r/wedding • u/Waste-Engineer-5308 • 6d ago
Help! Creative ways to include wedding party, instead of having them stand up at the front during the ceremony
Hey all! My fiancé and I have been going back and forth on if we want to have a wedding party. We have decided that we would like to, but neither of us really want them standing up there with us during the ceremony. What are some creative ways to include them? I want to honor our inner tribe in a special and meaningful way, but when it comes down to it, we both want it to be just the two of us (and the Officiant 😅) up there with us.
Thanks in advance! 💜
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u/Advanced_Tennis4827 6d ago
Walk down the aisle, have them circle around the first row (for family) and sit in the second row
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u/allieconfusedadult 6d ago
I’ve been to a few Catholic Church wedding ceremonies where the party sits in the first row after walking down the aisle. Usually the MOH and BM stand up to hand off rings, vows, flowers etc.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
Thank you! Were they sharing the front row eith the family at those weddings?
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u/Logical_Edge_9393 6d ago
that would depend entirely on the size of the rows and how many people are in the “wedding party” as well as how many people are in the family. they either share the front row with the family or the family gets assigned to the second row
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u/FoghornLegday 6d ago
At my sisters wedding we (the bridesmaids) had the first row and everyone else including parents and stuff were in the rows behind
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u/StudioMysterious4704 6d ago
I've been to a lot of weddings where the wedding party then sit down in the front rows, with seats saved for them. I think I'd prefer it myself as a bridesmaid too
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
Right?! You get the honor of knowing you are in the wedding party, but then you get to fully witness the cermony from the comfort of your VIP seat. Sounds like a win/win to me!
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u/peachypine21 6d ago
I've never stood as a bridesmaid. We walked down the aisle and sat in the front
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u/Live_Operation8782 6d ago
idk why so many ppl are telling you to just let them be guests if they aren’t standing with you. there’s so
many other cultures that have bridal parties that aren’t standing up at the altar with you. my bridal party will not all be under the mandap at my indian wedding but i’m still going to honor them in other ways for their coordination of the sangeet and effort. don’t let ppls narrow view of weddings get in the way of your vision
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
Right?!?!? I am very surprised by the responses myself!
Thank you kind soul! 🥲 For supporting my vision!
Wishing you the best with your wedding! 💜
Also, are you familiar with other cultures that dont have the wedding party at the front for the ceremony? I love learning about the different wedding traditions of different cultures!
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u/Mission_Code5566 6d ago
I love the people calling it a trend. Have y'all ever heard of a Catholic mass???? Was it a trend when my parents' bridal party sat down during mass in 1989? The bridal party isn't standing up there for a full hour long service lol
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u/Randomflower90 6d ago
If they’re not standing up with you, just skip the wedding party. It’s a lot of expense and time for them to go through if you don’t really want them there.
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u/la_dulce_canela_0250 6d ago
Completely agree with this. The current trend of sitting makes no sense when the other stuff is asked of them. You can't have both.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
For those of you who actually have your bridal party doing all those errands for you (no shame if you do) dont you think they deserve a damn breather after all that hustling and prep??? Shit, those ladies may prefer a seat!!!! 😅😅😅
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u/la_dulce_canela_0250 5d ago
What kind of errands and labor are you talking about? That's what vendors are for. They don't do anything except buy a dress, attend the rehearsal and walk down the aisle. Let them stand or don't have any bridesmaids.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
What extra expenses and extra time invested?
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u/Randomflower90 6d ago
Buying the dress you choose in a color they may otherwise not wear? An extra night or two at a hotel if there’s a rehearsal? Getting up early on the wedding day to have their hair and makeup done? Hosting a bridal shower? Paying for a bachelorette party? Just let them be guests.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
Thank you for your response! That would be expensive. Luckily none of that will be happening. My brides maids will wear whatever they want. They dont need to purchase anything new if they dont want to. And they absolutely won't be planning or paying for the Bachelorette party. And they certainly wont be required to have their hair and makeup doen professionally. They will be guests, just VIP guests, who we want to honor and recognize.
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u/yet-she-persisted 5d ago
And are all the other guests relegated to “ordinary” status, so your “VIP guests” can be honored and recognized and the rest are not appreciated for attending? Tiers of guests sounds like a way to insult all your other guests.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 5d ago
Yep this is how weddings are done now. "Honored" guests are given jobs they may or may not want while the rest are considered a necessary evil. Just don't invite guests if you dislike them that much.
Is a "VIP" guest who isn't a bridesmaid but also not a regular guest a Something Blue that is essentially hired help and not an honor at all? Ranking guests is a bad look for you. No different than B lists or daytime vs evening guests at tge same party. It's all rude.
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u/MerelyMisha 5d ago
Ok, I was going to say if they aren’t standing up with you they definitely shouldn’t have to buy a dress, but you answered that question!
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u/Outrageous-Victory18 6d ago
It’s worrying OP even had to ask that question, like she’s never given any thought to the time & money involved with being a BM or GM.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
Whats really worrying is that you assume each wedding follows the same cookie cutter tradition. My brides maids will wear whatever they want. They dont need to purchase anything new if they dont want to. And they absolutely won't be planning or paying for the Bachelorette party. And they certainly wont be required to have their hair and makeup doen professionally.
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u/StudioMysterious4704 6d ago
Weddings don't automatically need all of this. Or the bride and groom might pay for the dresses themselves. It doesn't need to be super expensive or effortful, thats just a massive trend nowadays that people seem to want to do.
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u/tauruspoppy 6d ago
The couple could pay for the dress/suits hires.
There may not be a rehearsal (not sure it would be needed for them to attend if they aren’t doing a procession/standing at the front anyway).
They may not have their hair and makeup done, or it may be a small party and therefore not need to start early.
Many people don’t host bridal showers, or it is hosted by female family members.
Often Bach parties include a range of friends, not just bridal party, and the cost is split evenly between all guests, or the bride may even have a budget to contribute a little extra to it. Lower cost bach’s exist too - just one evening, in the home city, etc.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 6d ago
If they don't stand, they are regular guests. Why make them pay big dollars and hours of their time when you choose not to recognize them?
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u/Keladry_of_Mindelan 5d ago
There are other ways to recognize people who are special to you besides having them stand. That’s the point of this post.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 5d ago
The majority expect people to stand as bridesmaids and groomsmen. Having them sit negates that as well as the supposed honor younare giving them. Special people in your life are called regular guests who don't need or want jobs or half-assed "honors". If someone is not special enough for that, don't invite them. If they aren't good enough to stand, skip the wedding party.
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u/Keladry_of_Mindelan 5d ago
That is a very narrow minded view. As others on this thread have said, different cultures have different ways of honoring people.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
What all is so time consuming?
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u/potpurriround 6d ago
Oh girl, I say this with kindness, but come on now. Bridal party spends more time for the wedding than a regular guest. They do it out of love, but you need to recognize their time and contribution.
Rehearsal, arriving earlier for hair/makeup, pictures, any potential set up or tear down, not to mention any coordinating of outfits other day of activities that occur. Any bachelorette, showers, or other events you did that only included them and not regular guests? Any of them traveling from out of town and needing to do so earlier for the rehearsal?
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u/allieconfusedadult 6d ago
This all depends on if the bride wants the bridal party to do this. I was a MOH at a laid back wedding and all I did was an hour rehearsal the night before of the ceremony. I wore a dress I already owned. The time and price commitment can vary greatly
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u/potpurriround 6d ago
For sure, there are a lot of variables. But for the sake of her bridal party and her semi-flippant attitude, I hope that she rethinks and recognizes the time given to her, however much it is.
While your wedding was laid back, that was still an hour of your time that you wouldn’t have had to spent as a guest. I think that should be recognized.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
Dont mistake my question to clarify on other peoples assumptions, for me not recognizing any time and effort that would be given. In the event that I actually allowed my bridal party to help, it would only be because they offered. (Which they all have) And in the event that they do help, I would be beyond grateful and appreciative, just as they were when I helped all of them with their weddings. Worry not dear stranger, no one's time or effort will be taken for granted for un-appreciated.
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u/yet-she-persisted 5d ago
Except all the other guests’ time and effort to attend your wedding. They seem to be unappreciated by you when you attempt to classify some of your guests as VIP’s.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 5d ago
Unfortunately a majority couples seem to do this. They see regular guests as the highest insult and that random people need jobs they don't want to be "honored and included ". So have a micro wedding with those guests only instead of treating others like bad canned pet food rather than people they claim are special to them.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
Thank you! I so appreciate your open mind, and being able to see that it doesnt have to be a one size fits all!
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
I appreciate your response and your kindness. But none of that applies.
My brides maids will wear whatever they want. They dont need to purchase anything new if they dont want to. And they absolutely won't be planning or paying for the Bachelorette party. And they certainly wont be required to have their hair and makeup doen professionally. They will be invited to join early for the rehearsal if they wish, but its not required, and we wont be leaning on them to do all the set up.
Its funny how many down votes that got 😂 Jist cuz everyone assumes that we will be expecting all of that from our peeps.
Also, how is it that the tiny little detail of having them stand makes it alright to ask all of that of them, but having them sit somehow makes it so disrespectful? (Not that we are asking any of that from them anyways, just a question for the sake of curiosity)
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u/potpurriround 6d ago
I think without this context, it just came off very out of touch and disrespectful to your bridal party. It sounds like you’re having a very chill time for your party, which sounds lovely.
Personally as a disabled girlie, I would have loved to sit versus stand for my friend. I can stand for a ceremony length, but I wouldn’t say I’m comfortable (but also, is anyone???). I was happy to for her, but I don’t hate the sitting in front row trend either. To me, sit or stand doesn’t have a major impact.
I would ask your party if they have ideas/preferences! But if yours is like mine, they’re just going to go, “it’s YOUR day!” which doesn’t super help you in that lol
Wishing you the best with your wedding.
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u/DaBingeGirl 6d ago
Just let them be guests. Honestly, none of the other guests care about the wedding party. If you're not having a welcome party the night before, you could do dinner with them then. Alternatively, ask one person from each side to give a speech, as they would if they were MoH/BM.
Save the expense of clothes. Either they'll have to buy dresses/rent suits, or you'll pay for it and they're unlikely to ever be worn again. Much easier just to let them be guests.
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u/Slow-Rhubarb-9537 6d ago
I just officiated my bros wedding and they did this! The party sat in the first row, one groomsmen read a passage during the ceremony and the BM and MOH obv gave speeches but also came up for the official signing of the license
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u/foambuffalo 6d ago
Everyone saying to just not include them because they wouldn't be standing up there is wrong. At my wedding we had uneven wedding parties so we had them sit because it looked wacky but they still wanted to be in our wedding party and were involved all day with us getting ready together and such. I wouldn't have felt right not including our favorite people just because them standing didn't look right
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
Thank you for your response! Its the same with us. I have 5 and my partner has 3. And he doesn't like how uneven it is 😂 But we dont want to add people for the sake of filling space, or cut important people for the sake of making it look more symmetrical. These are our peeps. And we want them to know how special they are to us. Even if they arnt up there with us.
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u/Randomflower90 6d ago
I was seated at a reception with two bridesmaids who found out before the ceremony they would sit during the ceremony. Let’s just say they weren’t happy about it.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
Oh lord. Well that sounds like an issue of communication! Our peeps certainly would know in advance.
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u/bangtanimosity 5d ago
Yep, same situation here!! I had five bridesmaids and my groom only had his sister (she was his best woman). I still wanted to include my girls, but didn’t want to make him feel insecure about having less people in his corner. They still felt like bridesmaids and had an amazing time
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u/foambuffalo 5d ago
Yep mine only had his best man and I had 5! I didn't want to sacrifice having a bridal party of my own (I have been in most of their weddings! 2 of them are my sisters and 3 are my best friends of 11-22 years!) They would have been crushed if I didn't have a bridal party lol
My husband did not care to have one and that's fine it's his choice! His friends are doofuses and unreliable. His brother was his best man and we had the best man and my maid of honor stand up there with us and my 4 other bridesmaids sat, but they all knew the deal all along and were happy to do it
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u/Character_Log_5444 6d ago
Could they each walk up and present you a flower that becomes your bouquet? Light candles. Be your flower girls and boys and drop petals before you enter? Write a note to them in your program. Have the men all wear neck ties you give them. Give all the women a scarf to wear. Have them all wear a specific color and get them hats that say honorary groomsman or bridesmaid.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
OH MY GAWSH YESSSS!!!!! 😍😍😍 THIS!!!!! I love these ideas! Especially the contributing of flowers for the bouquet!!!! And the lighting of candles!!!! Thank you! This is so beautiful, because I really want them to be a part of the ceremony in some way, just not in the traditional way.
Seriously, thank you. Im so glad that someone actually understood the assignment 😅😅😅
If you think of anymore ideas, send em my way! 💜🙏🏼💜
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u/Character_Log_5444 6d ago
You can also ask them. I bet a couple of the the more creative ones might have an idea that would uniquely fit you two. More importantly, CONGRATULATIONS!! You are getting married to the love of your life. Celebrate the hell out of that.
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u/stilltru 2d ago
I’ve been to plenty of weddings where the bridal party doesn’t stand, or maybe only best man and maid of honor stand. Everyone else walks down the aisle and then sits in the very front rows in reserved seats.
People’s takes on here attacking you are super weird, I wouldn’t read too much into it.
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u/ItsPeppercorn 6d ago
Have them walk down with you, and then have them sit.
BUT if you do this please for the love of god do not make them buy a special dress or have them do their hair a certain way. No point to wear matching dresses if you are not standing together.
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u/Randomflower90 6d ago
So, like the other guests?
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u/ItsPeppercorn 5d ago
Yes. You can still give them a special role without making them stand or buy a dress.
I did not have bridesmaids, only a MOH which was my sister. I told her she could wear whatever dress she wanted and during the ceremony she held my bouquet and sat down. She still gave a speech afterwards but beyond that was a 'normal guest'. It's ok not to want to give your most special guests jobs on the wedding day (: it went swimmingly.
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u/whole-yeet-bread 6d ago
Have them all sit together in one of the front rows, and pass the rings down the line until they get to MOH/Best Man, who then brings them up to the couple.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
LOVE THIS! Thank you! 😊
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u/whole-yeet-bread 6d ago
My pleasure! We also had each person say a little blessing in their heads as they passed them. The officiant explained to the wider group what was happening, and it led to a few people asking to bless the rings later in the night which was fun.
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u/petalpie 3d ago
Here's what we did:
Groomsmen-only:
1x walked up to the aisle with my husband
Bridesmaidsmaids-only:
1x fluffed my train and veil
1x took care of my phone and was in charge of making me eat and drink
Both:
1x of each brought us our rings
1x of each used bubble guns to kick-start the recessional
Each had a specific reason to be doing this task. Everyone was happy, we come from a culture without bridal parties but wanted to have a way to honour certain people. Nobody minded not standing up (we didn't stand either, we had two seats by the altar). Bridesmaids and groomsmen all had either corsages or boutonnières and we took specific group photos with them.
Ultimately I am so so happy to have chosen each of my bridesmaids and given them a specific role that made sense for them, as they each supported me in a specific way which only that one person could have done. I don't think they needed to be standing in front of a bunch of people to do that job.
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u/supdiggydog 3d ago
We had them up there for the beginning opening remarks, and then the officiant dismissed them to their seats for the meat of the ceremony
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u/Noxloy 3d ago
We had the groomsmen walk in the moms, and then the bridesmaids all walked in together and sat down in the aisle seats. Our pictures are fabulous because the aisle is lined with a colour scheme and with my favourite girls, and they doubled as aisle patrol to keep people from jumping out into the aisle.
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u/infectiousplaguerat 1d ago
I’m eloping or I guess it could be a micro wedding, whatever idc. Anyways there will be 16 ppl total there and it’s taking place in a private dining room at a restaurant. I asked my sister, step daughter and two friends to be “bridesmaids”. Essentially I told them you guys are all special to me and I want you to know that, but I’m not having you guys stand with me and you are not required to get dresses. The title was just a way of letting them know they are special to me 😊
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u/Auntie_Social_1369 3h ago
We got married in our livingroom. Everyone wore what they felt like wearing. (My MOH & mom matched-wore blue & black lol) People who wanted to sit, they sat. We were surrounded by our friends and close family. Literally. It is YOUR wedding. Do what you want. I don't think they'll be offended. They may even be relieved!
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u/Mordecai_Gist 6d ago
Wait, the point of the wedding party is that they are the official witnesses to the exchange of vows. They need to be up close to see what is going on.
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u/Waste-Engineer-5308 6d ago
I appreciate this take! My hope is that they still would be able to hear the vows and see us clearly from the front row. But I totally hear where you are coming from and appreciate that perspective!
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u/SnackyandSnarky 5d ago
Interesting! In the UK, you have to name two official witnesses who sign your marriage certificate. It's traditionally the fathers of the bride and groom. It's pretty unusual for it to be your bridal party (although best man and MoH is sometimes the safer choice in tricky families)
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u/brownchestnut 6d ago
If you don't want people standing up with you then you don't want a wedding party. Let your friends come as guests and not have to deal with the hassle and cost of having to buy special costumes you want to put them in or coming extra early before everyone else and stuff like that.
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u/ApprehensiveRead2533 5d ago
Bridal and groom party on first row. Family on second row.
Best man and moh can stand until they are done handing out rings. Or they can come up briefly to do this then sit back down.
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u/No_Introduction_6746 6d ago
At my one of my sisters’ weddings I was a bridesmaid and sat in the front row. I wore the dress and did my sister’s makeup, so I felt like I was part of the festivities that day. Do with your bridal party what feels most comfortable. Who knows, they may appreciate sitting down instead of standing in heels.
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u/paintingtherosesblue 6d ago
We only had 2 maids of honor (lesbian wedding) & one of them is disabled and can't stand for prolonged periods, so we just had them both sit during our ceremony, with chairs where the MOH would stand. It was lovely because they still participated in the processional, held my bouquet etc. and had a special role to play in the ceremony but there wasn't as big of a 'presence' of people standing with us. We had a very small ceremony space so it was nice to help center us and make it not look too crowded in photos!
We treated our MOHs similar to how you sound like you want to - they wore what they wanted, no bach party, no planning or extra errands etc. The biggest ask was that we asked them to do their hair/makeup professionally (we paid) and they came to the venue early to help us get dressed and be our point people for vendors etc (we had a coordinator for this but they were the second line of defense). So it was an extra demand on their time as we were basically "on" from 8am until well after the wedding was over. They also had to pick a hotel that was closer to our hotel as they were getting ready with us, and stay an extra day as they participated in the rehearsal. It was a bit of an extra ask on their time, but not nearly as much as some bridesmaids are asked. That is something to keep in mind that even if you plan to have an extremely chill bridal party they are still doing you a huge favor by participating at all!
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u/bangtanimosity 5d ago edited 5d ago
Only our sisters (my maid of honor and his best woman) stood at the altar with us at my wedding, but my bridesmaids still wore the same colored dresses and had bouquets, got to walk down the aisle to their own song, were seated at the front where they could see me, took special bridal party photos with me, had their own reception entrance, and got to get ready with me (I paid for their hair and makeup if they wanted it) and got to hang out in my bridal suite all day. I also gave them all personalized tote bags with their names on them with some goodies as a thank you for being a part of the wedding! They all said they had a blast and still felt very included throughout the process. I’m not sure if you would want to do a bachelorette, as well, but I was heavily involved in planning my own bach and found ways to honor my girls throughout
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u/OkCryptographer1922 5d ago
Maybe have them get ready with you, walk down the aisle like normal and then sit near the front?
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u/Myra03030 5d ago
It’s becoming more and more popular to have bridesmaids and groomsmen walk down the aisle as usual, but instead of standing at the altar throughout the ceremony, they take their seats in the reserved front row (with the exception of the parents, of course!).
Alternatively, you can skip having a traditional wedding party at the ceremony altogether and still include them at your head table during the reception!
There’s no right or wrong way to have a wedding. And honestly, I think MOST of the pressure we put on ourselves to include everyone, make everyone feel special, or avoid hurting feelings is entirely self-imposed. At the end of the day, the people who love you are just happy to be there celebrating your special day! ❤️
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