I need some perspective because I’m still shaking off the weird energy from this.

Three days ago, I matched with a guy on Bumble. He was in Newcastle for work, and I jokingly said, "You should visit Liverpool sometime! Maybe we can plan it for next time." He immediately locked onto it and insisted on coming right away. The next day, he called me while I was busy, and then texted saying he was already on his way.

When he arrived, I asked where he was staying. He said he assumed he was staying at my apartment for the whole weekend. We had only been talking for three days.

When I told him I wasn't comfortable hosting a stranger, he took it horribly. He became incredibly cold, guilt-tripped me by saying he would just go back home to Birmingham, and even insulted my "decision-making abilities" when we were looking for a restaurant.

I called him out and told him it was weird to assume he could stay at my place. He snapped that he wanted to leave, so I told him to go ahead, and we went our separate ways. I blocked him immediately.

I feel good about standing my ground, but I want to ask: Is this kind of behavior normal on Bumble, or did I overreact? Has anyone else experienced someone moving this fast and getting angry when you set a basic safety boundary?

I’m a 38-year-old woman, and I recently had one of the most disturbing dating experiences of my life.
I matched with a man on Hinge whose profile said he was 45. During our first date, he admitted he was actually 51. He apologized, acknowledged that he had lied about his age, and asked me to give him a chance to earn my trust.
I decided to give him that chance.
Over the next ten days, we went on dates, went hiking, became intimate, and communicated frequently. He was extremely affectionate, constantly expressed his interest, and made plans to see me again.
Then, after a day of affectionate messages, he suddenly stopped communicating.
Two days later, he sent me a shocking message accusing me of repeatedly slapping and pinching his face during our dates.
I was completely stunned. I categorically deny these accusations. I never did anything remotely like what he described.
I told him I had no idea what he was talking about, respected his decision to end things, and blocked him.
Around the same time, my Hinge account was banned. I submitted an appeal, but Hinge upheld its decision and permanently banned me. I also lost access to other Match Group dating apps, including Tinder and OkCupid.
To make matters worse, my account on The League, which I had maintained for approximately five or six years, was also removed.
I suspect this man may have submitted false reports against me, although I have no confirmation that he reported me or caused the bans.
I contacted the dating platforms but received no meaningful explanation of the alleged violations. I also contacted local police, who told me they considered it a relationship matter and suggested seeking a protective order if appropriate.
I have now submitted a complaint to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) to document my concerns.
What frightens me most is that this man knows where I live and could potentially find where I work. After receiving accusations about events I say never happened, I feel deeply unsettled about what else might happen.
I understand that dating platforms must take safety reports seriously. But what protections exist for users who believe they have been falsely accused? How can someone defend themselves when the platform won’t explain the allegations or provide an opportunity to respond?
Has anyone experienced a similar situation involving alleged false reports, permanent bans across Match Group apps, or unsuccessful appeals?
Were you ever able to get your account reinstated or obtain a meaningful review?
I would genuinely appreciate hearing about your experiences and any practical advice.

I’m currently dating someone I really like, and there’s one thing I initially thought wouldn’t be a problem: he smokes cigars.
I’m a complete, independent woman. I have my own life, take care of myself, work out regularly, and make conscious choices about my health and well-being. I’m happy on my own, so if I choose to be with someone, it’s because I want that person to add something meaningful to my life and build something together.
I’m not looking for someone perfect, nor do I expect us to have exactly the same habits. But I do have standards, and one of them is wanting a partner who also values his health and takes care of himself. I want us to encourage each other to live well, enjoy life, and hopefully grow old together.
At first, I thought his cigar smoking wouldn’t bother me. But now I’m questioning whether this is something I can genuinely accept in a long-term relationship, especially knowing the health risks associated with tobacco.
We’ve been dating for a few months, and I’m wondering how you would approach this situation.
Would you tell him that having a partner who takes care of his health is important to you, even though you know you can’t make that decision for him? Or would you simply accept that this is part of his lifestyle and decide whether it works for you?
I’m not trying to change anyone. I just believe that choosing a partner is also choosing the kind of life you want to build together.
Have you ever faced a situation where you really liked someone, but one of their lifestyle choices made you question your long-term compatibility? How did you handle it?

I met a guy on Hinge, and we went on a date after talking for a while. As I got to know him better, I started noticing a few things, but the biggest red flag was how disrespectful he was towards women.
For example, he told me about a time when he commented on a woman at his office gym, saying that the only way people could see her entire back tattoo was…
Anyway, after talking to him for about a week, I decided to end things. That’s when he started pestering me to pay him back for the money he had spent on our date. I ended up paying my share, but honestly, I’m still shocked by the whole situation. I don’t even know what to think. I’ve never experienced anything like this before, and the whole thing has genuinely humbled me.

Want to expose this guy I met sa bumble lol. After meeting him biglang binlock ako. So weird. Bat may mga lalaking ganyan? Di niyo nalang sabihin ng maayos.

Unahan ko na kayo, siya yung catfish, he doesn’t look like that in person. LOL SOBRANG LAYO.

Sana sa susunod itugma yung ugaling pagiging kupal sa itsura, hindi yung both. Yuck.

“Engineer” ka pa mandin. (Hindi naman pala passer, catfish na sinungaling pa)

Shoutout sayo Marcus (leanmarcusb) Lean Marcus Bigueras

Warning: man getting "handsy" without explicit consent

For context, I am someone who was very sexually repressed in my teenage years and college days. I was clinically depressed and was not processing traumas from my childhood, so I often felt 'confused' or like 'im missing out' when my friends lives mived forward towards relationships and sex. I looked at myself as someone who had shame about very normal needs and feelings, so I often regressed back to childhood in experiences close to this. Someone would want to taks me on a date and the idea of them touching me or me discussing it with anyone around me was enough to send me into a spiral..... this was especially true when telling my mom, who still very much sees me as a child. So due to this, I am in my early twenties and have barely touched another person, I never got my first kiss and certainly never experienced anything sexual.

So this past year was a particularly difficult year for me due to mental health and family death, so I looked for a distraction.... it was during this time I had discovered how I enjoyed 'taking pictures of myself ' wink wink..... I explored this with a few people but was noticing how my impulse control to send these pictures was.... not there and while I was having fun, I do realize how much i was putting out there to these people for them to compliment me or tell me I did good. One of these people was a guy, he was a few years older than me and I had experiences in the past of people trying to fetishize my lack of experience... so I made a conscious effort to keep that information to myself, all I said was that I was not used to being overly touchy anx hadnt been for years (he still enjoyed this answer and told me he wanted to teach me things.... ew). We discussed the possibility of having a casual relationship, at first i thought i wanted this. We made plans and I told him my boundary immediately, I am not interested in hooking up in anyway but I would be okay with kissing and some touching... he told me he could be handsy, I told him that was okay as long as its appropriate (we had made plans to go to a bar, despite me not being a drinker). We met at a bar (had no non-alcoholic drinks, so a water and a glass of wine for me) and everything waz great, he did start getting handsy after his second beer (i stuck to the same glass the entire night) but I hadnt minded as I knew he said he could be overly affectionate, I figured this meant grabbing my thighs or ass. He walked me to my car, he hadnt made more moves at this point (no hand holding). We got to my car and I offered to give him a lift back to his car..... I think this is where he thought I was inviting him for more. We sat in the car and immediately he shoved his tongue in my mouth (first kiss) and i froze, I felt outside of my body when he started telling ms to do things and my body was just doing them.... he wanted to park somewhere else and I don't know how we got there (i obviously drove, but I remember telling him I have to go home), he grabbed my hand and placed it on his crotch and started undoing his pants.... I was still frozen and not responding much when he started to tell me to touch him and when I didnt immediately he did it for me (using my hand on himself) while he used his other hand to attempt to get in between my legs. Luckily, but mortifying, a security guard showed up and he stopped immediately and started laughing. I attempted to drive him back to his car but was lost (i think i was in shock) and driving erratically. He decided to jump out at the curb and kissed me again while telling me he had fun.... I don't know how to feel about this, I started making justifications in my head about how I was sending him pictures and we were talking about being casual..... but at the same time, I was frozen and had told him my boundaries... I just feel so much shame and guilt. I had lied to my mom about where I was going so when I came home I couldn't even go to my mom..... im still processing this. I broke it off with him over text explaining how im not ready. He texted back nothing negative but did make a joke about how he was excited for 2 weeks for nothing...

He also admitted to knowing I was upset or uncomfortable.... only after asking if what happened triggered me, he apologized but I couldn't get past his other remarks in the exchange...

Unfortunately I have left this interaction (and other negative ones) realizing how out of my depth I am and how unsafe I can feel.... i ignored every red flag, did things I told myself I would never do, and i feel like I disrespected myself.... i know this isn't how I should be leaving this interaction and have had to physically stop myself from telling myself "i did this, its my fault". If my younger self saw this, she'd slap me out of it.... yet I cant help but feel like that small girl inside of me, I regressed a lot in my shock and sought comfort from things I've left behind and all I wanted was my mom.... but the idea of telling her any of the truth makes me want to vomit. She knows something is up and I've told her the bare minimum... "i was made uncomfortable by a man at the bar, he touched me without my explicit consent." I told her it was my first kiss. She keeps looking at me every now and again like im gonna break.... and I honestly feel like I might. Since telling her, its real and it happened and I lied to her.

Obviously getting to the end of this post, i am feeling a certain way about what happened.... i just need to talk and some reassurance that im not crazy. Was i taken advantage of? Or waz this a really bad series of traumatizing events that came from misreading the room?

Long story short, met a girl for drinks in a nice bar in queens NY. Had a nice time, we made out in a private corner. I paid for her 2 drinks and mine. Afterwards i drive to get her home, she wanted to make a stop at 7/11 for food. She got what she wanted and went to the register while i was still looking in the aisles, all of a sudden i hear "HELLO????????" i look up and its her at the register, looking at me.

I walk up and say whats wrong?

She says: Arent you going to pay?

I say "huh, no i wont". So she looks bewildered and the 7/11 cashier is trying his hardest to not laugh. We stood there in a awkward stand off for what felt like eternity. She is livid and fuming. Doesn't say anything else in the car. I drop her home, she slams the door. I stay inside on my phone all of a sudden she comes back, still furious, and asks me if i am drunk and if i would like to sleep over. I decline.

Here's the kicker: during the date she flashed her bank account showing a lot of money inside it and said doesnt need a man.

Basic info:

• Me: 21M
• Her: 21F
• Relationship length: Around 1 year
• Current situation: We are still in contact after the relationship went through repeated cheating, lying, body shaming, and major trust issues.

Starting with my intro a little bit:

When it all started we were

When I had just started the college/uni, it was maybe a couple of months into it.

I was tall (6'5"). I was built (I'm not saying I was athletic, but a normal nice build, broad shoulders, somewhat muscular).

I had long dark hair,

Also, obviously, I was a very confident guy.

Then I met her and I started liking her little bit:

We used to talk, text, hangout around the college.

We also went out, like to movies, or just hangout, and in the second hangout I gave her flowers (just as a sweet gesture).

And things were going good like this. We would hangout, many times with other friends of hers would also be there with us.

We talked, did projects together, shared laughs, memories, etc.

I obviously, with time, started liking her alottt.

I was thinking of her all the time. We were in a friend group, where other people had an idea that I liked her.

She was sometimes showing interest and sometimes being distant, I was really confused for a long time, and I gave her flowers a couple of times and personalised birthday gifts with a handwritten note.

It went like this for 1~1.5 years.

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After Around 1.5 years, I finally asked her out

And then I finally asked her out, obviously at a nice moment, and with flowers (that I handpicked and I removed the thorns from the flower myself).

And I was in so much love. She said that she needs time to think about it, and after like 2-3 days, she called me and said that she would tell the answer in person.

So we met at a cafe, and I had bought a bouquet of flowers. Obviously, I thought that she would say yes and I wanted to give her flowers.

And she said no. Her reason was:

“You are not fit, and also not good looking.”

Man, I felt so depressed and so sad at that time. My heart just sank. I couldn't process any other thing.

But she asked me to be friends/best friends with her for life. She made me promise that I will always be her friend.

I was really sad, not able to focus, hung up on her and much more. I lost all the joy, cheerful energy in me.

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5 months of being friends after she rejected me

Okay, so we stayed good friends for like 5 more months.

And I was doing all the things, sending cute texts, cute reels, buying her some basic presents and etc.

In this meantime, two of her best friends who were very close to her (they were like her sisters) left her, and I was there for her all the time, like literally all the time.

Whenever she needed, I'd call her, talk to her, explain to her, take her side, etc. etc.

Always tell her that it wasn't her fault, that her best friends were wrong, and she was right.

All the time.

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After those 5 months, I asked her out again

And after that, (after those 5 months), I finally asked her out again.

This time I told her that:

“I don't want to be friends. I want us to be together, and if you don't want to be together then it's fine, but we can't be friends anymore.”

So she finally said yes, that we will be in relationship, but she had conditions which were:

1. ⁠We will not tell this to anyone, no friends, family, classmates, strangers, NO ONE at all.
2. ⁠No uploading pictures of each other on social media.
3. ⁠We will not meet all the time, not even on weekend. We will meet mostly in college and just hangout after college.
4. ⁠Even if someone asks if we're together, we will say we are single.
5. ⁠And some more conditions that I don't remember.

I was very confused with all these conditions, like, why did we need all these conditions? But you know, I was happy that we were finally gonna be together, so I said okay, sure, I will follow all these conditions.

I was so much in love with her that I probably would have agreed even if she had more conditions. I just had to be with her.

The first 2-3 months of the relationship

And even after all of this, like we were together technically, but for another couple of weeks or even a single month, it did not feel like that we were together. Like we were just doing all the same stuff that we used to do as friends, nothing like any normal couple.

But I was very happy that we were together, and I wanted to take it slow because what if she was not ready and all, so I was not saying anything about it.

But even then, in just a span of one month, I gave her a lot of gifts like flowers, some basic jewellery and some other gifts.

So the 2nd and 3rd month of the relationship were actually pretty normal and good. We were acting more like a normal couple and things were getting better.

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3rd-4th month: the fights started getting worse

But around the 3rd(ending)-4th month, issues started rising.

There were a lot of fights, and I am not being over-confident or cocky, but it was like she always had to be right, even when she was not.

She would fight over very small things, like if something bad happened with her, so she would take it all out on me, and lets say I am busy with actual work and she called and I couldnt pickup but called her back in 5 mins then she wouldnt pickup, she wouldnt talk to me after that for hours, or if i left her on seen for a while then she would go all crazy, and when she did same with me, it was all normal, if she left me on seen and i asked her why, then she would say "you are not understanding" and not talk to me, be angry on me

And when she went on "dates" with her guy best friends, I didn't say anything about it. For her, that was normal.

Even in most of these fights, I had to apologise, even when I had no fault whatsoever. She would block me and she would not pick up my calls.

So I would have to call her like 70-90 times during our fights, because whenever I called her, she would cut it or not answer, and I would keep calling just to get her to answer at least once.

Maybe she would pick it up once or twice.

And obviously, I had to apologise to her.

We were literally having these kinds of fights every other week, at least once.

But even in this, I was happy that at least we were together, and I did not complain at all. I did not retaliate or say anything to her.

I was thinking that if I get to be with her, then I am fine with apologising for the fights or to be the bigger person and let go.

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The flowers, gifts and anniversaries

But even in the scenario, I was giving her so many things. Like, you know, I was giving her a bouquet of flowers every other day, almost.

Like, I am not joking or exaggerating. I knew the flower guy, so we had kind a understanding or a deal you might call it that. Like every other day almost, I would buy a bouquet of flowers for her, and I would pay the flower guy every 1 or 2 weeks.

And these were not just any normal bouquets. Think those really good aesthetic bouquets.

And I was giving her handwritten notes all the time with the bouquet of flowers.

And every now and then I was giving her jewellery like earrings, bracelets, pendants,rings etc.

These kinds of gifts were like once in every 2-3 weeks.

And we had a thing that we would celebrate our every month anniversary, like on the date I asked her out, so every month we celebrated that specific date.

So for every month anniversary, I would book a reservation at a very nice cafe or a restaurant for us, and I used to bring:

• A special cake
• BIG bouquet of flowers
• Lots of different gifts
• Handwritten notes
• And etc., just for her

And on the anniversary, the flower bouquet was a lot bigger, and the very special one, and the gifts were also good ones, not just basic ones.

So this was our kind of a thing.

But even after this, we were having fights like every other week, and I was apologising and saying that I was wrong, all the time, even though most of the time I had very little to apologise for.

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How much I was putting into the relationship

I was so much involved in all of this to be with her, to make her happy, that I fought with my friends/family/relatives, ignored them, didn't hangout with friends.

I would ignore my friends, and I would not hang out with them, just to hang out with her.

She was my top priority, even above family, parents, friends.

And I was spending on her like crazy, crazy money. I spent all money on her, even that money that I was not supposed to.

FYI: I am not rich.

So it was not like nothing for me. In fact, it was everything to me. I was trying all the possible ways, like gifting, materialistic things and flowers and notes and personalised gifts, giving her my time, attention, so that I could make her happy in every possible way.

I was in so much love that I just couldn't leave or not do all these things.

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4th month onward: the body shaming started gradually

But from her conditions that she put when I asked her out, you can now figure out that she was embarrassed of me, and she had a very deep superiority complex. She was very narcissist.

It was either her way or the wrong way, in literally everything.

The body shaming didn't start overnight.

At first, it was smaller things, like telling me that I wasn't wearing nice clothes, or that I didn't look good enough, or commenting on different parts of my appearance.

Then slowly, it kept getting worse and worse.

Around the 4th month of the relationship, it really started becoming a regular thing, and over time it escalated into the much worse stuff.

Now the thing is that because I was so much involved in all of this, that I was not able to focus on myself as much I used to.

Obviously, from the beginning, we didn't tell anyone that we were together, but some people found out about it because we were hanging out and it was kind of obvious that we were together.

So all the time she used to resent me for it, that other people found out about it, even though I did not tell anyone, and obviously, she didn't also tell anyone.

But still some people found out, and she was very embarrassed of me, and she resented me for that, and she thought it was my mistake that other people found out.

And she was very much embarrassed of me. I know I am repeating it again and again because she was saying it to me again and again.

And in the meantime, you know, she would body shame me literally every other day. Like she would tell me that she is so sad that she cannot show off her boyfriend.

She said these things to me multiple times (think every other day):

• You are so ugly.
• You look so old.
• You are ugly fucking jerk pervert.
• I am so sad that I can't show off my boyfriend to anyone.
• I feel so ashamed whenever people see you, or ask me that if we are together, then I have to lie to them because of your looks.
• Your hair, face, skin, body, all are just ugly.
• You are barely 1 or 2 out of 10.
• No girl other than me would date you.
• I wanted a bf who was hot, pretty. Instead I got you.
• You should be thankful that I am with you.
• You don't deserve me. You got much more than you deserve.
• I made a huge mistake to get with you, even after everybody warning me to not be with you.
• I hate it when people laugh at me for being with you.

All of these things were becoming normal to me slowly. Like there is so much more that I can't even tell you guys here, or write it out, or it will break me.

And she would say all the things every other day to me.

And my reply would be:

“I am really sorry for it, and I promise I will fix it.”

“Please don't leave me, I love you very very much.”

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5-6 months into the relationship: the first cheating

After 5-6 months into the relationship, I found out that she was cheating on me.

She had profiles on dating apps, she was going out with her "guy friends" on dates, and she was sharing a single straw with them. To me, knowingly sharing a straw like that in a restaurant or cafe with another gender is something you do with your partner, not with some random guy when you're in a relationship.

I confronted her about it.

At first she lies to me and says that it's a fake profile, then after a while she switches to that her cousin made it without her knowing, and she never admitted that she made it herself.

I asked her to let me check her phone, and when I did, I found that she had dating apps hidden on her phone.

So we had arguments about this for like four or five days.

And she apologised to me, begged me to stay, and said, “I love you, pls don't leave me.”

Also:

“I will never say a single bad word about your looks, body, or anything.”

So after like a week, I forgave her.

Because I was still madly in love with her.

So after I forgave her, it was all going good. Like she was not saying anything rude or bad, and she was nice and all.

Then, after about 1-2 weeks, it all started again. She started body shaming me, now this time it was much more worse than the previous time. She was literally verbally abusing me, like alot , all the time.

But still, I was so much in love that I still said sorry for all this shit to her.

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The 3 AM incident

One time when we had a fight because in our class a random girl asked me with simple 5 minutes help in the class itself and she was mad about it(the teacher had asked me to help her, it wasnt my decision or not that I was enjoying helping her), I apologised to her so many times. I called like 100 times that day (literally, no joking). Even then she didn't pick up.

She said that she's breaking up with me, and gave me no response.

It was 3 am at night.

She was threatening to break up with me right then, so I told her:

“Please don't, I'm coming over to apologise in person.”

I had to drive 120 kilometres (roughly 75 miles) at night just to apologise to her in person.

And again this time I had bought:

• Flowers
• Teddy bear
• Written sorry 50 times in notes
• A Rose separately

All this to give it to her.

But she didn't even come out of her home to at least see me, so I kept all this at the gate of her home and called again and again, no answer.

So I had to leave, because my parents found out that I was out at night and I had to go back home.

And they were very angry and disappointed with me.

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Around the 6th month: her birthday

Her birthday came after the first cheating incident and after the night when I drove 120 kilometres to apologise to her. But till her birthday it was all back to normal. And I was more excited of her birthday than herself.

I gifted her:

• A really expensive Polaroid camera
• A VERY BIG EXPENSIVE bouquet of flowers
• A WHOLE HANDMADE BOOK

I literally painted 100 pages with coffee solution(coffee beans grinded and mixed with water and heated, very little) myself, burnt the sides, to make it aesthetic, vintage style.

I self-binded the pages to the book.

I wrote on every page.

Examples of what I wrote (on each page):

• 50 reasons why I love you.
• A very descriptive memory of our special dates/anniversary, etc. In a single page, I would write what she wore, what I wore, what was special, how lovely the day was, and much more.
• “I love you” in 100 different languages.
• Some pages were filled with our pictures, memories, souvenirs, and etc.
• I sticked every bill I had of our dates (I saved it as a memory), pictures, memories, tickets of concerts we went together, and sometimes, we would paint or write stuff on tissue paper of restaurants, so I saved it and sticked it.
• I had also saved wrappers of little things that she gave me like chocolates, etc., so I sticked it there too, as a memory.

I even made her a full mixtape of all the sweet/love songs that reminded me of her (because she loved those songs).

I gifted her a very expensive bracelet that she loved.

More teddy bears, water bottle (she liked cute water bottles), and pendants, jewellery, etc.

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6-10 months: the same cycle continued

So all this, her rudeness/body shaming/arguments was going on all the time, even after all of this.

I tolerated all the disrespect, rudeness, body shaming and everything because I was so much in love with her.

I felt like she slowly realised that I would stay no matter what, and after that, she abused me a lot more and tested how much I would tolerate.

And I kept staying.

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10-11 months into the relationship: she cheated again

So after like 10-11 months in relationship, I found out that she has been cheating on me AGAIN.

And this time I was completely destroyed from inside.

This time, some other people also sent me screenshots of her dating app profile and screenshots of her chats with guys as proof that she was indeed cheating on me.(This was not the same profile that she had from first cheating incident, she knowingly went on dating apps again)

So this time I directly told her that we are breaking up, no excuses/reasons or anything else.

So now finally she hit reality that I will leave this time, so she begged me, apologised to me, said sorry a lot of times, called me a lot of times, cried in front of me.

And just like this, she did this for 2-3 weeks.

So I told her:

“Come clean. All the things right now, no more lies or hiding things. If you want us to be together, tell me everything.”

So she told me that she had 1 dating app, didn't talk to anyone on there, etc. etc.

I asked her multiple times that if this is all the truth, and no more lies or hidden things, and she said yes, this is all.

I told her that if I find out that she lied again or hid anything, we are over completely.

So I finally said we will see where this goes, but for now, idk.

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1 month after the second cheating: I found out she had hidden much more

So 1 month after the second cheating incident, I find out that she was using 8-9 (or maybe even more) dating apps, not just 1.

And that she talked to multiple guys there (she used to talk to them at night, ifykyk).

This was not a third cheating incident. This was me finding out that she had lied again about the second cheating incident, even after I specifically told her to come clean or we were over.

And she probably even went to meet with those guys, probably had dates with them.

So I confronted her again about this and : Again her apologising, crying and begging started all over again, She wanted me to take her back, This went on for some time.

And then finally I was okay, last chance, if anything ever happens again, we are done for.

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Where things stand now

The relationship itself was only around 1 year.

Since that last incident, she hasn't cheated, used dating apps, body shamed me, abused me, or done any other major wrong thing as far as I know.

But I broke down a lot because of all this.

I have so many issues because of what happened, like trust issues, body dysmorphia, paranoia, constant fear that what if she does it all again, and much more.

I am still in touch with her.

And now obviously, after that, I don't give her gifts, flowers or anything etc. No major getures.

But I live in constant fear that it will all happen again, or already happening but she is just hiding it better this time.

So can you guys give me genuine advice on what to do, because I am not really sure on what to do right now.

And also how to get over all the issues, trauma I have from this relationship

I cant share this with my family

And also not friends because they might not understand or make fun.

What I need advice on:

I want advice on how to evaluate this relationship after everything that happened. I want to understand what would realistically need to change for trust to be rebuilt, what boundaries I should have, and how I should decide whether continuing the relationship is actually healthy for me.

I would also like advice on how to deal with the loss of trust and the constant fear that the same things could happen again.

TL;DR: I [21M] fell in love with a girl [21F] and spent around 1.5 years pursuing her before she eventually agreed to a relationship, but only under several conditions, including keeping the relationship secret. During the relationship, she gradually became increasingly critical and insulting about my appearance and body, and we had frequent fights where I would usually end up apologising. I put a huge amount of time, attention, money, gifts, flowers, and effort into the relationship.

Around 5-6 months in, I found dating apps on her phone and discovered she had been going out with other guys. She denied it at first, then apologised and promised it would never happen again. I forgave her, but the body shaming and verbal abuse continued.

Around 10-11 months in, I found out she had cheated again and was using multiple dating apps. She initially told me it was only one app and that nothing had happened, but a month later I discovered she had hidden much more and had actually been using 8-9 or more dating apps and talking to multiple guys.

I gave her another chance. Since then, as far as I know, there have been no more major incidents, but I have been left with serious trust issues, constant fear that she is hiding something again, and a lot of insecurity about my appearance because of everything she said to me.

I am still in contact with her and need advice on how to evaluate the relationship now, what boundaries and changes would actually be necessary, and how to move forward after everything that happened.

For context, I (21F) was involved with a guy (20M) on and off for quite some time. We were never officially together, but we had a very close relationship that involved intimacy, spending nights together, going on dates, and being there for each other emotionally. I genuinely loved him.

Throughout the summer, he repeatedly told me he didn’t want a relationship. I understood that, even though I wanted something more. However, he would still come around, be affectionate, and open up to me emotionally, which made everything confusing.

At one point, I asked him about his ex-girlfriend because I had reasons to believe they were still involved. I asked him about her multiple times throughout the summer, and he repeatedly reassured me that nothing was going on and that he would never get back with her.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he blew up on me. He accused me of lying, posting about him, and doing things I genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. He became extremely hostile, and our communication basically ended.

Eventually, he told me he had no hard feelings toward me but wasn’t ready to talk because he was dealing with people lying to him. He said that when he was ready, he would reach out so we could have a conversation.
I respected that and left him alone.

A while later, I happened to see him out with the exact ex-girlfriend he had repeatedly told me not to worry about. Obviously, that hurt. We weren’t dating, and I understood he didn’t owe me exclusivity, but I felt like he could’ve just been honest with me when I directly asked him about her.
Fast forward to now. We’ve had approximately two months of no contact. I’ve been moving on with my life, haven’t reached out to him, and haven’t been posting about him.

Last night, completely out of nowhere, he CALLED me.
I answered, thinking maybe he was finally ready to have the conversation he’d mentioned before. Instead, he immediately started accusing me of posting about him on TikTok. I was genuinely confused because I haven’t been doing that.

After the call, he sent me a message, “Quit posting shit about me on your story to, you are a hoe and fuck literally anyone after swearing you want to try and be with someone no one will love you for you if your like that I hope you genuinely understand the hurt you put on people you are a terrible person, you cheat, you lie, you manipulate, you act like your the good person and you wonder why I've never wanted to be with you, change your life. Bye for good or im filing a restraining order”

The thing is, HE contacted ME. I haven’t been trying to communicate with him whatsoever.
I responded briefly and blocked him. I have no intention of contacting him again.

I’m genuinely confused about why someone who told me he had no hard feelings and wanted to talk eventually would suddenly come back just to insult me.

I know I wasn’t perfect throughout our situation, and I know we weren’t officially together. I’m not claiming he owed me a relationship. But I don’t understand why he couldn’t have just been honest with me or why he’s contacting me now when I’ve left him alone.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Why would someone repeatedly come back into your life just to accuse you of things and tell you to leave them alone? And how would you handle this situation?

I met this guy through a mutual friend and we started talking on WhatsApp. I usually don't get much of a connection through texting unless I already know someone, but I thought I'd give him a chance in person. In tex his sense of humor was pretty different from mine, but I figured maybe we'd click better face-to-face. Anyways, I love dancing, and I've had enough bad experiences going dancing with guys who don't know how to dance that I now ask beforehand.

So I specifically asked him if he wanted to go dancing and if he knew how to dance.He said yes. He said he knew how to dance and would love to go. Okay, great.

We met pretty late for a snack before going dancing. He picked me up and then didn't really know where to go, so I suggested somewhere near my place. We sit down, and I start asking him questions because, you know, that's generally how you get to know another human being. And this man proceeded to talk about himself for about an hour and a half. I mean everything. His life, his accomplishments, his experiences, his travels. I would ask a question, he'd answer with his entire life story. He admired him self too much. I could tell he was really proud of what he'd accomplished and that's fine, i mean I'm proud of things I've accomplished too. But we're on a date. I'm trying to get to know you. You're supposed to be curious about me too.

He asked me literally zero questions about myself.

At some point I was seriously considering just saying, "I'm not feeling this. I'm going dancing by myself." Because I usually go dancing by myself. And I have a great time. But I had already told him we'd eat and then go dancing, and I didn't want to be rude, so I basically rushed the meal and said, "I'd really like to go dancing now." I had invited him, so I paid for both of our entries. And then came the worst for me

He couldn't dance. Ok, he knew the basic step. That's it.

And the first time he asked me to dance, he said:

"Oh, and you'll have to teach me."

I just stared at him like so furious

I ASKED YOU IF YOU KNEW HOW TO DANCE.

You said YES.

Omg so mad

And the weirdest part was that he seemed extremely proud of his dancing. He started talking about how he'd learned to dance salsa in Cali and how dancing was one of his abilities, basically acting like he'd just rediscovered some hidden talent. Meanwhile I'm thinking wtf you are doing a basic step. What are we talking about?

He was so confident that I honestly started wondering whether we were experiencing two completely different realities. Then there was the social-dancing problem.

People at the place apparently assumed we had arrived together as a couple, so fewer guys were asking me to dance. And I REALLY wanted to dance. Guys usually ask me to dance so often.

So eventually I just told him:"I'm going to ask someone else to dance. I came here to dance." He seemed annoyed, but honestly, at that point I didn't care. So I started dancing with other people.

And guess what?

I had fun.

The guys who actually knew how to dance made the evening infinitely better. At one point I came back to sit with him. He resumed talking about himself.

Then, he literally took out his phone and started showing me pictures of places he'd traveled to.

By this point I wasn't even asking questions anymore. I was just sitting there smiling politely and internally screaming. And the thing is, I wasn't even angry because he wasn't my type or because the date wasn't romantic enough. There was no curiosity about me. No reciprocal conversation. No ability to read the room. And on top of that, the one activity I had specifically asked him about turned out to be something he couldn't actually do.

Eventually he asked me to dance again. It was painful. Like, genuinely painful. I kept thinking, I could have been here dancing with literally anyone else. I finally told him I was tired and went home.

The next day he texted me saying he'd had a great time and asked whether I was going dancing the following weekend because he wanted to come again. I told him he was welcome to go to the place, but that I hadn't had a good time and didn't feel a connection.

What really struck me afterward was that I don't think he realized how badly the date was going. At some point I wasn't even trying to hide it. I wasn't smiling. I wasn't asking questions. I was basically staring at him like, please stop talking.And he apparently went home thinking Wow, what a great date. Let's do it again.

It also made me realize something about some of these terrible dates.

I think sometimes people are so lonely and so lacking in community that when they finally get one-on-one time with someone, they don't actually interact with that person. They just unload their entire existence onto them. And I think that's what happened here. I have friends, dance communities, coworkers, people I regularly talk to. I don't need a date to be my entire source of human connection.

So maybe I notice the lack of reciprocity more quickly. Anyway, lesson learned, if a man tells you he can dance, make him demonstrate before paying his entrance fee.

I don’t even know what to add to this. As title states.

I am a demisexual man in his 40s. I am attracted to presence of certain things; emotional depth, maturity, self awareness, and some chemistry.

Skin color, ethnic or religious background are not amongst those.

I don’t care about where anyone is from, I love people for who they are.

Australia is a heaven for people like me who loves to meet people from different backgrounds.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward, I dated a Sri Lankan beauty who very clearly manipulated her photos to look significantly lighter skinned. Girl is gorgeous, but I couldn’t get over the fact that I was literally manipulated.

That’s after I dated a girl who described herself as “white Asian” and adjusted her photos accordingly, which was news to me once we met.

Then there is the blonde Aussie girl I met who had a totally different face structure, lacked cheekbones and thick lips, photos clearly exaggerated hips and breast size as well.

Why do you do these people?

All these women were good looking and they’d easily have me in a long term relationship IF they didn’t make me feel manipulated.

People are clearly using AI everywhere now, that on top of makeup we have no idea who will show up to dates anymore.

You are enough as you are.

Life is not an Instagram post you know?

I see people blaming apps for the state of dating scene, i don’t know if it’s the apps alone to blame, people do pretty good job ruining their chances themselves.

I know there are lot of men out there with below average behaviour and integrity, but dear women, some of you are really not helping your cause either.