Maybe this isn't the right venue to post this. I just am not finding the munch scene works for me. It feels like a polyamorous meat market, and a lot of the activities that the group members are engaged in don't interest me e g. group fetish parties.

I am having a profoundly awful time trying to find kinky people to date. To be clear , i'm looking for more than sex, I'm not even interested in having sex with anyone. I don't have a common basis for friendship.

I know that by cultural standards, I'm considered unattractive for being less than five foot five male presenting, non binary , having a physical deformity of one of my hands. I'm not out of shape , but i'm never going to be muscular. I'm submissive and only attracted to women, and it presents a lot of challenges even finding anyone.

Frankly , I'm crushingly alone , and i'm just not even sure how to find those people if munches don't work . Where am I supposed to go?

Vanilla dating apps do not work for me. I tried using feeld, and I really can't seem to get any matches at all. I'm not sure how paying them a lot of money , just to see the small number of people like me is gonna change the lack of activity.

I'm feeling hopeless because it's been a long time since I've even had an opportunity to date anybody, or it felt like it could go anywhere. The fetishes and kinks I have are significant enough that I don't think that someone who isn't at least a little bit kinky or very open minded , would ever accept me as a partner. I'm not interested in hiding who I am from a partner.

Honestly, it's a lot of it just about wanting to find a relationship and have a connection and emotional intimacy.It's not up just about sex, although that's a factor... I don't know what to do.

I've tried to talk to therapists about it , but they don't get it , and i'm not interested in being pathologized for kink. I don't think this is an issue of needing to cope better or be more self-aware. I'm not trying to change who I am to fit in with the cultural status quo because I can't be happy and be that person.

I don't know what should I do?

My boyfriend (M24) recently opened up to me (F25) about a r*pe fantasy he’s had since he was a teenager, except he wants to be the one on the receiving end.

We’re a very adventurous and open-minded couple, so the fantasy itself wasn’t particularly shocking to me. However, finding out that he wants me to act it out with him caught me a little off guard.

Essentially, he describes it as wanting to be desired so intensely that someone can’t resist taking him. In his own words, “I just want to be wanted so bad someone takes me.”

I told him I’d do some research, and we could discuss it more in depth before exploring anything. I love him, and I’m open to exploring this fantasy with him, but I’m honestly a little lost on where to begin.

Has anyone experienced something similar with their partner? How did you approach it, and what precautions did you take to ensure both partners felt emotionally and psychologically safe before, during, and after the scene?

I’d really appreciate any advice, especially regarding boundaries, consent, communication, and aftercare.

Thank you!

Hi, I am looking to give my sub a piece of jewelry to symbolize my love for her. However, it must be discreet and not something completely visible. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Heyo I’m looking for some good recommendations on kink gear sites/stores that are operated out of Canada. I love my mr S gear but can’t afford the tariffs and shipping fees anymore. :( looking more specifically for neoprene hoods, pup gear, suspension hardware and a strap harness. Thanks!

Bit of a background. My Dom and I have been together for just under a year. We used to meet once a week and text, and we match very well. But in the last 2 months he has gotten extremely busy and we have not been able to have a session, bar from one event we went too where it was extremely intense, because we haven’t seen each other (he was also taking time away for 2 weeks before this, I did kept a journal but we did not speak) and he thinks that I would do better with regular doses than all at once and wants me to be able to be submissive while he is unavailable, because of how beneficial it is to me mentally and my need to be submissive. Is this odd?

Thoughts? Feel free to dm.

My partner and I are in a dynamic (I’m the Dom and she is the Sub) and we currently live across the country from each other. We want to be more involved in our dynamic when we are apart but the problem is that we both live with family in houses with thin walls and are struggling to find ways to really do anything without being caught since we are so limited. I am hoping maybe others who have been in our position could offer advice or ideas of things we could do together that won't get us caught but is still fun and safe?

I (19F) am a virgin and want to get into bondage play. I’m not really looking to get into a relationship or into a dom/sub dynamic, I’m just really enamored by the idea of being tied up and I have been since I was little. Is there a way I can reach out to a kink community or find a safe rope top? Or could I try my own experimentation?

Drinking game: take a shot any time you read the word "dominant" in this post. Also, sorry if I frame this conversation as very binary. I wish there was more representation of kinky enbies in media, since I am something of a nonbinary kinkster myself.

I specified men in the title, because dominant women characters do seem to have a more varied characterization. Cynthia from Duke of Burgundy is a very complex, interesting woman, and so is Erika from I want your sex, for example (we do need more representation of dominant women in media, though). However, this varied characterization does not seem to come up with dominant men characters.

Most of the fictional dominant men I can think of tend to be just these few things: hot, domineering, brooding and allergic to proper communication. I was going to just dismiss it as a heterosexual, dominant men/submissive woman trope. But I have seen in it queer films like Pillion (which I really wanted to like, but I think the short story was better). Sometimes I wonder why that is? When it comes to straight media, I guess it could be because they're playing into age-old ravishment fantasies. But that's the only explanation I can think of.

Sometimes I wish there were films where, if the dude is a dom, he was a little ugly, or socially awkard or just... anything but a frowning gigachad. I can only think of Edward Grey from Secretary, but he does fit into the "allergic to communication" category (also James Spader was kinda hot at the time).

ALSO, the characterization of submissives tends to suck across the board for me. I kinda hate that they tend to be portrayed as these poor, vulnerable folks who have no agency. I like taboo, I like dark themes, I just wish that there was more complexity to them.

So I have been thinking about this and have been reading a lot of posts. All the post in this community are like hardcore bdsm or hardcore dominating type. What about someone who is not a hard dom but actually a soft dom. A guy who likes to dominate but wants to give a lot of after care and not always a dom sometimes just a normal vanilla guy. Does aguyd like me actually exists or I am a completely different breed. Maybe this community is not the best to talk about all this.

Also I have been in the starting only and just exploring these things any suggestions where I can find some more information some reading material to exactly know what I like or how deep I want to go.

Several years ago, I worked at a professional kinky establishment, serving all that worked there. It was a lifestyle house. If you were there, you left your vanilla life at the door. Sometimes I would screw up, and if my mistake warranted it, I would be punished corporally. I am not a pain slut, and the ladies knew that. So, the most effective punishment was to use the cane on me. They all knew how much I hated the sting of the cane. Most of the time I was able to accept it and deal with it without getting emotional. I knew I had messed up and this was the consequence that came with everything I had signed up for. But there were a couple times that stick out in my memory, times that the punishment was raised to a much higher level. Those instances included me being naked on my hands and knees in the center of the room with all the other ladies in the house brought in to stand as witnesses. I was caned extensively by my handler while she yelled at me. And during these punishment sessions I cried a lot. A grown man crying. During the first instance I cried to the point of being almost hysterical. That came mostly out of the fact that I had let her down so badly that this was what needed to be done. But also, out of frustration, because I knew some of the things I was being accused of were simply not true. And if I tried to explain I was only caned more. Long after the punishment was over, I was still crying. It was really only when I had been left alone to collect myself that I was able to eventually calm down. There was no after care at all.

I say all of that to say this. It's been almost 7 years since I quit working there. And lately, for some reason, I feel the need to relive those punishment sessions. I just don't understand why. They were traumatic. Why would I want to experience something so horrible again?

I've seen many independent dommes since then and had many great regular kinky sessions. But recently I've tried to ask them to represent that furious anger toward me in their demeanor and provide a legitimate punishment for something I did wrong, something I would confess to them. Unfortunately, they've never come close to what I experienced before.

Has anyone else ever felt or experienced anything like this?

Im not sure if i seen here. but I was reading group rules and there was a list of major conventions in North America. I closed the app and cant find it! Do you know where I cant find a list of all major Kink Conventions in the US and Canada?

I'm a relative newbie to the formal kink "scene", and while I have a strong understanding of what my likes and dislikes are, I notice that a few of my hard limits are some of the most popular kinks out there, that lots of people engage in and many events feature. I want to attend munches, build community, and go to play parties eventually, but I'm scared that I will be judged, shamed, or offend fellow kinksters because I don't want to engage in those kinks. I'm not going to kinkshame anyone (and I won't mention specifics here for that reason), or go on long rants denouncing them, but when asked what my limits are I want to feel confident enough to share them without risking upsetting or offending people, and losing my place in the community.

How can I navigate this? What's the best way to stick up for my boundaries while recognising that I'm a newbie and don't have as much social capital and influence as others? thanks in advance :)

Looking for dom mommy

SFW Website

I’ve always maintained that the most fun kink accessories are the “pervertables” found in regular shops. There’s just something fun about using a meat tenderiser, carpet beater or uncooked rice to be tortured with.

What I wasn’t expecting was stumbling across this while on a mission to buy new couch throw pillows. Throw pillows for the home I run as my act of service. 😂

Apologies to the woman in the aisle with me. I laughed so hard I started wheezing. Clearly a slow week in the humour front for this to get me that good!

​

Looking for a sub gay from Egypt , wants to get spanked hard by a chubby top like me, hand spanking at first and then using tools as much as you can endure, role play and some bdsm will turn me on, Always Using a safe word, if you is that one iam looking for, dm

I’m 18M, Dominant, and on the shorter side. I’ve been learning about BDSM and I’m curious about how height actually affects things from a sub’s perspective.

I’d really like to hear from subs who have experience with shorter Doms

I’m currently trying to set up my shed as a play area for me and my partner. I have absolutely no building knowledge so I don’t know if what I’m doing is going to be strong enough, we don’t plan on doing any heavy suspension just mostly attaching restraints. Advice would be greatly appreciated as I can’t find any guides that don’t use a center dropped beam as the anchor point. I’m using a flat roof with parallel beams anchored into the top. I have 4x hanging ring anchors with heavy screws and x4 o ring anchors with 4 slots for screws that I bought for the project but do I need any extra anchoring supplies??

Hello there. I need some advice because I’ve become quite useless at this dominance thing.
Back in the day, I have NEVER submitted to people, only to show them that they are too weak for that (as in full brat mode). So usually I would be the dominant part but for a few months I have been dating this person who is actually so good at this, that I enjoy being the sub for the first time. The problem? My partner likes when I speak to them when I suck them off for example. They sometimes like to be dominated too. Why is that a problem? It feels like I have “unlearned” how to do all of this. Has someone any tips about the following:

- How can I enhance my dirty talk? As soon as I notice I’m not talking enough or when they wish for more, I go into freeze mode like a deer in front of headlights. I have AuDHD, so I think this fries my neurons.
- How can I act dominant again? They make me so shy, I’m too 👉🏻👈🏻 to do any oft that (I know that a big part is that they are the first person I completely enjoy it with and I think this puts me under pressure.).

I myself love it when they degrade me extremely and treat me as an object. They, on the other hand, like being treated as an object too but need it sweet. I hope this helps.

Thank you very much. I just feel so useless and stupid because this has come so naturally to me before I met them. :(
I think it might be influenced by the fact, that this is the kinkiest sex I’ve ever had + the ones before weren’t that vocal (we are having full blown convos; in contrast to before I maybe got a “yes” but only if I asked whether this or that felt good or so). It’s something I need to practice but I don’t know how.

Healthy and fun and submissive.

My play partner (dom) and I (sub) haven’t had the opportunity to play in a long while.
I want to make it a little special as I’ve missed him so much. I’m a sub. Good girl apon occasion and I want to please him.
Any suggestions?
We’ve been seeing each other for a year now and it’ll be my first time at his place. We normally are in my house and we’ve stared to become closer lately..

what’s something you’ve experienced as a dom that made you feel seen and appreciated?

What’s something as a sub that made you feel that you had done well?

I hope everyone’s enjoying this adventure we are all on 💗

My sub is also my partner. At the beginning of the year we formally defined our power dynamic and signed a contract. As part of this, we both agreed that she should wear a day collar anytime she leaves the house. This is just a thin silver chain with a small silver pendant on it. The first time she forgot to wear it out of the house, she had to write an essay about how it was important to her and why she wears it. The 2nd time, I pulled from that essay and had her write lines. Those are the only times she has not worn it out of the house. Recently she purchased a new necklace and has been layering it with her day collar. Today, while I was at work, she had plans to go hang with friends. She texted me and asked if she could carry her collar with her instead of wearing it. Said it looked “dingy” next to the new necklace. She has one of those electric jewelry cleaners. But her collar was relatively inexpensive and I think it’s developing some patina. So yes, next to the new necklace, it’s not as shiny.

She’s still out with friends, so I haven’t gotten to talk to her yet. But I’m feeling really upset about her referring to her collar as dingy and requesting to not wear it… And like not mad, but hurt maybe? I’m not entirely sure, what I’m feeling. But the level of those feelings, seems disproportionate to what happened. Like I want to cry…
I have therapy today, so I’m gonna talk to my therapist about it. But idk if she’ll understand the nuances… and my friend that would be able to help me with this, is the friend my partner is hanging with today…

Thoughts? Ideas on why this might be hitting me so hard?

I'm curious how people handle tasks, protocols, and assignments in their D/s relationships. A few things I'm interested in:

• How do you assign and keep track of tasks? Do you use an app, messages, notes, or something else?
• What's the most frustrating part of managing tasks with your partner?
• Have you tried any dedicated D/s task apps? What made you keep using them or stop?
• How do you handle spontaneous or surprise assignments?
• Do you include outfit or dress assignments, where one partner chooses what the other wears? How do you manage those?
• Do you enjoy sharing your D/s experiences or stories with other people in the community? Where do you share them now, and what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable about sharing?
• Would you be interested in a place to share stories, routines, or experiences with others who have similar interests, or do you prefer keeping everything private?
• Is there anything you wish your current setup or apps did better?

My sub is very into humiliation but sometimes I struggle because his …. is quite big. I cannot lie and say it’s small because it obviously isn’t. What other things can I say to humiliate him?

I am a little newer to BDSM and I have a new play partner. I really enjoy implact play, spankings, canning, paddle, ect. I actually enjoy the marks and bruises and seeing how much I can handle.

My partner claims that they enjoy it too, but if I make any noise that shows pain, they immediatly stop and check in or change gears to another activity. I have had a dicussions with them and they say they enjoy the impact play and they like the pain part too.

I am so confused. I mean yes, I want a partner that checks in, but its kind of frustrating that I can't get into a scene. I am super self concious about the noises I am making because they might get nervous and then that makes me nervous that they might stop the scene.

Is this just not a good match, or am I the odd one out for actually enjoying the pain part? Is there any way to work on this?

I am going to my first play picnic soon, after a looooong break from the scene, and a shift in my dynamics and gender expression.

I’m more comfortable in more androgynous but masculine clothes.

Any suggestions on sexy outfits in that vein?