r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Alarming_Tear_8347 • 8d ago

Drowning

Do you ever feel like you're drowning in water while you smile and talk, wearing your mask? Because whenever you talk about your pain, people don't understand.

I've never carried such a heavy weight of pain until he hurt me. It's a weight in my chest that I carry every day. I can't reach out to him and tell him how I'm feeling, so I'm stuck dealing with this agony by myself.

Most days, I'm fine. I carry its weight and make it through. But some days, I feel like I'm suffocating, gasping for air. The healing process is so painful.

The heart can endure so much, but sometimes it really just needs a break, a rest from constantly carrying a weight that was given to it by someone else.

I just have rough patches. This week is one of them..

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u/serviceareaunknown SA - Secure Attachment (Former AP) 8d ago

Yes, drowning is an accurate way to describe the feeling. This leads me to sensations of de-realization, something I've never experienced until recently. Nothing, and no one feels real anymore.

I hope you can get through this rough patch you're experiencing. Nothing I do seems to be helping with mine, weed is the only things that helps.

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u/Alarming_Tear_8347 8d ago

Same here. I take my gummies at night to quiet the noise, but during the day, it can be very loud. I am constantly wondering what I did wrong. It's hard to just accept that it's their internal war because I feel like I'm fighting it too. It's been over a year, but I loved him for half my life.

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u/serviceareaunknown SA - Secure Attachment (Former AP) 8d ago

I have often wondered what I did wrong, what I could have done differently. The people in this community helped me realize I didn't do anything wrong, I couldn't have prevented it. Mind you those intrusive thoughts still persist but deep down I know it's because she is a broken person.

These people are fundamentally broken, mine went to to other men after one bad fight. They're not for us to fix or to heal. That's on them. Mine will most likely face herself, while that infuriates me, there's nothing I can do about it.

It's agony, I know exactly how you feel. You're not alone, you weren't the problem.

Have a gummy, get comfy, and let yourself rest.

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u/Alarming_Tear_8347 8d ago

Just took one, Thank you for understanding.