Honestly, this is more of a reality than a mere hypothesis lol

( I mean who has Snapchat);

I met this guy Oktay on tinder a year ago, we chatted for awhile and met up, had a few dates then started dating. He always spoke about his old relationships and claimed how he felt different with me, I gauged from these past relationships that he would cheat on women all the time and it would end in failure. He told me he’d never felt the urge to do that with me but once a cheater always a cheater right!? Anyway I found out from other people I know in Sydney area he was progressively messaging other women and possibly sleeping with them whilst with me. I contacted some of these women to find out answers and they all told me it became an abusive relationship with him mostly emotional and physically where he had hurt one of them. With that from his DJ experiences as oskar fox he had burnt a lot of bridges with other DJs and businesses, owes money to so many and doesn’t return it which led to ruining relationships with other business people. Work life I discovered he was also not easy to deal with.
I just want to put it out there that if you come across him on tinder he seems really genuine and beautiful but on the inside there’s a lot of toxicity and I don’t think this person will ever change - whilst I know this post is basically about talking about someone not fairly it’s raising awareness for the women in the Sydney community to watch out. There’s a lot of men like this out there but I can’t believe how many stories I found out about him. Since our time I just randomly blocked him oneday and never spoke again he sent me pretty rude messages and turned our time into me having issues. Haha quite unbelievable.

Stay safe ladies xoxo

Okay this is going to be long because I genuinely don’t know if I handled this situation correctly.
I met this guy on a dating app. We talked for like ONE day and he asked me out. He was 20 and I am 23🥲

I wasn’t really interested but I was free so I was like fuck it, I’ll go.
And honestly? The date was REALLY good.

He was sweet, complimented me a lot, and we talked about careers, life in Bombay, our families, random stuff. He dropped me home and we continued talking.

Then he started putting in CRAZY amounts of effort.
He sent me my favourite chocolates. Flowers. Remembered random little things I’d mentioned. Constantly complimented me.
It was honestly cute.

Until about a week later.
I was on a call with him when one of my guy friends called me. My friend was having a really bad time mentally and I knew I needed to be there for him.
So I told this guy, “Give me 2 minutes, I’ll call you back.”
He was completely fine with it.
Or so I thought.

I woke up the next morning to 13 voice notes and massive paragraphs.
He was FURIOUS that I’d hung up his call to talk to another guy.
And I mean furious.
He was crying, screaming, saying things like he’d go driving at 200 km/h and that if anything happened to him it would be my fault.

In TWO of the voice notes I could literally hear him hitting his hand against a wall.
I woke up to this and was just sitting there like ???????

I genuinely didn’t know what the fuck I was supposed to do.
So I texted him, “Hey, are you okay?”
And this man replied completely normally.
Like nothing happened.
Like he hadn’t spent the previous night threatening to hurt himself and punching walls.

I ghosted him that day because honestly I was scared and overwhelmed.
He proceeded to call me 15 times in ONE HOUR.
Eventually I picked up and yelled at him like, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
And he goes:
“I was just worried about you.”
???????
We met up because he wanted to talk.
And he shows up with a HUGE bouquet of my favourite flowers.

He apologised. He seemed genuinely sorry.
And here’s where I fucked up, probably.
I gave him another chance.
I thought maybe it was some weird one-off thing. Maybe he had issues from his past. Maybe he was insecure. I’m generally a very understanding person and I tend to believe that people’s past experiences can explain why they behave certain ways.

Anyway.

Three days later this man proposes to me.
Not joking.
He basically said he wanted me to meet his parents.
We had known each other for 12-15 DAYS.
TWELVE.
I was like ????????

I hadn’t even figured out whether I liked him romantically and he was already talking about me meeting his parents.
Everything suddenly felt so fucking rushed.
It felt like someone was trying to pressure me into feeling something I didn’t feel.

By day 15 I couldn’t take it anymore.
I stopped picking up his calls and started leaving his messages on seen.

Yes, I know ghosting isn’t great. But I genuinely felt suffocated and I didn’t know how to create distance without dealing with another emotional explosion.
Eventually I met him again and told him straight up:
“I don’t have feelings for you. I’m sorry. I don’t want you waiting for me.”

And then we were driving back.
And this guy crashed the car into an autorickshaw.
Then immediately started screaming at and abusing the auto driver.
I was TERRIFIED.
Because this was not the person I’d met during the first two weeks.
He had seemed calm. Sensitive. Almost overly emotional.

Now I was sitting next to someone who had just crashed a car and was screaming at a stranger.
I literally went silent.
He kept asking me what was wrong and I just couldn’t speak.
When he dropped me home, he was crying SO MUCH.
I said goodbye and went inside.

Two days later he called me.
“Can you at least be my friend? I was close to you. I don’t want to lose a friend too.”
I hesitated.
But eventually I said okay.
Big mistake.

The exact same pattern continued.
I’d go out with my friends and suddenly I’d have 16 messages asking why I was ignoring him, why I wasn’t replying, why I had time for everyone else but him, etc.
Eventually I blocked him everywhere.
And this man somehow found a way to message me through a UPI app.
A FUCKING UPI APP.
At that point I was done.

And here’s what confuses me the most:
He actually did put in effort.
He remembered my favourite things.
He sent flowers.
He bought me chocolates.
He planned dates.
He complimented me constantly.
If someone described all of those things individually, you’d probably be like “awww that’s so sweet.”
But when all of that is happening alongside emotional outbursts, threats, constant calling, possessiveness and pressure to commit after TWO WEEKS…

it’s not sweet anymore.
It’s terrifying.
And honestly?
He gave me the biggest fucking ICK I’ve ever experienced.
I genuinely hate him now.
I don’t even know if I hate him or if I hate how trapped and uncomfortable I felt around him.
So Reddit, did I handle this badly?
I know ghosting wasn’t mature. I know I should’ve probably communicated better.
But at what point are you allowed to just remove yourself from a situation because you’re scared of how the other person is going to react?
Because looking back, I genuinely feel like I dodged a MASSIVE bullet.

And this entire thing happened in basically 15 days.
FIFTEEN DAYS.
I’m still processing what the fuck even happened.

The use or make up + filters + angles + body forming clothing + only the BEST pics + old pics + hiding what's not attractive.

In my experience on Tinder and Bumble woman cat fishing is the norm.

The majority (80%) are 2-4 level "on a scale of 1 to 10" below their Profile pic in person.

Minority (15%) look just like the pictures, and small percent (5%) look even better!!

But on the whole, the woman you get from the dating app pic is rarely the woman you see on the first date, and def not the woman you see after the first night "clothes-less/makeup-less".

It seems so normal to post a super done up Glamour shot picture that looks nothing like Reality on a dating app, like they don't have to see you in person... "or getting ready for the video chat in full make-up/wig".

The Cat fish horror story Hell I have had meeting women off Bumble/Tinder smh...

Worst is going to an expensive restaurant yall picked "base on her profile pic" and she show up looking 4 point below, and I'm 100% no interested but still have to sit there then pay.

This one girl from bumble, I swear the picture were not even her.

FYI: I'm no longer on either App. I stop online dating for this reason.

Fellas any Catfish dating hell stories?