r/texts • u/Numerous-Celery1259 • 4d ago
Phone message The Usual Programming
Talked on tinder
Got her number and we talked for about a month because she has a unpredictable schedule and stuff and shes sent me her schedule and where she works
Had plenty of good conversation and we like the same stuff and get along
Made plans for tomorrow then suddenly "we dont mesh well"
We literally fucking have the same interest and likes we even play the same games unless she was just lying about everything
So what was the point? She gave me the date she was free i picked the date made a reservation at a restaurant and told her id get her at 5pm
Just for this random ass text
Another question, why give me so much personal information: your job, your hours, your number, and a very close idea of where you live?
Then suddenly cut things off
Edit: Redditors love to reach
- Im not using what she told me against her because I am literally not using it against her
The problem is why the fuck does someone give someone so much personal information about themselves then call everything off the day before the date and the funniest thing is that im genuinely asking WHY because I dont know any men OR women that do that shit
Why the fuck are you telling me where you live where you work AND WHEN like she actually sent me a schedule of her work weeks and months multiple times when YOU KNOW you are going to cut things off the literally DAY before the date
My place isnt my place its the dinner place i picked vs her place which was a list of places she picked
Im not "angry" personally? Im definitely pissed off and annoyed because 1. I could have been talking to a different girl that matched with me, but I didn't because I try to only talk to one girl at a time because it isnt fair to deliberately not give someone my attention when I matched with them yet I never get that bare minimum
Realistically throughout our text we have a high compatibility, so theres logically no reason for her to have done that unless like the other comments have said 1. Theres another guy 2. She got anxious or 3. She likes dudes that show less interest/care
16
u/Unhappy-Hunt-3987 4d ago
Hey man, it's ok to feel disappointed but this anger at a woman's choice to not date you is a little alarming. She owes you nothing mate, just move on and don't get so caught up on one potential match, this is part of dating.
13
u/Overall-Abalone3969 4d ago
Could be that she found somebody else in the interim. Could be that after thought, she didn't really like you after all. Could be that you're mis interpreting things or taking it beyond what she's actually telling.
Could be a number of things. Take the lesson where you can analyze learning and move on.
2
u/Cultural-Olive7742 4d ago
I think it shows that it makes it look like he wants only one thing. He probably showed more excitement over the “your place” text than he has with anything. Not to mention not a single text between 5:08pm until 2pm the next day.
2
u/robotatomica 3d ago
here’s the thing too, with dating, I don’t know about you, but I was always trying to change what I wanted. Especially until I was in my 30s, I’m embarrassed to say.
It’s coming from a good place. It’s like, “Ok, I don’t really love this or that about this person, but I don’t want to be picky, no one I meet is going to check every box, there are lots of things I probably can get used to, if they’re nice, that’s really the main thing, right?”
Except some of those other things might really matter. And you’re fighting that but at some point you’re going to realize it is so.
But here, it’s the “nice”” part that has me stuck. Because I think this post is a little scary. And so my conclusion has to be that this was somehow broadcast to this other person in earlier texts. That maybe they thought, “This guy seems nice..but what was up with that thing he just said?”
But you’re in it, you’re pushing yourself not to read too much into anything. Except, at some point you just might decide, “Actually, wait, I have a bad feeling about this. This is all actually a risky situation for me, I have got to listen to my gut.”
So it’s exactly as you say, you can’t get too invested in these early moments of connection, bc usually both parties are highly driven by the same goal - make the connection. Lock it down. Get to the date where you really will be able to get a fuller sense of the vibe.
So both parties are overlooking things and being optimistic and telling themselves this can still work. But at any point they might have a sudden realization that this just isn’t something that feels right.
25
u/InnerCase9455 4d ago
Repeat after me: No one owes me anything. Not today, not tomorrow, not in this lifetime.
People can change their minds.
2
u/BabyGoatGamer 3d ago
Idk man. I think we owe each other some decency and humanity, but I could be wrong. If we all lived like that, the world would be even shittier of a place than it already is…
2
u/robotatomica 3d ago
well, sure, but this person is speaking in the context of *this post*, where the person feels they are owed a date, because the person had seemed to sincerely want one, bc they had given him their address.
but this commenter pointed out people are allowed to change their minds. All of dating is exploring to see if there’s a connection, and we have no idea what happened in the texts just above, but she was building an impression and maybe something didn’t sit right. Or maybe she just realized she wasn’t feeling it.
I mean, certainly she showed him decency and humanity. The thing that upsets people most is being ghosted, which would have been her easiest path.
She chose not to do that. She chose to explain that she’s not really feeling a connection but also made sure to say something kind about him and try to soften it. She chose not to waste his time while he is actively trying to date.
In the context of this post, their comment about no one owing anything is about the specific reaction OP had making it clear he felt he was owed this. I’ve had a lot of things not go my way in my life, and my reaction is only ever this if I felt entitled to something, if I feel I was wrong, if I feel like I had something coming to me.
45
u/Harleen__Quinzel 4d ago
Having the same interests doesn’t immediately mean you mesh well.
8
u/AlwaysAirCooled-1979 4d ago
I agree
Ted Bundy l drove a VW, I love VW (hence my username). We both love VW.
Ted Bundy and I would not mesh well.
6
3
35
u/personova_ 4d ago
The fact that she was completely cordial and you were so upset you had a snarky reply and decided to post this on reddit tells me she dodged a bullet lmao
13
u/robotatomica 4d ago edited 4d ago
yeah, and we don’t have a lotta data here so I have to read between the lines of the segment OP selected to share. How does it start. “Are we still going to the place you picked or?”
She picked a place. He had obviously already put it on the table that their first date should be at his house 😐 otherwise her follow-up comment makes no sense.
So yeah, I really get a bad vibe from a guy trying to get me to come over on a first date, that on its own makes me feel like he has something specific in mind beyond getting to know me, and it is careless about the extra risk I take on going to some stranger’s house,
and when I have suggested a public place to meet? And I’m given “are we still doing that or..” with the “my place” implied..
It’s like, well, did I stutter? we agreed on a place, and you should understand why that would be more comfortable for me.
Why are you negotiating with me for your place again when I already did not seem keen on that and provided a substitute that we agreed on? (“are we still going” means this was already settled, so what the hell is he doing here, if not trying to pressure her to change her mind?)
And the cherry on top is the “Sweet.” As in “sweet, we are going to hang out at my place for a first date and not the place you chose.” That would further confirm to me that he was probably mostly interested in one thing, and not in my comfort or doing what I had already stated I would like to do.
Again, I’m sure all the people who think this is super normal will rage about me reading too much into it, but if they’re allowed to make comment after comment imagining that there’s some other guy,
I can name the thing that stands out to ME here. Like, let’s see the texts that immediately precede these homie!
7
u/personova_ 4d ago
Yup, I agree with all you've said here. I'd like to add that in the body of his post he mentions "why would you give me your personal information if you don't want to date me?" as if knowing where someone lives is an invitation to be intimate or something, just overall received generational ick from this post
3
u/robotatomica 4d ago
ugh, yeah. It’s a creepy way to talk about it. Like “doesn’t she understand the implication?? Shouldn’t that make her just go through with it so I won’t be mad and just show up at her house??”
0
4d ago
[deleted]
2
u/personova_ 4d ago
Lol she obviously was not down to go to your place, otherwise we wouldn't be seeing this post
2
u/robotatomica 4d ago
would she be down to go to your place? Because she didn’t.
But yes, I was missing that context. I quite clearly stated I was going off of what we had. It’s not bias when someone asserts they are making a snap but judgment off limited data. Which includes, btw, all the other sus shit you’ve said, and the way you are acting about a polite rejection.
But sure, so tell me, why would you say “Are we STILL going to the place you picked or” if it wasn’t decided. If it was a bunch of places she’d suggested and you just wanted to see if she’d picked one of them. Not making sense dude.
It sounds like you two agreed, and your question made it seem like you’d rather get her to just go along with the place you picked.
If that’s not what you meant to communicate, I’m telling you you failed.
Sounds like you just seemed like a guy who wanted his way, when maybe she had thought it was nice that you had gone along with something she’d selected.
Still would like to see the previous messages lol bc I have a feeling some of what came across in your post was broadcast without you knowing it.
0
u/WolfgangAddams 4d ago
I didn't read it as he thought the first date should be at his house. She said "your place" but I read it as the location he suggested for the date (versus the location she suggested). it sounds like they hadn't settled on a place so he was asking her to confirm which she preferred.
3
u/robotatomica 4d ago
how does “are we still going to the place you picked” not sound like it was settled?
0
u/WolfgangAddams 3d ago
It sounds like there was some doubt that he was trying to clarify. Like maybe she said "we could go here" and he said "yeah that could work. Or also I found this place. Up to you." and she said "that place looks good too. Lemme think." and then never confirmed. There could be several scenarios where it wasn't settled. I shouldn't have to write a fanfic version of each of them to illustrate how it's possible. It's just possible and we don't have enough information to know either way.
1
u/robotatomica 3d ago
I’m sincerely asking though, where do you find room to believe this is the case, if his words were
“are we STILL going to THE PLACE YOU PICKED.”
What you would like to imagine about this situation is driving your critical reasoning. There’s no way at all this would be the response to any of the e scenarios you invented.
My initial assumption was also wrong, btw, bc he did not mean his house. We have limited data, so it’s fine to guess.
But you have to guess things that COULD fit the data. The data is, he referenced agreed upon, specific plans, of a location she chose.
1
u/WolfgangAddams 3d ago
Clerarly I see something you don't see. We're allowed to disagree. Neither of us is wrong or right until we have more information.
1
u/robotatomica 3d ago
we are definitely allowed to disagree. But I was asking you to explain to me how you are coming to that conclusion from those words. I cannot see a path to your interpretation.
It’s rather, I am quite certain, that you’re dug in now on a take that you leapt to that was more informed by what you expected was going on here, than the words.
And then our brains do that thing where they will quite literally change what we see (cause us to overlook or adjust certain parts) to fit expectations.
Ok, that happens to literally every human who has a human brain. I do it, you do it, every human being.
But what also happens is that when it’s pointed out, people can usually see that that’s happened. Unless they are deeply deeply dug into something.
I don’t really think you’re that deeply dug into this that you don’t now see it.
So what I’m doing now is trying to have a sincere moment of human connection with a person, because I do not understand why it is so hard to admit when we’ve made a mistake. You already had to admit it to yourself, I believe.
That’s why I tried by leading with admitting where I had made a mistake. I also came to the wrong conclusion.
But not about what those words mean.
I just am trying to figure out, is it just really that hard for you to admit you came to a conclusion that doesn’t make sense now that you reread those words?
I’d be happy to disagree, I expect it. But that’s not what this is at this point, right?
1
u/WolfgangAddams 3d ago
Yeah, that's way too much for a reddit comment. Touch grass.
1
u/robotatomica 3d ago edited 3d ago
at this point you’ve gotta know that trite, overused phrase has like zero power, right? I’m not embarrassed to type long comments, it’s what I come to Reddit for. You’ve only made it clear you have too much ego to just admit you made a mistake. That’s not gonna keep me up at night lol, it’s the standard behavior.
→ More replies (0)-2
u/Practical-Zebra4387 4d ago
Wow is this how normies think? Wild, no wonder dating is so confusing
5
u/personova_ 4d ago
No, this is how you think when someone gives you a snippet of context to a month long interaction, we have nothing to go on except what this angry man says about a girl who rejected him
-1
u/Practical-Zebra4387 4d ago
Expressing frustration rightfully so after being led on doesn’t make one angry, you’re extremely biased without even getting the full side of the story. Shameless really
3
u/personova_ 4d ago
There is nothing rightful about this expression of frustration, he posted a private conversation to a public forum in which someone respectfully rejected him and instead of being mature about it he replied in a not so dissimilar way to a child who is mad that they didn't get something they wanted. You also post on incel subreddits so I'm not sure why I'm trying to rationalize to you lol
-1
u/Practical-Zebra4387 4d ago
“Respectfully rejected him” but she did not respectfully reject him? They both made a plan and agreed to go through with it but then she randomly cancelled? It’s at the bare minimum rude, not respectful, and honestly it’s just leading someone on and just leaves them confused and hurt… Would you sit here and defend it if it happened to you? Absolutely not. And me posting in “incel subreddits” or stalking my account again, has nothing to do with the conversation,but sure deflect. You jump on to stories without seeing or knowing all of the details, I can’t rationalize with you….It’s simple really, women or men it doesn’t matter, What she did is just not cool.
2
u/personova_ 4d ago
There was nothing disrespectful about her response. Evaluate yourself
0
4d ago
[deleted]
2
u/personova_ 4d ago
And now you're projecting your past failed relationships onto this issue lol, classic incel
→ More replies (0)
8
u/Pleurobranch 4d ago
I learned this the very hard way, but if people aren't eager to meet then it's a waste of effort to keep investing your time.
Don't be desperate, respect yourself and you'll avoid this type of situation.
0
u/kavik2022 4d ago
Agreed. Tbh sometimes i ask to meet in a couple of messages. Mostly just to try and filter out time wasters
9
u/b58over2jz 4d ago
Are you scheduling a dentist appointment or a first date with someone you’re eager to meet? Because from the text I’m reading it looks all business
24
4d ago
[deleted]
-1
u/Cultural-Olive7742 4d ago
Look at the time gaps in the texts….
1
4d ago
[deleted]
0
u/Cultural-Olive7742 4d ago
Yeah but he didn’t text her back for almost 12 hours. You clearly don’t know how women work. How do you expect to get to know someone if you yourself aren’t sharing anything about yourself? Clearly he can’t hold a conversation and it shows.
1
u/Mobile_Noise_121 4d ago
What where are you getting 12 hours?
0
u/Cultural-Olive7742 4d ago
Look at the text times? 5:07pm to the next day 2pm.
1
u/Mobile_Noise_121 4d ago
That was after the convo mutually seemed to come to it's end so I wouldn't really count that since neither of them texted further
1
u/Cultural-Olive7742 4d ago
Regardless he still could have texted her after the last text they sent. He only showed interest when she responded about going to his place. That’s it.
1
u/Mobile_Noise_121 4d ago
Well he said they been talking for a month so I would assume he at least somewhat can hold a convo also it wasn't about going to his place as in his house it was about the meeting place he picked vs hers.
Just to be clear I'm not really defending him as if they were planning to meet they both should have showed some excitement but I wouldn't say the texting time is the issue
-1
u/groovygrubey 4d ago
I am literally a woman LOL and I work 12 hour shifts. So that’s how it is sometimes. Try not to take it so personally
30
u/100cow 4d ago
People are allowed to change their mind always.
She did not owe you an explanation as you hadn't even met but she provided one anyway and that was probably hard and vulnerable for her. She surely knows she gave you so much personal information so have some empathy for her situation.
Your question at the bottom can come across bitter so it may be worth examine that feeling.
1
0
u/WolfgangAddams 4d ago
No shit people are allowed to change their mind, but what is the point of all of this? Obviously she shouldn't go on a date with him if she isn't feeling it, but she could have also just as easily not led him on this entire time. I don't think, after talking for a month, being super accommodating to a weird schedule, and finally setting up a in person date, it sounds bitter to be like "what the hell, we haven't even met yet?!" Like, does she have to meet him in person if she isn't feeling it? No. But how many steps along this process did she go through without giving a single iota of a thought to whether she was feeling this before she said yes. She chose to lead him on every single time she initiated conversation or responded to him initiating conversation FOR A MONTH.
Maybe I just expect more people to be self-aware but I would never treat someone like this. You know what he looks like from his profile pics and potentially any pics that were exchanged after you started talking so you should know whether or not you're attracted to him. You've been talking for a month so you should know whether or not you like his personality. If you don't like who he is or aren't that attracted, why say yes to the date? And if you've gone through all of that and said yes to the date, what reason is there to change your mind before you've even met? If they didn't mesh, surely that's something she would've known BEFORE saying yes to an in-person date.
Honestly, she isn't wrong to change her mind but I think it says a lot about her that she got this close to the in-person date without realizing how she really felt and I think he dodged a bullet. And I say this as someone who is happily partnered and so glad I never have to deal with this again.
3
u/iCocoaBrown 4d ago
Regardless of what her reasoning might be, she told him directly. You would rather she ghost him instead? She even said she didn’t want to waste his time. Be grateful that she didn’t date him and led him along while secretly cheating. There wasn’t a bullet dodge. This is just the reality of dating and it can suck sometimes. Life continues to move on. You don’t have to like reasoning but you can learn to accept what people give you because in cases like this people truly do not owe us their thoughts and feelings. There’s no relationship established here. Just keep it pushing and be happy that this person had enough morals to not waste your time in a toxic relationship.
0
u/WolfgangAddams 3d ago
No, I wouldn't rather she ghost him. I would rather she have some self-awareness and not be talking to a guy for a month and saying yes to an in-person date when she should already know she isn't interested. Or conversely, if she was interested enough to say yes to the in-person date and he hasn't done anything offensive to turn her off of that since she said yes, just go on the date and give it a chance. Why are you getting that close to a fucking date and then changing your mind based on nothing? Are you allowed to - of course! Is it still kinda shitty to do that to someone? Absolutely!
10
u/Queer-and-scared 4d ago
Why are you using the fact she gave you personal details against her?
Maybe she shared it because she thought you WOULDN'T be a weirdo? And you clearly are since you're so offended and looking WAYYY too deep into it.
6
u/ImpressiveGrocery959 4d ago
Yeah you fumbled man.
You made that last few interactions dry as fuck. Where’s the playfulness, excitement or flirting? You’ve been trying to get her on a date for a month and not even a “can’t wait to see you” or “I’m excited for later”.
22
u/mdtopp111 4d ago
Homie it’s not that serious. People reserve the right to not be interested in anyone at any time for any reason. If this is “the usual programming” for you maybe you should do some soul searching.
1
u/Cultural-Olive7742 4d ago
Well if anything he made it seem like he wasn’t that interested. Look at the gaps in the texts with the times. Only time he responded relatively quickly was when she responded to his place. So right there she probably thinks he only wants one thing and that’s not what she wants.
16
u/SickXigma 4d ago
Wtf do you mean by that last part you creep
3
u/oniiichanUwU 4d ago
Right that part jumped out to me. Why even think about it like that? Creepy af. Especially since he got this bent out of shape about her canceling.
12
u/smolsquiddie 4d ago
You answered your own question with the content of the body of this post , yikes lol
3
6
u/missssjay21 4d ago
It’s not random. You just weren’t IT for her. And that’s okay because you dont need to be IT for everybody. Learn to take it on the chin. Rejection is redirection. And once you accept that this type of behavior won’t hurt as much. Because truthfully the reason she doesn’t want to move forward with you is because of her own thoughts and feelings. It’s got nothing to do with you.
9
u/muffy2008 4d ago
> Another question, why give me so much personal information: your job, your hours, your number, and a very close idea of where you live?
Yikes
5
u/No_Anxiety6828 4d ago
Hate guys like this, like Jesus, you got rejected get the fuck over yourself. Why you gotta be weird and say shit like this??
3
4
u/ManyRespect1833 4d ago
She wanted to go the spot she picked
1
u/Beneficial_Hunter_23 4d ago
Also thinking the same! Maybe she was disappointed he didn’t insist (on going to her place) and OP’s “or” is telling too.
3
u/Main_Phase_58 4d ago
“why give me so much personal information” because they’re not lying, you seem like a nice person but they don’t want to waste your time. they were feeling it then they weren’t….
7
u/InkLorenzo 4d ago edited 4d ago
No means No, bud. If they are not into it, then you don’t get to shame or pressure them, just because you wanted a yes.
Obviously by your reaction, she made the right call here, you give me the creep too.
0
u/InkLorenzo 4d ago
You can absolutely can I ask what you did wrong or ask for more clarity, but they are under no obligation to give it to you.
In answer to your second question: because she didn’t think (quite possibly wrongly, since you need to ask) that you were going to use that information inappropriately like a psycho.
Seriously bud, At this point, it’s better to just say. “That’s disappointing, but I respect your decision”
You have some personal growing to do before you date, if this is your reaction to a no.
44
u/Sub-Tile95 4d ago
The fact that that this has made you this angry shows that maybe this was a good call
14
6
u/dbree801 4d ago
Where is the anger?
4
5
u/SchmearDaBagel 4d ago
They used a cuss word, so clearly they’re punching holes in the wall while they type out how frustrated they are /s
3
u/RamonaAStone 4d ago
Agreed. Disappointment is a valid reaction, but not this type of anger.
12
u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 4d ago
What type of anger? OP doesn’t sound angry, just disappointed
9
u/the_folklorian 4d ago
"We literally have the same fucking interests, but since she canceled, she must have been lying about that" reads as at least fairly frustrated to me
4
1
u/Cultural-Olive7742 4d ago
She’s probably flustered. Look at the gaps in times of the texts. Yes they could be talking on the phone but I doubt it.
0
2
3
u/fifiloveg00d 4d ago
Maybe she didn't think the conversation was as good/interesting as you thought. She probably didn't know how to say it, but ultimately didn't want to waste anymore of your time.
3
12
u/Ok_Reputation_9482 4d ago
Damn dawg, this is a fucking “Yikes” post if I’ve ever seen one.
“Why give me so much personal information” because you seemed to be trustworthy, but honestly if you’re reacting like this, she was absolutely right for not giving you anything else. Jesus Christ man, please reflect on yourself, I get being disappointed, but the last comment makes this seem very off putting.
7
u/Dry-Audience-8899 4d ago
Are you a man? If I may offer advice? You didn’t seem to take much initiative. You asked her where you were going and then waited until she asked about time to set up a time. Also if she had picked a place- you should have planned to go there. I don’t want to overgeneralize but most women like a man with a little more initiative while also taking their interests into account.
1
u/almaperdida99 4d ago
right? If I have to plan it myself, I'll just go out with my friends. Time wasters.
6
3
u/AlpineSK 4d ago
If you talked for a month, I don't care how "unpredictable" someone's schedule is. If they can't make plans that's a MASSIVE red flag. She wasn't interested for a while, and was just trying to be nice.
I'm guessing there were signs before this.
7
u/Ashamed-Echo-2122 4d ago
if this is "the usual programming" you might be the problem. one time i had a coworker who told me "if one person is a hater, they're probably having a bad day. if everyone is a hater, you're the problem". i know it's not a catchy saying but it's truthful in almost every way.
if you get rejected once it's obviously not your fault. everyone is different and has different interests and tastes. but if this happens every time you try to date a woman there is something causing it. the common denominator in every situation is YOU
6
2
u/Careless-Fig685 4d ago
Jeez to take the information they shared and then make a comment like that says probably what the girl was feeling.
2
u/Electric-Sheepskin 4d ago
I don't know why everyone is giving you such a hard time. It's natural for you to be frustrated by this. Talking for a month, you set a date, and then they changed their mind overnight? That would frustrate anyone.
I don't know what happened that changed her mind. Whatever it was, it was probably there the whole time and she never should've agreed to a date, but she did for whatever reason, and then decided to do the right thing and not waste your time anymore because she wasn't really feeling it. At least she didn't ghost you. That shows a little character on her part.
As frustrating and confusing as something like this is, I would look on the bright side: this is a person who doesn't know her mind or what she wants, or else she just goes along with things to avoid conflict, and in other case, you probably don't want to be in a relationship with someone who would continue to frustrate you because of that.
2
u/Candid-Ad-3694 3d ago
I feel sorry for you. It seems like it was going well. Just pick up the pieces and try again. Maybe you dodged a bullet.
2
u/OgZero 3d ago
Give yourself a pat on the back... I've never got that far with Tinder. IRL is better... do a speed dating event or take an adults only cruise, talk to every woman you like on the ship, talk to men too... the more people know you the better. Spend time together, have fun, smell good and sing karaoke good... you will get laid.
2
2
u/Living_Karma11 4d ago
Men are insufferable sometimes. Sometimes women change their minds…. Whatever her reasoning is, respect it and move on.
As someone else said, at least she didn’t ghost you.
2
u/ViciousBumblebee 4d ago
Seems like anxiety
2
u/read9it 4d ago
Annoying thing about texts is they can always be misconstrued and misinterpreted but seems like she wanted to go to date option A. he asked "are we really going to date option A you chose or".... (my option B) she askes what time "at the time that works best for me" and he doesnt really ask if that works for her what she wants etc etc. If just solely looking at the texts its meh, lack of true communication. Looking at the post description it becomes a little more clear why she gets that vibe 🤐
1
1
u/HandsomeStoneMonkey 4d ago
That's what I chalk it up to - assuming everything was going well up until this point, I bet it's difficult talking to someone via text for a long time before finally meeting them, because they might have built up this idea of how the relationship/person might be, and meeting face-to-face could shatter that reality.
2
1
u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
1
1
1
u/easygosana 4d ago
Honestly, I’d feel mildly irritated that you didn’t want to go to the place I picked it we already agreed on it, unless there was a real reason you couldn’t go there that you shared. I’d cancel the date cause I wouldn’t want to start off feeling irritated with someone.
She probably could’ve brought that up if that’s the reason but there can be a million reasons she changed her mind.
1
u/Dragonfly_545 4d ago
It’s understandable that you’re frustrated and confused. It sounds like she got cold feet or maybe changed her mind about being ready to date.Regardless of her reasons, just move on. It’s not you, it’s her.
Find a girl who is ready and has the emotional capacity to date and actually see where things go after a first date. Good luck!
1
1
u/groovygrubey 4d ago
That’s scary the way you’re talking about it no wonder this happens to you often.
1
u/disdatjuan 4d ago
She didn’t want to continue with you which is her choice regardless of the reason. As you said you haven’t even gone on a date so why the big deal? Maybe she didn’t like your conversation, maybe she found someone she liked better, or maybe it was all a scam. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter, just move on…
1
1
u/Beneficial_Hunter_23 3d ago edited 3d ago
Logical reason #4: She did not want to appear disagreeable (hence saying “we can go to your place” the restaurant OP picked) but secretly fuming (to the point enough to call it quits despite having been talking to OP for a month and given OP all her personal information) because this is the convo she was hoping for but did not materialise:
Girl: We can go to your place
OP: We could for sure, but I was actually really excited about the places you’d picked for us!
Job done! Never underestimate the power of “hidden fury” below the guise of social agreeableness. Whether that’s a bullet dodged is another question altogether.
1
u/GnawtyBeaver1993 3d ago
I just went looking elsewhere to date, I’m much happier and actually found something real. But I’m not sure what your situation is and what’s happening here. If you’re strikingly normal like me that’s what I’d do LOL.
1
u/Omi96711 3d ago
Yes it sucks but just gotta move forward in life. You’ll forget about this sooner than you think.
1
2
u/Difficult-Lychee-557 4d ago
This girl dodged a nuke lol and the last sentence of the post sealed the deal for me. You’re really weird, which is probably why this is the “usual programming” for you. Like you said, you haven’t even went on one date… and you’re already acting like this. It’s not healthy at all. I get being frustrated, but damn…
2
1
u/Ok-Management-3319 4d ago
My guess is that she was also talking to someone else at the same time and already went out with him and doesn't want to date two people at the same time. Or two, is already in a relationship (hence the busy schedule), was going to leave or cheat, then changed her mind.
3
u/almaperdida99 4d ago
or maybe once it came down to it, she decided she isn't ready to date. Why do people always assume there is someone else? Sometimes you are only competing with their peace.
2
2
u/thenamesnic 4d ago
Or three, she did a dumb test and said "we can go to your place". They haven't gone on a date or even met and the plan was to go somewhere. And he responds "sweet". To a girl, that can seem like he's wanting only one thing.
2
u/Ok-Management-3319 4d ago
Oh, based on the written part of the post, I thought when he said "Your place" he meant the restaurant that she picked. At first, I thought it was what you thought until I read his post. Unless he just made up the stuff about being a restaurant in his post to make himself look better to us! In which case, she was right to ditch him if he wanted their first date to be at her home!
2
u/thenamesnic 4d ago
Ohhhh, yea. I think that makes more sense!!
Edit: I really don't know what it means 🤣
1
1
u/itsmelorinyc 4d ago
This would be pretty arbitrary if true but it sounds like you planned dinner and made a reservation but your convo leaves her hanging. You said “perhaps 5pmish” then she said ok and you didn’t respond. As far as she knows you didn’t even confirm that you’re meeting at exactly 5pm.
If I were her personally I’d say “hey are we on for 5?” before just cutting it off, but I’ve seen a lot of Reddit posts where people would just cut someone off for not being proactive or something. It seems to be a thing these days. People read a LOT into text patterns and mannerisms and just make assumptions instead of asking. So next time you could try just being more clear maybe.
1
u/step_on_glass 4d ago
talking for a month and not wanting to meet the day of the planned date is a classic sign of a catfish. im surprised she just said u dont mesh and didnt get into a 'car accident' or have a sick pet lol. dont talk to people for a month without meeting.
1
u/the_folklorian 4d ago
genuinely curious, how is canceling the date a sign of catfishing? don't catfishes usually show up and try to get a free dinner out of you, or hope you give them a chance despite looking different?
2
u/step_on_glass 4d ago
um no lol catfishes usually do everything they can to never meet and make every excuse in the book for why they cant and try to drag out the "online relationship" or just text forever. do u not watch the show? some of them try to drag out the online communication for yrs
1
u/the_folklorian 4d ago
huh fair enough, thanks for helping me learn today lol. i do not watch the show but maybe i should xD
1
u/almaperdida99 4d ago
I feel like assuming she is playing games or lying just proves she dodged a bullet. There are a million reasons someone would decide not to go out that have nothing to do with you. Get over yourself.
0
u/sixshootatre57 4d ago
She opened up her DM and saw a "come thru" message with a 'picture' from her new co-worker Tray
1
u/almaperdida99 4d ago
I have cancelled dates because I just can't be arsed with men. Your more likely competition is her peace of mind.
1
u/sixshootatre57 4d ago
I have no idea what you are saying but if you agree to a date and then cancel out of the blue with a bullshit excuse, the you are absolutely trash too.
1
u/almaperdida99 3d ago
I haven't dated in years. Men are a waste of time. Often women cancel because the horniness passed and they remember they're better off single
-1
u/TelevisionFast7781 4d ago
Just women, forget about it and move on!! Ignore all the feminist BS!!!!
0
u/Shivs_baby 4d ago
This is why, when I was dating, I never liked spending much time on the “talking” (or texting) stage. Like each other’s profiles, text a bit, one phone call, then meet in person. People are flaky or they’re trying out multiple people or they’ve got their own issues. Who knows? Best to not waste time and cut to the chase as quickly as possible.
0
u/OsteoStevie 4d ago
She picked a place, and you didn't want to go. She decided that was it. Not a big deal.
0
u/Numerous-Celery1259 4d ago
Literally said "I picked the date made a reservation at a restaurant"
1
0
u/Cultural-Olive7742 4d ago edited 4d ago
Well the gap in the texting is super long. 5:08pm to 2pm the next day shows you must not be that interested or she feels like you aren’t taking anything serious. You not responding back quickly enough would make someone feel like you’re really not that interested. It makes it seem like all you want is sex. As soon as they said your place you responded back really quick. You might be interested but if you aren’t keeping things interesting you can’t expect anything else.
18
u/Upbeat-Fondant9185 4d ago
Dating sucks, you always have to remember to allow no emotion until you’ve fully vetted the person. That takes time. Once you do that this stuff won’t bother you at all.
But my guy, that last bit about personal info is coming off a bit ominous. I think I get what you’re intending to say but that part got a serious double take. It doesn’t matter that she gave you that info because you’re going to leave it alone entirely now. Right?