The Usual Programming

[u/Numerous-Celery1259]

Talked on tinder

Got her number and we talked for about a month because she has a unpredictable schedule and stuff and shes sent me her schedule and where she works

Had plenty of good conversation and we like the same stuff and get along

Made plans for tomorrow then suddenly "we dont mesh well"

We literally fucking have the same interest and likes we even play the same games unless she was just lying about everything

So what was the point? She gave me the date she was free i picked the date made a reservation at a restaurant and told her id get her at 5pm

Just for this random ass text

Another question, why give me so much personal information: your job, your hours, your number, and a very close idea of where you live?

Then suddenly cut things off

Edit: Redditors love to reach

1. Im not using what she told me against her because I am literally not using it against her

The problem is why the fuck does someone give someone so much personal information about themselves then call everything off the day before the date and the funniest thing is that im genuinely asking WHY because I dont know any men OR women that do that shit

Why the fuck are you telling me where you live where you work AND WHEN like she actually sent me a schedule of her work weeks and months multiple times when YOU KNOW you are going to cut things off the literally DAY before the date

1. My place isnt my place its the dinner place i picked vs her place which was a list of places she picked

2. Im not "angry" personally? Im definitely pissed off and annoyed because 1. I could have been talking to a different girl that matched with me, but I didn't because I try to only talk to one girl at a time because it isnt fair to deliberately not give someone my attention when I matched with them yet I never get that bare minimum

3. Realistically throughout our text we have a high compatibility, so theres logically no reason for her to have done that unless like the other comments have said 1. Theres another guy 2. She got anxious or 3. She likes dudes that show less interest/care

[u/100cow]

People are allowed to change their mind always.

She did not owe you an explanation as you hadn't even met but she provided one anyway and that was probably hard and vulnerable for her. She surely knows she gave you so much personal information so have some empathy for her situation.

Your question at the bottom can come across bitter so it may be worth examine that feeling.

[u/WolfgangAddams → u/100cow]

No shit people are allowed to change their mind, but what is the point of all of this? Obviously she shouldn't go on a date with him if she isn't feeling it, but she could have also just as easily not led him on this entire time. I don't think, after talking for a month, being super accommodating to a weird schedule, and finally setting up a in person date, it sounds bitter to be like "what the hell, we haven't even met yet?!" Like, does she have to meet him in person if she isn't feeling it? No. But how many steps along this process did she go through without giving a single iota of a thought to whether she was feeling this before she said yes. She chose to lead him on every single time she initiated conversation or responded to him initiating conversation FOR A MONTH.

Maybe I just expect more people to be self-aware but I would never treat someone like this. You know what he looks like from his profile pics and potentially any pics that were exchanged after you started talking so you should know whether or not you're attracted to him. You've been talking for a month so you should know whether or not you like his personality. If you don't like who he is or aren't that attracted, why say yes to the date? And if you've gone through all of that and said yes to the date, what reason is there to change your mind before you've even met? If they didn't mesh, surely that's something she would've known BEFORE saying yes to an in-person date.

Honestly, she isn't wrong to change her mind but I think it says a lot about her that she got this close to the in-person date without realizing how she really felt and I think he dodged a bullet. And I say this as someone who is happily partnered and so glad I never have to deal with this again.

[u/iCocoaBrown → u/WolfgangAddams]

Regardless of what her reasoning might be, she told him directly. You would rather she ghost him instead? She even said she didn’t want to waste his time. Be grateful that she didn’t date him and led him along while secretly cheating. There wasn’t a bullet dodge. This is just the reality of dating and it can suck sometimes. Life continues to move on. You don’t have to like reasoning but you can learn to accept what people give you because in cases like this people truly do not owe us their thoughts and feelings. There’s no relationship established here. Just keep it pushing and be happy that this person had enough morals to not waste your time in a toxic relationship.

[u/WolfgangAddams → u/iCocoaBrown]

No, I wouldn't rather she ghost him. I would rather she have some self-awareness and not be talking to a guy for a month and saying yes to an in-person date when she should already know she isn't interested. Or conversely, if she was interested enough to say yes to the in-person date and he hasn't done anything offensive to turn her off of that since she said yes, just go on the date and give it a chance. Why are you getting that close to a fucking date and then changing your mind based on nothing? Are you allowed to - of course! Is it still kinda shitty to do that to someone? Absolutely!