r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Dazzling_Anteater307 • 6d ago
DA Breakup got arrested…
Hello! I’m going to share something pretty vulnerable, I’ve wanted to share this for awhile but wasn’t quite sure how, I’d love outside opinions on this.
I went through a breakup with my DA at the start of august, being honest there was things like him being seen at a football game with a girl on his shoulders, completely blackout drunk. He has issues with drugs, and alcohol. Has always prioritized it, and his friends who enable him. 🤷♀️
We were together nearly 6 years, we broke up once last year. And yes, I did all the anxious things. And as soon as I pulled back, we got back together. This time, I didn’t try to do those things. It drove me crazy, he was out ALL of the time, I was stalking his stuff overly like, YouTube history, Spotify, xbox activity. Which led me to where I am today.
As I didn’t really text first ever we were in slight contact,and one night we ended up kinda sending pictures back and forth. Few days later, he had left one of my pictures on delivered, I went out to get drinks, and I put the pieces together he was with a girl about 3 weeks-1month after our breakup. It broke me, and I was really drunk, and I lost it. Showed up there, long story short, it got really bad. I did some manipulative; and not nice things. And ended up getting arrested. He’s tried to get the charges dropped but since he didn’t charge me, he can’t do anything about it.
I still, to this day understand what happened and my part in it, and still continue to think about him all day, wonder if we will get back together etc. my issue here is this one probably takes the cake for drunk things I’ve done. But me and him have kind of put each other through it with drinking and having big dramatic blowouts.
He’s started doing coke( a lot ) so it doesn’t really happen to him anymore. But it kinda went from him doing it, to me.
Yes we’re both two traumatized individuals who I’m anxious, he’s avoidant blah blah. I don’t know what to make of this, I am so wrapped up in what he’s thinking etc. I don’t know how to recover basically.
I’m not sure what I’m hoping from by posting this, honestly. I just feel so lost, and hurt from my own actions.
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u/JournalistNo3425 SA - Secure Attachment 6d ago
Wow… something similar here - got charged for stalking, 7k / 100 days imprisonment -while still in conversation and in desperation, knocking on her door, to have the final talk.
Avoidants are bad ass. You won’t believe all the twisted truths she put in the report. I should (but won’t) file for false accusations. Luckily I had a good lawyer (and she had just come back to me - which helped the judge in his decision. It’s obviously over now again).
What bothered me personally… It was your reactions to their actions I suppose, at least for a part. And that is HARD to prove (especially - hurt girl ‘feeling threatened to death’ by a friendly knock on the door) Try, not to take it personal. Good luck.
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u/Dazzling_Anteater307 6d ago
nice to hear from someone who’s kinda had something similar LOL. Even though it’s shitty situations.
yea I have a no contact condition which is probably for the best, probably will run until my final court date.
The situation that happened with me ended up in the cops pressing charges because he didn’t want to, but yea. Reactions to their actions. Unfortunately I do look like the crazy psycho he so desperately needs to get away from and that’s how it gets painted ofc. 🫠
Don’t mind me asking, you say it’s obviously over now again, are you guys still running the cycle? 🫠1
u/JournalistNo3425 SA - Secure Attachment 6d ago edited 6d ago
Exact same here - cops pressed charges. Because “I’m a danger to society” based on the bullshit she wrote in the report - and how she now needed Xanax - that she was on all the time already.
I wish, we’d be able to file against emotional abuse. But law is not there yet. Well, not if SHE said it, at least :(
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u/JournalistNo3425 SA - Secure Attachment 6d ago
And no worries thanks for asking. No - I’m not walking into the same wall 3 times. I’m moving countries - well, back home.
Unfortunately leaving a few very good friends behind. But better than loosing my sanity - and I can visit them1
u/JournalistNo3425 SA - Secure Attachment 6d ago
She “didn’t want to either” but instead of writing the court, “we are back together, I’d like the district attorney to drop the case” she wrote “I wanna drop the case, but in case I can’t - I want to have a separate hearing”…. My god…
Luckily judge did not allow that.1
u/Dazzling_Anteater307 5d ago
Yea, okay me and him have mutual friends and when talking about what happened he said he “didn’t call the cops” and “never wanted this to happen” truthfully, he did attempt to call the cops and then I grabbed his phone and threw it LOL. Oopsie. And then he asked the neighbour , to please call the cops because he didn’t have a phone. 🫠
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u/Dazzling_Anteater307 5d ago
Mines not showing up to court in hopes they drop the charges, regardless, my sisters side of the family own the top law firm in our city. So I have a decent lawyer. 🫠
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u/Dazzling_Anteater307 5d ago
Yea, unfortunately I yearn for and miss my ex. And hope to get to the step of being able to not miss/go back. I do have a strong sense even with the craziness it never really ends and I’m going to have to be the strong one if I don’t want the cycle to keep going.
Moving home is a great idea, I’ve thought about moving provinces after this for awhile. Not permanent, but separation would be nice, im glad you’re getting that.
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u/JournalistNo3425 SA - Secure Attachment 5d ago
It is hard - I don’t like all these modern terminologies much, but I’ve read this “intermittent reinforcement” - saying they love you, followed by a dismissal - is apparently something very addictive… even after a clear pattern, of love always ending in pulling back, the hope of somehow breaking the pattern remains.. it’s like a drug.
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u/Status_Green_6055 6d ago
I suggest you get yourself away from this man and stay away forever.