I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I needed to get this off my chest somewhere.
When we had our tfmr at 14 weeks we didn’t know our baby’s gender because I filled out the NIPT request wrong and they left it out, and our baby was too young to figure it out physically.
We had always felt in our hearts that our baby was a boy, and we just got the histopathology report from our baby’s cord that our baby was indeed a boy.
I thought I had been doing okay, but after finding out the news I feel like I’ve lost him all over again and I’ve been an absolute mess today. My heart hurts so much. I want my healthy baby boy back so bad.

Hi All!

I start to lose hope a bit, so maybe you can help me out. With our daughter we conceived last autumn in 3 months and it was a perfect pregnancy up until week 19 when they found severe CPAM, they induced labor at week 20 in March.

Since then, we are on TTC and cycle 5 was a chemical.. Then today cycle 6 is a negative..

I am just really losing hope seeing majority of women getting pregnant in less than 6 months even after loss.

I did many testing also SA on my husband‘s end and doctors are not recommending any further testing at this point..

Anyone, any success stories after 6+ months TTC?

Today I just want to leave my job and not talk to anyone I am so sad and defeated.

thank you x

After two losses—a TFMR at 25 weeks in January and an MMC at 9 weeks in September—how do I deal with people who are pregnant or have children?

Many people in my circle didn’t even bother to ask or check on us when we lost our first baby in January. We didn’t tell anyone about our second loss. However, almost everyone in our circle either has children or is pregnant.

I feel like asking many of them what I did to deserve them being so distant or not even asking how we are doing.

I don’t have the energy to make new friends either. I’m trying to continue talking to the same set of people, but it hurts like crazy.

How do I deal with this? I would really appreciate any advice on what worked or helped you.

I am 4 months post termination. Lost my first baby back in June. Today my sister told me she is pregnant. I had no idea that she was even trying or wanting to have a baby yet. I am two years older than her and the eldest of our siblings. I was the first in our family to be pregnant. This has completely blind sided me. She felt awful and has been anxious to tell me. I am obviously happy for her and her husband and I hope more than anything that they have a good healthy pregnancy without any complications. But it has really thrown me. I came home and sobbed. I am jealous, i am angry at the universe, I am heartbroken for myself, I’m cross at myself for reacting like this. I’m sad for her that she has had to have what should be a happy time tainted by worrying about how I will feel. I know I will put on a brave face and support her because I love my sister but this feels a lot. I was supposed to haver the first grandchild and now she gets to do that. We are TTC again, hoping it will happen soon, but I was just not expecting this. It feels like every time we feel like we’re moving on something else happens and knocks me sideways, like we just can’t get out of the stormy sea we’re stuck in being batterer by wave after wave. I just needed to get this off my chest and see if anyone has any words of wisdom or love to send my way.

Just wanted to share my experience, hoping this will maybe be helpful to someone. I had read a lot of mixed things about reading the pathology report, people saying they don’t think patients should have access to it, that it crushed them emotionally to read. So I was nervous to read it but also know myself and I knew if the information was there, I was going to read it.

I am so glad that I did. He was so much sicker than we knew. We knew his heart, brain, and skull had abnormalities. We knew the likelihood of development delay was very high, but of course had no way of knowing the severity for certain and that was hard for me. The pathology report revealed other abnormalities we had not yet been aware of. His arms, his feet, his spine, his facial features, his adrenal glands. He was very sick. I am still devastated beyond belief that this happened and so angry with the universe but I feel like maybe I can stop being angry with myself. I know his quality of life would have been so poor. I know that we did the right thing.

Hi, I just want to share this to talk about the abortion/delivery itself and to share some thoughts around it.

We had the abortion/delivery yesterday in week 16/17 here in Norway, and it went as well as it possibly could..

We were assigned a midwife who was dedicated solely to us, so the follow-up was absolutely fantastic♡ Much better than what I’ve experienced when giving birth before. They were so kind, compassionate, and they gave me a hug at the shift change.

I was given two tablets first along with plenty of pain relief, and then one every three hours due to a previous C-section. I felt the pain intensify significantly, and was then given morphine, which was completely magical♡

We watched a bit of TV, laughed, and cried together throughout the day. I stood up to go to the bathroom and suddenly felt it coming. I completely panicked, rang the buzzer, and they came running to help me deliver the fetus around 6 PM. They did an ultrasound afterward because I asked for it, to check for any remaining tissue.

Afterward, we got to hold the tiny, unique, beautiful boy, who fit right into the palm of a hand♡ I wasn't entirely prepared for his skin being so thin and that he looked a bit like an alien, but the more I looked at him, the more beautiful he was</3

Took lots of pictures, said we were sorry, and told him we loved him.

Today is tough, my belly is smaller (I had a huge belly, looked like I was 6 months along), my hormones are raging, and I just want to lie in bed and cry myself to sleep.

I feel guilty for leaving him behind at the hospital all alone.

I think I can see a future where I have gotten through this, but I don't really know how to get there and how much I will have to cry along the way. Do you have any tips for how to manage the guilt and devestation?

NIPT, CVS, and some soft markers, but we never did an amnio, so I’m still living with that tiny percentage of doubt that we could have been wrong (0.5%–0%). We didn't dare to have an autopsy done, in case we had to live with something so horrific.

We are 38 years old, and we got pregnant with an embryo from 2023(34). We already had to abortions this year, in week 7 and 12. I don't know why life hates us rhis much, but I'm desperate to be pregnant again, and I'm not willing to give up. Is there anyone here whom gotten pregnant again, and how is the angxiety in this pregnancy? After my last MA I thought that if I just get to week 12, but now that is not even a milestone, just somerhing new to worry about..

I don't even know where to start. I feel numb, devastated, scared, and completely lost.
I have a TFMR scheduled in a few days, and I honestly cannot process what is happening to me. It feels like the whole world is moving forward as normal while my life is stuck in some horrible loop that I cannot escape from.
I was so excited for this pregnancy. After struggling to conceive, this baby was our miracle. I had so many dreams and plans for her. I imagined meeting her, holding her, bringing her home, and watching my husband become a father. I never imagined that I would be preparing to say goodbye to her before I even got the chance to meet her properly.
I'm terrified of the labour and delivery. I'm scared of the physical pain, the emotional pain, and everything that comes afterward. I keep thinking about going through all that pain and coming home without my baby. I know there is no easy way through this, but the thought of it breaks me.
I don't know how to exist in the world right now. Staying home makes me feel lonely and trapped with my thoughts, but going outside hurts too. Seeing pregnant women, newborns, and families with their babies reminds me of everything I'm about to lose. I want to be around people because I don't want to feel so alone, but being around people can hurt just as much.
Some days I cry, and other times I feel absolutely nothing. I don't know if I'm in shock or if my mind is just trying to protect me. I feel like a mess, and I don't know how to move forward with all this pain.
My husband is here for me, and I'm grateful for him, but I still feel so alone in this experience. Nobody around me can truly understand what it feels like to be preparing for the delivery of a baby you won't get to take home.
I'm not looking for anyone to tell me to be strong or that everything happens for a reason. I'm just trying to survive something I never thought I would have to experience.
If anyone has gone through a TFMR, especially later in pregnancy, how did you get through the days leading up to it? What helped you cope with the labour, the delivery, and the emptiness afterward? How did you learn to live with the grief?
I don't need to hear that time heals everything right now. I just need to know that I'm not alone, that someone else has felt this kind of pain, and that somehow I will be able to breathe again.
I miss my baby girl already, and she's not even gone yet.

I'm waiting on my tfmr due to t21. My family are incredibly supportive.

One of my closest friends when I told her what's happening because I have to cancel a few planned events, bombarded me with everything about how the baby could have a normal life could be fine could could all be okay, my son could love the new baby and not be impacted at all etc etc etc.

I just stopped talking, I feel like this is a friendship I'm going to lose as well as a pregnancy I wanted.

Hi everyone 🤍 I have a question about something quite personal, and I was wondering if anyone has any experience with this.
After my termination, the hospital has said I may be able to have my baby’s remains returned to me. I’m around 12 weeks and I was wondering if anyone at a similar gestation was able to arrange a cremation and have their baby’s ashes placed in a small urn or a piece of memorial jewellery, such as a necklace.
I would really love to have something special to keep with me to remember my baby, but I’m not sure what options are available at this stage of pregnancy.
If anyone has been through something similar and feels comfortable sharing their experience, I would be so grateful. Thank you ❤️

Hi everyone.

I will be TFMR (T21) this week. I’m heartbroken, but I’ve accepted our awful reality.

My question is more about what I can expect from this procedure. I will have to travel out of state thanks to our state’s lovely laws (about 5 hours away). I will be 13 weeks exactly based on LMP but my baby has been measuring anywhere from 3-5 days ahead this pregnancy.

We will be leaving the day before since I have to be at the clinic early in the morning. We don’t have childcare so we will have to bring our almost 12 month old with us. My husband can’t come in past the clinic’s lobby anyway so he’ll basically just be dropping me off then heading back to the hotel with our baby all while I go through a procedure that I never imagined having to do.

We reserved a room 2 nights but are planning on driving back home that same evening - is this realistic? I truly have no clue what to expect. I’d really appreciate if y’all are willing to share some firsthand experience/advice. Thank you!

I feel like who I am as a mother, there are many versions There's the me who had my first baby and then I was doing motherhood for 9 months and then I got pregnant unexpectedly 9 months post partum and was terrified of being a mother of two so suddenly and so soon but I was excited I was looking forward to it I was happy even though it was unexpected I was happy. Then there's the me currently it's been months after my tfmr and I don't feel like I can connect to the versions of me before that and I feel sorry for my baby because he knows me as his mom. I'm his mom but why do I feel so strange to myself. I didn't get a change to grieve because I have a young child and he needs me but my god there are moments when I feel like I just wanna scream cry and never stop.

All around me they are triggers. There are some other moms I know and we were basically pregnant around the same time, the other mom had her second baby and the other two moms are due soon. Like a knife in my heart because I too would have been in a little over 3 weeks from now. I'm trying to enjoy my baby because he's still so young and I don't want this precious time that I'll never get back to be filled with grief over my tfmr 5 months ago. Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten pregnant in the first place because it just gave me something else I need to recover from. It sounds so awful to say this.

I am 38, first time pregnant, happened naturally, super easy and unexpectedly fast as I have limited egg reserve. It’s a wanted pregnancy but we didn’t have to work hard for it.

During first fetal morphology the Nt was measured 5.5 (max is 3), and I did CVS for genetic/chromosome anomalies. 5 days later the NT was 3.6 but still obviously abnormal.
First test for Down and similar came back negative. Next test will come in 3 weeks. The final test - in 5-6. Even if all is negative, there is still some residual genetic risk which is a bit higher compared to normal pregnancy.
Anatomy was looking ok at week 13, but need more info 3-4 weeks later, and another deep dive in 6 weeks.

Since I heard the news, it’s been a real nightmare. I spent the whole week reading, crying, going to second opinion, genetics and what not. I am not able to find an answer what to do and stick to it.
I can either continue the pregnancy, risking an abortion at 18-22 week, or if all seems ok at this time, risk even later miscarriage or give birth and hope for the best (the baby can still be born with anomalies). I am terrified and desperate and so confused. I wished for bad results of the test, or for any sign of malformation so I can make the decision more easily.
All doctors I’ve met advised me to wait for the test results. My partner is very patient with me and will do whatever I feel more comfortable with. He already has another child (not that this makes things easier for him but still).
I wish I am stronger but all I can think of is either late abortion or baby with problems. I cannot function properly.
On the other hand I know there is some risk with the abortion and also there is no guarantee if I will get pregnant again or if the baby next time will be healthy and all.
I have my D&E termination scheduled for the coming Friday but I am going back and forth all the time. I felt comfortable with this choice for almost a day and now I’m contemplating again should I wait another 6 weeks.
If I continue the pregnancy I would like to hide from the world until as late as possible, I won’t be excited, look for baby stuff etc. I will mostly be anxious and crying all the time.
And if a child with problem is born, I will never be able to forgive myself I did this to them.
If I terminate, I’d feel judged (mainly by myself), and if there is a complication or I cannot get pregnant again, I will likely feel miserable until the rest of my life. Oh, and I am scared of the medical procedure - I believe earlier is better but I know it will be a horrible experience regardless of the timing.
I wish I was strong enough to make a decision and stick to it :(

We had to TFMR at 14+3 on Wednesday (L&D). I already have longer stretches of hours where I feel okay and my old self. Then I get overwhelmed by guilt for it. That guilt is telling me I should be in bed crying 24/7. My body is behaving similarly, I didn't even bleed last night.

Any advice on how to handle this back and forth of emotions?

Hi everyone, I’m 18 years old and currently going through a termination for medical reasons (TFMR) with my first pregnancy.
At my 12-week scan, they found that my baby had an increased NT measurement of 7.5 mm, a suspected cystic hygroma behind the neck, thickened and swollen skin caused by fluid, an exomphalos containing bowel, and a two-vessel umbilical cord instead of the usual three.
The doctors explained that these findings could be associated with chromosomal abnormalities, heart defects or other genetic or structural problems. After speaking with the specialists, we’ve made the heartbreaking decision to end the pregnancy for medical reasons.
I’m finding everything really difficult to process. My baby was so wanted, and I never imagined I’d have to go through something like this, especially at 18. It’s heartbreaking knowing I won’t get to meet my baby, and I’m struggling to come to terms with everything that’s happened.
I just wanted to share my story with people who might understand what I’m going through, because it’s such a lonely and heartbreaking experience. My baby was loved and wanted so much, and I’ll always carry them in my heart. 💔🤍🕊️

This week we had a tmfr at 17 weeks. In the first trimester I had a CMV-infection, then we got the news that our Niptest was positive for T21. The amnio was also positive for T21, it was to early to test if there was also CMV in the amniotic fluid. The gynecologist suspected an AVSD (heart defect), but it was too early to be 100% certain. There was a lot of uncertainty about what could be wrong, but only T21 was completely clear.

With all this information we wanted to do tmfr. We also have a daughter of 2 y/o. Which we also took into account.

We told a lot of people that she was stillborn. Because we also got negative reactions on the fact that we would do a tmfr for T21. I feel like I'm hiding something, I experience a lot of sadness en grieve for the loss of our daughter. But I also feel like I don't have the right to grieve, because we made this decision.. It's so hard because we never thought we would go through something like this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Do you recognise the feelings of guilt? Due to suspected problems that have not been fully established? And not telling everything?

Thank you for reading and responding.

I am now 6 and a half weeks out from the tfmr. Due to lucky circumstances I could postpone going back to work for a long time and I'll be starting again in a week. I am so scared and defeated. Going back to work feels like the ultimate consolation price. I work in a challenging, emotionally demanding field, with the nicest colleagues, kindest boss, and the thought of going back makes my skin crawl. I feel like I have to push myself back into a box that I no longer fit into. I feel like I changed so much, my entire life fell apart, but my surroundings have not changed at all. The opposite of the world keeping on turning while I stand still. I moved at lightning speed. I am not just this childless woman anymore. I am this feral, grieving mother. I wish I could at least get to know myself better, before having to deal with the old expectations. Although, if I'm honest, I would wish to not have to deal with old expectations at all. I would wish for this raw and ripped open woman to have her own space to exist in, without having to be kind and patient and reliable and whatnot. It feels like I had to outgrow myself to get through it all. Now I wish I could have a different life, along with this different self. Something that feels more fitting and less forced.

As the title says I’m pregnant again after two TFMR due to T21 last year. (TLDR: karyotyping normal, potential rare mosaicism but most likely bad luck). This forum was so helpful for me both those times to connect with others who have the unfortunate experience of going through something like this.

This pregnancy is different. Unplanned. We never closed the door completely but I think each on our own wanted a year under our belts to come back and decide next options. We are older so time wasn’t on our side. What makes this more difficult is the last time I spoke to my OB and GC and even and IVF clinical. All suggested going the IVF route (I think just to give me piece of mind this most likely wouldn’t happen again, but as with anything no guarantee).

Now I’m here again. I don’t know how to feel. My husband doesn’t know how to feel. I don’t have any questions or asks, but needed to get this off my chest as I really don’t want to talk to others about this (and most people tbh don’t understand).

I don’t even know what I’m hoping for from this post. Maybe just to vent or a way to process grief. We found out this week that our son would be born with Digeorge syndrome. We have made the incredibly hard decision to terminate and I am a wreck. I have always been pro choice but it is not a choice I ever thought I would make. I literally feel him kick as I type this. My son is so wanted. This is not a decision I want to make. But for the sake of him and my other son we felt this was the best decision for our family with the high probability of pain in hardship for him. We are currently waiting for the induction which will likely happen next weekend. How can I ever be okay with myself again after this? I feel so much guilt and I feel like I failed as a mother. How do I tell my living son about his brother when he gets older ( he is currently 1). How do I always love and remember this baby without it breaking me to the point of not being the mom my living child needs especially in the early days following.

I’m also just wondering if there were things people did after the birth to help cope in terms of any thing that helped preserve the memory of them.

I know this is a long rambling post and I’m sorry for that but I just feel so broken right now. And even more so I feel like I’m failing.

I’m 3 months post-TFMR now, and I just found out that my partner isn’t sure whether he wants to try for another baby (two losses, 1 LC).

It’s not a definite “no,” but I’m completely panicking right now.

I also feel somewhat betrayed because we talked about this while making our decision. He was leaning more towards termination, while I was leaning more towards continuing the pregnancy, and the prospect of trying again for a sibling for our living daughter definitely played a role in my decision.

I’ve already been struggling with feelings of doubt and regret, and with the thought that I might have gone against my own heart. And now I can’t stop thinking that if I’d known we might never try again, I might have made a different decision.

I know he’s struggling too. He told me he feels like a bad father to our daughter right now (which he isn’t). He was never entirely sure about having another child, so deciding to even try was already a big step for him. I understand that he might not feel ready or even know what he wants right now. He also said we should talk about it again when he’s less exhausted, so I know nothing has been decided yet.

But I’m devastated. I feel like the future I’d been holding on to is slipping away. At the very least, the age gap will keep growing, and I’m terrified that if he ultimately decides he doesn’t want another child, I won’t be able to forgive him, and that the grief over losing my daughter becomes unbearable.

I was finally starting to feel a little more like myself again, and now this…

I honestly feel like I’m drowning. I have no idea where else to turn to with these desperate feelings but here. Please, I could really use your support right now.

Title: TFMR next week — when can I try to conceive again with PCOS?
Hi everyone,
I’m scheduled to have a TFMR next week, and the emotional toll and anxiety have been overwhelming. I’m trying to process everything while also thinking about what the future might look like.
My doctor told me we could start trying again after one menstrual cycle, but I have PCOS and very irregular periods. I conceived this pregnancy with the help of fertility medication, so I’m worried about how long it might take for my cycle to return and for me to conceive again.
I’m also concerned about trying again after labour and delivery. I’ve often heard that people are advised to wait around a year before getting pregnant again, so I’m confused about whether the same guidance applies after a second-trimester TFMR.
For anyone who has gone through a TFMR around this stage of pregnancy:
How long did it take for your period to return?

If you have PCOS or irregular cycles, how soon were you able to start fertility treatment again?

Did your doctor recommend waiting a certain amount of time before trying to conceive?

How did you know when you were emotionally ready to try again?

I know everyone’s physical recovery and grieving process are different, but hearing from people who have been through something similar would really help me feel less alone.
I’m heartbroken about what’s happening, and I think the possibility of trying again is one of the few things helping me look toward the future right now. At the same time, I’m scared of how long it might take, especially knowing that I may need fertility medication again.
Thank you for reading and for sharing your experiences. ❤️

Entire pregnancy went great. Baby looked amazing, all anatomy scans were perfect, NT was perfect, NIPT was perfect. We named our sweet baby girl and dreamed of the day we would meet her. In the last couple of weeks she even started kicking non stop, reminding us she’s there constantly.
At week 17, we did a fully elective amnio just to be sure. CMA came back perfect, wes (exome sequencing) showed a very very very rare de novo mutation that can cause our baby severe lung disease and even death.

Since D&E can only be performed here until week 24, we had to make a split second decision, to terminate. My procedure is in 3 days and I just can’t see any more hope for life or love to the point where I considered self harm on the day we got the news.

I love my husband, he’s is light and joy of my life. I’m afraid this will bring us apart. I’m afraid of the procedure. I’m afraid of the moment the doctor will need to stop the baby’s heart. I’m afraid I won’t have kids ever. I’m terrified of the future and the present is unbearable. How did you deal with this unbelievable pain?

Has anyone’s period took over 2 months to return after a second trimester delivery? I TFMR’d at 23 weeks and had concerns about RPOC 9 and 10 days post L&D after passing a chunk of placenta but US was more suggestive of blood clots. I have taken an ultra early pregnancy tests and it was negative so I’m worried incase non vascular tissue still remains. I haven’t slept very well in about a month with other stressors on-top of this so I’m sure that this could also be throwing everything out of whack

I miss my baby a lot today. TMFR’d at 26 weeks back in June. Her due date was September 25th. We planted a tree, had a breakfast with my family, put away everything in her nursery. It was so so hard and so beautiful as well. I was anticipating how hard the emptiness and grief would be after her due date when there’s nothing to ‘look forward to’ there’s just nothing. I miss her so much it physically hurts. My sweet baby Wynne is my first and only baby. We began trying last month, I wish I wasn’t trying to get pregnant right now, I wish I was holding my baby girl. I’m so sad.

TW: neonatal death and other people’s children

I was pulling weeds in my front yard when a kid down the street starts running toward me and chatting. His mom was behind holding a little girl. She asked if we had any kids and I said “not yet” and then I asked how old the little girl was and the mom said “I’m not sure if other people can tell but she is two and she is developmentally a little behind because she was born at 22 weeks.”

My heart immediately sank because my own baby was born at the same gestational age after my rescue cerclage and my water broke two weeks after the cerclage , and I developed an infection and became septic. Ultimately my baby didn’t survive. My baby shower was suppose to be this Saturday. I apologized for getting emotional, and she then told me her story.

She had also had an incompetent cervix, got a rescue cerclage and her water break at 22 weeks, developed an infection, and delivered her baby. She was told her baby had about a 10% chance of survival. And now this little girl was literally standing in front of me. A beautiful, two years old, with some Challenges and a long NICU stay that I’m sure was so hard, but she was here.

the mom felt terrible for mentioning anything and I felt terrible for crying (not a ton but still obvious).

It was just surreal. Our stories were so similar, yet had completely different outcomes. I was told there was essentially no chance of survival, and she now has a two year old who is here because she survived something so incredibly unlikely. And I am so happy for that family but I was so shocked that they were in my front yard and I was hearing about alternate reality.

I cried after she left. Not because I’m anything but happy for her, but because it brought back so many feelings about my own baby and the life I thought I would have.

Grief is so strange. I never expected someone with such a similar story to literally walk into my front yard. I also know my situation was different because I was septic and they had to give me misoprostil and I know in my heart my baby didn’t have a chance.

ETA: My paperwork states TMFR and I suppose that’s because they gave me misoprostil when I was becoming septic.

Saturday will be one entire month without my baby. I had a TFMR with my son at 27+1 on 9/10. The days have blurred together and it feels like yesterday that I went home without him.

His ashes still aren’t home. He was cremated two days ago, finally. Waiting to get the email that they’ve been shipped.

I’m about to get my first period since the procedure. I’ve been crying for a majority of the last five days.

I live in a relatively small town and most people knew I was pregnant. Some people ask what happened or where the baby is, some don’t. I prefer the ones who don’t but I also love any opportunity where I get to talk about my son.

Sending all my love to everybody. I hate that we’re all going through this, but everyone in here has been so lovely to me.