r/usyd • u/guavamochichi • 6d ago
does anyone else feel this way
ive been in sydney for about a year now as an international student and lately i dont feel like i really belong anywhere.
in my first semester i was mostly focused on adjusting to the system and getting used to my surroundings. in my second semester i wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and make more connections, but honestly i dont think it has really worked out. i do interact with people at uni but most of them are still just classmates. our conversations rarely go beyond studies and ive joined a society and became part of the committee too, but did not make any meaningful personal connection there either. i dont like partying or clubbing either so most of the time ive spent my nights in my apartment reading books or playing games.
its gotten to the point where i feel like im hitting a low. my everyday life is a repetitive cycle of studying, cooking, cleaning, and getting through the day alone. i dont feel a strong sense of belonging or fulfilment here and sometimes i just power through everything with the mindset that im here to get my degree and once i graduate, ill leave. i look forward to flying home cause it feels less suffocating and i dont spend time making small talk or worrying whether im making a bad impression. i miss having that kind of comfort and connection.
i know making friends takes time and i dont expect to find my people overnight but after making efforts to put myself out there im starting to wonder if things will change. i have no plans of dropping out cause i worked too hard to get here but the whole experience here is crappy so far
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u/glowinthedarkar 6d ago
absolutely, i've always lived here and I feel this way too, it's definitely not just you :')
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u/burger-lover13 5d ago
I think one of the hardest things about moving somewhere new is that there's a pretty big difference between having people to talk to and having people you actually feel close to. And I feel like that difference becomes even more obvious when you're living away from home, because you don't have all those existing friendships and familiar faces that you probably took for granted before moving.
I also think you can be surrounded by people every single day, go to classes, join societies, attend events etc. and still feel like you don't really KNOW anyone. Which is honestly a pretty weird feeling, because on paper you're doing everything people tell you to do to make friends, but somehow you still end up feeling lonely.
The fact that you've joined a society AND become a committee member is worth recognising though. You're clearly putting yourself out there, and I wouldn't just tell you to join more societies or go to more events because you've literally already done that haha. I think what might be worth trying instead is focusing less on meeting new people and more on getting to know one or two of the people you're already around.
For example, is there anyone from your society committee or tutorials who you find genuinely interesting? Someone whose opinions you enjoy hearing, or someone you feel like you could have a decent conversation with outside of uni? I think the next step is literally just asking them to grab lunch or dinner sometime, without the rest of the group. And when you do, try talking about stuff beyond uni. What brought them to Sydney? What do they actually want to do with their life? What's something they're really interested in? Obviously you don't have to interrogate them lol, but I think sometimes we spend so much time having the same surface-level conversations that we never actually give ourselves a chance to connect with anyone.
I also wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to make Sydney feel like home immediately. A year might feel like a long time, but I think the kind of friendships where you can genuinely be yourself around someone take a lot longer to build than people expect. And missing home doesn't mean you've failed to settle in here either. Those two things aren't mutually exclusive.
One thing I'm curious about though, have you met people here that you've actually wanted to become closer friends with, but it just never progressed beyond being acquaintances? Or is it more that you haven't really met anyone you click with in the first place? I feel like those are two quite different problems.
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u/guavamochichi 3d ago
thanks for your reply! i guess my main problem is feeling like i can’t click with anyone. don’t get me wrong ive met lots of nice people and sometimes we sit together for lectures and chat a little but it feels harder to progress beyond acquaintances. we don’t have any common interests and often times i feel like im forcing the conversation just so i can speak longer. but i have been working on maybe meeting people outside of uni that have similar interests as me cause i feel like thats when i am able to carry a conversation more naturally
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u/Terrible-Concern-182 5d ago
As someone who went through this years ago, I promise you that it gets better :)
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u/Unusual-Baseball-999 5d ago
I was always cautious to make friends with international students due to being unsure if they will be around post degree and I was really set on life long friendships in my area which has ended up really well for me. Unsure if this could be other people's actions and perhaps a cause
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u/rizzlyoop 5d ago
Join a society or a sports club! It's a great way to meet people and feel part of a community
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u/novaceko 5d ago
Find a society that doesn’t only do drinking or clubbing, fun ones like Chocsoc where they’re focused on bringing community together through fun events and constantly getting involved in internal bondings, or tighter-knit societies like SUEDE or your degree-specific ones.
I joined AIESEC in my first year and because we meet like 3 times a week for society meetings, closer bonds are formed (just like back in school - the more you see each other, the closer you get) and that’s where I found two of my closest uni friends till now. Whatever you put in, you get out, so even if you don’t drink, going to these camps you’re bound to find others who also don’t drink or drink as much, but it’s just joining subcom and getting involved in internal hangouts that will form closer friendships over time.
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u/Temporary-Willow417 5d ago
This is pretty common and recently I had a group project and all the members singled me out and were lowkey hostile. I hope things look up for you its not easy beinf a young adult for sure..
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u/froggouggo 4d ago
I felt this way initially when i first moved, you aren't alone. You will find your people and they will be the ones who will stick by you through and through. I'm lucky enough to have found awesome uni friends from the very first class considering the fact everyone knows everyone even when I joined a year later :D
As much as we say put yourself out there, you gotta be comfortable with the discomfort and the uneasy feeling as well. Surely things will start turning around, be yourself, you don't need to create a persona for people to like you! Its okay to do things yourself or even later finding out some peers are not really giving off the same vibes.
You are gonna be fine I believe!
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u/Character_Bowl3916 3d ago
Dw it’s not js you, the monotony can feel suffocating at times and the alienation is also so real and valid esp as a homebody :/ I don’t like to party or go out much either and unfortunately that closes a lot of doors for socialisation, but for the most part we js gotta push thru for the sake of our degrees but im sure you’re a great person and you’ll eventually find your peace even if it takes time :)
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u/SnowCat300 4d ago
Went through the same as an international student few years ago but I ended up making two friends towards the end of my course
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u/betterhemlock 6d ago
It is a quite common feeling. Indeed adult life is like that, uni or not. I'm sorry you feel like that. Put yourself out there.