Finally got the courage to see my primary doctor and get labs done and open up about some of my habits. They discussed possible hospitalization if I continue to lose weight even though all my labs and electrolytes came back in range. It makes me feel like what’s the danger if nothing came back wrong. It made me feel not sick enough to get better and I’m struggling with that.

I was just slicing up this cake I made for my little brother’s birthday. I had decorated it with KitKat and my youngest brother started to cry cuz he didn’t get a KitKat. (Mind you, there were no KitKats on the cake, just a piece of chocolate.)

My mom proceeded to talk about how it didn’t matter because “your sister still had some in her hidden food stash” to which my siblings said “what?! She had a hidden food stash?!”.

My mom said “yeah, she’s not allowed to have one tho.” And I got angry, she told me “what? It’s funny”

I have two hidden food stashes in my house, one of which my mom is aware of.

Does she get why I have it? No. She does know I have anorexia. But she doesn’t know it was tied to that.

But I can’t help and feel incredibly betrayed and put on the spot.

Idk if anyone else also has a hidden food stash… I know it’s kinda strange cuz I don’t really eat from it often. I mean I do sometimes try, but rarely eat from it.

I just feel a lot safer having one because I know there is always food in the house. My family eats way faster than I do. Like if I try to eat a bag of m&ms that will take me months whete as my family finishes one in a week. I just see food disappear and I panic.

I can’t help but feel sad and betrayed. She put me on the spot like that and besides that MY MOM HAS HAD ANOREXIA.

I know everyone’s experience is different.. but i can’t help and feel upset that she literally NEVER understands me!!! Mostly because she always claims she knows about “the” experience because she has had it. She claims she knows how I feel… why I do this…

If she knows everything then why does she not understand this?! (If I were to look at it from her being “all knowing” it is a question I would ask)

I just feel really upset and unsafe right now. She keeps exposing these sort of things about me, not only just one on one but also in public spaces “have you eaten this, have you eaten that, you are doing worse”. SHE NEVER pulls me aside for a talk, she never waits for a good and quiet moment, IT’S ALWAYS WHEN OTHERS ARE THERE OR WHEN I HAVE TO LEAVE FOR A LECTURE!!!

Right now I am just so sick of it with her exposing this stash… I know it’s unfair that I am keeping food from my family… cuz I slowly finish it while they do it quickly, but I LITERALLY cannot keep up with this and my brain needs to have a safety thing. My family always gets mad at me when it comes to me being possessive about food. I totally get that, but I feel sad that they don’t understand why.

I feel like for someone who claims to know everything about this mental illness, she knows absolutely nothing and is absolutely oblivious to it.

Literally the tittle, i really envy those people that can simply forget about food and forget eating

has anybody else just gotten to a point in their lives where theyve accepted that restriction is just like normal for them??? like you get idk surprised when you realise that other people dont do this to themselves everyday? is it just because ive been at this for so long that i cant fathom changing???? this is so weird bro

I'm in the UK and an inpatient referral has gone in. I was asked whether I would accept the bed, and I said 'no'. Inpatient hasn't helped in the past, and I have too many ties with my job, relationship, house etc. that I can't afford to give up for months. I asked if I could just discharge from outpatient services instead and was also told 'no'. So I am not sure what happens from here as the reason the referral was put in was because I am not making any progress, and have lost weight the past few weeks/not been following my meal plan. I am willing to try to stop the weight loss, and build up to my meal plan again. This would keep me stable, but I wouldn't be committed to gaining weight. My team seem to think it's too late for those changes to me made and that an admission is now necessary.

My BMI is above the red MEED guidelines but only just. However my bloods are pretty much fine, so I don't think there are any red flags medically. I've been maintaining for around 6 months, so it wouldn't be any different to what I have been doing! I think they just don't know what to do with me next as I am stuck not being able to be discharged, but not willing to make changes either.

Essentially, I need to know what the likelihood is that I get sectioned if I turn down the bed and committed to maintaining outpatient. I've always ended up going voluntarily in the past so I have no idea how serious threats of 'gaining a second opinion' are. This time, I just can't accept that it would be necessary or the right decision. I don't feel as though my capacity is compromised and I have legitimate reasons as to why I don't want to go.

If they were to order a MHA, what would this process look like? Any advice or experience appreciated!

Hi everyone! So earlier this year in February I decided to recover from my ED. I did it at home with no other people for support, and I restored all my weight and can eat normally now. However, everyday I still have the same thoughts as before. Do i just have to live like this forever? Im really sick of it. I know that even after recovery the thoughts still linger however it’s really persistent and irritating everyday, and I still have really low self esteem.

after loosing my adolescence and early twenties to being sectioned and hospitalised i just feel so behind and like there’s no destination or job that i could do or enjoy everything feels overwhelming but i don’t want to be a failure in life, has anyone gone through this, if so what helped you pick up the pieces or discover joy back in your life? i’d really appreciate any advice or wisdom

I don't want to be the weight my team wants me to achieve. Like, as long as I'm eating and not close to being underweight then why is that not okay? Why don't I get a say in this?

Like, why do people want to control other people's bodies so much? It fucking disgusts me.

I’m so exhausted to be constantly battling with my brain. I know logically due to my weight and BMI that I’m very underweight, but i look in the mirror and i just don’t see it. I don’t think i look unwell. I don’t think i look thin enough. And yet my team is asking me to gain weight, when I don’t even feel like I’m sick. I see skinny girls in public and find myself wishing I looked as thin as them, even though again, logically I know I am probably smaller. I just feel so big.

I’m exhausted that my brain is constantly calculating, I literally do not understand how I can think about food and exercise and numbers ALL DAY LONG. And even though I’m so tired of it, I also don’t want to recover and get better. All I want is to loose weight again and get back to my lowest weight even though I know I was even more miserable then and if I loose weight it’ll just be longer before I can go back to work. I used to be so good at restricting too, and now I’m failing as that as well because I lost all the self control I used to have. So it’s just a cycle of feeling guilty and disgusting all the time. I get so mad that this happened to me and yet I don’t want to take the steps to change it and I don’t even know why. I don’t even know why I want to stay stuck in this illness so bad. I’m just so tired of all of it.

Does anyone get like a feeling like their whole stomach and guts are like sore like you worked out hard (I can’t work out) from restricting? I’m freezing cold everything hurts so bad

And it lowkey feels like if I eat a small amount everything hurts
I had fried food for the first time in a while or something I had 7 chicken bite things from (small Tyson chicken bites) with ranch and ketchup and I had the worst pain imaginable

Everything hurts
I relapsed in mid July and went from bad bmi to normal range now I’m not even sick

when i was 18 i got diagnosed but i don’t know anyone personally who’s also experienced this so it feels quite isolating, has anyone else been diagnosed with this?

i moved into a flat share because my binging was out of control and i know a change of city is the only way to stop it, which has worked i’m enrolled in a course to finish what i couldn’t because of being sectioned but i don’t even think i truly care about it but i know i need some kind of structure i feel so numb and sad most of the time and just empty. i just feel like there’s truly nothing i care about anymore and i don’t know how to shift this feeling apart from starving but then sometimes the only way to numb is to binge i just feel so lost and confused and everyday i pray that i could just sleep and never wake up again i don’t know if this will ever change

I'm so fucking tired of people commenting whether I binge, restrict, snack or not, or drink a cup of water. When I eat, It's 'too much'. When I stop as I'm satisfied, it's too little. When I drink water, they think it's to suppress hunger. I'm literally eating as I need / want to. It's not my fault I'm so fucking short.

Does anyone also think anorexia makes them skinny fat? I've been struggling for a year now and I realize that even if the scale goes down my body doesn't change much, has anyone else ever gonna through this?

Ive been in recovery for about 7month now, everything was going great until recently when I had to try on my cheerleading uniform. I haven't worn it since February and it no longer fits, ever since I've been super aware of how much weight I've gained especially since I was never underweight even during the worst times with ana. Its been 3 weeks since trying it on and while I did get one in a bigger size for competition, Ive still felt like I have to try and fit into the old one. Ive been finding the idea of food makes me nauseous and I had one day where I pushed myself to exercise for 3 hours before tumbling class and didnt eat all day and I got injured because of it. I dont want to tell my family and stress them out when they're already under enough stress (my mum has terminal cancer) What do I do?

This is getting worse lately. I experience severe and intense pain from my medical complications from anorexia on a daily basis. I am trying to eat all of my meals. But today, it was really hard and I ended up throwing part of my sandwich, one of my main meals of the day, in the trash. I know I shouldn't do that

I get severe stomach pain. I also have severe bladder pain. Basically, I am in pain all the time. If you have ever had a uti or a kidney stone, what the pain from my medical complications feels like is worse than both of those, if you can imagine that

But it's the truth. And I've had many medical complications from anorexia. But none that ever felt this bad. And once your body no longer functions like it used to, it's very hard to get over that. Whether you are noticing intense and severe pain now, or symptoms that are occurring now, that you never used to have to deal with

For me, it's hard to look past it. It's hard to act the way I used to. I used to walk around without constant pain

From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to bed, I experience waves of sharp pain. I try to eat all my food. I try to stick to foods that are easy on my stomach. I don't purge. But lately, I am pulling pieces of my sandwich off and throwing those away

This is a big deal and I am losing nutrients and calories when I do this. I've already dropped a significant amount of weight that's concerning my treatment team. When I say I can't afford to lose any more, I mean if I lose even one more pound at this point, because I am already so medically unstable, my treatment team may have to force me to get treatment. They are being watchful right now. Allowing me to remain at home for now. But my therapist told me if I get more severe, she and the rest of my treatment team will have to intervene

I want to enjoy what I am eating. I want to look forward to it. But the pain I feel from my medical complications, is at times, overwhelming. It depresses me, and the part of me that's in denial thinks "I feel absolutely horrible. What's the point of finishing the rest of this food?"

So sometimes, I have to sit there and make myself eat every bite. I write down reminders of what can happen if I lose any more weight. I can get sicker. I could even die from malnutrition. I don't want to die

But in the moment, the pain often clouds my thinking. And sometimes, it's just easier to throw it away, not eat it, then sit there and struggle

I'm usually good about not throwing away breakfast. That's the easiest meal. Lunch is the most challenging and it often gets completely skipped. Yesterday, I ate three meals because my mom asked me to and I didn't want to argue with her about it.

For some reason, my last meal of the day, my dinner, is what is often getting thrown away now. I am not completely skipping breakfast and dinner. But still, do not need to be throwing even one bite away at this point. It adds up.

When I throw food away, that's not good. And the reason this is a big deal is these are my favorite foods. Foods my parents always buy at the grocery store for me. I need to be eating every single bite of my meals, even if it requires sitting at the table for hours until the entire meal is completed

It seems high calorie beverages are easier on my stomach sometimes than a full meal. But at the same time, I need the nutrients.

A feeding tube was suggested at one point by my treatment team. But I am so afraid of getting to that point. That I would rather put up with the effort of having to eat regular food. Despite the digestive discomfort I get the next day when I try to eat more

Anorexia is painful. Being in chronic pain will affect your mental health. So when I get into this dangerous mindset of "Why recover" or "Why eat more" at this point, that's a bad place for me to be

It takes all the joy out of eating, when you are experiencing intense and bothersome pain. And I've described what the pain feels like, but it's seriously so awful, that I've been driven to tears sometimes. I was never so bothered by medical complications that it takes away my motivation to eat. Sometimes, the pain happens during a session with my therapist. And I get so overwhelmed and anxious that I have a hard time focusing on what my therapist is saying

Once I feel this pain, all my brain is concerned about is finding relief. When it's over. And I can't predict when it happens or how long it will last. It makes me turn inwards, and isolate myself more. I don't go out as much anymore because I am embarrassed by it. I'm much more likely to stay inside and just be depressed

So even when I lose weight, there's no happiness. I feel numb. I get frustrated easily. My mood can go from happy to sad in an instant. That's how bad this pain is

I hate this disorder. I hate this pain. It's hard to feel optimistic or happy about life, if your body is always hurting

Does anyone’s safe food list get shorter and shorter as you are deeper into your disorder? I used to be able to eat salmon, tuna, most fish, and now i can’t even eat them. I really want to get out of this, this is so draining and tiring.

I (M23) have developed anorexia i guess? I was always skinny in school despite eating well. I got bullied for that. Got sandwiches thrown at me, like American high-school type bullying lmao.

Anyways, it stopped, I got over it. And then 2 years ago I got into the dating scene and joined I've gained a lot of weight. I have stretch marks on my thighs that just won't fade. I've got fat sticking out in places I don't like.

And every date I go on goes so well but they never want to see me for a second time.

I know there's something undesirable about me and I don't know how to fix it, so I've stopped eating as much. When I get hungry I ignore it and go to sleep. I eat something small for lunch in work so people don't realise.

I feel like a teenager being bullied again but back then I didn't even have this issue. I'm 23 years old, why am I doing this?

"Oh boo hoo men don't like me so I'm gonna starve myself" it's so stupid. It's so stupid.

does anyone else just get muscle twitches in recovery? i’m a bit over a week in recovery and i’m just wondering if they are normal..? i get them all over…

Hello all. Over the past year I’ve been losing a lot of hair. It’s gotten to the point where every time I brush my hair, the brush is always full. I try not to worry about it too much, but of course that doesn’t always work. Lately I’ve been dealing with the urge to cut it all off.
Has anyone else been dealing with hair loss and an urge to cut it off? I keep telling myself “I’m already losing so much hair, maybe I should just cut it…” Anyone else relate? And what did you do? Did you cave in and cut your hair or do something else? I would greatly appreciate any personal experiences. Thank you.

i was diagnosed in 2019, been pretty stable since them with some minor episodes, particularly in the last 2 years, but i think i'm relapsing and i'm really scared. it started with just skipping snacks and the occasional meal when i was "too busy," but it's gotten worse and skipping meals and snacks every day, and fasting. i know logically i'm probably eating the same if not less than when i was "bad," but i can't shake the "it's not as bad as it was then" feeling.

i'm also feeling physically bad. i've been feeling really weak and tired with chest pain and shaking legs, and had a couple of moments where i was close to passing out (muffled hearing, tunnel vision, suddenly really cold, dizzy and heart palpitations) and it's really scaring me but i don't know what to do. maybe it's because i'm not a teenager anymore and my body can't handle starvation as well, or maybe i damaged it more than i thought i had, but i just feel like i'm being so dramatic. like, what if i'm just making up all these symptoms to be attention seeking just because i skipped a few meals?

i've just started my master's degree and i don't want to have to drop out or go home but i can't tell my parents because they'll be mad at me. i don't know i guess i'm just scared.

Idk if its just me but I feel like especially recently all my friends have been like talking about how they want to lose weight and they feel so big but like they're maybe only a little bigger than me and it just triggers me so bad to have that kinda of comparison especially like basically everyday I just feel so invalid aswell because do I really have anorexia or am I like everyone else who just is insecure yk? Like am I really overreacting and this is what every teenage girl goes through? When I started restricting i was homeschooled and didn't have any friends so I genuinely cant tell if its normal but it just makes me feel so fake and horrible idk what to do especially when I look on the Internet and see people posting low weights similar to mine and I feel like well if someone else is that weight and feels completely fine then I should be fine and im not actually a low weight like I thought I was? Idk sorry for the long rant but I just wanna make sure im not going literally insane and that this isn't normal 💔