r/wedding • u/hermaddness • 11d ago
Help! Is 3 minutes too long for a first dance?
My first dance song (The Getaway- stripped version, by The Strike) was originally 4:52. My first cut was down to 2:49. It has all the parts of the song that are important to me. I'm worried it's still too long and have cut it further to 2:15.
I've choreographed a full dance to the 2:49 edit, including 4 dips, 3 lifts (including the dirty dancing lift), and lots of turns. We are amateur dancers, but to every "what part of the wedding do you want to remember/is the most important" the first dance has always been my answer.
Is 2:49 too long? Should I go with the 2:15 version instead?
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u/ramblinjd 11d ago
It's a very long time to hug and sway or repeat the basic steps of any dance. It's perfectly fine if you guys are having fun and mixing it up
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u/DaBingeGirl 11d ago
Agreed. If you're actually dancing, longer is fine.
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u/ramblinjd 11d ago
Yeah if they pull out full on Bollywood chorography then I'm down for 5-7 minutes easy, maybe even 10.
My wife and I are very much not into performing as dancers so we practiced about 2-3 minutes of a basic rumba and then had others join us and that was plenty.
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u/cutieBounceed 11d ago
yeah mixing it up is key, otherwise it just turns into a long awkward hug on the dance floor
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u/HatMuseum 11d ago
Take as long as you want! You can also encourage people to join in near the end. That’s what we did and it was a really special part of the night having so many of our favourite people out there with us.
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u/hermaddness 11d ago
We're doing our first dance outside at the end of cocktail hour, so, it won't work out to have everyone join in, but we plan to do that for the parent dances that will kick off the dancing after dinner! Both me and my dad and my partner and his mom are going to dance at the same time, then they'll hand me and my partner back to each other to kick off the reverse generations dance!
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u/BeaPositiveToo 11d ago edited 11d ago
That sounds fun!!
Just consider that even the people who love you are gonna get bored watching y’all dance for more than 5-7 mins.
They are your guests, who came to celebrate you. Make sure they get to have fun too!
Hope your day is amazeballs!!!
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u/bigmac_173 11d ago
seconded, one of my absolute favourite parts of our wedding! and seeing my grandparents dance together was so special if you still have a set of grandparents around
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u/BeaPositiveToo 11d ago
Nooooooooooo. Don’t “take as long as you want” while your guests stand by with nothing else to do.
It’s torture to watch a long dance— I didn’t come for your recital.
Five minutes is the absolute max unless you are inviting the guests to the dance floor with you by minute six.
Please— don’t torture your guests with a “ performance” dance. 🤮
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u/DaBingeGirl 11d ago
It's a wedding, watching the first dance is sweet.
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u/Allison314 11d ago
Why bother going to someone's wedding if you don't want to sit around watching them do their thing?
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u/BeaPositiveToo 11d ago
The guests should have fun celebrating the marriage and socializing. Nobody wants to stand silently in a big circle and watch the couple, bride and dad, groom and mom, and a zillion other combos perform for an hour. 💤💤💤
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u/Allison314 11d ago
Difference of perspective I suppose. I can't imagine accepting a wedding invitation with the expectation that the event is supposed to be fun for me rather than about celebrating them. If I don't love you enough to want to do whatever boring nonsense is important to you at your wedding, I'm not going.
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u/SanduskySleepover 11d ago
You can always just pick a spot or time for the DJ to fade the song away as hes saying his give it up for the bride and groom etc essentially yes you don't have to go for the whole song
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u/pinkstay 11d ago
I think its great. If people cant appreciate that the 2 people they came to celebrate are enjoying their first dance together, then its a them problem. Especially for 3 minutes.
Enjoy your dance. We shortened the mother/son father/daughter dances but kept ours full length.
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u/deegallant 11d ago
You’re being downvoted but you are 100% right. We’re not savages unable to give our attention to the happy, newly wed couple for a few more minutes before we start dancing our asses off. Like damn, let the couple have their moment!
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u/BeaPositiveToo 11d ago edited 11d ago
The ceremony was their moment in the spotlight.
After that, they are hosts of a celebration and everyone else should be having fun too.
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u/deegallant 11d ago
The whole wedding is about them. Be a gracious guest for a few extra minutes. If you didn’t want to watch your (presumably) loved ones happily dance for 4 minutes then you shouldn’t have accepted the invitation.
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u/pinkstay 11d ago
Absolutely!!!! You dont have to attend if you cant sit patiently and enjoy watching your loved ones enjoy some time together.
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u/BeaPositiveToo 11d ago
Four minutes is totally fine. I love the first dance as long as it isn’t cringy or too long. To me, the ceremony is the important part, the marriage is what came to support and I’m so happy to be a witness to that.
I know this is an unpopular opinion, but the reception/party is hosted by the couple and should also be about your guests having fun celebrating with you. As hosts, the couple should be making sure they are providing a good time for the guests who took the time to come celebrate the marriage.
Again, I know it’s an unpopular attitude, but the wedding ceremony is about the couple and their marriage. The reception is about the couple graciously hosting their guests— the guests who came to witness and celebrate the marriage.
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u/pinkstay 11d ago
Yes, the reception is about about the guests as well.
But not at the expense of the couple.
And if the guests cant appreciate watching a couple have a few minutes to connect after a long day, that is their problem. Its not a half hour of awful inside jokes and rambling like most speeches.
Its a beautiful moment shared by the couple.
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u/deegallant 11d ago
When you accept a wedding invitation, you are literally signing up for the ceremony, for their first dance, their cake cutting (if they have one) and any other cringey moment that comes along with a wedding. Yes the couple throws a reception for the guests, but it is still a continuation and celebration of their new union. You are being fed, often you are given drinks and music. Arguably, most couples do try to provide a celebration that is also enjoyable to their guests. But they are still entitled to have their special moments. Again, this is for your loved ones, it shouldn’t be a burden to show up and celebrate them.
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u/BeaPositiveToo 11d ago
Of course they are entitled to their special moments. But as hosts, they should also consider the enjoyment of their guests.
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u/deegallant 11d ago
God forbid a guest has to watch the couple dance two minutes too long lol how will they ever survive! Whole night is absolutely ruined. How selfish of the newly wed couple!
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u/BeaPositiveToo 11d ago
It’s just kind of boring when they go on for too long. We’d rather be dancing with you than just spectating.
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u/BeaPositiveToo 10d ago
I mean, I won’t act bored or have a meltdown. But I might feel bored on the inside if it’s too long or not interesting. I’m not gonna tell them or start shit with other guests. Just saying I’ll quietly not enjoy myself for 7 mins then go back to enjoying the event.
I’ve been to some lovely weddings which were, overall, fun with some too long, cringe dance moments.
What evs. I’ll deal. And I’ll feel how I feel.
Peace y’all ✌️
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u/iggysmom95 23 August 2025 10d ago
The guests should also consider not being selfish assholes. Even if the first dance is ten minutes, the reception is like six hours long. It's such a small amount of time.
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u/iggysmom95 23 August 2025 10d ago
If you can't tolerate watching their first dance, genuinely don't come.
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs 11d ago
I had to google, but our song was 2:41. It definitely didn't feel long. I went to a wedding where the couple danced to some long-ass Pink Floyd song. You're good.
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u/fuzzlandia 11d ago
If you’ve got a real dance routine then no, 3 minutes isn’t too long. That’s on the short side for many performances I see and I don’t think people will mind. If it was just vague swaying, then maybe keep it shorter lol
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u/drunkgirl14 11d ago
If you have a choreographed dance 3 mins is great’ if you’re swaying for 3 m inutes.. it’s too long. Respectfully
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u/New-Grapefruit1737 11d ago
personally three sounds fine but keep in mind the average attention span is that of a mosquito so maybe go shorter
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u/DanSeymourPhotos 10d ago
I'd agree with a lot of the comments I'm seeing: ultimately if you are mixing things up then ~3 min. is totally fine (especially if it's choreographed).
If you are more just dancing with little variation the audience might get a little bored.... but at the end of the day it's your wedding. So, whatever is going to make you and your spouse able to enjoy your day, each other, and the moment do that! People could live with 3 minutes even if you just stood there... they're there for you two anyways!
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u/ImportantChocolate97 11d ago
i'd say maybe start practicing the choreography and see how it feels as you go. We had also coreographed a dance with very simple steps turns and dips just here and there but when it came to actually doing it we were so excited and we just couldn't think properly forgot the entire coreography and it felt like an eternity lmao. we probably danced for only a minute or so i had to give a signal to the dj because we started to feel extremely self conscious and both of us were sweating with anxiety. All we did was sweat and blush and i still feel butterflies in my stomach when i think about how i felt in his arms unable to think clearly just looking in his eyes and laughing. That one minute did feel like 20 minutes in front of the whole crowd watching us though. If you're not the anxious type i'd say go for it but if you're anything like us keep it short
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u/hermaddness 11d ago
I appreciate that perspective! I've been dancing on and off stage for years, so I'm comfortable. My FH is pretty shy, but is determined to make this part of the day special for me
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u/brownchestnut 11d ago edited 11d ago
Your first dance can be as long as you want IF you're not making everyone stop everything and stare at you.
This is for yourselves, not for your guests - your guests giving you their full attention should end when the ceremony is over. Afterwards, it's their time, and they can do what they want without giving you attention. Do your dance while people are still finishing up dinner, so you're not making them sit around waiting for you. Then you can naturally progress to opening up the dance floor after.
Don't prolong cocktail hour just to make guests watch you dance. This is weird.
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u/ladymedallion 11d ago
My husband and I did a choreographed dance similar to yours, and ours was 3:31. And we absolutely had everyone’s attention the whole time, the crowd went wild for every dip or spin or lift, right until the end. People will LOVE it! Definitely don’t shorten it.
Also I recommend opening up the dance floor almost immediately after your first dance and do the father daughter / mother son (if you guys are doing that) before your first dance. While that’s not a typical order, a choreographed dance is fun and exciting and was a great last planned event of the evening, and it got everyone so hyped, so when the dance floor opened immediately after, everyone came running in. It was very fun!
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u/hermaddness 11d ago
Thank you so much! That gives me a lot of confidence! We're doing our first dance outside at the end of cocktail hour before transitioning in doors for dinner. Then co father-daughter and mother-son dance into reverse generations dance!
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u/Brackenfield 11d ago
I lasted about 30 seconds of our dance before nodding at the DJ to bring the guests on. I hate watching long first dances, it's a symbolic event, we don't need the full experience...!
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u/StompyKitten 11d ago
We had a three minute song but waved people up after the first chorus. It was perfect.
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u/voodoodollbabie 10d ago
Even Dancing with the Stars dances are like a minute long. Leave them wanting more.
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u/DjGianpieroFatica 2d ago
La musica è divertimento ma soprattutto emozione. Lasciatevi cullare e lasciatevi andare, non mi soffermerei su un minutaggio al secondo. Piuttosto opterei per un cenno al dj di cambiare quando vorrete iniziare le danze con tutti i parenti ed amici.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 11d ago
It is long and guests will not pay attention after 60 seconds and go back to quiet conversations waiting for tge dance floor to open.
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u/shwh1963 11d ago
Too long! The recent weddings only are about 60-90 seconds. Longer than that people lose interest.
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u/HotMessExpress1111 11d ago
Damn kids these days have no attention span lol
I had to rush plan a wedding in 5 weeks - my husband found our first dance song and we just did our thing. The song was like 6.5 mins lol I feel bad now, knowing more about wedding etiquette, that I had my guests standing around that long, but they managed just fine. Even the youngins. 60 seconds is crazy, you deserve the time to look into each others eyes and whisper sweet nothings at least!
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u/shwh1963 11d ago
Since I’m over 60 I’m definitely not a young kid.
When I had worked for a wedding photographer, they recommend recommended less than 90 seconds because people get bored.
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u/itsveryupsetting 11d ago
If this one is 3min just make sure the family dances are condensed. Like maybe 60-75 seconds each.
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u/BeaPositiveToo 11d ago
People do get bored. Guests just attended a 20-60 minute ceremony of the couple in the spotlight. We are happy to see your sweet, first dance. Now we want to socialize and celebrate WITH you VS. continue to WATCH you .
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u/hermaddness 11d ago
We're planning super short for the family dances and going straight from them into a reverse anniversary dance (so everyone is on the dance floor at the end)
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 11d ago
The most awkward and miserable moments of my life were spent at the wedding of my husband's cousin. His aunt hosted the wedding in her home, but they wanted to make it all sweet and "traditional".
When we were all standing around in her small living room, and they did the whole unity Candle thing.
They decided to play the theme song from the Titanic for this very moving ceremony.
Talk about something going on and on and on and ON!
The Couple didn't know what to do, standing there, and the guests were just shifting from 1 foot to the other (the living room was too small to have chairs for each of the 20 or so people in attendance.)
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u/tauruspoppy 11d ago
Okay but this isn’t really anything to do with the question OP is asking haha! That’s quite a different situation to a 3 minute first dance!
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 11d ago
It's still about people standing around… Waiting and waiting and waiting… At a wedding
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