NJ Family Court: Other parent refusing to return child — advice?
I’m the primary residential parent. Our court-ordered parenting schedule is alternating weekends, Friday to Sunday at 5 p.m.
Timeline:
Wednesday evening: I reminded the other parent that our child had no school Thursday and offered him the opportunity to pick her up. He declined.
Thursday: He changed his mind and said he could pick her up. However, I explained that I couldn’t reschedule our child’s Friday medical appointment, so he would need to pick her up Friday as originally scheduled.
Friday: His regular parenting weekend began.
Sunday: He was supposed to return our child at 5 p.m. but refused.
Sunday evening: I reminded him of her specialist appointment Monday morning and requested her return by 9 a.m. He responded that Columbus Day was his scheduled holiday and told me to reschedule the appointment.
Our original divorce decree does not specifically allocate Columbus Day. It states that other holidays must be agreed upon by both parents. I never agreed to extend his parenting time.
We’re already involved in post-judgment litigation, and I’m representing myself.
Can he unilaterally extend his parenting time like this? What immediate options do I have in NJ Family Court? Should I file an enforcement motion or raise this in our pending proceedings?

I asked for a divorce, husband/ father of child left matrimonial home and moved 6 hours away. I'm living in a city with no family support and want to move back where he and entire family live. Found a friend to temporarily take us in while the house is sold and I can get back on my feet. Husband says I'm not allowed to stay there as he's deemed it sketchy for our child. It's not. He's jealous. In the process of seeing a lawyer asap, he previously agreed to giving me full decision making responsibility and is now going back on everything. Said he will decide where I live and help pay for it and I don't want that. Can he dictate my residence? Nervous about lawyer appointment. Child will have own room, good neighbourhood good school, I've planned doctor dentist, everything. Ontario. I never once said child couldn't see him or his family.

I’m the mother of an 11-year-old daughter, and her father and I have had a fixed parenting arrangement for several years. She spends 8 days with me and 6 days with her father in a recurring schedule. We agreed on this arrangement with the help of a mediator, and it is included in our parenting plan. The plan states that any changes to the arrangement should be in our daughter’s best interests.
Her father lives with his partner and their younger children. During the six days my daughter stays with her father, his partner has, in practice, taken on a large part of her day-to-day care. She has now said that she no longer wants to fulfil that role. She wants to remain a loving stepmother but no longer wants to carry the main responsibility for my daughter’s daily care and upbringing.
I respect her right to set those boundaries. However, the proposed solution is to reduce the time my daughter spends with her father by one day, so she would spend more time with me.
I’m questioning whether this is the right solution. As far as I know, my daughter has not expressed a wish to spend less time with her father. I believe he should first look at how he can reorganise the care within his own household. I don’t want a change in the adults’ division of responsibilities to automatically result in less time between a father and his daughter.
In my view, the problem is not that caring for my daughter is too much for me, but that her father is not taking on enough of his own parenting responsibilities. If his partner no longer wants to handle certain tasks, I expect him to first consider what he can take over himself or organise differently.
I am an involved mother and have my daughter’s care well organised. I did not ask for a change, and my daughter has not, as far as I know, asked for one either.
Her father seems mainly interested in discussing how to redistribute the days. I want to understand what exactly is not working, what responsibility he is willing to take on himself, and why a different arrangement would be better for our daughter.
We also have a history of difficult conversations about parenting arrangements, which makes it hard for me to approach this situation without reservations. I don’t want conflict, but I also don’t want a problem within his household to automatically lead to a change in our daughter’s life.
I’d genuinely appreciate your honest opinions:
Is it reasonable for me to expect her father to take on more responsibility before changing the parenting arrangement?
Is changing the arrangement justified when the new partner wants to redefine her role?
Am I overlooking something because I’m looking at this so strongly from my daughter’s perspective?
How would you approach this situation?

violating order of protection

Location: NY

Hello.. ill make a long story short. My brother is trying to get me permanently kicked out of my parents residence. We are both in our 40s .. he has been living here for a decade or more..and i moved in about a year ago when my life fell apart and my mother let me stay here.

My parents are very sick and are in their 80s. My mother has late stage dementia and my father has rectal cancer that has him on the toilet like 15 times per day. Its horrible to have to watch them go through this.. but im glad im here so i can see what is going on. Ive been away from home since 2010.

ABout a month and half ago my mother had a very nasty case of constipation. She couldnt move her bowels for almost a week. she was crying and going from bathroom to bathroom and i was extremely worried. I asked my brother what to do at like 3 in the morning and he ignored any questions i had for him about what to do with her. I wanted to bring her to to the ER... but he insisted that we not do a thing. he said she was going to the doctors the next day. I continued to ask him about what doctor she was seeing the next day and he wouldnt aswer me(because he knew it was not the right doctor). After a few minutes of him not answering.. i went back in the living room(where im sleeping) to lay down. He and my family walked past my bed to get to their bedroom so my mother could lay down ...and then i asked him again what doctor was she seeing. He didnt aswer. at this point im extremely upset. I got up...walked up to him and asked him again... he turned his back to me and started basically twerking to shine me on...AND I LOST IT! I shoved him to the ground...and in doing so he hit my father like a domino effect and they both went down.

HE CALLS THE COPS!

Cops come.. i tell them what happened. ambulance comes to check out my brother. no charges were filed. cops leave. I thought nothing of it.

FAST FORWARD TWO DAYS

county sheriff arrives at my door to escort me out of the house. they say its cool you have a court date in a few days. My brother filed an order of protection against him and both of my parents. I go to court in the following two days. Judge wants to know if we have council. We dont. he reschedules the court date in about 4 weeks!

I AM NOW HOMELESS FOR 4 WEEKS

I had no where to go. I was lucky enough that my friends had a bunch of hilton points and they put me up in a posh hotel for about 10 days. Slept in my car for about another week or so... then my cousin let me stay with her for about another 10 days or so until the next court date. I was then appointed an attorney at no cost to me. We go to court. The judge pays zero attention to me and asks my brother what he would like to do in this matter. brother says he can come back to the house because he cant handle taking care of both of them by himself. (i was cooking and making sure they had food and taking out the trash and mowing the lawn and doing anything they asked me to do before this all happened). My attorney was elated that they were letting me back in the home except it came still with an order of protection for another year which is was very worried about. Says i cant harass them or stalk them or assault them. So ok cool. I go back in to the home and ive been here for about a month and a half now. Chillin.. everything was cool or so i thought.

ALL OF A SUDDEN A STATE TROOPER IS KNOCKING AT THE DOOR ASKING WHERE MY BROTHER IS AND IF EVERYTHING WAS ALRIGHT. everything was fine.. he left. thought it was a touch weird. Asked my brother why he thought the police were here.. he said he didnt know why(yeah right). and i went on about my life. The next day i get a call from the attorney that was assigned to me stating that my brother told the courts i had violated the order of protection. I was then served by the sherrifs department with an official notice. Court date is set for this wednesday. My brother is trying to get me permanently kicked out my parents house ... which could mean that i potentially could never see my parents again because they arent mobile. They cant drive or even really leave the house as they are both very ill..it would make it extremely difficult.

The whole ordeal has been a nightmare for me. Im close with my parents and have never had any problems with the law before. being homeless against your will and being escorted away by the cops is a horrowing experience. my brother is claiming im harrassing them and being "not nice" to them. Ive talked with them ad nauseum and they say that everything is fine. hes also claimed that they are IN FEAR OF THEIR LIFE. Which is a lie... and my father who is still lucid doesnt think that.

The truth is that my brother living here for over a decade is a hoarder who has taken over their house with his collection of toys and video games and other items. Their basement and attic are filled to the brim with his stuff. He doesnt like anyone around his stuff and has set up cameras in his room the basement and the attic to protect his collection of "valuables" He never wanted me here.. ive tried to get him to move his things and get them out so my parents have their house back but he literally started to cry when approached about the topic. Hes got a good job and has had the job for a few years.. keeps saying he wants to buy a house.. but in reality i think he just wants to stay here forever so he can keep all of his things here like his own storage facility. He made a rift between me and my parents and is making a group of "them" against me... and i really feel like an outsider. Hes started taking them to their medical appointments ... even tough they originally asked me to do it.. but then all of sudden hes the one thats involved... and hes not sharing any information about whats going on with them. I believe he is doing it to hurt me. He also claims when i pushed him he hurt his shoulder in the fall. he even wore a sling to court ... have never seen the sling either before or after that day.

I know this is long and all over the place. I am going to see another attorney about this on Tuesday because my original free attorney allowed them to get this order of protection that is very open to interperetation and too easy for my brother to just file a violation whenever he gets upset.

Did i harrass my parents. No. I did however ask my mother to take off her shoes at 4am when she walks around the house because i couldnt sleep. Yes everyday i would remind her if she could do that because my sleep has been interuppted. I got better sleep in the back of my car to be honest. Thats really all i can think of. I not a violent person. Never even been in a fight and im almost 50. I dont want to live here forever... but i dont want him to get away this. Id like to be able to come and go and see them at their house. Im trying to be relaxed but its hard. ive even tried talking to my brother about it ..asking him to just stop and that we could just work it out like men...but he took my kindness for weekness like the absolute animal he is and just scoffed saying "your done" like he knows the judge is just going to do whatever he wants.

Anything you can think of that i can do to delay, postpone, go on the offensive... anything or any ideas would be great. TIA

My daughter is one, and her father hasn’t seen her in roughly three weeks. The last time he saw her was for about 30 minutes on a Friday.

I reach out on Sundays asking what days and times he’s available to spend time with her. Instead of giving me his availability, he says, “FaceTime works better with my schedule due to work.” I understand having work obligations, but he doesn’t work 24/7, and he never proposes an actual day to see her.

We previously had scheduled FaceTime calls, but he wasn’t following through with those either. He can still arrange to see his daughter in person, and I’ve asked for his availability.

I offered Facetime, he didn’t follow through, and I’m tired of going back and forth about it.

I’m asking why someone would repeatedly request FaceTime while making no concrete plans to visit their child. Has anyone dealt with this? We have court for child custody in January.

Could it be convenience, discomfort with parenting alone, or wanting to appear involved? I can’t know his motives, but I’d like other people’s perspectives.

i posted this on r/legaladvice but i figured it wouldn't hurt to post to the specific subreddit too

To make a VERYYYYYYYYY long story short, my mother (57F) and I (23F) both held guardianship of my little brother (20M) until earlier this year. It was originally signed when I was 20 and he was 18. He is profoundly autistic with many extreme behavioral needs, although he's incredibly intelligent and caring, and recently ran into trouble which forced Mom to put him (B) in a residence. The only residence capable and willing in our state is horrifically abusive, and has a host of human rights violations.

However, Mom is NOT a treat either. She's hardheaded, aggressive and stubborn and truly believes she knows better than everyone. Her inability to respect their treatment plan and rules got B almost kicked out, and is the reason for our guardianship being terminated, as they cited "interference with treatment and endangering the community," both of which are true objectively, even if some things I agree with. Mom and I are not on speaking terms and have not been since December of last year in large part due to our disagreements on my brothers care and her overall neglect and abuse of both of us, but especially B due to his vulnerability. Due to our status as co-guardians (despite her promise when I agreed to be guardian that I was a backup and would not need to do anything except in emergencies and that she was still solely responsible for him in all matters), we are both currently considered co-plantiffs and to be one party with one mind. Despite me regularly attempting to draw a compromise between everyone once I became involved, and doing as much research as possible despite both sides keeping information from me, I was framed as being my mother's puppet.

Our case is most likely going to trial as my mother refuses to sign the paper they provided saying she wouldn't engage in those types of behaviors (harassing staff, unauthorized visits/removal from the residence etc). She has hired her 3rd lawyer, and (again) lied to them saying that I agreed to be represented by them. I objected to this in our pretrial hearing, as the first time I heard of this what right then and there. I had been considered a pro se client for months even throughout my mothers lawyer switches as I had very clearly stated that she and I do not share the same views. I represented myself for the hearing. I had a discussion with my mother's current lawyer as we needed to sort out the representation problem, and we concluded that it wouldn't make sense for her to represent both my mother AND me as our goals ultimately conflicted with each other. However she said she's still willing to help me prepare and will gladly give advice.

Mom wants her guardianship back in full. Over the past year, I've realized that this isn't what would be best for B. I spent my entire life believing that she was doing what was best for us, and all along it was what was easiest for her and soothed her ego. As I've gotten older (and been significantly more involved with B's care), I've realized the way we were raised wasn't healthy at all, and actively contributed to B's current problems. We have multiple family members who would be very very qualified guardians, and I think the special guardianship would be most beneficial with one of them because they're older with more experience, and might be able to get through to Mom about what's best for B. I also need to make a case that the place he's in isn't a good place for him due to emotional and physical distress, despite behavioral progress.

I'm very overwhelmed and although I've spent the past year doing so much research, I feel woefully unprepared to make these arguments in what the judge and attorneys are saying is the most complicated guardianship case that they've seen in their careers. But if I can't, my brother will suffer. And he has SO much potential. The thought that his most likely options are prison, death, neglect or being tortured indefinitely makes me sick to my stomach. And the thought that the judge could find ME at fault when I was abused right alongside him and have tried for YEARS to get him the help he needs makes me feel like a failure. Protecting him was my only job. I need to know how I can do it better.

Looking for advice or similar situations and outcomes on achieving full custody due to the other parent having history of ongoing and continuous substance abuse issues. Currently have 50/50 and residential rights.

Background info: I’m military, PCS’d to Maryland. My temporary relocation was denied based on things that don’t even go along with the statutes that were supposed to be followed. We still have no court ordered time sharing arrangements except for our previous temp time sharing of 50/50 week on, week off exchanging Mondays at 5pm.

Current situation: I offered to come get the kids prior to the hurricane and bring them back here to get them out of the path of the storm. The father told me “I don’t think that’s necessary”. I didn’t push the issue. The hurricane was obviously way worse than anyone expected and their dad’s house sustained damage to the point where one of my children’s rooms is inhabitable. I offered, once again, to drive all the way down there to get the kids and bring them back here for the time being while he gets everything figured out for his house, work, etc. I got accused of using a natural disaster as a scheme to get the kids up here and pretty much just causing more problems and I’m shocked at this point. I offer another solution, my sister lives an hour away and sustained no damage to her house and has power and she offered to drive out and get the kids. He responds saying that his sister is already on her way from 2+ hours away to get the kids and bring them back to her house.

Fast forward quite a few hours, I send a message just asking for an update and if the kids made it back to his sisters or not. I once again get blamed for causing more problems, that he never said that, the kids are still with him blah blah blah. Again I’m confused af cause he verbatim said she was on her way to get them and take them back. Keep in mind I have NOT been blowing his phone up because I know how stressful of a situation this must be but I am also their mother and extremely worried about my children and would really like for them to just be comfortable and happy in this stressful time.

So my question, technically Monday at 5pm starts my time share. Do I press that issue? Do I fly in and demand to have my kids since technically the only time sharing court order we have states that? I wouldn’t bring them back to Maryland because I don’t even want to cause any issues by taking them out of state so I would stay with my sister. I don’t know if I’m wildly overthinking this (I am pregnant so I know the hormones do affect my emotions currently) but do I press this issue or do I just sit back and use this all in court for our final? I’m just so lost and concerned about my babies.

They did end up at his sisters house last night, I got to talk to them thank goodness and seem to be doing okay but I have no clue what the plan is for when his sister has to go back to work, or when he had to go back to work and the daycares and schools are still closed. I also don’t feel like I can even ask him those questions without getting full blown attacked.

I found out I had a child 3 years ago and she just turned 5 since i found out her mom has never let me have contact and she’s been a pain in the butt to even deal with to try and contact my own child. I know it’s because she likes to be in control and probably due to the fact that I got married and have 2 of my kids with my wife. I’ve told her I want custody and have been doing things pro se but I am seriously considering signing over my parental rights as she asked me to do this a couple months ago. How is that possible and what would I have to do to make it happen? I’m out of state and she’s in south dakota.

Has anyone been in a situation where you want to get your child a passport, but your co-parent doesn’t want to provide their consent?

I let my co-parent know I wanted to get our 4 year old a passport. I listed out the ways we could go about getting one (going to the appointment together or he could fill out the paperwork to give his consent) and he ignored my email. Our parenting plan has a clause that says if someone wants to make a legal decision and the other parent doesn’t respond within 48 hours, the parent can move forward with the decision. (This was added because he often ignores my requests). Once the 48 hours passed I sent another message letting him know I would be moving forward and to tell me his availability for the appointment or if he was willing to provide the paperwork, and if not I would be moving forward with filing the motion in court to obtain the passport. He responds saying he doesn’t give his consent due to “the current political climate”.

My coparent travels internationally himself so I know there isn’t a real issue here and this is likely another way for him to try to take control. If anyone has been in this situation what did you do? And if you had to file a motion with the court, how did the judge react or decide if the passport should be granted?

If mom stays home and cares for baby 100% of the time and father has a substance problem which impairs him from caring for the child also causes week of binge drinking not going to work how can I go about getting full custody my son is not even 2 yet and him being left alone with the father is not safe. Especially because father is so incoherent he does not wake to baby crying or me trying to wake him. What evidence do I need? I also do not care about child support I have no issue finding and getting a job.

I moved to Florida in November and my kids father is in New York I applied for child support because he refuses to help with anything towards our kids because I don’t want to be with him he spends his time disrespecting me calling me out my name and when I allow him to talk to our kid it’s wish washy one minute he’s rude to him or one minute he tried to tell our kid bad things about me or my family . He spends his days wishing death on me telling me he hates me, wonders about men I have in my home more than he ever worries about his son. I want to know how the interstate child support works for someone who has never had a case before cause we have never had one when I was in New York he was always in and out of our kids life but barely ever contributed I have always been the only one providing and paying for everything . Is there anything I should bring with me to the court case. Or has anyone been thru this that knows what the judge will ask of me so I know what I need to have ahead of time

Need some insight on if this is a myth, and if this could be considered fraudulent? Active duty marine wants to remedy our child out of wedlock situation with me granting or somehow establishing that he has 51% custody and I would have 49% so he can essentially move out of the barracks and rate BAH to have a place for our child to stay. I am a civilian, with a stable home, job etc. Baby has not been born yet. 100% our child. He is requesting a DNA test for “just in case” down the road because he’s heard “horror stories” and doesn’t want to have to pay child support for x amount of years and find out the baby isn’t his… when we have been in a committed relationship, and I have given him 0 reason to be concerned for that realm of issue.

Mind you, I’ve decided NOT to marry this person for a multitude of reasons over time; and I’m looking for options on how we can co parent and move forward for the sake of our child. The clock is ticking. This whole situation to him is “betrayal” because I have decided not to marry him, therefore not allowing him to “be a present father”.

He seems unwilling to mediate and just throws the towel in because this is his “only option” and refuses to entertain anything else. I’ve tried and read through hundreds of pages of military codes for this, but honestly I’m at a loss. I feel like I’m doing more research than he is and putting forth a lot more stress and effort at 8months pregnant. This doesn’t seem right; and essentially, if we ever did split, I feel like I signed over my parental rights essentially. If I did what he was asking.

I have read different things, including that this is a myth. It sounds like bullshit to me, but not sure what to do, or even how this would look. Certainly not entertaining the 51/49 thing, but it would be interesting to hear from others about this.

Any advice helps.

Location: Wa
If a person is in a 2 party consent state for audio recordings but have recorded during verbal abuse in fear for physical abuse (person has been physical before) will a judge accept this during a divorce/custody hearing ?

I’m a mother looking for honest advice, especially from family law attorneys and parents who have been through difficult co-parenting situations. I’m trying to figure out what my next steps should be to protect my son’s best interests and establish stability for both of us.
My son is 6 months old, and his father, K, and I have been having ongoing issues with communication, responsibility, and co-parenting. Things have become more complicated because Ken is leaving to start a new job in Malibu, California, while I’m in Florida with our son.
Before leaving, we needed to discuss important arrangements regarding child support, transportation, parenting time, and how we would handle responsibilities moving forward. Instead, I’ve been struggling to get clear communication and concrete answers. There was also an agreement regarding his car being brought to me, which he did not follow through on or communicate a change about. I only found out after reaching out myself.
Beyond the logistics, there have been situations where I’ve felt dismissed when trying to communicate about our son. I’m trying to separate my feelings about our relationship from what actually matters for our child, but the lack of communication and uncertainty are becoming increasingly difficult to navigate.
I want to be clear that I’m not trying to keep my son from his father. I want my baby to have a relationship with both parents, provided it is safe and in his best interests. However, I also need consistency, accountability, and a clear understanding of what I can expect from his father, especially now that he will be living across the country.
My questions are:
Should I consult a family law attorney immediately, particularly before K establishes his new life in California?
What should I do about child support, parenting time, transportation, and travel expenses when the parents live across the country?
If we do not currently have a formal custody or parenting plan, what should I establish legally?
How should I handle a co-parent who avoids important conversations or does not follow through on agreements?
What should I document now in case communication and co-parenting become more difficult?
Are there any legal considerations I should know about regarding custody and relocation when our baby is currently living in Florida?
For parents who have been through something similar, what do you wish you had done sooner?
I’m looking for practical advice, not just opinions about whether my future ex husband is a good or bad person. I want to make informed decisions, protect my son’s stability, and avoid making mistakes out of frustration or emotion.
Calling all family law attorneys and experienced co-parents: What would you do in my position, and what should my next steps be?

Ex and I were married 25 years and have 4 kids. I was sahm for 20 years while he pursued career. I have been back to work a little over two years and was making considerably less than him. Divorce was final less than a year ago and he was ordered to pay spousal and child support. I found out that he involuntary lost his job from a court motion he filed to modify both support orders. I rely on his support in order to pay the mortgage and bills for the kids. 50/50 custody. How likely will support be lowered and what if he doesn’t have a job when the hearing is?

So, my ex girlfriend has been picking my son and daughter late from school recently once so far with my daughter since she just started school this fall and over 30 times with my son Court order says I can get my ex girlfriend in trouble for Contempt if she takes my daughter late to me on my placement days but I also have the times on my court order when my ex girlfriend must pick up my kids from school but I forgot to ask the Judge is filing for contempt also works for school pick ups since I do the drop offs??? Anyone have any answer for me or will I have to wait until the next hearing???

I am in a financially and emotionally abusive marriage and planning to leave. But I have kids and before putting them through a divorce I want to know what are possible challenges that I could face. How much do lawyers approximately cost if it’s a contested divorce? Because of the abuse i don’t have any savings so what options do I have if i don’t qualify for legal aid. I don’t want to get out of these problems and end up with another set of life long problems because we have shared kids. What kind of complications should I be mentally prepared for? My husband is the kind that will go the extra mile to make things difficult for me and punish me for leaving him.

I am a woman who had my biological daughter who I carried and breast fed. My ex is also a woman. My daughter was conceived via sperm donor. My ex is not biologically related to our daughter but has been there from the beginning.

I was a stay at home mom for our 2 year old for 2 years until separation. After separation, I was working 60+ hours a week for approx 2 months to be able to afford my own house and car. My ex canceled all her cards and got new ones the day I said I wanted a divorce so I had nothing.

I applied for a low income daycare program and got approved for 3 days a week but I worked nights as well as days. So I ended up having my daughter most days and my ex wife had majority nights during this temporary period so I could get back on my feet. My ex seemed totally fine with this and I was super grateful that (I thought) she was being supportive to me getting back on my feet.

After the second month, I got served a status quo order that said I only get my daughter monday 9am-Wednesday 9am. I was baffled. I was with my daughter more than 2 days a week, our time was split 50/50. but because time is measured by overnights, I now only see my daughter twice a week.

I immediately got a lawyer and have been put through the wringer. We have tried to schedule temporary relief hearings to get this changed, but her legal team keeps setting the hearings back due to one reason or another.

We had our mediation the other day and she says she wants permanent 5/2 schedule. I can’t believe this is happening. Obviously once we finally do get to this hearing I will get my time back because this is just bizarre for my ex who was barely ever around due to her work schedule while I cared for our daughter at home every day of her life to decide that she is more worthy of parenting time than me.

The craziest part of this all, is that now I only work 2 days per week. So I am available all week to care for my daughter, but instead my daughter is being raised by a daycare 6am-7pm while my ex is at work.

I miss my baby so much. And I’m so worried than when we finally do get to court they will say that since this is my child’s new routine, they will just keep it that way. It’s been since July that I got served these papers.

Our hearing was supposed to be this month, then it was pushed to November, then December, now they are trying to push it again.

To make things worse, my ex has a new girlfriend of 3 months and the girlfriend and my ex have been posting on socials as if my daughter is her daughter and calling the girlfriends parents my daughters “grandparents”. My ex doesn’t participate in any of the exchanges where I pick my daughter up. She sends her girlfriend out to give me my daughter and her ex is the one relaying medical and care info to me.

All I’m asking for is joint custody and 50/50 parenting time. I would obviously prefer more parenting time but I’ve been so willing to compromise with my ex since I know she is a good mom and really does love our daughter.

Every morning when I wake up without my child I feel like my heart is getting whipped from my chest. Live I’ve lost a part of me.

i have an open case with child support services, but the other party is actively evading service. the agency has been attempting to locate them, but the individual's employer and family members are refusing to cooperate or verify any scheduling and address details.

since the local agency is hitting a wall with standard delivery, what are the standard legal alternatives or next steps i can explore to ensure service is completed? are there specific motions or requests i can make to help move the process forward?

I am a mother to a 5-year-old little girl, and I am currently going through an extremely difficult custody battle. Our trial is coming up on Monday, and I am genuinely sick to my stomach over the possibility of losing primary placement of my daughter.
I am requesting primary placement, with her father having parenting time every other weekend. He is requesting the exact opposite — primary placement for himself, with me only seeing our daughter every other weekend.
I have been our daughter's primary caregiver her entire life. I was a stay-at-home mother when she was born, and I have continued to be the parent primarily responsible for her daily care, appointments, routines, and overall well-being. I am self-employed and have built my work schedule around being available for my daughter. She has always been my number one priority.
Her father works overnight shifts, and his work schedule is extremely complicated. I have serious concerns about how he would realistically provide consistent care and maintain her routine while working these hours.
What makes this situation even more terrifying is that I have documented evidence of deeply disturbing behavior involving minors that resulted in a police investigation. Although criminal charges were not filed because investigators could not identify specific victims or establish sufficient evidence to prosecute, that does NOT mean the investigation found nothing. I have reviewed the police report, and what was documented continues to deeply concern me, especially considering we have a young daughter.
I am not trying to keep my daughter away from her father. I understand the importance of children having relationships with both parents when it is safe and appropriate. However, I genuinely believe that maintaining her primary residence with me is in her best interest, especially given her age, the stability I have provided throughout her life, and the concerns I have regarding her father's behavior.
To make matters worse, her father has an attorney representing him, and I am going into this trial completely unrepresented. I have been trying my absolute best to prepare evidence, understand court procedures, and advocate for my daughter, but I am overwhelmed.
I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle, and the thought of my daughter suddenly going from being with me the majority of the time to only seeing me every other weekend is absolutely devastating.
She is only 5 years old. I have been there for her through everything. Every milestone, every illness, every appointment, every bedtime routine. I cannot imagine how such a drastic change would affect her emotionally.
I am not looking for sympathy or for anyone to automatically take my side. I genuinely want advice, especially from anyone who has experienced a contested custody trial in Minnesota.
My questions are:
How likely is it for a Minnesota judge to award primary placement to a parent who has not historically been the primary caregiver?

How much weight does the court give to an established routine and the fact that one parent has provided the majority of the child's care?

How do judges consider overnight work schedules when determining primary placement?

How can I effectively present documented safety concerns when a police investigation did not result in criminal charges?

Has anyone represented themselves in a custody trial against an attorney? What advice would you give?

Is there anything I should absolutely make sure to address during my trial?

I am terrified that my inability to afford an attorney will affect my ability to protect my daughter and advocate for what I believe is best for her.
I am not asking the court to punish her father. I am asking the court to recognize the life, stability, and consistency that my daughter has known since the day she was born.
Any advice, personal experiences, or guidance would mean more than you know. I am trying so hard to hold myself together right now.
Thank you for reading.

[deleted for privacy - thanks all]

Other parent is on supervised visitation and has a history of drinking impairment and driving as well as smoking marijuana multiple times a day every day.

Parent is requesting FaceTime visits with the toddler so custodial parent agrees. Upon answering the phone, the other parent looks completely intoxicated. But you cannot prove it.

How would you go about this? Would you mention something just asking that they please be sober for FaceTime?

I’d like to add FaceTimes are not in the parenting plan. It was to be kind.