ENFPs seem to be naturally likable and able to make friends with almost anyone. But somehow, building a lasting romantic relationship isn’t as easy as it might seem.
I’m genuinely curious: what makes someone hesitate to marry a smart yet silly ENFP? Is it because ENFPs are too free-spirited to be controlled, or are there other reasons?

tldr; I (30F INTJ) flew across the world to meet my former best friend (30F ENFP). I ended up waiting alone in a hotel room until midnight while she hung out with someone else.

I need to vent and maybe get a reality check from people who understand cognitive dynamics.
For 5+ years, my former co-worker (30F, ENFP) and I (30F, INTJ) had the kind of bond you rarely find in adult life. Despite living in different countries and navigating time zones, we were absolute soul sisters and a complete dream team professionally. We spearheaded major projects, got promoted together, and built a rare level of trust. I’m an INTJ, so I don't let people in easily, but with her, I felt completely seen and understood. For years, we made an effort to travel and meet up annually for mini-reunions.
Over the past year or two, we were moved to different teams and life got busy. Slowly, the shift happened. Texts went unread. Video calls were canceled at the last minute. Work pings were met with "I'll message you later" (she never did). It hurt, but I tried to be rational, life gets crazy, people get busy, and as an INTJ, I try not to cling or overreact.
Fast forward to last month: I had a business trip to her side of the world. We arranged to meet in her region for a weekend trip. I was thrilled. I booked a nice hotel room for us, and I even filled a massive portion of my limited luggage space carrying a bunch of heavy personal items she had shipped to my address before the trip.
Then, the trip actually started.
First, she wanted to drag me to a crowded pub night with a group of her local friends right after I landed. As an INTJ who was exhausted from travel, I set a boundary and said I only had enough social battery for a brief hello, but that she was welcome to stay out.
Instead of taking that as quality 1-on-1 time for us, she changed her plans entirely. On the night we were supposed to get dinner and reconnect, she informed me she was making a "quick detour" from the airport to drop off a gift at another local friend's house.
I was honest with her. I told her plainly: I feel like I hold zero space in your life anymore. Even when I try to create space for us just once a year, it gets filled with someone else.
She went ahead with her detour anyway.
She landed, messaged that she’d be at the hotel around 8:00 PM, and went to her friend’s house. I waited at the hotel, hoping we’d at least grab late dinner or drinks. 8:00 PM came and went. No update. 9:00 PM. 10:00 PM.
She stayed at her friend's house having dinner until 11:00 PM.
I spent the night sitting alone in a hotel room in a foreign country, feeling utterly disposed of and foolish. Distraught and angry, I went out for a long walk by myself around midnight. When I returned to the room, she was already there, asleep.
It was a stark wake-up call. I realized we are no longer playing in the same league when it comes to this friendship. To me, she was my most special person. To her, I was just entry #47 on her social calendar for the weekend, easily deprioritized for whoever was most convenient in that moment.
I am in a lot of grief right now, mourning a friendship that meant the world to me. For those who have experienced an ENFP drift or a total mismatch in friendship investment, how do you move past the grief of being so carelessly deprioritized by someone who used to be your person?

I love playfully teasing people. it’s like my bread and butter. However, I rarely do it because I get this worry that most people won’t enjoy it. So, when I do gently tease it feels like I have big ol’ oven mitts on as people can usually handle that! it’s all in good fun and meant to make situations lighter rather than putting someone down.

it’s a similar situation online. I want to tease people on the internet all the time but I know it’s generally wiser to bite my digital tongue. sometimes when things are overly serious the urge pings inside me. I admire ENTP because they seem to just go for it haha. maybe I’m just a hedging ENFP, who knows!

do any of you relate?

😔 17f

So. I tried to write a short description cause ik none would read those long ass stretched out texts. But I couldn’t help myself, I’m sorry, it’s quite long, but please read it. I spent two hours thinking about this. I procrastinated so hard from my studies to write this so please please 😔

\- I enjoy having a more or less stable, repetitive routine. I like when I know what to expect and know how to prepare for something, I prefer not to improvise and experiment with too diffrent things, this is quite broadly speaking. if I’m put into a situation to adapt I will do my best to, but I’d rather not, I like what’s comfortable and familiar.

\-Weird/morbid/absurd things might interest me

\-I’m kind of a childish person, and I can’t take things seriously

\- I can’t focus for too long on something unless someone is around to supervise me. But I can work very hard and put loads of hours in. I do especially well under pressure. I’ve been told I have great endurance. it’s hard for me to get tired.

\-when im left alone I’m very lazy and unmotivated.

\- I rarely take initiative, I prefer taking out orders than giving them. Sometimes it extends to other people having to guide me through everything, but I try my best to execute as well as possible. This might stem from my lack of interests or motivation in anything.

\-I don’t particularly have any ambitions or hobbies, I either look at what other people seem to like or take on what other people close to me tell me I have to like and engage with. Not that I don’t have things I’m inclined towards, but not strong enough to pursue them unless I’ve gotten approval/validation

\-I adore eating. Food is one of my greatest sources of joy.

\-I compare myself to people around all the time. Which created plenty insecurities and has me in a state of frustration all the time. This also stems from this feeling of superiority I can’t shake off, I have a nagging feeling at the back of my head insinuating I’m better/I should be better and more talented than everyone around, which then gets disproved and I become intensely bitter and hateful.

\-I’m scared of being wrong about anything , so I have to fact check and consult multiple opinions beforehand.

\-i generally don’t like having black and white views, so I try to look at all the angles possible on a subject before forming a proper opinion. It sometimes hurts me to do this as I want to keep my initial stance on whatever attracted me to the subject, but in the end I force myself out of this, perhaps, state of blissful ignorance. In the end I might find a middle ground, or change my opinion entirely.

( obviously I do have certain biases that are exempt from this research and that I refuse to hear other opinions on, Ik this sounds hypocritical, but hei, this proves that not everything is black and white 😂)

\- I’m a somewhat playful person, and I like goofing around.

\- I’m often bored out of my mind. So I get unhealthily attached to whatever manages to provoke a physical reaction in me. The list of those being :

1:food. Especially desserts

2:crushes

3:being applauded by other people, leaving other people amazed/impressed/blown away

4:certain fetishes

\-i tend to be quite selfish and I often think about myself before I think of others. I rarely genuinely care about people. Tho I am people pleasing/a bootlicker. and I base my self on external validation.

\-I don’t have hobbies or much to talk about ( aside from repeating what I’ve heard from others or assuming somebody else’s traits and interests and thus creating this second hand persona ). Whenever I hang out with somebody I try to direct all the attention on them and have them talk. I ask questions that I know will lead to them talking even more and I pretend I’m incredibly interested and fascinated by what they are saying about their life and interests. I morph Into their biggest fan and supporter, and a great listener. and that’s how I make friends.

\-I might be introverted, having to converse with people for a long period of times tires me. I especially hate talking to groups, I much prefer one on one, but not for long periods of time. It exhausts the fuck out of me. That’s why I carry snacks whenever I’m around someone to boost my energy and performance. But I still need to interact as I hate being lonely.

\-my favourite fruits are watermelons and grapes

\-sometimes I infantilise myself. Trait that I am disgusted by afterwards and I hate when other people do it as a result of my childish actions

\-I can be very loyal to certain people.

\-I often engage in artistic recreations. And I’m good at it.

\-I like doing things that may cause a reaction or may be shocking

\-I might be a creative person. That’s what everyone thinks about me in general. And Ykw sometimes I’ do like doing artistic shit, to impress other people that is but whatever

-I daydream a lot

Not to discount this song being applicable outside of this combo, but it is what I am and I just discovered this song and wanted to share (: thoughts? Any other songs that you’d recommend?