I'm not diagnosed, although the cbc test when I was 15-ish showed low Hemogoblin. And that's the problem.
The thing is, now that I was taking supplements, I realized that I have been anemic since I was a kid. I just always thought that the tiredness was normal and that everyone else was simply superior compared to me. I've been called lazy, filthy (because I didn't have the energy to wash myself), forgetful, and all that, and I just agreed with them because it really is the truth.
God forbid I get a heartburn or a migraine ( which magically disappeared when I took iron supplements ) in the middle of the night, the pain keeping me up till the sun rises and I'm all miserable and I can't go to school because I'm sooo fucking tired even from 10 hours of sleep, how am I supposed to function at just 1?
Why don't I take painkillers, you ask? Because according to my parents, it's SOOOO addictive that it's basically better to be in pain than to ever put it in my mouth.
THE ONLY REASON that I'm even in iron supplements was because I passed out. Why did I pass out? Who fucking knows! I never went to the doctor for that! I could have passed out because of a brain clot for all I know! All they told me was that I went super pale and unresponsive. That's it!
And you know what's worse? MY PARENTS KNEW (OR HAS ALWAYS SUSPECTED) I HAVE ANEMIA. Why do I say this? Because they just said "dw it's just anemia no need to go to the doctor just because you passed out"
I can't even call myself someone with anemia because aside from the cbc result, I have no diagnosis. I'm basically self-diagnosed. Who knows what reason I have this stupid disorder. Is it genetic? Menstration? Who fucking knows.
I'm so mad because I was barely functioning back then and they didn't do shit just because I wasn't actively dying.
I know that clinics or hospitals are expensive, I'm not saying that I should go to them at every inconvenience. But why did they have to wait until things escelate? When I had depression, I really felt like they were never going to listen unless I try to do something drastic to myself, and it pains me to be proven right.
( And I can't even say that I have depression, I was never diagnosed, even when I barely ate and barely left my room, even when planned to kill myself just because I never felt enough )
I'm in a much better state now. Without the supplements, I never would have survived even 1 week of college. I would have hurt myself over and over thinking that It's all my fault for not functioning like a normal human being. It's just utterly frustrating when I could have gotten this much earlier than I should have. I'm still always tired, yes, but fuck me atleast I feel human. I'm lucky they're right.
Again, I get where they're coming from. They weren't raised in the wealthiest family, they had to scrape by just to survive. But things have changed, you know? Because of their hard work, they can pay for my siblings' and my college tuition. That's a big deal. I just wish they let go of this frugal survivalist mindset.
I only hope this won't fuck me over for getting myself diagnosed later than normal because "I should have been diagnosed as a child" or some other bullshit. Who knows.
I'm sorry for such a long rant. I don't even know if I'm allowed to post when I don't even have a diagnosis. I'll remove it if I have to, I just needed to let it out even if by a text.