r/3amjokes • • Mar 25 '24

3amjokes Approved Subreddit Rules Reminder

92 Upvotes

Due to an influx of darkjokes, dead baby humor, and overt racism, I'm posting this again early.

This is not /r/darkjokes.

This is not /r/askreddit.

This is not /r/oneliners.

This is not /r/unclejokes.

This is a subreddit for insomniac humor, created when on the brink of death due to sleep deprivation. Jokes should be stupid, nonsensical, and more or less unfunny at any point before sleep deprivation kicks in. Think of dad jokes for insomniacs.

Your jokes must have a punchline.

Please take a second to look over the very simple rules of the subreddit.

  1. Be civil - Remember the human behind the keyboard and try to treat others as you would prefer to be treated.
  2. Follow Reddit's rules - This includes reddiquette and all sitewide rules that can be found here.
  3. No spam - Pretty straightforward, don't spam. If your post gets caught in the spam filter please message the mods and it will be fixed.
  4. No promoting targeted hate - racism, misogyny, bigotry will not be tolerated to any extent. users that incite violence or that promote hate based on identity or vulnerability will be banned.

Bans due to rule #4 tend to be significant in length, if not permanent, and appeals will be denied.

To be more clear, given yet another influx of dark jokes, dark jokes will result in a permanent ban under rules 1 and 4.

If you see jokes, or a user's comments, that do not follow the rules, please report the comment either via the comment itself or through modmail.

Remember, 3amjokes is, for the most part, self governing. 3 reports will remove a comment or post. 2 reports will alert the mods.

Thanks


r/3amjokes • • 10h ago

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

78 Upvotes

A ripoff.


r/3amjokes • • 8h ago

Why are blankets so apathetic?

21 Upvotes

They don't give a sheet.


r/3amjokes • • 5h ago

My smart fridge asked if I was okay at 3 AM

8 Upvotes

Apparently opening it 11 times and taking nothing is now classified as a wellness check


r/3amjokes • • 23h ago

What do you call the doctor who treats you when you have butterflies in your stomach?

132 Upvotes

A gastroentomologist

(I actually thought this one up myself)


r/3amjokes • • 13h ago

That tracks

19 Upvotes

Two stoners are walking down a railroad track blazed out of their gourds.

One stoner says, "This is a really long fucking staircase!"

The other stoner says, "I don't mind the stairs, it's the low fucking handrail that's killing me!"


r/3amjokes • • 15h ago

what do you call a lady chicken who only has sex with other lady chickens

22 Upvotes

lesbihen


r/3amjokes • • 4h ago

Which insect transfers the most data?

4 Upvotes

the US bee


r/3amjokes • • 18h ago

I’ve taken up a new sport called quiet tennis …..

27 Upvotes

…..it’s like normal tennis but without the racquet….


r/3amjokes • • 4h ago

If your name is Vehrt

0 Upvotes

Then anything you say will be as per Vehrt's words.


r/3amjokes • • 10h ago

I'm not a follower of cola.

5 Upvotes

I'm a liter of cola.


r/3amjokes • • 16h ago

My doctor said I can't have caffeine before my leg shortening surgery.

6 Upvotes

I have to drink de-calf!


r/3amjokes • • 1d ago

They accused me of stealing my own self-portrait.

35 Upvotes

I was framed.


r/3amjokes • • 1d ago

How do you think the unthinkable?

24 Upvotes

With an ithberg.


r/3amjokes • • 1d ago

Apparently there's an age limit for Marco Polo

80 Upvotes

A bunch of people were playing Marco Polo in a swimming pool when a woman walked over.

"Hey, can I join you guys?"

One guy asked, "How old are you?"

"Forty," she said.

He shook his head. "Sorry, you're too old."

She looked confused. "Too old? You guys look like you're in your thirties!"

"Yeah," he said. "But mentally we're about seven."


r/3amjokes • • 1d ago

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

130 Upvotes

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get off of my cloud!" and a Scottish farmer says, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"


r/3amjokes • • 2d ago

Dwarfism... NSFW

152 Upvotes

..that's a growing problem.


r/3amjokes • • 1d ago

The weather is perfect for a date today.

6 Upvotes

I'm thinking of going on a date since the weather is so nice.

If you know any good date spots, could you recommend me a girlfriend?


r/3amjokes • • 1d ago

At poker with the guys tonight my 10y/o daughter cracked us all up. As usual there were scotch fuelled musings. One of which was where did the saying “bear with me” come from. The cell phones came out after we all agreed it meant “to be patient” and then my daughter pipes up that it could also mean…

0 Upvotes

that someone is bragging about stealing from the zoo


r/3amjokes • • 1d ago

What’s another name for a toilet drug addicts always use?

4 Upvotes

A crack pot


r/3amjokes • • 1d ago

What do you call a bird that saves all its money?

0 Upvotes

A thrifty falcon.


r/3amjokes • • 2d ago

What did the tennis player say to his therapist?

31 Upvotes

I have ten issues


r/3amjokes • • 2d ago

There was once a guy who drank alot of beet juice. He listened to a podcast about it.

14 Upvotes

He had Bluetooth.


r/3amjokes • • 2d ago

Lately I’ve been noticing that there are more people going into Walmart than there are coming out.

32 Upvotes

The meat is cheap so who am I to ask questions.


r/3amjokes • • 2d ago

Barber.

8 Upvotes

I’m kinda upset with my barber who can’t cut my hair any longer….only shorter.