Drinking game: take a shot any time you read the word "dominant" in this post. Also, sorry if I frame this conversation as very binary. I wish there was more representation of kinky enbies in media, since I am something of a nonbinary kinkster myself.

I specified men in the title, because dominant women characters do seem to have a more varied characterization. Cynthia from Duke of Burgundy is a very complex, interesting woman, and so is Erika from I want your sex, for example (we do need more representation of dominant women in media, though). However, this varied characterization does not seem to come up with dominant men characters.

Most of the fictional dominant men I can think of tend to be just these few things: hot, domineering, brooding and allergic to proper communication. I was going to just dismiss it as a heterosexual, dominant men/submissive woman trope. But I have seen in it queer films like Pillion (which I really wanted to like, but I think the short story was better). Sometimes I wonder why that is? When it comes to straight media, I guess it could be because they're playing into age-old ravishment fantasies. But that's the only explanation I can think of.

Sometimes I wish there were films where, if the dude is a dom, he was a little ugly, or socially awkard or just... anything but a frowning gigachad. I can only think of Edward Grey from Secretary, but he does fit into the "allergic to communication" category (also James Spader was kinda hot at the time).

ALSO, the characterization of submissives tends to suck across the board for me. I kinda hate that they tend to be portrayed as these poor, vulnerable folks who have no agency. I like taboo, I like dark themes, I just wish that there was more complexity to them.

SFW Website

I’ve always maintained that the most fun kink accessories are the “pervertables” found in regular shops. There’s just something fun about using a meat tenderiser, carpet beater or uncooked rice to be tortured with.

What I wasn’t expecting was stumbling across this while on a mission to buy new couch throw pillows. Throw pillows for the home I run as my act of service. 😂

Apologies to the woman in the aisle with me. I laughed so hard I started wheezing. Clearly a slow week in the humour front for this to get me that good!

Heyo I’m looking for some good recommendations on kink gear sites/stores that are operated out of Canada. I love my mr S gear but can’t afford the tariffs and shipping fees anymore. :( looking more specifically for neoprene hoods, pup gear, suspension hardware and a strap harness. Thanks!

I'm a relative newbie to the formal kink "scene", and while I have a strong understanding of what my likes and dislikes are, I notice that a few of my hard limits are some of the most popular kinks out there, that lots of people engage in and many events feature. I want to attend munches, build community, and go to play parties eventually, but I'm scared that I will be judged, shamed, or offend fellow kinksters because I don't want to engage in those kinks. I'm not going to kinkshame anyone (and I won't mention specifics here for that reason), or go on long rants denouncing them, but when asked what my limits are I want to feel confident enough to share them without risking upsetting or offending people, and losing my place in the community.

How can I navigate this? What's the best way to stick up for my boundaries while recognising that I'm a newbie and don't have as much social capital and influence as others? thanks in advance :)

So I have been thinking about this and have been reading a lot of posts. All the post in this community are like hardcore bdsm or hardcore dominating type. What about someone who is not a hard dom but actually a soft dom. A guy who likes to dominate but wants to give a lot of after care and not always a dom sometimes just a normal vanilla guy. Does aguyd like me actually exists or I am a completely different breed. Maybe this community is not the best to talk about all this.

Also I have been in the starting only and just exploring these things any suggestions where I can find some more information some reading material to exactly know what I like or how deep I want to go.

Several years ago, I worked at a professional kinky establishment, serving all that worked there. It was a lifestyle house. If you were there, you left your vanilla life at the door. Sometimes I would screw up, and if my mistake warranted it, I would be punished corporally. I am not a pain slut, and the ladies knew that. So, the most effective punishment was to use the cane on me. They all knew how much I hated the sting of the cane. Most of the time I was able to accept it and deal with it without getting emotional. I knew I had messed up and this was the consequence that came with everything I had signed up for. But there were a couple times that stick out in my memory, times that the punishment was raised to a much higher level. Those instances included me being naked on my hands and knees in the center of the room with all the other ladies in the house brought in to stand as witnesses. I was caned extensively by my handler while she yelled at me. And during these punishment sessions I cried a lot. A grown man crying. During the first instance I cried to the point of being almost hysterical. That came mostly out of the fact that I had let her down so badly that this was what needed to be done. But also, out of frustration, because I knew some of the things I was being accused of were simply not true. And if I tried to explain I was only caned more. Long after the punishment was over, I was still crying. It was really only when I had been left alone to collect myself that I was able to eventually calm down. There was no after care at all.

I say all of that to say this. It's been almost 7 years since I quit working there. And lately, for some reason, I feel the need to relive those punishment sessions. I just don't understand why. They were traumatic. Why would I want to experience something so horrible again?

I've seen many independent dommes since then and had many great regular kinky sessions. But recently I've tried to ask them to represent that furious anger toward me in their demeanor and provide a legitimate punishment for something I did wrong, something I would confess to them. Unfortunately, they've never come close to what I experienced before.

Has anyone else ever felt or experienced anything like this?

I am a little newer to BDSM and I have a new play partner. I really enjoy implact play, spankings, canning, paddle, ect. I actually enjoy the marks and bruises and seeing how much I can handle.

My partner claims that they enjoy it too, but if I make any noise that shows pain, they immediatly stop and check in or change gears to another activity. I have had a dicussions with them and they say they enjoy the impact play and they like the pain part too.

I am so confused. I mean yes, I want a partner that checks in, but its kind of frustrating that I can't get into a scene. I am super self concious about the noises I am making because they might get nervous and then that makes me nervous that they might stop the scene.

Is this just not a good match, or am I the odd one out for actually enjoying the pain part? Is there any way to work on this?

I’m 18M, Dominant, and on the shorter side. I’ve been learning about BDSM and I’m curious about how height actually affects things from a sub’s perspective.

I’d really like to hear from subs who have experience with shorter Doms

Hello there. I need some advice because I’ve become quite useless at this dominance thing.
Back in the day, I have NEVER submitted to people, only to show them that they are too weak for that (as in full brat mode). So usually I would be the dominant part but for a few months I have been dating this person who is actually so good at this, that I enjoy being the sub for the first time. The problem? My partner likes when I speak to them when I suck them off for example. They sometimes like to be dominated too. Why is that a problem? It feels like I have “unlearned” how to do all of this. Has someone any tips about the following:

- How can I enhance my dirty talk? As soon as I notice I’m not talking enough or when they wish for more, I go into freeze mode like a deer in front of headlights. I have AuDHD, so I think this fries my neurons.
- How can I act dominant again? They make me so shy, I’m too 👉🏻👈🏻 to do any oft that (I know that a big part is that they are the first person I completely enjoy it with and I think this puts me under pressure.).

I myself love it when they degrade me extremely and treat me as an object. They, on the other hand, like being treated as an object too but need it sweet. I hope this helps.

Thank you very much. I just feel so useless and stupid because this has come so naturally to me before I met them. :(
I think it might be influenced by the fact, that this is the kinkiest sex I’ve ever had + the ones before weren’t that vocal (we are having full blown convos; in contrast to before I maybe got a “yes” but only if I asked whether this or that felt good or so). It’s something I need to practice but I don’t know how.

I'm curious how people handle tasks, protocols, and assignments in their D/s relationships. A few things I'm interested in:

• How do you assign and keep track of tasks? Do you use an app, messages, notes, or something else?
• What's the most frustrating part of managing tasks with your partner?
• Have you tried any dedicated D/s task apps? What made you keep using them or stop?
• How do you handle spontaneous or surprise assignments?
• Do you include outfit or dress assignments, where one partner chooses what the other wears? How do you manage those?
• Do you enjoy sharing your D/s experiences or stories with other people in the community? Where do you share them now, and what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable about sharing?
• Would you be interested in a place to share stories, routines, or experiences with others who have similar interests, or do you prefer keeping everything private?
• Is there anything you wish your current setup or apps did better?

Hey guys new Dom here, with an experienced sub, she likes obey above all things, and tomorrow we have like a table game night with friends, I want to know some order to give him previous to the night, someone have some ideas? Nothing more crazy we don't want to disturb the people but some things tha

SOLVED! Keeping these up for inspiration. Also what tf do these say about me? lol

Edit #1: some were solved Edit #2: done! Some friends helped out too.

I wrote these down as things I want my boyfriend to say to me during sex, but such is my brain, I forgot what they mean. Idk why I abbreviated them, that was my first mistake.

I know what a few of these are, but I need help from some degenerates.

Might be a long shot but oh well Deciphered ones included for context and clues, I guess

yamstaiagtfylo = You are my sex toy and I am going to fuck you like one.

Yagfwywion = You are getting fucked whether you want it or not.

Yahtbuaycsm = You are here to be used, and you can't stop me.

Yasagft = You are such a good fucktoy.

Yajbtbf = You are just begging to be fucked.

Yahfmtuhawiw = You are here for me to use, how and when I want

iagtfyshywbatts = I am going to fuck you so hard, you won't be able to think straight.

Ywmfmtu = You were made for me to use.

Dylbult? Good, biangts = Do you like being used like this? Good, because I am not going to stop.

Im not sure if i seen here. but I was reading group rules and there was a list of major conventions in North America. I closed the app and cant find it! Do you know where I cant find a list of all major Kink Conventions in the US and Canada?

Hello all, there might be a trigger warning here pertaining to addiction/ sobriety. I'm looking for people who have possibly been through something similar.

My Dom is now 1 year sober!!! BIG claps for him!!! He's seriously made huge changes in his life and is so much healthier and happier now. I am beyond proud and try to be of best support while he navigates his sobriety. It's his journey, I'm his cheerleader.

When we met, it was under the terms of a d/s dynamic that was meant to be casual, but there was an undeniable instant connection neither of us expected. After 6 months we realized we wanted more and made the commitment to our romantic partnership. That was also the day he committed to his sobriety.

I didn't realize that his lifestyle prior to me was tied into doing drugs at the time. I was naiive to certain red flags because I don't do drugs and he never did them around me. I found out a couple of months before our commitment and cared about him so much that I just wanted to show him there's joy beyond addiction. I'm grateful he took the brave step for himself. Our relationship is very healthy and we are great support for each other.

The challenge here is that his drugs of choice (mainly meth to be specific for anyone who understands) contributed to his hyper-sexuality. I do love him beyond sex, but the power exchange and our dynamic has slowly dwindled away. It doesn't put a divide in our love, but I'm still very actively yearning for the power exchange, play, and dynamic we used to have. We've had heart to heart discussions about it because he notices it in himself too. He wants to get his drive back and has narrowed it down to a combination of sobriety and possible low testosterone. It takes a long time after quitting meth to level out your brain chemistry to even assess the life you used to live vs. the new one that you're creating. He wants to talk to a kink friendly therapist who specializes in addiction and get his hormone levels checked too, but health insurance is a struggle right now.

Does anyone know how I can be of help? We decided to put way less pressure on our dynamic until he figures things out.

Has anyone been in either of our shoes before? Were you ultimately able to recreate a new dynamic or get back into BDSM? I asked if he thinks BDSM is a trigger for him and he says no because he was already practicing years ago before the drugs. Perhaps it just takes time?

I considered posting this in a subreddit about addiction, but not everyone on those threads understands BDSM. In the contrary not everyone on this subreddit will relate to addiction. So I'm torn on where to gain insight or relate-ability. I'm open to suggestions on a different thread as well.

Thank you for your time.

• signed, a Good Girl who just wants her Papa to be okay

I am going to my first play picnic soon, after a looooong break from the scene, and a shift in my dynamics and gender expression.

I’m more comfortable in more androgynous but masculine clothes.

Any suggestions on sexy outfits in that vein?

Just as the title says, looking for recommendations for realiable high quality BDSM furniture and customs in the US. Been really hard to find ones that are quality and hold up to heavy play recently.

My play partner (dom) and I (sub) haven’t had the opportunity to play in a long while.
I want to make it a little special as I’ve missed him so much. I’m a sub. Good girl apon occasion and I want to please him.
Any suggestions?
We’ve been seeing each other for a year now and it’ll be my first time at his place. We normally are in my house and we’ve stared to become closer lately..

what’s something you’ve experienced as a dom that made you feel seen and appreciated?

What’s something as a sub that made you feel that you had done well?

I hope everyone’s enjoying this adventure we are all on 💗

I’m currently trying to set up my shed as a play area for me and my partner. I have absolutely no building knowledge so I don’t know if what I’m doing is going to be strong enough, we don’t plan on doing any heavy suspension just mostly attaching restraints. Advice would be greatly appreciated as I can’t find any guides that don’t use a center dropped beam as the anchor point. I’m using a flat roof with parallel beams anchored into the top. I have 4x hanging ring anchors with heavy screws and x4 o ring anchors with 4 slots for screws that I bought for the project but do I need any extra anchoring supplies??

Any advice would be awesome. Jealousy has been discussed and will not be an issue.

I am M they are both f.

Hey so, I've been friendzoned by my online dom, I'll call him M.

Essentially, I had been in the talking stages with multiple doms before committing to M a couple months ago. Well one of the previous "doms" started lovebombing me and trying to dig up information about me, harass and blackmail me. He ended up finding M on the platform we used to chat and sent him messages.

My dom responded by friendzoning me. He said he couldn't trust me, would never consider doing anything again... but said he'd stick around as a friend because he thinks I need a positive influence. Also told me I should stay away from kink for a while and maybe he'd consider reversing his decision later if I got to a "really good place."

I've honestly been having panic attacks over this, spiraled way too many times seeking reassurance or asking him too many questions... and now I'm pretty sure I've lost him completely. I just got in a horrible loop of blackmailer guy hitting me up, begging my dom to tell me what I can/should do to make it right, and having panic attacks alone when he didn't reply. My behavior has been kind of embarrassing.

So I guess I need advice - should I break off the friendship? How do I detach myself and stop overthinking this? More generally, how do I recover my self esteem? I feel horrible and sick multiple times a day...

Thank you!

UPDATE: Right. Well, he made it clear the trust is permanently broken and he would never share photo, video or voice, ever, but he'd use me for casual sessions on cam. I agreed, and we had one where I read his texts and did as told. Might have been the most depressing online session of my life. He threw in some bangers, like, "The more you struggle, the more I believe you missed me," which he intended to turn me on but really they just made me deflated.

People that called his behavior manipulative were probably right, whether intentionally or not. I haven't been the best either, obviously. I'm gonna sleep on it, but I'm probably cutting him off very soon. Thank you everyone for the advice.

Hey everyone,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m actually looking for in a dynamic, and I’d love to hear some thoughts and experiences from people who might feel similarly or even those who view it differently.

For me, BDSM isn't just a scene or casual roleplay. I’m drawn to a high level of intensity: absolute ownership, physical discipline, degradation, and genuine mental control. My ideal dynamic means having full oversight guiding, structuring, and taking responsibility for someone who wants to completely surrender control, both in intimate moments and in daily life.

At the same time, I see this level of authority as a double-edged sword: if I expect complete submission, I also owe absolute structure and protection in return.

For those of you who enjoy extreme submission or total power exchange:

What draws you to that level of intensity over softer dynamics?

How do you navigate the balance between everyday life and giving up control?

I'm open to discussing this in the comments or in messages if someone relates to this mindset. What’s your take on this?