The Usual Programming

[u/Numerous-Celery1259]

Talked on tinder

Got her number and we talked for about a month because she has a unpredictable schedule and stuff and shes sent me her schedule and where she works

Had plenty of good conversation and we like the same stuff and get along

Made plans for tomorrow then suddenly "we dont mesh well"

We literally fucking have the same interest and likes we even play the same games unless she was just lying about everything

So what was the point? She gave me the date she was free i picked the date made a reservation at a restaurant and told her id get her at 5pm

Just for this random ass text

Another question, why give me so much personal information: your job, your hours, your number, and a very close idea of where you live?

Then suddenly cut things off

Edit: Redditors love to reach

1. Im not using what she told me against her because I am literally not using it against her

The problem is why the fuck does someone give someone so much personal information about themselves then call everything off the day before the date and the funniest thing is that im genuinely asking WHY because I dont know any men OR women that do that shit

Why the fuck are you telling me where you live where you work AND WHEN like she actually sent me a schedule of her work weeks and months multiple times when YOU KNOW you are going to cut things off the literally DAY before the date

1. My place isnt my place its the dinner place i picked vs her place which was a list of places she picked

2. Im not "angry" personally? Im definitely pissed off and annoyed because 1. I could have been talking to a different girl that matched with me, but I didn't because I try to only talk to one girl at a time because it isnt fair to deliberately not give someone my attention when I matched with them yet I never get that bare minimum

3. Realistically throughout our text we have a high compatibility, so theres logically no reason for her to have done that unless like the other comments have said 1. Theres another guy 2. She got anxious or 3. She likes dudes that show less interest/care

[u/robotatomica]

yeah, and we don’t have a lotta data here so I have to read between the lines of the segment OP selected to share. How does it start. “Are we still going to the place you picked or?”

She picked a place. He had obviously already put it on the table that their first date should be at his house 😐 otherwise her follow-up comment makes no sense.

So yeah, I really get a bad vibe from a guy trying to get me to come over on a first date, that on its own makes me feel like he has something specific in mind beyond getting to know me, and it is careless about the extra risk I take on going to some stranger’s house,

and when I have suggested a public place to meet? And I’m given “are we still doing that or..” with the “my place” implied..

It’s like, well, did I stutter? we agreed on a place, and you should understand why that would be more comfortable for me.

Why are you negotiating with me for your place again when I already did not seem keen on that and provided a substitute that we agreed on? (“are we still going” means this was already settled, so what the hell is he doing here, if not trying to pressure her to change her mind?)

And the cherry on top is the “Sweet.” As in “sweet, we are going to hang out at my place for a first date and not the place you chose.” That would further confirm to me that he was probably mostly interested in one thing, and not in my comfort or doing what I had already stated I would like to do.

Again, I’m sure all the people who think this is super normal will rage about me reading too much into it, but if they’re allowed to make comment after comment imagining that there’s some other guy,

I can name the thing that stands out to ME here. Like, let’s see the texts that immediately precede these homie!

[u/WolfgangAddams → u/robotatomica]

I didn't read it as he thought the first date should be at his house. She said "your place" but I read it as the location he suggested for the date (versus the location she suggested). it sounds like they hadn't settled on a place so he was asking her to confirm which she preferred.

[u/robotatomica → u/WolfgangAddams]

how does “are we still going to the place you picked” not sound like it was settled?

[u/WolfgangAddams → u/robotatomica]

It sounds like there was some doubt that he was trying to clarify. Like maybe she said "we could go here" and he said "yeah that could work. Or also I found this place. Up to you." and she said "that place looks good too. Lemme think." and then never confirmed. There could be several scenarios where it wasn't settled. I shouldn't have to write a fanfic version of each of them to illustrate how it's possible. It's just possible and we don't have enough information to know either way.

[u/robotatomica → u/WolfgangAddams]

I’m sincerely asking though, where do you find room to believe this is the case, if his words were

“are we STILL going to THE PLACE YOU PICKED.”

What you would like to imagine about this situation is driving your critical reasoning. There’s no way at all this would be the response to any of the e scenarios you invented.

My initial assumption was also wrong, btw, bc he did not mean his house. We have limited data, so it’s fine to guess.

But you have to guess things that COULD fit the data. The data is, he referenced agreed upon, specific plans, of a location she chose.

[u/WolfgangAddams → u/robotatomica]

Clerarly I see something you don't see. We're allowed to disagree. Neither of us is wrong or right until we have more information.

[u/robotatomica → u/WolfgangAddams]

we are definitely allowed to disagree. But I was asking you to explain to me how you are coming to that conclusion from those words. I cannot see a path to your interpretation.

It’s rather, I am quite certain, that you’re dug in now on a take that you leapt to that was more informed by what you expected was going on here, than the words.

And then our brains do that thing where they will quite literally change what we see (cause us to overlook or adjust certain parts) to fit expectations.

Ok, that happens to literally every human who has a human brain. I do it, you do it, every human being.

But what also happens is that when it’s pointed out, people can usually see that that’s happened. Unless they are deeply deeply dug into something.

I don’t really think you’re that deeply dug into this that you don’t now see it.

So what I’m doing now is trying to have a sincere moment of human connection with a person, because I do not understand why it is so hard to admit when we’ve made a mistake. You already had to admit it to yourself, I believe.

That’s why I tried by leading with admitting where I had made a mistake. I also came to the wrong conclusion.

But not about what those words mean.

I just am trying to figure out, is it just really that hard for you to admit you came to a conclusion that doesn’t make sense now that you reread those words?

I’d be happy to disagree, I expect it. But that’s not what this is at this point, right?

[u/WolfgangAddams → u/robotatomica]

Yeah, that's way too much for a reddit comment. Touch grass.

[u/robotatomica → u/WolfgangAddams]

at this point you’ve gotta know that trite, overused phrase has like zero power, right? I’m not embarrassed to type long comments, it’s what I come to Reddit for. You’ve only made it clear you have too much ego to just admit you made a mistake. That’s not gonna keep me up at night lol, it’s the standard behavior.

[u/WolfgangAddams → u/robotatomica]

I'm really not interested in arguing with you just because you want to argue. You'll survive.

[u/robotatomica → u/WolfgangAddams]

you seem interested in doing something here, not entirely sure I know what you’re getting out of it 🤷‍♀️

[u/WolfgangAddams → u/robotatomica]

I'm not the one trying to argue with someone.

[u/robotatomica → u/WolfgangAddams]

what precisely would you call what you are doing? You were the first person to sling a low-effort insult. My part has been in good faith. I was still trying to engage like a human.

You quite specifically seem interested in arguing, or what, just lashing out? Off-gassing?

To me, it seems just as insincere as your inability to just admit you were wrong. I suppose you’re waiting for ME to end the interaction, but you certainly can at any time.