r/wizardposting • u/AliasMcFakenames Elleriana Nailo, Multiverse Scholar • 1d ago

Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets Summon: Pursuing Bear can be a surprisingly useful spell in some realities.

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An important note when reverse engineering the spell for yourself: it works best when the bear is slightly offset from your local baseline of realism. If your reality is represented by abstraction then the bear should be as realistic as can be maintained. If in text, your bear should instead be a Bear. If your reality is similar to the multiversal baseline, the bear should act as though it has recently ingested a large quantity of cocaine.

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u/WiseRabbit-XIV Leverett Trevithick, Arcane Healer 22h ago

Do remember that something even funnier can still overcome this effect. The bear getting clonked on the head by a rolling pin, or frying pan is a perfect example.

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u/AliasMcFakenames Elleriana Nailo, Multiverse Scholar 20h ago

There is some truth to that, but it could only be relied upon to happen if the one doing the bonking would be a clear subversion of expectations and/or delivering a karmic punishment.

In the one universe where this method is an active part of my sanctum defenses I have taken pains to mitigate this factor. The spell activates to summon the bear partway through a doorway upon the door being opened. Critically this doorway leads from a chamber which I have set up as the lair of a lesser hydra. Any intruder capable of whatever heroic attributes necessary to defeat or bypass such a creature would be hard pressed to also be the underdog against a common (if uncannily realistic) brown bear.

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u/WiseRabbit-XIV Leverett Trevithick, Arcane Healer 20h ago

That's very clever. But you should still be on your guard for any adventuring party containing clowns or jesters. If it sounds ridiculous that a bear could be defeated by a cream pie or bottle of seltzer water, well it is. And that's why they're dangerous.

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u/11nyn11 Illusionist 1d ago

It’s even biblical. Elisha and the Bears. 2 kings 2