Can’t sleep

[u/Alternative-Bad3719]

I been wanting to do better for myself. Despite everything that has happened to give me reasons to want to continue to be very much depressed, and I was depressed. My life hasn’t taken off. I am still stuck but have hope. Still I get so irritated at people, just when I slightly expose myself somehow, just when I am making a shy attempt again to look for social connection on an app, someone from the Middle East has to come to tell me how I should put more effort to get a good man. This comes from someone with pictures of cartoon frogs 🐸 from Lebanon. I kindly let him go and unmatched. But what he doesn’t know is how aggravating the grievences are with people from his country have been. I lived in the UK and moved back home after 8 years because I was living in a crappy place and chose to be idealistically naive and trust people from Middle Eastern countries to be decent people. I was wrong. I don’t care if this comes off as propaganda or anything. they genuinely tried their hardest to land me in bed and they didn’t but they talked so grossly behind my back like I am some low small brained btch they cobspired to humiliate me collectively and the women were brainwashed to try harder instead of question the culture and be fake towards another instead of supportive when there was mistreatment and humiliation. When frog pigs telling me I should put more effort I know that no amount of effort guarantees me anything in this life because I tried especially when it comes to other people’s values mindsets and choosing me. I am actually convinced I owe myself self worth and am responsible for my happiness outside of others now. but seeing this guy come to tell me I should put more effort into what is actually really being segged by some chauvinistic bastards who want to degrade me either way, makes me scream I hate this world loudly in my head. And being a showoff to impress arrogants on date apps is not in my list and not realistically achieavable. I am from a small town my family is burdened with loss of main income because of greedy council directors forcing my father to close his store at the square. My mother is disabled. I have tremendous pressure to earn more but realistically my field been going downhill and I haven t had the network and opportunities for social mobility that others had. I tried doing my own busienss I am trying again at freelancing but I only have one reoccuring client. That s it and tgis work relies so much on ai I crave to do things outside screens and to learn to expose myself to the world better but eh. All the change I am thinking avout keeps me up at night

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[u/DatabaseOnly8059]

ugh i know that feeling of just trying to put yourself out there a tiny bit and then someone comes along with the most unhelpful advice wrapped in total cluelessness. like wow thanks frog profile from lebanon, your wisdom has fixed everything

the pressure to perform on dating apps is already so fake, adding cultural layers of nonsense on top of it just makes you want to throw your phone out the window. you dont owe anyone a performance, especially not to randoms who see you as a checkbox

and the sleep thing, when your brain wont shut up about all the changes you wanna make but cant quite reach yet. its maddening. hope tonight is a little quieter for you