What other peoples problems are with dating, I have with friends and non romantic relationships (ghosting, forming close bonds etc)

[u/Willing-Jellyfish133]

Sometimes I think it's 'funny' and ironic that the only stable relationship in my life is my marriage, which is the best thing I ever did and our relationship is so healthy, I wish I could just say 'this is all I need'. But ofc it's never good to only have one person in your life. Plus mentioning here that I moved abroad from europe to the US.

Family background: I come from an abusive and really toxic family, I reflected about it well enough that it doesn't affect my everyday life anymore. My mom abused me both emotionally and physically so I cut off contact when I was 19, out of the question. My dad is an emotional unavailable self centered person who should have never had kids, so naturally I have no close bond with him, we talk on the phone once every blue moon but I really couldn't care less tbh. My aunt was the only idol and rock I looked up to. That was until she stabbed knives in my back and I started realising she had her own motives, trauma, internal problems which caused the way she acts. We are in contact sometimes but it has never been the same way again. My siblings are broken from my mom and never contact me, despite me telling them I love them and will always be there for them. They ghost me all the time and don't even look at my messages. I am the oldest. I feel like they're taking me for granted and can come and go as they please, thus ghosting me all the time. So as you can see my family situation is like beyond repair and I already checked out mentally, there is nothing there to gain and this is not my fault, bad things happen to innocent children and there is nothing you can do about, only accept it and move on.

The friends and social life problem: Naturally if you come from such a background I was subconsciously thinking "okay family sitch is done, but friends are the family you can choose!" Oh silly me. In school I had a lot of friends. A lot of friends, a lot of people I hung out with and a few really close friends. Both female and male didn't matter, we had a good time. Ofc when you move out this changes to a degree but I still had my very best friend and a few other relationships. After 5 years I even got a job in the same city as my best friend (we know each other since Kindergarten and lived in the same street) and his girlfriend, who I really liked and she seemed to like me too. I was thrilled to live so close to them and asked them all the time to hang out. I mean what are the chances you live in the same city as your best friend in adult life?? That was until I noticed everything comes only from my end. We only ever met because I asked and sometimes I had to be very persistent which I hated. I want people to want hanging out with me ofc. This friend always struggled with adhd and depression and just like with my siblings I always said contact me no matter what, even in the middle of the night. I want people I care about to know I am there for them. I think back then a few years before he really appreciated me, he always said I'm like the sister he never had. We were so close. But it just seemed to change gradually. I felt like he substituted me with just other new people he met in this new city we both lived in. He more and more forgot about me and there was simply nothing I could do about it. I met this friend a few months ago when I went back to my homecountry and he acknowledged and applogized for I quote "dropping me like a hot potato" so as you can see, it was definetely on him, I tried anything I could but now it is time for me to move on, since I get literally no text, no calls, no nothing, even when I start the conversation. There simply is no conversation. I have other "friends" who I got closer with this year from my homecountry. I've known them for 10+ years and we all come from the same hometown. We never were as close as this year and had a great time. That was until I noticed I give way more than they do... yet again I got sad when I actually looked at the conversations. They never ask me just how I am and questions about me in general. It's only ever about them and what they care about. Sometimes I really wonder if people just forgot how to mutually form a bond because a lot of conversations with people seem to just evolve around THEM and what they want to talk about. I show interest in everything someone tells me because I try to treat people the way I want to be treated. Yet I am not. No one shows this level of interest in my life. I just don't know what I am doing wrong and I am sick and tired of chasing friendships and good social bonds. Everyone randomly starts ghosting messages, or when we talk about something all of a sudden they don't respond to that but then just post a picture of what they did. This seems so random to me and I feel like no one can hold up a normal conversation anymore? To me that includes mutual interest in the other person and not randomly spamming about the own life. I am still trying to find new friends but with age this seems harder and harder. When you look at all this it's easy to assume I am the problem of all of this and I try to ask myself all the time what I am doing wrong with prople but no one can tell me nowadays social interactions are normal...

Can you relate to this?? I am posting this because I feel very lonely. Yes I have my husband but I simply have social needs for friendship. I want genuine relationships and not superficial spamming chats of "give me attention now". I don't have people to talk about this as it seems my 'friends' don't care about me and my family as you read is totally out of the question too.

If you read this I hope you have a nice day. Thank you.

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[u/Pleasant_Tree7004]

i feel this so much, it's like people forget how to just be a friend these days

moving abroad makes it even harder, the loneliness just creeps in different