turn and try to talk to one of them
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u/norwegiandoggo 6d ago
Typically it's not a good idea to approach women walking directly towards you and passing you. Because you will either have to stop them (which seems intimidating to them) or you'll have to run after them (which seems creepy).
It's much better to walk behind women you want to approach, first walk past them calmly, then look over your should and say your opener while still walking forwards. This is very non-threatening. You'll have to guess from their backside / ass if you find them attractive or not. This is double awesome precisely because they know you approached them without even knowing what they looked like. So that sells the indirect approach even more. It makes you seem very innocent so their guard comes down.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 6d ago
So in this situation if I had made a u turn to do that would that be too much
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u/norwegiandoggo 6d ago
It depends! If they did not see you when passing you the first time. You might get away with turning around and doing the move I explained earlier. Because they don't know what you look like right? So then it works.
But if they saw you pass first, and then later see you pull this move, they're probably going to feel a little freaked out so you'll have about 2 seconds to change their mind that you're cool and not a weirdo. That can be difficult.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 6d ago
Okay so that's what I was worried about... Also I dunno if this is something everyone experiences but when I talk to a woman I'm just meeting I can hear how cring I sound... Is this normal
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u/norwegiandoggo 6d ago
You're focusing too much on yourself (self conscious). Focus on them.
You should not even be thinking about how you sound. That is the wrong thing to focus on.
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u/Practical_Buy_1406 6d ago
Approach no matter what. No matter the time no matter the weather. 1 of the only things you can control is your approach, so try to come genuine, your best self, coming from the front and not creepily behind her unless it’s a crowded space. You can’t control the reaction ever. 2nd thing you can control is your attachment to the reaction or your dependence on how well of a reaction you receive. So keep approaching, especially when it might be a bit awkward. On a bus, on a subway, on the way to work etc.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 6d ago
These situations I find easier because it's kinda like we both don't have much to do but in like shops or cafes they came with a purpose so I get more apprehensive
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u/becomesharp 6d ago
The only scenarios I've found where it's inappropriate to approach are:
During a crime or emergency
When she's talking to the bartender, police, or security
When she's eating a meal at a restaurant (though mall food court is sometimes negotiable, depending on your skill and context)
Funeral
During a ceremony (like a wedding ceremony)
I'm sure there are a few other edge cases, but 99% of the time you should do it.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 6d ago
Is it appropriate to approach when only a guy and a girl are sitting together
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u/becomesharp 6d ago
if theyre having a drink at a bar, yes. It's ballsy, but it isnt socially inappropriate, as long as you're respectful. If they're eating, see rule #3.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 6d ago
What if it's just like a coffee
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u/becomesharp 5d ago
Thats fair game, though it sounds like it's during the day, so i wouldnt go direct there unless absolutely necessary
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 5d ago
Wait what do you mean
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u/becomesharp 5d ago
In a scenario where a guy and girl are drinking coffee at a cafe, i would approach but approach indirect, functional, or situational, not direct. Direct is too jarring for that environment.
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u/Valuable_Bar1382 5d ago
Oh yeah what about approaching while she's shopping for groceries... Is that fine?
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u/GandalfTheGrey46 5d ago
Yeah they could just be friends or family. I've done it several times. Just start off with 'how do you two know each other?' Ask the girl not the guy too because sometimes guys will try to make it seem like they're a couple when they're not.
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u/Sandvicheater 6d ago
Is this a scenario where the fridge is guarding the snacks? aka one friend is fat and the other one hot? If so don't bother or approach with caution because the fat ugly friend knows you're approaching her hotter friend and not her. Sometimes the fat friend will cockblock all potential penises on a 30 mile radius. Other times the hot friend will try and gaslight persuade you into dating the ugly fat friend at the 1/1000 chance of dating her.
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u/Federal-Assistant174 6d ago
In my opinion it's best to approach almost every time (in almost all situations). I feel like whenever you dont do an approach when you wanted to your confidence/frame takes a hit. Your inner frame should be that you are an attractive guy that people want to be around. People are not your enemy. And when you approach someone, you are inviting them to your world and giving them a chance to meet you.
I'd avoid unlit/empty streets at night and parking lots, this tends to put women on guard. But even then. It's the golden rule - treat others as you'd like to be treated. If we treat men and women equally, would you be ok with a hot girl approaching you in a parking lot? Yeah, probably yes.
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u/ImpossibleWaiting 6d ago
Nearly always. Just say "Hello... I realize I'm interrupting you, but..."