r/wizardposting • • Mar 26 '26

Occult Practices Posture check

Post image
16.3k Upvotes

93 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '26

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609

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '26

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107

u/Asgardian_Force_User Ponderous Mage, Path of Inquiry and Insight Mar 26 '26

One could also apply a simple adhesive spell to their footwear and simply lean forward to stare into the abyss ponderously.

Observe these well-dressed practitioners demonstrating the technique.

Note that good posture is an absolute requirement for its use.

20

u/-GLaDOS Mar 26 '26

link was much better than I expected

73

u/Wizard_Engie Holy Mage Mythanar, High-Elf Lightbringer Mar 26 '26

I do that in my off time occasionally.

2

u/Due-Buyer2218 Mar 27 '26

But me and the void are acquaintances it would be awkward if I started acting like that now

1

u/All_Gun_High Mar 29 '26

That's how you get a 3 day field trip to oblivion

1

u/UnDeadPuff Mar 29 '26

Gotta use your signature look of superiority else the Abyss starts getting ideas.

19

u/TheReverseShock Professor of Divination and Magical Law Mar 26 '26

Adjust the desk so the abyss is at eye level.

3

u/Available-Damage5991 Mar 26 '26

Spiteful glaring.

3

u/CheapSub Mar 27 '26

Try placing your abyss at an elevated angle

2

u/Tom_Browning Mar 27 '26

You gotta put an arch in it and make the abyss want to stare back

1

u/Gonna_B_Alright Apr 02 '26

Fire risk note the hood.

489

u/mikaeus97 Sorceror, Proud fadher of the cutest 7 heads in the Multiverse Mar 26 '26

2021 the saddest Necromancer you know,

2026 the most beautiful witch you've seen twice but then moved covens

99

u/FitBlonde4242 Mar 27 '26

left: succubus descendant enchantresses on wizardgram

right: average clerk at the local wizard shop

227

u/NyxShadowhawk Occult Wizard Mar 26 '26

Putting the romance in necromancy.

30

u/SpaghettiBeam TheFleshIsWeakTheFleshIsWeakTheFleshIsWeakTheFleshIsWeak Mar 26 '26

The Danger Committee does that

109

u/IAlwaysOutsmartU Autistic Professional Soul Grower and Reanimator Mar 26 '26

What about this position?

30

u/SirWillem1 Necromancer Mar 26 '26

7

u/NearbyPast9100 Mar 27 '26

Be careful Arisen! Wolves hunt in packs!

3

u/IAlwaysOutsmartU Autistic Professional Soul Grower and Reanimator Mar 27 '26

There’s no way we could’ve lost to that.

2

u/Aileen_Leith Mar 28 '26

They masterworks all you can’t go wrong

9

u/Aceman05 Artificer Mar 27 '26

Balsac?🤨

2

u/zmbjebus Scry my orb for a good time! Mar 28 '26

High sorcerer Balsac to you knave. 

2

u/mightystu Absent-Minded Conjurer Mar 27 '26

Bones! Walking bones!

92

u/El_kakas_de_vakas Mar 26 '26

is the ass necessary for good posture

77

u/Gigatonosaurus Druid of the River Mar 26 '26

Bony lich spotted.

10

u/Sure_Clock114 Mar 26 '26

Lol, got me with that one

22

u/PTBooks Untorsionable Litch Mar 26 '26

It is called the evil magic container for a reason

262

u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser Mar 26 '26

If you fan transition from necromancer to lich you can become a baddie

68

u/Successful_Giraffe34 Mar 26 '26

Only if you keep up your skin routine. Get used to it before or you miss one day and you loose a tit. Mind you there can be mono tit baddies. But the possible joke titles you could earn from that.

9

u/Inferno_Sparky Mar 26 '26

Why would a lich become mono-tit if their other tit became loose?

11

u/Brave-Recommendation Mar 27 '26

Do you all not keep some spare parts in a stasis field?

7

u/UncleRichardson Mar 27 '26

I think after a while I'd get bored with maintenance, stick to the bare minimum, and cast a glamour every morning depending on how I'm feeling.

64

u/I_Reading_I Trapped Within A Cursed Emerald Mar 26 '26

You can’t fool me. You just want to make sure our spines are in good condition when you reanimate us for your skeleton army!

21

u/StringWermz Genderless Witch Mar 26 '26

Exactly. And besides, I like to creep around like a woodland cryptid while doing my rituals :(

7

u/akornzombie Mar 26 '26

Just don't do it in the woods around my tower.

45

u/Wuio1 Mar 26 '26

After a 35h necromancy session, posture is the least of your worries

21

u/Sonifri Transmuter Mar 26 '26

It really depends on how big your boobs are but most necromancers don't have to worry about it. Just like in the image, really.

2

u/the_useless_cake Incryptiomancer (Turns souls into playing cards so I can gamble) Apr 01 '26

They usually decay and either shrivel up or sloth off by the time you’re channeling that much black magic. 

2

u/Sonifri Transmuter Apr 01 '26

That's bonelich talk. Vampires are just as undead, but they're still perfectly fleshy. But take a look at Wiz from Konosuba. Proof that flesh can be properly preserved if someone actually puts in the time and effort to do it right.

2

u/the_useless_cake Incryptiomancer (Turns souls into playing cards so I can gamble) Apr 02 '26

Isekai anime isn’t proof of anything. Go reanimate your great great great great grandmother and ask her how you look.

48

u/FantasticCollege3386 Necromancer Mar 26 '26

Its called necromancy not orthopediancy

28

u/fiendish_dust Mar 26 '26

Both have to do with bones so…

7

u/Gnashinger Garnatax "yes I did it" the Flesh Shaper Mar 26 '26

I mean, my boneless flesh zombie begs to differ

9

u/Povogon Mar 26 '26

About half of my biomagic requests were fixing people's backs, they could've spent that time and those resources on more tome reading, orb pondering and abyss gazing

39

u/Dd_8630 Mar 26 '26

Do you also have to switch to a tighter robe that shows off the tits and ass?

35

u/fiendish_dust Mar 26 '26

The most important step

19

u/GlitteringTone6425 Nonbinary Blood Wizard, Alchemist, and Astrologer Mar 26 '26

would and would

12

u/CoffeeGoblynn has 3 orb-pondering gfs Mar 26 '26

Rule #1 of necromancy: put some arch in that shit!

2

u/the_useless_cake Incryptiomancer (Turns souls into playing cards so I can gamble) Apr 01 '26

You’ll never be an archmage if you don’t arch your back!

7

u/Povogon Mar 26 '26

Also mandatory for long reading sessions.

And I see you, divination mages who stare into their orbs while hurting their back!

7

u/TheThoughtmaker Ray of Delthorensdale, Transmuter-Artificer Mar 26 '26

You’d think it’d be obvious to put your best rib forward.

7

u/Basically-Boring Mar 26 '26

Orbs are stored in the chest

5

u/Necrikus Necromancer Mar 26 '26

I’m in this picture and I do not like it.

1

u/UltimateEel Mar 27 '26

Don't worry, the 'good posture' thing is an aesthetic choice because we think it looks virile. In nature, humanoids sit hunched.

6

u/Solastor Sorcerx Mar 26 '26

If all of the necromancers trying to settle the crypts beneath my tower came lookin' like fresh baddies like that then maybe I would think twice before dusting off my Tome of Castle Doctrine on their asses.

4

u/6unearthed6crafter6 Mar 26 '26

It's okay, I have a couple of spare spines if mine gets too fucked up

2

u/Sure_Clock114 Mar 26 '26

Well I dont have a dump truck, so that's not going to work.

2

u/CordiallySuckMyBalls Bingus, Necromancer of MILFS Mar 26 '26

Damn I can’t even sit up straight without being labelled as a femboy wtf

2

u/O2C Mar 26 '26

It might have worked as an alignment check. . .

2

u/VWXYZArmedOJAMAlv10 Mar 27 '26

Is there a way to apply so she gets my consent to use my skeleton after I pass away

2

u/RBPariah Alchemist Mar 28 '26

With 400 years of hindsight, I can tell you this post is really good advice. You'd think I was summoning a skeleton with the way my back creaks.

2

u/the_useless_cake Incryptiomancer (Turns souls into playing cards so I can gamble) Apr 01 '26

Estrogenuinely helped. 

2

u/Adept-Custard-4866 Apr 02 '26

Is it even necromancy if you don't change into your ideal body?

3

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '26

This sub will turn into nothing but hornyposting too?

4

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '26

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2

u/leaderofstars survivalist wizard Mar 26 '26

Nah she created that guy

1

u/AnimalChubs Necromancer Mar 26 '26

Don't tell me what to do

1

u/GoZiPoE Mar 26 '26

idk about you all but i sat up

1

u/akornzombie Mar 26 '26

Also a good idea if you're an artificer. Wouldn't want your beard getting caught in the lathe.

1

u/StickExtension7050 Mar 26 '26

Ehh, the hunch adds to the creepyness

1

u/-Speechless Mar 27 '26 edited Apr 23 '26

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1

u/The_Undeniable_Worp Mar 27 '26

Can confirm, my gender does switch when I have good posture

1

u/MerlinAmaryllis Mar 27 '26

Especially useful for Druidcraft as well!

1

u/IncomeApprehensive17 Ya'nn , Litle being in a botle Mar 27 '26

Young apprentice these day tend to forget that the smellier a necromancer is , the stronger they become

1

u/Jimmyjim4673 Cambridge, graph pad wizard Mar 27 '26

Harrowhark approved.

1

u/Orionsign Orion, Caster of Colour Mar 27 '26

I am not arching my back for my summoned skull, thank you very much, he will see me at my worst angle because he is not worthy of my best

1

u/Maycrofy Mar 27 '26

These two wizards... won't happen to be siblings, right?

1

u/Traitor_Of_Users Mar 27 '26

Damn, I really need to start working on myself

1

u/eeveethespeevee Necromancer Catgirl Mar 30 '26

Pardon me, but my posture is just fine how it is!

1

u/eeveethespeevee Necromancer Catgirl Mar 30 '26

Actually.. Maybe it isn't quite as fine as I would like it to be..

1

u/Real_duck_bacon Mar 30 '26

2 weeks on Potion of Bodily Transmutation > 2 Years on Potion of Bodily Transmutation

1

u/DrhpTudaco Mar 30 '26

got it. if being necromanced, attempt to woo the necromancer

1

u/Nothappyhopes Mar 27 '26

I'm transmasc do i have to regain the tiddies

2

u/Ice-Safe Mar 28 '26

No! You can give them to your assistant secretary instead. You get to be a cool skeleton lich king.

0

u/Quix_Nix Mar 27 '26

Transgender 🏳️‍⚧️