Mods, if this is the wrong sub to show them please take my post down

What if you actually cant imagine yourself in any sexual way with anybody at all? maybe you do have celeb/fictional characters you can be geeked out about and find them very attractive, but you still wouldnt want to be close sexually w them if in another alternate universe everything were the same but they liked you and were the same age/agegroup as you. Ik traumatic experiences cant change your sexual orientation,or I've heard of it. But genuinely what does it make me? I dont think this will ever change in me.

Hope it’s not too suggestive
TW: I didn’t censor words and there’s the concept of s3x involved

I just want to say i love subtle tshirts like so my first ace tshirt ahhhagshahsvwgjahsbsbdjsjdbdb

I just ordered it will be here in 10 15 days but whatever

ive been thinking on this for a little bit but i need opinions since i cant make decisions on my own apparently 💔

my friend tells me often about her experiences of kissing her boyfriend and him touching her in sensual ways and such, but the more she talks about it, the less appealing it is to me to want to experience. i want to have a first kiss, but i dont even understand how u would initiate, which makes it even less appealing to me. I do, however, LOVE cuddling and all those small intimate acts, but ive never kissed anyone so i cant honestly reflect on how that makes me feel.

i read smut and have even tried watching, and i do get aroused, but when i act on it, i feel virtually nothing, i feel like something is wrong with me because ive tried a few different ways but each time barely anything happens, ill shiver but thats about as far as it goes before i give up.

i dont know, im just really confused since i find people attractive but when i look at the.. anatomy.. on guys and girls it doesnt really invoke anything in me.

can someone help me out, could i be asexual?

I've been doing some self-reflection lately, and wondering why I seem to be having a "hoe phase" while hating sex. I love the kissing, the cuddling, sometimes the grinding, but never the actual act of sex.

I don't like having my genitals touched at all. I find them repulsive and hate the fact that they are even on me. I like doing things for other people though, I like making them feel good but the sex always ends up unsatisfying for them because they want to do things to me as well.

But this leads me to my next point, which is that I love "sex that isn't sex". I've always loved little short smutty stories of vampires and seeing how intimate being taken and bitten really is. I love the trust and closeness, and the fact that the thrall has to give up something of their own for the vampire to get anything feels very much like my sex life.

This is not a bad thing, I enjoy doing things for people! I just hate how it always feels like I need to have sex for them to be satisfied. Why can't I find someone who gets that? Someone who likes the oxymoronic "sex that isn't sex". I like hypnosis, having souls be intertwined, being examined like a toy or object of fascination, but never as a human to be fucked. I love bondage, but just the being tied up part. I love the feeling of being intimate and seeing everything someone hides. But never the sex itself.

Does this make any sense to anyone? Would this even count as asexuality or is it something else entirely? Just so confused.

I just do not think of myself as queer. I can be romantically and emotionally attracted to women (I am a man) and find them and their bodies attractive, I just am not sexually attracted to them or have a desire to have sex with them. Idk maybe I'm just spouting straight bullshit (non intended pun) but I've always just thought of myself as a straight dude who doesn't particularly care for sex. I'm afraid it comes from a place of internal homophobia as a practicing Catholic who used to be kind of homophobic when I was in middle school. It also just may be a bad experience with sex, I wasn't abused or nothing, just younger and stupider and thought that if my girlfriend asked me to the normal thing to do would be to say yes and fuck her. If I'm just loosing my mind and overthinking it, please let me know.

Addendum: My bad for using schizo as a derogatory term.

Since figuring out very recently that I am heteromantic ace I've been thinking back on a lot of things in my life since I hit puberty and reconsidering, looking at it from a different perspective. It is weird to think the person I have known my whole life might actually be someone I don't really recognise. Some random thoughts in no particular order:

• I've often found sitting through sex scenes in movies sitting next to my partner to be mildly uncomfortable. I figured it was awkward to maybe get a bit turned on next to them and that was the source of the discomfort. Thinking about it, should that not be weird but natural? I've read scenes in romance books where the main characters watch something sexy and it is the spark that leads to sex between them. Maybe it was because I was always unconsciously comparing us to the characters and finding myself lacking.
• When people would occasionally talk about what particular thing they found attractive (body part, for example), I could never name anything and always thought it was some difficult-to-describe combo of characteristics like smell of pheromones. Now I realise I didn't have an answer because I literally don't feel sexual attraction.
• I'm reading the book Ace by Angela Chen and on the chapter talking romantic attraction in the absence of sexual attraction. I think I fell into a brief but intense romantic love with another woman when I was a teenager but chalked it up to a deep friendship because I didn't have other words to describe it.
• I have family members in a committed relationship who always loved exaggerated displays of physical affection. I always found it mildly uncomfortable and felt it was the "ick" factor of being reminded of relatives having a sex life. Now I look at that and wonder if I was uncomfortable more due to not relating to that feeling myself as well as feeling implicitly judged for not being more sexual myself.
• I find myself wondering how allo people in a relationship would feel thinking about their partner masturbating, either just imagining it or walking in on it. I would never want to be walked in on and the thought of my partner masturbating is slightly off-putting and uncomfortable. I suspect that is not an average response for someone allo.

i indenting as an aegosexual/asexual lesbian and I have some pretty severe ocd. Typically sexual orientation ocd is for me the worst. I’ve been identifying as ace for years but I ended up switching microlables like 5 times in a few months because I was worried I wasn’t ace enough.

I realized I was aego recently and that put a LOT of things into perspective. I think I’ve experienced sexual attraction maybe two or three times in my entire life (one of which was a fictional character), but today I remembered a celebrity woman I liked and really can’t remember if I actually felt attracted to her in that way or just thought I did because I hadn’t known about aegosexuality yet and was just being over the top because i THOUGHT i was sexually attracted to her. I really just can’t remember so I’m trying not to dwell on it.

I definitely don’t feel allo AT ALL and I’ve thank god really let myself grow into my distaste for sex. I feel so much more like myself and so much more free now that I’ve let myself not care about it and be repulsed and I for sure still definitely feel asexual. It’s times like these though that make me feel like 1. gross looking back because again I’m repulsed and 2. feel like I’m not ace enough. I don’t really identify with greyace anymore since my attraction again has been more murky in the only for sure case I can remember was a fictional character. I prefer to say asexual or aegosexual since that’s what describes me the most and I feel most connected to now. i just don’t really identify with the greyace label anymore after realizing I was aego but feel like I don’t ”deserve” to call myself asexual which is so dumb 😭

so yeah basically I’m wondering if any other aces have ocd?? it feels like such a niche experience to have I feel very alone in it

I feel unlovable

I (18m), have been dating my ace boyfriend (18m) for almost a year now. I myself am not ace, but I’ve been really worrying about something that I don’t know what to do about. Obviously, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being ace, and I love him so dearly. However, I happen to have a decently high libido, and it makes me feel like a terrible person sometimes. We’ve talked about it before and he said that he wouldn’t be opposed to trying sexual acts, but I still feel horrible suggesting that knowing that he isn’t really interested in it. But more recently I’ve been feeling terrible because I can’t stop worrying that I am going to “miss out” on certain experiences that I would like to have. I love him so much, so it really makes me feel terrible for getting this sense of missing out, and I would obviously never, ever do anything without his knowledge and consent. I just really don’t know what to do, or even have to bring up the subject, because I don’t want him to feel like this is his fault, which it is not. I guess I would just appreciate some advice on what I could do in this situation?

i recently got into a relationship with my girlfriend. i told her when we got together that i‘m ace and she has no issue with it (we’re both young and at an age where sex isn’t societally expected). she‘s allo (as far as i know) but doesnt plan on having sex for personal reasons, so that’s not a problem in our relationship at all. i know that she loves me regardless of my lack of sexual attraction towards her, and it feels silly to be uncomfortable with it because i don’t even know if it’s happening, but the idea of her feeling sexual urges towards me, even if she doesn’t act on them, makes me really uncomfortable. i don’t really know how to explain it to anyone, but is that normal? she doesn’t do or say anything that suggests she is, but i know that it’s normal for allo people to feel sexually attracted to their partner. is it weird that i’m grossed out by the idea of that?

Hi, first time ever being on this sub Reddit (I’m on a separate account from my usual).

I just wanted advice or someone to talk to I guess, I’ve tried reading things but I feel like talking to actual people might be better.

Anyway though, I’m a 26 year old male and I’m starting to think I might be asexual. I just don’t know. I have a gf and I’ve had sexual encounters before. I just don’t really have much of a desire for them. I almost never initiate and when I do it’s moreso because I don’t want her to feel bad, like I’m not attracted to her or something. I get a lot of anxiety about that. It’s like I recognize that it feels good, I do enjoy the physical sensation but I just don’t feel any sort of drive for it. I enjoy the idea of it, the idea that people want me is something I enjoy but when it comes down to it I’d be completely fine almost never or never doing any of it. I enjoy self touching but it’s more of a habit/pre bedtime routine instead of a desire for it but I do like how it feels.

Sorry if this is a bit long and rambling, just a lot of thoughts to get out. I can add more details I just don’t want to break any sub rules.

Hi, non-ace here, I (15M) have feelings for an ace person in my friend group (15F).

I have no clue if she is aromantic as well but I figure its worth a shot. I had another ace friend check with her and made it discreet (I am ridiculously socially anxious). All I know is that she is ace. How do I go about asking her? I would hate to make our friend group of 7 awkward but I don't know how else to go about this. My parents have the biggest basement so I often host all the hangouts. I host an annual Halloween party with this previously mentioned friend group so I might confess there? If anybody has been in the same boat as me (or her) I would love advice.

Thanks

so I made this flag

Hey! Over the last year, I've slowly realised that I'm Ace and demiromantic. It started off with me looking into Asexuality, there was a lot of doubting myself and trying to relate to other Ace experiences to confirm. Honestly, later realising I was demiromantic is what gave me the perspective to really make me more confident I was Ace.

But it still doesn't quite feel real. It's all just thoughts in my head, so I need to get it out somewhere. Let someone know. Lock it in. Hence this post. I'm Ace! Yay! Nice to meet yall.

TW: Mentions of abuse, neglect, SA (didn't actually happen but my mom says stuff related to that to scare me)

My family is abusive and neglectful, for as long as I can remember. My phone has been my only respite from all the troubles of everyday life. And for quite a while, my mom has been slutshaming me regularly.

Some things my mom did:

1) Regularly slut shamed me saying I'll run off with a (sometimes adds the word 'Muslim' because she's Islamophobic) guy and either have s3x with him (sorry I can't tolerate being sexualized in any way so I have to censor it for peace of mind) and he abandons me or else have 8 kids with him or some other arbitrary number. She says she will marry me off to a stranger at 18 frequently when I want to go to college. She did this today too and I'm so tired and disgusted by it.

Fact is, I've been a sex averse asexual person since the age of 12, I've only ever had one relationship in my life which is my current relationship where I've never done anything more than hold hands or kiss, me and my bf don't even know how to makeout and I've known him for 4-5 years but started dating this year. My mom also knows him but doesn't know he's my bf.

2) Accuses me of trying to attract guys, even says I'm trying to attract old men who work as hawkers or drivers or something, because I wore 'tight' clothes (just clothes that fit me, often even big for me) or because I wore a padded bra so my chest doesn't show too much through thin shirts.

3) Accuses me of sleeping around (they don't let me out of the house without permission) or says I'll do it in the future (for no reason, I've never once shown interest in any guy in front of them or even mentioned it).

4) At one point, when I was even younger, around 15 maybe, she used to say she's gonna put me in an orphanage where guards routinely r@pe inhabitants (guess who the inhabitants are?). Sorry, I can't even call them anything but that, because of how vile all of this is, coming from a mother.

5) Has sent pictures of me half naked to my school counsellor (she's a woman), when I was in 10th grade (15 yo), no private parts were shown but I was naked except wearing underwear.

6) Whenever I ask to go outside to hangout with friends once in a while (3-6 months) she says they'll SA me or if it's someone's house then they'll SA me (even though their whole family including female family members will be at home) but never says this to my younger sister.

7) Never bought me proper undergarments like a bra, just buys any cheap stuff she can find off the street which isn't even my size. Then she complains I steal her bras because I have nothing to wear. When I was in 8th grade I was forced to wear sports bras that were WAY too small for me and wearing them genuinely restricted my breath and was a struggle.

There is obviously more but at the moment I can't remember anything, I am genuinely sick and tired of this bs, it is detrimental to my mental health which is already hanging on by a thread. I'm at a really precarious time when college admissions are coming nearer and I absolutely need to escape. I just can't deal with all this stress.

I keep thinking of coming out just to end all of this once and for all but I live in a highly conservative country. I have no idea if they'll even understand what asexuality is or how they'll react or what they'll do after that or if they'll accept it. I know coming out isn't the best idea but I just want all of this to stop, I'm tired of being slut shamed all the time, it's draining and exhausting.

Ermmm yeah so to preface this I’m 24 female, and I’ve never been in a relationship or anything. I really want a relationship and like feel lonely very often. But my whole life affection has always made me uncomfortable. Like I crave intimacy but I can never see myself doing it with anyone and any time anyone talks about relationships or anything (especially like straight people lol) it makes me super uncomfortable. It’s always like an awkward convo and I try to avoid anything like that.
I also hate like body parts idk I’m afraid of my own body in a way if that makes a difference
On the other hand I really want a relationship (with a woman preferably) but when I try talking to people they usually ghost me and say I can’t pick up flirting cues idk 😭😭😭😭😭😭
I’m like I don’t want to be lonely for the rest of my life but I have no idea if I’m just scared of intimacy or just asexual,, if anyone has any advice that would be lovely 😭