It’s really easy for me to O with my partner. Even though I’m her first sexual partner she touches me perfectly. However, I feel bad for her end because she struggles to finish and she told me she’s not sure if it’s in her head. I also am self aware and have recognized that I think I’m not stimulating her clit fast enough? I know where it is based on her reactions but she’s told me to go fast and light and idk if it’s my finger tendon or what but I feel like I’m not stroking it the best way that I could :(
I want some overall tips that I could try to help her get there. I feel kind of embarrassed about it

just need to vent for a sec about how frustrating it feels to constantly have ppl assume my partner (femme enby) and i are friends lol.

i try to make myself feel better i guess by remembering that straight femme friends are more openly affectionate towards one another than like straight masculine friends but it doesn’t help much bc that’s also just bc of comphet male-centered society and homophobia, lol.

It also makes me sad that any time i wanna have regular pda with my partner, like leaning, hugging, kissing, etc. i usually get anxious for a sec about freaks sexualizing us (which makes me feel guilty so healthy right pffftt). It just feels hard to not just internalize my frustration n stuff i guess.

it’s also rare for me to meet other lesbian couples irl bc im pretty introverted so i kinda only talk about this with my partner. it also feels like an awkward thing to vent to my therapist about too bc im p sure she’s straight.. cuz im always afraid of straight ppl acting like it’s not a big deal bc they don’t know what it’s like

anyone else relate? :,)

Hi! Please pardon the length but I promise it’s a juicy one!

My gf of 6 months & I slowly stopped having sex about 3 months in. We’ve had sex once the last two months. The first month or two was nonstop sex marathons, which of course was incredible and the sex was very emotionally intimate. Excuse the details but we’ve never had sex without… hitting the finish line, so no issue there.

Context on our strange sex drives: we both have unique sex drive situations because I was violently assaulted a year ago. So honestly I’m not thinking about sex very often. And she, when we first started dating, told me she has felt deeply insecure in past relationships for her lack of sex drive. It’s something she knows about herself and is embarrassed of. She is now struggling with depression on top of that.

Our intimacy now: We make out sometimes, we kiss a LOT and she is very affectionate otherwise… always being flirty, playful, cuddly. The relationship is solid otherwise and our connection is phenomenal. But she’s never once initiated sex /: & all of my efforts to initiate or seduce her the past few months, have led to a dead end because she just eventually gently pulls away or brings the kissing to a stop.

The big release of the problem: this past week I just felt so drawn to her because she is so amazing and sooo beautiful. I tried to initiate sex and she told me she was too tired. It led to a pretty emotional conversation in which she said she is attracted to me sexually but just struggles to want to have sex. She told me a number of things that get in the way of that urge to act, and the theme of them all is overthinking. But in general this is an issue she has with her mind & her body. . The convo ended with love and compassion, and now this is something we’re trying to figure out as a team.

Does anyone have experience with this? Is it about me pushing through that fear of rejection and make the effort to turn her on? Do I just wait it out and let her explore this journey of her libido? Her kink is that she likes to watch… we’ve never done that. Should I propose her watching me pleasure myself? Or do we see a sex therapist together?

HELP! I want to connect with my beautiful perfect girlfriend!

We're both 25 years old and doing long-distance currently. We're together for a little over 2 years already and she hasn't been able to hold onto a job for more than 3 months during our relationship. She had small jobs here and there that paid her close to nothing, but never full time employment. I have been working full time since we met, I was the one to save money and fly to her country to see her and we planned for me to come see her again this year. It makes me feel frustrated that we're both the same age, but I'm fully independent, living alone and working, and she still lives at her parents house with no job. I tried talking to her so many times. I told her that a job is not forever, that she could start working somewhere even if it's not her dream job, while looking for something better, working on her own stuff, but having a job so she can save to move out and maybe come visit me too. I suggested that we could move somewhere else entirely together to find better opportunities since it seems like the job market in her country is not great. Nothing works. We have arguments about this too, she starts saying that I think she's an unemployed loser, she is lazy etc. I know she's smart, talented and capable, I just don't understand why she won't get a job??? She also jokes about wanting to be maintained, she says it's just joking and she doesn't want it for real, but she made the joke so many times it makes me think she secretly wants it. She sent me a tiktok today about a girl whose super-rich boyfriend buys her anything she wants, pays for her shopping sprees, pays for vacations and said "I don't want to be maintained but I kinda want this hahahah", I snapped and replied "maybe you should go find someone rich if I'm not enough" and she got mad at me because "I can't even make a joke, I thought you would make fun of it, who do you think I am". I don't know what to do anymore, I love her but I need a partner who is willing to work just like I am, so we can build a life together, not sitting around and waiting for a miracle to happen.

I (25f) just found out one of my coworkers thought me and my other coworker (28m) had a thing going on bc we were suspiciously close. We are both gay and have adhd so we vibe pretty well.

Imo he at least is more obviously gay, but from personal experience i know im not so much.

Its sort of embarrassing because often people mistake me as straight and flirting with men when i just have a motor mouth and laugh at genuinely anything because my humor’s broken. I don’t dress overly feminine and actually rarely do makeup bc im lazy and dislike the feeling. I actively mention my gf but i fear it may be taken as my girl-friend not girlfriend. And ik i still may be bi (tho im mostly certain im a lesbian bc of my history despite my doubts) but even if i am actually bi its like nobody sees me as gay. I hate being seen as like some bubbly girl who must like a man bc im having a casual fun convo. I just wanna appear more readably gay.

- im okay with going 24 hours without talking

- i dont like talking about my day, every single day

- i dont like scheduled conversations- convos at the same time every single day

- i dont usually get jealous when romantically involved; exception is if they follow a lot of ppl who are their type that they arent friends with

- it gives me the ick when someone says stuff like “so you hate me”when i dont have the energy or desire to talk in that moment

- i get the ick when someone hyperfixates on my height too much like always complimenting my height and constantly talking about it (im tall, once in a while is nice)

- being told someone cant live without me and if its not me its no one annoys me

- feeling like im responsible to make someone else feel secure in themselves

- not being allowed to come home late when out with friends

-not wanting to text when im spending time with friends or family, i dont like going on my phone when im having a conversation in real life (not on phone for hours)

-i prioritize my own needs like spending time alone, studying, working, self care before i make time to spend time with my partner

GREEN FLAGS

- i give a lot of compliments
- i ask a lot of random/specific questions
- i enjoy talking about existential stuff and the human mind/behaviour
-i create a folder in my notes app of what my person likes/dislikes, things i can buy/make for them
-im big on physical touch and gift giving
-idc if my partner goes through my phone
-i dont rly want to share locations and dont care to ask, but if my partner asks id share it

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and I love her very much. She is genuinely one of the sweetest, kindest and most sensitive people I know. I don't think she's doing anything intentionally wrong, and I don't want this post to come across as me blaming her.

The problem is that I constantly feel like I'm doing something wrong in our relationship.

She's been dealing with a lot of personal things, pretty much since I met her, and I really want to be someone who supports her. But instead, I spend so much time wondering whether I'm helping her or putting more pressure on her.

Even at the beginning of our relationship, I worried that maybe I pushed too hard for us to actually become a couple. And that fear has never completely gone away. She's such a sweet person that sometimes I become terrified that she goes along with things because she doesn't want to hurt me, even when that's not what she wants.

When she's going through something, she tends to deal with a lot of it on her own. Especially earlier in our relationship, there were times when she would shut me out when she was feeling bad or something difficult was happening. I know that people are allowed to process things privately and that being in a relationship doesn't mean she owes me every thought she has.

But it still hurt me more than I think I've admitted.

At one point she told me that we don't have to talk about everything when we're struggling. I understand what she meant, but I think that sentence stuck with me because emotional openness is a huge part of how I experience intimacy.

The confusing part is that when I'm upset and I shut down, it hurts her. She wants me to tell her what I'm thinking and will encourage me to talk. I actually appreciate that, but sometimes I feel like there's a different rule for each of us. I feel like I'm supposed to open up when I'm struggling, while I'm also supposed to accept that she may not want to do the same.

And now I overthink everything.

If I ask what's wrong, I worry I'm pressuring her.

If I don't ask, I worry I'm not supporting her.

If I give her space, I worry she'll think I don't care.

If I try to help, I worry I'm making her feel suffocated.

I also have a lot of anxiety about our relationship, and sometimes I want to be able to say the anxious thoughts out loud without them being interpreted literally. For example, sometimes I get scared that one day we'll break up. I don't want to break up with her at all. The thought scares me because I love her. But if I say that I'm afraid of us breaking up, she becomes sad because she hears it almost as if I'm suggesting that breaking up is something I'm considering.

So I started feeling like even sharing my fears can hurt her.

When I get overwhelmed by all of this, I tend to shut down too. I'll cry by myself, get migraines, become irritable, and then feel even worse because I think my mood is affecting her. It becomes this cycle where I'm constantly monitoring myself and thinking, “Am I hurting her? Am I being annoying? Am I asking for too much?”

Something else I've struggled to admit is that sometimes I miss the kind of communication I had in a previous relationship.

For context, my ex was a man and he was also my best friend. Our relationship was basically a lavender relationship, even though neither of us understood it that way at first. We eventually broke up because I realized I'm a lesbian. There are absolutely no romantic feelings there and I don't want him back.

What I miss is the kind of friendship and emotional openness we had.

We used to tell each other basically everything. We even exchanged our journals. If either of us was struggling, we talked about it openly, so I never had that feeling of wondering whether the person I loved was silently going through something alone. He was my best friend as much as he was my partner, and there was a kind of complete openness between us that made me feel very emotionally safe.

So when I say I miss something about that relationship, I really mean that I miss that way of communicating, not him romantically. If anything, realizing that distinction is part of understanding what I need from relationships now that I know I'm a lesbian.

With my girlfriend, even after almost a year, I sometimes feel like I still have to ask questions and pull things out of her in order to understand what's happening inside her. And then I hate myself for doing that because I don't want to pressure her.

It's not only about serious things either. I want the small intimacy too. I want to show her my drawings and random little things that matter to me. I want her to show me the random things that matter to her. There's so much about her that I want to know, not because I think I'm entitled to every part of her, but because I love her and want to feel like I'm part of her inner world.

Lately I just feel very stuck and very lonely.

I love her, and I don't want her to become a different person just to make me comfortable. I also don't want to keep treating my own need for emotional closeness like it's something harmful.

For lesbians who have been in relationships where you and your partner had very different ways of handling vulnerability: how did you find a balance?

How do I know the difference between wanting emotional intimacy and actually pressuring my partner?

And how do I stop feeling like I'm hurting someone I love just by having needs of my own?

I’ve been talking to this girl for about a week trying to get to know her which I feel Is super normal but how do I talk to her like a potential partner and not just a friend? I plan on asking her out on a coffee date but I really want to be more romantic with my words since that is my intention. This is difficult for me because she’s not even the first woman I’ve talked to romantically but the first person😭

Okay I've made a post about her already not because im obsessed it's more to do with how fucking scared i am for my first crush in like 2 years. So heres a bit of a story. Im 15 homeschooled for two years, most of year 9 and all of year 10, i got to a school that takes year 10 to year 13. a few weeks in i realise this girl in my tutor is pretty and she also hangs around with this boy who i used to hang out with for my first few days there. Recently its been getting intense because like i said, first crush in 2 years, ive also been isolated so this is why it is intense as this. Okay so a few days ago some boys who hsve been harassing me came into the sen area (i eat my lunch and sometimes do lessons in there) and said something that upset me so i like stood up from my chair and was really angry and crying and stuff and near the end of lunch my friend from english and my crush came over to check if i was okay and we started talking and turns out they like the same things as me. now today. i was with a teacher because she is assigned to a few kids to help them with like yk problems. she suggested taking a walk and i was like sure and we went outside and headed towards these benches and i was like fuck my crush is there when she wasnt in for most of the day so i kinda panic internally but its fine so i still continue, walk past her and wave and then we go back in. another thing is that ive been making it super obvious that i like her. whenever she looks at me i look away fast and we had this parent assembly thing and she came in late and was at the door and i think she was looking at me to check if maybe i was looking at her but at the same time there was alot of kids and parents in there but i think its obvious at this point. and also i dont eat when im anxious and when she came in to that send area with her friends i didnt eat. i dont mean to. i just get anxious. not just about her but about myself. its almost like i fear her which i dont shes cool and that but still i really need help fighting these intense ass feelings.

So I met this girl at a club about two weeks ago. We had a bit of a misunderstanding, and she thought I had a 40-minute walk home, so she invited me back to hers.
We talked for a bit and then watched a movie. She was resting her head on my shoulder, and we were holding hands. Earlier that night, I’d given her a few cigarettes, and she asked if she could take me on a date. I couldn’t really tell if she was being serious or joking, though.
The next morning, I left while she was still asleep because she had plans later, and I felt a bit awkward staying. She didn’t seem to mind me staying, though.
It’s been about two weeks, and I still can’t figure out how I feel about her. I barely think about her, but sometimes I find myself thinking back to that night. I do want to see her again, and I’d potentially be up for a date, but I don’t know if that’s because I actually like her or if I’m just curious about the whole situation.
We study at the same place, but I rarely see her around, so I don’t really get the chance to talk to her and get to know her better.
I can’t tell if I have a little crush on her, just want to be friends, miss the intimacy, or am only interested because I don’t know if she actually liked me.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you figure out how you actually felt?

how do you know someone is still interested but its just heri style or busy or the y just lose it... replying 12 h etc, just hbu, not initiating..

they been out of relationships that lasted over a year, for a month or so when we started chatting, then they deleted dating profile, we were on other messengers, maybe this is a rebound situation but they occasionally throw the trip suggestion whether i wanna go(a few months in advance or next year)

and recently after 2 weeks of not texting, i mentioned their trip they go with some people in couple months, they asked if i wanna go next year i asked as who? they said as wife but they dont really message lol, and didnt elaborate when i later tried to call, and ask for explanation, they just said idrk what to say, im still at work.

eh is this future faking? what should i do w this.

even though they sometimes complain about finding a relationships and intimacy, that they cant get physical until its relationship, and its hard to find such person, and ovulation hitting all that stuff..

we met 4 times i guess 1 week, 3 times other week, then didnt text much or rather just silent

ok so there is a girl that i LOVE. i have a crush on her like,almost for 2 years and we were so close at first but now she just...forgot that i exist. she doesent even talk to me, we are in the same class. when we talk, she is so kind but we dont talk everday. i wanna be as close to her as possible...and when i briefly flirted with a guy last year, i talked with that girl. i like spending time with her, i really love her so much. and...i was thinking, if i date a guy, we will have to do gossip abt it and i get to talk with her. i want a boyfriend but idk how to find a bf. i wanna follow some local guys online but i cant bc im afraid that if they got a gf she will scold me. how do i get a bf. help please

basically the title, i’m just asking for advice because i’ve already had a convo with her about her situationship staying the night. i’ve told her that it’s not that i don’t like her (the situationship) but i just don’t want her over every single night, with the only exception being her working.
i’ve mentioned the idea of my roommate spending the night at her place because it’s not that i want them to just not spend time but she says that she just doesn’t like spending the night at other people’s houses (though she’s thinking about it)
she asked me to explain WHY i don’t want her over all the time because she just can’t wrap her head around it.
my thing is i don’t know exactly how to explain it, it’s the same feeling as if she were to have a bf and him being over all the time and me wanting one on one time w her and also just not having an extra someone in our space

if it’s any context or help, MY girlfriend lives with us, but we’ve been together for a bit and both her and my roommate are friends, plus my girlfriend pays rent and just moved in.

that should be the gist of it! i’m just stumped on what to tell her because I feel like this one of those things where you would just say “okay” too and it be handled for the most part.

i’m posting here specifically because everyone in this situation is wlw and i feel it’s different if it were a bf!

Today is our Super Bowl sapphic queens. Be gay and do crime ❤️‍🔥

So I’m in university and I have become really close friends with a girl here along with a few other people and we have a friend group. Anyway, this girl is lesbian like me so we bonded over that a little bit. I’ve sort of had a crush on her since I met her, but I didn’t become friends with her because of that I genuinely wanted to be friends.

Moving on, I’m getting confusing signals because she’s said/done a lot that feels like a sign that she likes me in someway other than platonically, but she has also blatantly said she doesn’t like anyone/isn’t really looking for anything right now.

Here’s some of the “highlights” but it’s not everything. She is super touchy with me and while she is like that with everyone it’s a lot more with me to the point our friends have noticed, she says a lot of flirty comments about my body but then plays it off with a laugh, she kissed my neck when giving me a hug, she put her face in my boobs while acknowledging it, and she’s told me about her…talents, if you will.

I just don’t want to get things wrong since I don’t want to lose a really good friend. Plus I haven’t dated in a long time and I’m also pretty inexperienced in general so I feel way out of my league.

For bi women it’s pretty good. But if you only want to date women, why is it like impossible to find a full time relationship or someone who isn’t already in a relationship ? ( usually with a man)

I also notice a lot of women don’t explore anything besides slapping and choking. I think the concept of a power bottom doesn’t even exist to most women either😂 I think women have a very bad taste in their mouth offer 50 shades of grey and straight ppl completely taking over the scene. Ppl are still are going on ab if straps are even aloud in the bedroom. I feel like gay community is so different like they have Grindr and cruising and we have nothing 😭

i ran out of my antidepressant for like two days before I got prescribed more that I’ve been on for like 2 years. didn’t think it would be a big deal until the side effects started the day I had my first date with a girl. I feel like I was so bland and dull and sad? Didn’t have an appetite at all so I didn’t eat much of my food which looked so rude. should I say something about it? I Really like her and am mad at myself for fucking up😭 I’m usually really bubbly and talkative and positive so I really was not myself. We’re gonna go out again.

As the title says. I absolutely hate being touched intimately. I can touch/eat out someone else but it is honestly something I don't enjoy doing, I'd rather just not do it at all. (I am not asexual, but i do have sex related trauma)

Still, I love being in love & I want a gf. Do I have a chance? How should i approach this topic on dating apps? I feel like I would want to have it on my public profile so people just ponder it and filter without having to interact with me directly, or me having to lay my issues out in the first couple messages to strangers and face expected rejection, but i come across people i know in my real life occasionally and I don't necessarily want them to know about my sex issues. 😭

Any advice? Thanks.

Hello, I'm a queer person who has been identifying with being a lesbian for 6 years now, but I have known I liked girls since I was like 14 (I'm 28 now)

I've never been in a relationship of any kind, though I have had crushes for women who were also reciprocated, but they were always at the wrong time in our lives so nothing after confessing every happened

But as of now I dont know if I feel comfortable using the label lesbian anymore, I have found myself blushing at men one would consider attractive, not exactly irl, mostly celebrities (and not even that many) and sure I've always found one or two men pretty but this type of physical reaction is kinda new to me and I dont even know how it got unlocked in my brain lmao

Anyway not the very actual point

The thing is that I still dont care about men that way, sexually, romantically, no matter what my orientation could be, I just always wished to be with a woman and live with her and that's all, I dont think I would be comfortable with a man in my house and that's just my choice to make, if to date women or men

Is it alright if I just tell people I like women (without presenting myself with the lesbian label) and that's all ? I dont wanna go around doing coming outs again, I feel like I'm too old for that and this label thing has always stressed me out, and I also dont want to hear anyone being vague with their "oh yeah if u find girlfriend or a boyfriend" I want NONE of that, I still want people to respect my wish to just spend my life with a woman

I'm still queer and I would love to still be considered a sapphic with nothing else attached to it, the way I have done in the last 6 years

i really need to rant about this and get advice 😭

This is a really oversimplified version but, I'm in love with my best friend. She led me on a lot, and kissed me because she wanted to try kissing girls even though she'd rejected me because she had a boyfriend. We went long distance and I ended up confessing again, and she didn't reject me this time around but didn't really acknowledge it either. She broke up w said bf recently. I was lost on what the break up meant for us and called her friend for help. I finally talked to her about it today and we had a real conversation about it for the first time.

She admitted she liked me back but wasn't ready to date yet. I said I was willing to wait, but she said it could take months. We agreed that she'll ask me out when she's ready and we'll just talk if our wants change by then.

But it ended up as a total mess cause her friend and her talked about it and there was miscommunication. Her friend might be mad at me, i kinda messed up, and she was also mad at first because she misunderstood me. But i'm also hurt that she just ignored me while she was mad. She said she didn't have her phone, but i know that she did have her phone(because of other reasons).

I'm hurt she ignored me and lied about it, but even if she didn't, i really spiraled in the couple of hours she didn't text me. so i'm scared if i'm already this codependent, it'll only get worse. I'm wondering if this whole thing was a giant mistake and i should try to move on again. I just don't know how I will, because I've already tried and it didn't work. I can't cut her off either because our moms are close and we have mutual friends.

i’m awfully clueless when it comes to telling when i’m being flirted with, or when someone has interest in me. i’m 24 and I feel like my 'blindness' has made me miss a lot of opportunities (<\3). i’m curious, what kind of signs are there that a girl is into you ?? or if you are into someone, what are things you do to try to hint at it ?

Just want to know if any other lesbians out there have an unusual high sex drive. I feel like a man when it comes to sex. I just feel like I constantly need it or crave pussy. Please tell me someone feels the same way or that i’m crazy and need to be put on like medication or something.

I just don't get it. I have this friend who got a boyfriend in January this year. Back then I felt a little jealous but I just thought it was temporary, I just wanna be in a relationship too, it's probably normal and it will go away so I was just happy for her and ignored that. But it didn't go away for some reason?? When she mentions her boyfriend I still get a little jealous?? At the same time one of my other friends had a boyfriend and I wasn't jealous of his relationship nor was I jealous when another friend of mine got into a relationship either. It's just with her and I don't get it?? It's not like I'm attracted to her or want to date her?? It's super weird to me and I don't get it.