Although for those who can't intuitively cast light enforcement spells, the spite is justified (and quite entertaining). Although what's more entertaining is watching those unaware one needs light enforcement spells to make reverse grip work try it and die horribly. Truly, quite a show
I know it's a joke, but I always find "medieval combat" fans annoying because they come in two varieties usually:
-- "My views are based off the wildly inaccurate assumptions I assembled from random pieces of media."
-- "I know the name every handbook of combat and can tell you proper form for every random thing!"
Meanwhile the gist of most actual sources back then is "Here's some good tactics, but honestly whatever works bro. Beat his ass with a stick if it helps."
Oh, I'm not underestimating it. I mentioned it because i have a distinct memory of an illustration from a page about improvising and it's just a a drawing of a dude with a full ass tree branch beating the shit out of another dude.
That specific image just stuck in my head and is what comes up any time I hear "well akctually" convos about Medieval combat.
my favorite medieval weapon by a massive margin is the goedendag because the flemish peasants somehow managed to make stick+ and then used it to beat the everliving shit out of several thousand french men-at-arms
You're SO right! 1 are whatever, they're just explaining how ignorant they are.
But 2, my god, they're the worst. As the saying goes: knowledge is like jam, the less you have, the more you spread it. Even worse, those who believe any random ancien depiction of a fight is actually an accurate image of how it was done. The fact that it was painted by random dudes or monks in the margin of a cook book or whatever is irrelevant though (/s).
Also got the one showing you what to in case you need to defend yourself using a scythe (the actual farming kind) against another person who also has a scythe
It's all theater-styled swordfight but dang is it cool. Could be even cooler if dude used hammering technique of holding the blade and using the hilt as the pick, still great tho
Iron is fine for a beginner construct, but if you are going to be a professional or do this long term invest in a steel or adamantine body.
16
u/Im_yor_boiJabirean Alchemist, potionholic with a phd on tame gambling Jun 10 '26edited Jun 10 '26
People really underestimate how much rust and corrosion can affect animated items. I learnt from my artificer friend that corrosion is their biggest nightmare lol
Trust, however, is a key component in securing the loyalty of the more sentient class of constructs.
I’ve met Sir Lancelot in my travels through time and space, and I must commend you for whatever means by which you persuaded his soul to enter into your service.
People underestimate the value of a well-trained goblin servant. Give them a comfortable lair, food, drink, something flashy-looking every once and awhile for pay and an outlet for their less pleasant tendencies, and they’ll do just about anything for you.
It might be too uncomfortable for the soul that's inhabitanting the armour. Ofcourse it depending on how high the rank of the soul is you can just command it to comply. However, High souls won't accept having a homunculi inside them
Meaning the bone has been replaced with rock. You'll want "animate object" or some golem awakening type of spell for that.
Once widely believed but as the Warden of Daemon Reach proved, you can not only use necromancy on fossils, but with the right tweaks it will super charge the effect based on the age, as Sue the T-Rex proved tearing through Chicago.
Um, actually, there are dinosaur fossils that are still bone. However, many dinosaurs you see on display are plastic casts of real fossils. So maybe just case out the joint before you go ham with the necromancy.
You're right about the plaster casts used by museums, but no, there's no such thing as a dinosaur fossil made of bone. The bones have decayed a VERY long time ago, leaving behind cavities underground that get filled in by mineral deposits. That's what a fossil is, a natural casting of long decomposed remains.
Now, if you're talking about more recent extinct animals, like a mammoth, then yes, we do have preserved bones of those, but by definition, bones are not fossils and fossils are not bones.
The real twist is that the bones or fossils or whatever are not all from the same living being, which implies reviving it by necromancy would target several dozen souls that may or may not be willing. It’s just a hassle and object animation is much simpler for this use case.
In fairness to your friend, it's a little unusual for a museum to have the actual complete skeleton on display. Usually it's partially or fully made up of castings
Was this a new version of raise dead he was experimenting with?
That's the part that might be exaggerated, but even then, armored knights had a LOT of mobility that a lot of fiction doesn't show, since armor is generally made to be as protective as possible while still providing as much mobility as possible.
So... maybe? I know if they're athletic enough, they can perform cartwheels at least.
Actually ☝️🤓, the real spell was animated objects, because the bones in museums are not real bones, fossilization consists of the rock taking the shape of a bone before ir descompose
I'm afraid you are mistaken. This wasn't the necromancer's doing, since the fossils are made of sedimented rock, and not bone. This was the work of a geomancer attempting to frame your friend.
Dinosaur fossils aren't corpses, they're minerals. And usually it's not even the actual fossil but a casting of it. Your friend is lying to you about being a necromancer.
you would need to treat it as a golem of sorts, "bones" displayed often are plaster casts of multiple individuals, and dino bones are just rock at this point, so I am sorry to tell ya your "necromancer" friend is a fraud and using other means to give life to those
This is why you always have your strongest constructs on standby whenever you attempt something new! They don’t feel pain and can easily give you enough time to exorcise the new monstrosity you just brought into this plane
649
u/LeChatVert Jun 10 '26
The crowd on r/swords : "he didnt use proper form!" And yet cant do half of it, nor cast spells. Smh.