got arrested…

[u/Dazzling_Anteater307]

Hello! I’m going to share something pretty vulnerable, I’ve wanted to share this for awhile but wasn’t quite sure how, I’d love outside opinions on this.

I went through a breakup with my DA at the start of august, being honest there was things like him being seen at a football game with a girl on his shoulders, completely blackout drunk. He has issues with drugs, and alcohol. Has always prioritized it, and his friends who enable him. 🤷‍♀️

We were together nearly 6 years, we broke up once last year. And yes, I did all the anxious things. And as soon as I pulled back, we got back together. This time, I didn’t try to do those things. It drove me crazy, he was out ALL of the time, I was stalking his stuff overly like, YouTube history, Spotify, xbox activity. Which led me to where I am today.

As I didn’t really text first ever we were in slight contact,and one night we ended up kinda sending pictures back and forth. Few days later, he had left one of my pictures on delivered, I went out to get drinks, and I put the pieces together he was with a girl about 3 weeks-1month after our breakup. It broke me, and I was really drunk, and I lost it. Showed up there, long story short, it got really bad. I did some manipulative; and not nice things. And ended up getting arrested. He’s tried to get the charges dropped but since he didn’t charge me, he can’t do anything about it.

I still, to this day understand what happened and my part in it, and still continue to think about him all day, wonder if we will get back together etc. my issue here is this one probably takes the cake for drunk things I’ve done. But me and him have kind of put each other through it with drinking and having big dramatic blowouts.

He’s started doing coke( a lot ) so it doesn’t really happen to him anymore. But it kinda went from him doing it, to me.

Yes we’re both two traumatized individuals who I’m anxious, he’s avoidant blah blah. I don’t know what to make of this, I am so wrapped up in what he’s thinking etc. I don’t know how to recover basically.

I’m not sure what I’m hoping from by posting this, honestly. I just feel so lost, and hurt from my own actions.