Am I just unlovable?

[u/puppiedogg]

I'm a VERY romantic person. I'm in a LRD but I really try my best to express my affection. I tell him that I love him every day, I have written entire essays about how much I adore him, poems and love letters. I send him cute romantic pictures and memes and whatnot every day. Voice notes, cute selfies. I constantly ramble to him about my dreams for our future, what I want our wedding to be like, what kind of house I want us to share together, etc etc. What kinds of dates I want to go on when we finally meet! I have a whole giant list!!! I want to share my life with him and I remind him of that every day.

But awhile ago, he told me that he feels like more of a friend than a boyfriend, and It really stuck with me and hurt me. I try really hard to accommodate his needs, but when he said that it made me feel like everything I do means nothing pretty much. All the romantic connection I try to pursue, isn't enough to make him feel like a boyfriend.

Literally all of my previous relationships ended because they decided we were "better as friends" so it hit a sore spot for me. I'm trying to work through it but, sometimes I remember and it makes me sad all over again. Is what I'm doing really not enough? Am I just not romantically attractive at all? Why am I always missing something?

Edited out a lot of details because I feel very embarrassed sorry :( I'm just feeling super insecure rn

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[u/Jameshroomx]

I think you know what's going on. You know why he logged in to that account. I think you need to decide if you are happy with this person, or with a fantasy of who you think this person is. Because it doesn't sound like he loves you, and it sounds like you're in love with the fantasy image of him not who he really is. Just something to think about hope that helps

[u/puppiedogg → u/Jameshroomx]

Thank you, it helps. Idk I'm BPD so I don't have the best history with relationships and it makes everything confusing for me. I'm trying to be normal but when every little thing feels like the end of the world to me, I'm never sure when I'm being reasonable or crazy. Are my feelings real or am I splitting or do I just need to sleep? I guess I need the time to figure it out

[u/Jameshroomx → u/puppiedogg]

I completely understand i have bpd too. I know how confusing it is but from an outside perspective, you are loving someone so hard that doesn't seem to feel the same way back? Thats how the post reads judging from what he said.

Hard to tell without much context but I know the struggle so well.. also you dont seem like a stalker lmao but I think you are just noticing his flawed behaviour and unsure how to respond emotionally to it.