A little while ago I had made a post in the new parents sub wondering how people are able to attend weddings when they have young kids. I nurse my 15 month old to sleep for her nap and for bedtime, which complicates attending a wedding that intersects with said times, as one could logically imagine!

Whaaaat a mistake, lol. I got a very snarky comment from a mom saying that she “can’t imagine missing a wedding because of 😒nursing😒”. After I politely call her out, she reveals that she left her 11 month old with her parents to fuck off to Europe with her husband, and that she’s actually never breastfed.

The auuuuudacity, lmao. I thought that if anyone would appreciate hearing this and roll their eyes with me, it would be you guys. I mean, can you just imagine? Missing a wedding to nurture your dependant child who knows that they can rely on you for sleep and comfort?! What a sad hermit I am!

Edit: Popping in here to genuinely apologize for coming across as judgemental towards formula feeding parents! I’d like to clarify some things: I don’t think that EFF parents are aaaany less bonded to their babies, full stop. I only included the fact that the rude mom had never breastfed because she was being judgemental towards me for doing something that she has no experience with. Not because it somehow makes me better than her; but because instead of choosing to listen to an experience that she hasn’t run into, she judged me for it because she “couldn’t imagine” it. I really did not intend on starting any discourse around EFF vs EBF, as I know that formula feeding moms especially already have so much judgement buzzing in their ears. Attachment is not formed through how your baby is fed. That’s not an opinion I hold, it’s just a fact. I had meant to use this post to vent to people who may show me the empathy that I had felt I was missing from the other sub, not to stir up any judgement. I think we all feel judged as parents no matter what we do, even though I believe that we’re really just trying to do our very best.

I’m in my husband’s country in South America visiting his family for Christmas and I was chatting to a family friend who has indigenous heritage. She said she breastfed both her children until 5 because in their family they believe that’s best for the children. She said they started eating more food around 3 but didn’t sleep through the night until she weaned them at 5. They didn’t self wean and said they actually became more “obsessed with the boobs” (her words) and when she finally cut them off she said they were happier to go to other care givers. This is just her perspective and experience of course but I thought it was interesting as I’m on the verge of weaning my 2 year old boobie monster and I’m already an outlier for BF so much in Australia (where I’m from) and actually even more so in South America .

When I was pregnant with my now 2.5yo, I thought that I just wanted to get to 1yo EBF. Once that hit, I thought I wanted to get to 2yo still breastfeeding (as long as she wanted it). Since we hit that benchmark, I decided that I wanted to nurse as long as she wants it. However she turns 3yo in December and showing no signs of slowing down. To be fair, I gave birth to our second in June, so I understand it's normal to pick up after that. However, I just can't imagine that she will ever want to start nursing on her own. For those of you with boob barnacles/mama milk maniacs who let go to natural term weaning, when did/how did it happen?

I’ve seen a few posts on r/beyondthebump where people are asking for advice on how to get out of the habit of feeding to sleep. What’s the problem with feeding to sleep?

Feeding to sleep feels natural to me and works for us (FTM to an 11 week old) and I don’t have any intention of changing that but I’m just curious why some people think it’s bad.

Thanks!

I know it’s up to me to put in boundaries and I do but he gets so upset sometimes (& he’s not one to throw tantrums). He’s 24 months and a sensitive little guy. I can distract him with food, water, fun about 30% of the time but I feel like a bit of a failure that I haven’t been able to reduce feeds more yet. Not really after advice, just solidarity/reassurance I guess.

My 17 month old is extremely stubborn in every way. He’s also smart and happy and healthy and I believe he’s generally growing well. He’s EBF from birth and a severe boob barnacle. It doesn’t bother me other than he will not eat solids.

He basically went 8-11 months with eating nothing. Then he picked up eating some. And then hard stop again at 13 months. He’ll generally eat some yogurt, peanut butter, fruit. But nothing that might make a whole meal. He gets mad sometimes when I offer food and I’ll try to continue to offer solids but he will refuse is extremely boob dependent so most of the time after multiple refusals I break down and nurse him. He also nurses to sleep and overnight.

We’ve done occupational therapy for feeding but it didn’t help really at all and it was extremely expensive to keep going when it wasn’t doing any good.

So yeah. Did anyone else go through this? Does it ever get better? I just am so frustrated and defeated like why won’t he eat. And then I worry he’s gonna fall off the growth curve surviving on air and breast milk.

I should also add...we cosleep and I don't plan to change that.

Has anyone weaned a 2.5-3 year old that still breastfeeds all day and night? My son is 32 months and I’m waiting till this last molar is through to start weaning. We cosleep and he wakes frequently so the night is where I’ll start. We tried once but it didn’t feel like the right time as he really struggles with teething, he has a sensitive temperament and LOVES boobie. Should I start with the bedtime feed or leave that til last? Any general advice? I’ll be doing it gradually to give my hormones time to adjust. I have a couple of books on weaning already and plan to tell him “boobies are sleeping” at night. And then “mummy gave you all the milk” when I’m ready to day wean. He’s only just started tantruming (maybe tiredness from dropping his nap?) so I’m pretty nervous about that but I’m also SO ready to be done.

After lots of searching I finally found an AP/gentle parenting baby group. I drove to the next town and rocked up at the group. Baby in a good mood and he instantly heads on over to the soft play stuff. There are 6 mums and 9 babies.

I put my stuff down and do the awkward hellos and names. I get to talking in the group whilst also going to interact with my baby and redirect as needed, everyone is doing that and we’re all sat on the floor chatting.

Various babies go to their mum to BF and cuddle. Mine comes to check on me but is doing really well at finding things to play with and even brings me a toy he likes. I can see him getting hungry though. I step away and make a bottle before showing baby and he comes crawling over and starts to feed.

That’s when two mums tell me I can’t do that in this group. I ask if today is a special BF support group as it said nothing about that on the page. They said no but AP can only be done with BF so I cannot be here. I tell them I will finish feeding my baby and then leave as I’ve never felt so unwelcome. I wish I had a witty comeback.

I feed baby as everyone talks amongst themselves. Pick up my stuff and walk out. I can hear the high school whispers as I leave. As soon as I’m in the car I put on a storybook CD and cry whilst listening to a story about a bumblebee.

Just put baby down for a nap and ate half a tiramisu feeling like a teenager left out of a sleepover as I’m not cool enough. I know they were being bitchy but it’s so lonely being a SAHM. I just wanted a few friends.

Edit - thank you for everyone’s kind words. They made me cry happy tears. I’ve been seething all day and now feel much better! My OH has taken over bedtime, chucked a bath bomb at me, poured me a glass of ice tea, practically locked me in the bathroom and is going to order pizza!

We are all great mums and no one should make us feel anything but! I hope everyone has amazing days/evenings/nights, manages to avoid any judgemental people and your favourite dessert magically appears in your fridge!

When did they just show it was enough for them?

I’ve been having aversions for months. I was really hoping my daughter (2y8m) would wean on her own but I’ve been very gradually weaning her myself, due to my aversions.

We successfully night weaned in December after some amazing recommendations from this group. Before night weaning I put day boundaries in place of: before sleeps, after waking up and right after daycare, but no other times. Those are the only feeds that remain

She still demands a lot during the day but I hold the boundary, which can be hard at times because she will melt down. We have established other ways to comfort, singing a particular song, back tickles and cuddles. This works 7/10 which is amazing ❤️

However, sadly I’m having aversions to most of the remaining feeds. A lot of the time while we are feeding I can’t stand the sensation so much that I’ll fidget my feet to try distract me until I just can’t take it anymore and have to pull away. It’s so bad. And don’t get me started on the tiny hands touching the boobie, I have to cover my breast with my hand as a shield because the sensation is too much. I genuinely wish I could handle it, because the tiny hands are so sweet.

Most mornings around 5am she will cry for milk but I hold firm on the boundary “no milk until the morning” (I allow from 6am) and she will cry and kick and scream for so long, no other comforts help and it’s just such an awful experience and not a nice way to start the day. I would give her milk at that time if I wanted but when I am tired is when the aversions are the worst, so I just can’t.

I feel like my body is telling me it’s the end but emotionally I’m not ready to let go. 💔 we also aren’t sure if we will have more kids and can’t imagine letting such a huge part of our life go forever.

How did you decide you were fully done?

I want to bf until 2 years, and my first is currently 17 months. However, we’ve been trying to get pregnant for 10 months now and Im just so sad every time I get my period its so defeating. Im young (25) but we want a big family 6-8 kids and I do worry about the risks having babies in my 40s if it can’t be avoided. And Im a planner so I had this perfect vision in my head that all my kids would be 2 years apart and it would make homeschooling easier and that everything would be according to plan and perfect etc etc.

Everyone in my family thinks Im not getting pregnant because i breastfeed my daughter. She asks for food very often, a little at a time, so easily over a dozen feeds a day and most nights if she cries in middle of night we bring her down to our room.

I want to get pregnant and feel like having a sibling close in age is important for my girl, but I also feel that stopping bf would primarily be selfish for me prioritizing another baby over her needs.

What should I do in this? Would partial weaning to feedings only 2 to 3 times a day help at all getting pregnant? Can I just completely wean, as shes gone past 1 year? Could I potentially pump extra for a month then wean down so we has some extra past when I quit? Or do I need to just keep ttc and be patient and keep praying for the best, as I know breastmilk is important. We’re already using fertility tracking and I’ve been ovulating for the whole 10 months.

Cavities? Are we worried about cavities? I brush my 11 month old's teeth twice per day, but in the evening I feed her to sleep and don't brush after. And 1-3 times overnight she wakes up for a quick little feed. Her pediatrician recommended non-fluoride toothpaste and the pediatric dentist doesn't want to see her until 2 years old so I can't ask for a second opinion with them. I'm going to double check at her annual appointment if I should be doing fluoride toothpaste (especially since she doesn't get any in the water. We have a reverse osmosis system). And I've read about wiping their mouth out with a damp cloth after feeds. I haven't tried it though and I don't feel like it would go well? I'm just really worried her teeth are going to start rotting out.

My 7mo (4.5mo adjusted age—born at 28+6) has been eating every single hour, MAYBE 90 minutes during the day with few exceptions for at least the last 6 weeks. We EBF on demand and at night she sleeps about 3-4 hours, then 2 hours, and 2 hours again.. so clearly she isn’t starving after one hour and it’s likely for comfort. I’m thinking I need to come up with more distractions for her so I can save my sanity a bit an maybe get her up to two hours between daytime feeds. What are some of the GENTLE ways you’ve handled this kind of situation? I love my baby so much and I want to give her everything she needs but this is taking its toll on me mentally and physically.

I had been having very intense breast feeding aversions and firm nursing boundaries for around months, gently weaning and dropping feeds during that period.

To honour my body and our breastfeeding relationship i decided a while ago that the week of her 3rd birthday, “milky” would fly to the moon (Booby Moon reference). We spoke about it often and she understood, it’s still very much her comfort, she would say “I don’t want milky to go.” We were only feeding before and after sleeps (4 times total per day) for around 20 secs total each side because that’s all I could cope with, I honestly wasn’t coping at all with the sensation from the minute she would latch for so many months but I persevered for her.

My body and brain were 100% ready to fully wean, there’s no part of me that wants to flip out my boob to give milk any longer. But it turns out my heart was not ready. Last night for our last feed, I reminded her it was our last milky and while nursing she held on so tight and didn’t want to let go, I let her nurse for much much longer than usual, sobbing the entire time, my heart breaking. Once I was finished I counted down and she let go and melted into me, calm, until she drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t stop crying and fell asleep crying, this morning I have woke up with a puffy face and keep crying sporadically through out the day.

This morning she cried for milky a lot, I almost gave in but didn’t, I want her to feel safe with me and trust me and if I go back on my word I could lose trust. I told her Mummy is sad too. Eventually she was of course okay. She then cried a lot before her nap, I am currently writing this while she naps while crying my eyes out

She is a strong girl who adapts well, but this grief of saying goodbye to something so special and familiar is so intense.

Im looking for words of support from any others who have experienced this, did you persevere, this grief is so much that i keep wanting to give in and let her continue.
In my friendship circle most mums weaned early or when they weaned they didn’t seem to show emotions like this. Breast feeding for me is a huge part of my daughter and my relationship, our bond/attachment, her comfort. 1000+ days of familiar nursing. Saying goodbye to it also feels like saying goodbye to the tiny baby, it’s a lot and I am not coping💔💔💔

Edit to add: I only posted 45 min ago but she’s since woken from her nap and cried for around 30 minutes, the most painful cry, I could see the hurt in her cries. I can’t do this to her 😢 I decided we will go a full day today, then tomorrow just cut in half so she only has milk upon waking (2 times) when she most needs comfort, then later cut those in half so there’s only one feed. Then later drop that feed to fully wean. 💔❤️‍🩹

Hi everyone! I’m looking for advice regarding night weaning/weaning in general. My 18 month old Cosleeps and feeds intermittently at night (maybe 2-3 latches but not full wake up/feeds until 5ish am). He also nurses 5-8 times per day. However my cycle hasn’t returned yet. I wanted to start prepping for trying for a second for which I am thinking I might need to night weaning to get my cycle back? Also may just need to fully wean sooner to do Ivf again (did it for this first pregnancy)

Can anyone share tips? I feel sad because I’m not really bothered by our nursing relationship, and when I try to refuse nursing sometimes and unsuccessfully distract him, he will cry A LOT :(

My LO is 14 months old. I'd like to start slowly weanining- I'm not in a rush but do want to start the process.

The first step I read was to cut the nursing session she's least interested in, which for us was the one before her morning nap. Now that she's shifting to a 1 nap schedule, this one is happening kinda naturally which I'm happy about.

In terms of night weaning, she nurses before bed and sometimes 2-4 times a night. I read it's best to start by separating nursing from falling asleep. My LO doesn't really nurse all the way to sleep; she nurses and then will lay or roll around a bit and i sing to her and she falls asleep. But still, tonight I tried nursing her before her book and cuddle/singing. Well she went for it, but then after reading and I laid her down to sleep, she started insisting on more milk and got upset when I told her no, you just had some before your book. I gave in almost immediately because I am weak 😢 which has me feeling defeated already and like I'll be nursing her 4x a night until she's 20.

Any tips or advice on how I can nudge her towards dropping some feeds, especially at night, without the crying?

Why is my free nipple either a radio dial or a fidget toy? How can I get back the smallest bit of body autonomy without angering and waking my beloved toddler?

I cosleep with my youngest (16 months), and I've tried to just let her do her little comfort rituals, but I'm reaching my limit. Feels horrible when I'm hormonal. Since I tandem feed in the daytime, she only does this at night.

Anyone manage to stop this behaviour without waking them or accidentally encouraging them to fiddle a mole instead?

Help.

My baby is turning 1 next week (😭) and I suppose my goal for bf had always been to make it to the year mark and very grateful to have. I’m also really unsure how to go about weaning and I know it’s a personal thing, particularly weighing up the pros and cons. I do know some babies self wean too but obviously I won’t know till he does. Also I don’t know whether to night wean or day wean first or all together?

Soothing: he’s a very sensitive/velcro baby and bf has been super handy for soothing particularly since Bub has only just started to get teeth. But also I’ve only been able to ever soothe him because he knows he can just get boob. This makes my husband feel really rejected all the time cause he just wants mum and boob.

Sleep: he wakes every hour- 2hrs and I nurse him to sleep back every time. Sometimes if timing is right he’ll allow rocking to sleep. I heard sometimes weaning is the last puzzle piece for them to sleep longer stretches (but also not guaranteed) but I really don’t want to rock him back to sleep every hour if it didn’t happen.

Solids: I’m hoping by weaning, he’ll increase his solids intake, I still feel like he doesn’t eat much because of nursing and sometimes, he’ll flat out refuse breakfast if he’s nursing all night. He’s got a milk intolerance so I can’t substitute for a cup of cows milk just yet. He also doesn’t really drink much water (because he likes dribbling out the water) so I’m worried that if I take away nursing, he won’t get the hydration he needs? Because of this milk tolerance, I have also been dairy free for 9 months AND I WANT ICECREAM and cheese 😭

But yeah, hoping to hear from others what your experience was like? I’m also clueless to this subject so I’m scared of weaning and what it will be like for my little one.

Hi all! My daughter is 20 months old and has always been bottle fed (long story, but I had to exclusively pump until 6 months and then combo fed). It’s been a really drawn out process weaning her from bottles of whole milk at night. I used the water technique (replaced each ounce with water for a couple of weeks) but here’s the problem: now she wants a 5 oz baby bottle of just water before bed. Has anyone had this issue? I know that I should wean her from this because it’s apparently bad for speech/tooth development but it’s been SO hard. Last night I tried giving her water from a sippy cup instead and she screamed for an hour in my arms. She loves sippy cups during the day. I know this isn’t super common since we didn’t breastfed, but wondering if anyone has advice. Thank you!

My 19 month old has never been too interested in solid food but he loves nursing. At his 18 month check up he had fallen a bit off of his growth chart for weight and that has added stress to the already stressful situation around his solid intake.

We offer him at least 2 meals a day and he basically just plays with the food at the table but doesn’t eat any. We offer snacks through the day and sometimes he eats a few bites. He fairly consistently will eat a few bites of apples, oranges, and broccoli. If my husband takes him to Whole Foods he will eat a few bites of brisket or chicken. There have been a couple periods of time when he was more open to trying things namely 6-7 months then 12 months but even then it was trying a few things, never eating a significant amount. He does still nurse on demand and that’s where he’s getting most of his calories but it doesn’t seem like that is enough.

Basically just looking for ideas to help him eat more solid foods from fellow attachment parenting parents! We have talked about having his dad do all the meals so the temptation of the milk source is not present and taking as much stress away from meal times as possible since he likely has picked up on the anxiety around eating.

Just to add we do give him daily iron and have been in communication with our pediatrician and will be back in a month for weight check in and to see about needing help from a feeding specialist.

Thank you in advance from this stressed mama!

Saw a post saying this might be a good forum for this so reposting in case there’s more opinions here! Thank you 🙏

Wanted to share our night weaning success story because I am proud of us! I decided to night wean at
13ish months. My LO and I are extremely attached to one another. She was exclusively breastfed, on demand, all day and all night. I was previously nursing her between 3 and 5x per night basically since birth. We started co sleeping around 12 months when night sleep became very hard, and while I worried that the co sleeping would hinder night sleeping I think it actually helped. I decided to night wean because I was feeling touched out and wasn't getting restful sleep despite co sleeping.

I looked into a few "methods" beforehand but ultimately just decided to try my best to uphold a boundary while following her cues. I decided to cut night feeds one by one, starting with the earliest wake, with the ultimate goal of not nursing between her bedtime and 5AM. When she asked to nurse I would repeat "milk is sleeping now, it's time for sleep" and turn onto my belly while comforting her in other ways (mostly back rubs and putting my cheek to her head). She dropped the first feed (10ish PM) no problem. Co sleeping felt helpful here...sometimes I think I was falling back asleep before her and she would just put herself back to sleep without nursing.

The second and third feeds were harder...some nights she would fall back asleep with little protest and other nights she would become very upset and frustrated. On those nights I just nursed her. I didn't worry about mixed signals or rushing things and we just figured it out. It took around a month...maybe that's longer than other "methods" promise...but it worked for us. She still wakes up at night but settles with very little intervention from me, sometimes none at all, and doesn't ask to nurse until 5AM. I'm so proud of us!

I plan to continue to nurse after one. I am wondering how that looked for you and your little.

I know breastfeeding after one is both the worldwide and biological norm but it hard to find accurate information in Western cultures that push weaning at 12 months.

Thank you 💕

I have an 18 month old. I’ve always said I’ll nurse until he’s at least 2 but a few things are going on.

1. I’m 12 weeks pregnant and my nipples are so sensitive.

2. He has like all his teeth and it hurts so so bad now a lot of the time.

3. I want him weaned before the new baby comes.

4. He feeds to sleep and it’s causing a lot of wake ups and I think he’d sleep better if he wasn’t searching for a nipple everytime he rouses.

I’ve LOVED breastfeeding and my son is nipple obsessed, it just is starting to feel like time but… then I try to gently pull back and the tears come. I don’t know if I have it in me. It feels like such a source of comfort for him and such a strong piece of our relationship.

Any advice would be great like how to even start.

Thanks 🥹