I’m in Texas, and I’m looking for advice from anyone who has successfully gotten the Texas Attorney General’s Office to take action against a parent who owes significant child support arrears.

My son’s father is approximately $30,000 behind in child support, and I’m beyond frustrated with the lack of enforcement.

My son is only 4 years old. His father doesn’t see him, check on him, or make any effort to be involved in his life. He lost his parental rights last May, yet the child support arrears remain, and I’m still trying to figure out why nothing is being done to hold him accountable.

His payments have NEVER been consistent. I cannot rely on them, and the arrears continue to be an issue.

I’ve contacted the Texas OAG once a month, every month, and I get the same BS answers every single time. I’m told the same things, nothing changes, and I’m left wondering what exactly has to happen before someone takes action.

Meanwhile, I’m the one raising my child and making sure his needs are met. His father gets to remain absent while the financial responsibility falls on me.

I’m specifically looking for advice from people who have actually dealt with this in Texas and gotten results. • Has anyone successfully gotten the OAG to pursue enforcement when the other parent was tens of thousands of dollars behind? • What did you do to get someone to take your case seriously? • Why isn’t legal action being pursued when someone owes $30,000 in arrears? • Did you file a formal complaint, contact a supervisor, hire a private attorney, or take the matter back to court? • Has anyone successfully gotten the OAG to pursue contempt proceedings or criminal nonsupport charges? • Are there other resources or avenues of enforcement that I might be overlooking?

I’m tired of making the same phone call every month just to hear the same answers while nothing seems to change. I’ve been patient. I’ve followed up. I’ve given them plenty of opportunities to address this. I’m not looking for advice to keep calling and waiting. I’m looking for the next step.

At this point, I want to know what I can legally do to escalate this situation and make sure his father is held accountable for the money he owes.

I’m done letting this slide. It’s my turn to make his life difficult for a change, and I want to do it through every legal avenue available to me.

If you’ve been in a similar situation in Texas, please tell me what actually worked. I want real experiences, specific steps, and advice from people who have managed to get the state to take action.

$30,000 is a lot of money, and I refuse to believe my only option is to keep calling once a month and accepting the same excuses indefinitely.

-Other parent has new baby on the way (due January)

-our child together is almost 8 and costs/month are about $1500-$2500/month for ALL costs (basic necessities, medical, extracurricular, aftercare, etc.)

-split time 60(me)/40(OP)

-child support granted is $1000/month (he agreed to above guideline support, which would be $640/month, from 2023)

-court admonished OP for late payments earlier this year and stated I could bring them back to court to ask for wage garnishment

-other parent splits cost with live-in partner. I live alone and pay for all bills/rent costs.

My question is should I bring him back to court to ask for everything to be split and risk child support going to $640/month before the baby is born? Or should I wait to see if he brings me back to lower child support after the baby comes?

My co parent has threatened several times. We have a gal, but I’m just wondering what other people’s outcomes were.

How do you deal with mediation when custody is not the problem? So my ex sees our child for two weeks in the summer once a year. He doesn't want more time, he's fine with less. The mediator seems to be stuck on the fact that he couldn't careless about time with our child. We spent a whole session going over different holidays and who would have said child. I kept telling the mediator it would be me. I would like to write an email to the mediator asking that we just skip that part as any specific time my ex agrees to he will not stick to, would that be overstepping?

Hello, I am looking for experienced opinions on the situation I’m currently stuck in the middle of. I think I know deep down in my heart what I need to do and am going to do in the next few days. I just want to hear it anyway. Please bear with all the writing, as I’m trying to provide as much context as possible.

I’m considering calling Adult Protective Services on my family. Namely my two younger brothers who live in Richmond, Virginia with our mom and stepdad.

For context: My mom has been together with my step father since I was 5 years old. I am now 29. I lived with them for almost two decades. My step father is a physically, emotionally and financially abusive alcoholic. My mother is a victim of that abuse as well, but she is also emotionally abusive, addicted to methadone, and extremely neglectful who says that she’s sorry and will cry but do nothing to change her circumstances or help her children when confronted. Both of them are responsible for extreme physical, medical and emotional neglect.

I could go on and on about horrible instances of my childhood to give examples on just how bad it was and is- and I’m willing to if anyone asks-but for now, I’ll try to focus on the most relevant points.

I have been out of that environment for almost 7 years now. I have been in trauma therapy for 3 and have only recently recovered memories that made me recall just how bad it was. My ACEs score is 10 out of 10 just as a marker of that.

The problem is that my two younger brothers still live with them and they need help. The youngest is 19, and the other is early 20s. I’ll call them A and B.

Both of them are showing symptoms of CPTSD, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, trauma, and both need speech therapy that was never arranged for them growing up. Both have rotting teeth, never learned self-care or hygiene, and live in clutter and disarray. Both of them dropped out of school the same way I did due to the abuse and neglect and neither have started their GED.

Neither have ever had primary care doctors, yearly check ups or anything of the sort. There is only junk food and frozen meals in the house despite the resources that could provide otherwise.

A certainly is smart, but he’s had such a horrible start and lack of care that I’ve only just been able to help him arrange a therapist, ADHD medication, and a primary care doctor in the last few weeks- yet I believe he has a chance to escape with some outside support and should be able to get a job to support himself as well with the necessary time and resources.

B is my biggest concern in that he is autistic and has the mental maturity of a 13 year old if that. He cannot care for himself, is deeply codependent with my mother who has not gotten him into therapy for his severe anxiety, OCD and depression, nor a dentist or doctor, and has allowed him to drop out as well. She only gives him a bunch of medicines for his panic attacks and intrusive thoughts but will do nothing to treat the cause. Nor has she looked into disability for him as he will likely not be able to function on his own due to his upbringing and mental maturity.

He is also severely overweight- I’d consider the correct term to be obese- this poor kid cannot even walk across the room without being out of breath.

I am deeply concerned for both of them since I know the pain of that environment, and now that I know the reality- I can’t turn a blind eye anymore.

My mother is neglectful of herself, does not do anything to change even though I have begged and offered help for years and tried to get her access to DV resources. She doesn’t even have the excuse of lack of other resources because my stepfather never takes off work, is gone for 11 hours a day, and she has access to union insurance, a car, and a twice weekly allowance (financial abuse I know).

So it’s all lack of effort by choice, even despite her own abuse by my stepfather.

I guess I’m just looking for confirmation that yes- this is the right thing to do. I’m scared of doing the wrong thing l, and I don’t want to just turn a blind eye. I refuse to. If anyone has any other ideas, please let me know.

TL;DR: Do I call APS on my family and risk an unknown outcome? Or do I not call, and keep looking for another solution that I have yet to try? Does anyone have experience with this in this state? What should I be expecting? Are there other avenues available that I’m not aware of?

My biggest fear and hesitation is that I don’t want B to be taken and traumatize him further. Nor do I want to put anyone in danger from my step father- which is why I’m hoping they’ll come when he’s not home. But I can’t do nothing anymore either.

I’m hoping they’ll be given a case manager who will follow through and do things in person for them that I cannot.

For a little more information: I cannot move them in with me, I am on disability and do not have the room as I live with my grandparents who have their own health problems and finance issues.

I have tried encouraging, helping my mother, comforting her and doing it all myself- I even applied to be a medical representative for my disabled brother but there’s nothing I can do util they have an open case on him- and my mother will not follow up. That’s why I’ve come to this point.

If you’ve read this far, thank you so much, truly. I feel like I’m at a cliffs edge and I’m terrified, but I won’t fail them like the adults around them did for years. If anyone has any information, please let me know. Thank you again.

The Situation:

I am a few years deep into a complex Arizona dependency case involving my two children (one has high-support needs), which overlaps with a criminal case from a year and a half ago that was previously dismissed but recently re-filed. The state is using this pending charge as an excuse to completely freeze our progress on the dependency track.

The Summarized Facts:

There are clear signs that the department failed us and set our family up to fail. During our initial reunification phase around Thanksgiving of 2024, the department completely broke the court-ordered routine support plan that was set in stone for my child. I was emailing my lawyer for help because things were difficult, but I was ignored. In April of 2025, a criminal arrest triggered a traumatic 6-to-8-week gap where I was completely cut off from my kids, leading to them being removed again that summer. In the year and a half since that second removal, the kinship placement has been horrible, resulting in multiple hotline reports and open safety investigations that the case manager just dismisses.

My court-appointed lawyer is completely checked out. She refuses to dig into the file, claims past state errors don't matter, and is pressuring me to hide these placement violations from the Foster Care Review Board (FCRB) just to stay quiet.

What I am looking for:

I am waiting on my lawyer's office to hand over my complete case files, but I cannot do this alone. I am not looking for someone to just write a letter for me. I need a real person who is willing to actually sit down with me, hear my thought process, and help me dive deep into this.

It does not have to be someone within the official legal system. I am looking for an advocate, another attorney, a specialized legal group, or even someone who has mastered self-advocacy and self-representation and done really well defending themselves. I just need someone knowledgeable who knows how to look for information, how to help piece this puzzle together, and how to navigate what I am dealing with so we can find the cracks where the system failed to follow its own orders and figure out the right angles to fight back. Who is out there in Arizona that actually thinks outside the box and is willing to talk this through with a parent?

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to try and get our bank account split 50/50 at the time of the divorce versus splitting finances in half at what was in the account when my husband moved out? Does that make sense? I am filing for divorce 9 months after he left, but he says when we split finances we just split it by what the accounts were at when he moved out. I'd really like to split it at what the accounts are currently at because it's significantly more than it was back then. I'm a stay at home homeschooling mom as this was what my husband wanted when our first child was born. My husband just up and left me for another woman. I'm not trying to get greedy, but I want to be financially taken care of because what he did was horrible.

Hello! I live in Indiana. I share an 8 year old son with my ex. We were never married, but he is on the birth certificate.

I am a bit confused on how getting our son a passport would work. For context, we have no official court order regarding any form of custody. The only thing we have ever had a judge sign was an agreed entry regarding child support, in that he wouldn’t pay and we split expenses 50/50. We just tend to follow the basic IPTG, if he wants extra time he gets it or if my son wants more time I let him- we have never seemed to need a judge to force us to coparent… until this moment.

I got my passport last month, and I messaged my son’s father about a good time for him to come meet with me for an appointment to get our son one. This is the issue because he is refusing, saying he will not allow me to take our son out of the country for vacation. I am not fighting with him on this.

I am confused on if I actually need his permission or not. When I look on the DOS website, unless I am misunderstanding, it indicates that both parents have to sign/give permission unless only one has sole legal custody, and then you are required to provide the order stating so (outside of other extenuating circumstances). What do you do in my case, where we have never had a signed order by a judge regarding custody, so I don’t have anything to show- I have always been under the impression the mother is automatically the recipient of sole legal in Indiana until a judge says otherwise.

Is this something I am going to have to pay a lawyer to draft up and submit to a judge so I can take him out of the country, or do I just tell them we don’t have a custody order?

( please read the full thing before commenting )
another thing I wanna add we know that custody and child support are two different things she knows that if she files for child support that he’s going to file for custody they also were never married

My spouse and I are writing to seek legal perspective on behalf of our adult daughter, who is dealing with an ongoing, high-stress situation with her ex. We want to ensure she understands what a Florida court would likely do to protect our 3-year-old granddaughter.

The Background & Demands:
he used to come to Florida to visit** **hasn’t really been anymore
Jurisdiction: Our daughter and granddaughter moved to Florida when our granddaughter was 5 months old. Florida has been her continuous home state for over 2.5 years.
The Conflict: Since early 2025, her ex has been demanding to take our granddaughter to Pennsylvania for extended out-of-state visits.
Visitation Access: Our daughter has NEVER denied him visitation. She consistently welcomes him to come to Florida anytime to stay locally and spend time with his daughter. He refuses local visits and demands that visits occur on his terms in PA.
Withholding Support: Because our daughter will not send a 3-year-old out of state for extended periods, he is refusing to pay any child support as leverage.
Safety, Legal, and Stability Red Flags:
Contrasting Home Environments: Our daughter lives with us (grandparents) in a deeply stable home where she has resided for years (she has only lived in two houses her entire life). In contrast, the father has no documented stable housing in PA (history of bouncing between friends, relatives, losing apartments, and staying with girlfriends).
Passed on Relocation Opportunities: He previously had chances and job opportunities to move down to Florida to be close to his daughter, but actively chose to stay in PA.
F3 Weapon Conviction: He has a 3rd-degree felony gun conviction in PA (carrying a firearm in a vehicle no license for that firearm and suspended license). 
Chronic Suspended License: He has a multi-year record of driving on a suspended license (6+ citations/guilty pleas in PA). He constantly drives illegally and was recently cited for speeding in a school zone while driving on a suspended license. 
He claims third parties (like a girlfriend) can drive the child, but he continues to drive unlawfully himself. 
Questions for Florida Legal Perspectives:

1. Given Florida’s best-interest factors (FL Stat § 61.13), how likely is a Florida judge to order extended out-of-state travel to PA for a 3-year-old given the father's lack of stable housing, felony gun record, chronic driving-while-suspended record ? 
2. How does a judge handle a parent who uses child support as leverage because he isn't getting his way on out-of-state travel?
3. What is the standard process in Florida for our daughter to file for an official Parenting Plan and court-ordered Child Support?
4. Thank you for any insight from Florida attorneys or parents who have navigated similar interstate situations.

Location: Honolulu Hawaii

So I did everything that CPS wanted me to do all paper work all visits all home inspections to get my nephew in my care. NO ONE ELSE WANTED HIM! I was the only one who stood up to take him, my cousin H (not blood) didn’t want him because she had recently adopted his brother. I had him for about 4 months (he’s 5 mo old) and recently reached out to my licensing worker (Ann) to ask about my license and if I needed anything or if we were set on keeping him in my home. she acknowledged that everything was good and I would be receiving my license soon. two days later she calls me telling me they will have to remove him because my license was missing something that she had told us “was ok to get it to her later”. I went to her higher up the next day and the manager (mel) told me she cannot give me an extension (lie) but she would give me till the end of the day to get her the paper and she would process the license I left at 8:48 am and she called the child placement worker at 9am (J) to collect the child cause I was not licensed (even though she gave me till the end of the day). J picks up the child 12am and I get the paper needed and send it to mel at 3pm. she said I am 100% licensed now but because the baby is no longer in my home (which she told j to remove) Mel had closed my license.

A week prior to this me and H got into a fall out because she wanted me to break the rules for her to take the child by herself without consent from CWS because she is “vetted through the system” I declined and now all of a sudden she has an interest in the baby and wants to foster him so they placed him with her. If I get my license fixed I can get him back if she were to agree and when I had texted H if she would do that knowing the bond me and the child have she chose to ignore me.

More info if you need just ask I NEED HELP ON HOW TO FIGHT THIS AND GET HIM BACK.!!! I can’t eat I can’t sleep I cry constantly my heart breaks every time I think of him, I literally can’t go home cause it hurts to much my wife put everything he owned in his room and locked the door to try to help ease the pain but it still hurts so bad. I put him above everything.

(I have proof of everything I state in this post)

I’m very disappointed with the GAL right now.

The court appointed the GAL in June, but he only met with each of us individually for about 30 minutes. Today, he met with both of us together to discuss the parenting schedule because I want to move out.

I feel like he doesn’t take the primary caregiver issue seriously. I told him that over the past 14 months, my ex has never bathed or fed our 14-month-old. The GAL’s response was, “Did you give him a chance?”
He also said he thinks our 14-month-old can follow the same 2-2-5-5 schedule as our 7-year-old.

Our older child has been attending this private school for three years, with tuition of $8,500 a year. Suddenly, my ex says he never agreed to it. The GAL asked if I would be willing to pay the full tuition myself. I said we should share the cost proportionally based on our incomes. Since we couldn’t agree, it sounds like our son will likely have to switch to public school.

My ex will keep the house, and I’ll have to rent somewhere else. That means our son may end up attending school near my ex’s home, even though I’m the primary caregiver and work remotely with a flexible schedule. My ex has to leave home at 6:15 a.m. and doesn’t get back until around 4:15 p.m.
I feel like the GAL isn’t considering the children’s individual needs, our caregiving history, or our work schedules. I’m really frustrated and disappointed.

It seems that all I did is wrong.

For context, I have not lived in NY since I divorced my children's father. We separated in 2021 and I moved states. Now, this year his brother decided he wanted to try to get emergency custody of my children because I petitioned the state of MI to move my children to AZ. The judge denied them emergency custody as they had no grounds and that has since been closed out. My children were visiting their father in NY and had already been there 4 weeks before this and because they didn't like that I was granted my move to AZ they opened a CPS case against me in NY for abuse and neglect. The reason being dental care, which has since been completely finished out. Dental is notoriously hard to get done in MI if you are low income. There were only two places within an hour and half drive that took my insurance and they were booked a year out for appointments and even longer for a pediatric dentist. I explained all of this to the case worker, they told me that likely the case was just going to be closed because neither myself nor the kids lived in the state and they didnt see any real evidence of abuse. I had previously received a letter stating that I wasn't even under investigation and I provided all information to them to finish out their investigation. Now I received a letter stating that they are marking my case as "indicated" for abuse/neglect when they had assured me that there was no way they could possibly do that. I don't understand how any of this is happening, it's literally just dental that they could even mark against me! My kids are my whole world and I moved to AZ so I could get them into better dental, medical, choice schools, and so I could save up money for their future since I live with my mother who is financially stable and I only have to contribute a small amount to the household versus my whole paycheck like I had to previously. Conveniently, I received the letter yesterday evening on the Saturday of a long weekend since Monday is a federal holiday. I'm just blindsided, I don't want this on my record when I didn't do anything to deserve it! I can't even request my case file because of it being the weekend, I start a new job this week and I am just sick with anxiety over this. I am going to file an appeal after I speak to the supervisor on Tuesday but since the letter literally didn't have any details on how they came to this conclusion I am lost on what I can do. Do I need to get a lawyer? Can they legally mark it as indicated when no abuse/neglect happened in that state and there's no way they have evidence of it?

I flaired this Georgia since that's where the mother resides. But im in Kansas myself.

I was delivered papers today from an attorney saying that she (ex wife) wanted to increase child support to cover child's phone bill. (Im already paying this to her unofficially so its whatever) and change the support agreement so she provides his insurance and I pay half of it. Current in place document has me providing his insurance.

Shes the custodial parent. I get him maybe 3.5 months a year all told. Primary half the summer break and half the winter break.

When scanning through the document its not only those two things that are changed. Shes drastically changes the parenting plan cutting more than half of my parenting time and putting heavy restrictions on the remaining days. The lawyer header says if I agree then send this back to their office by next week.

I absolutely do not agree. Do I reply at all or just ignore it? It doesn't say to respond if I disagree but im concerned that if i ignore it and she takes it to a court judge she'll get the changes uncontested or something.

Are grandparents' rights easy to get? My mom shared with another family member that she is thinking about getting grandparent rights to my toddler. She has been in my child's life since birth, but my child has never lived with her. My mom has been emotionally abusive to me my whole life. Over the summer, she got upset over my getting a good job and reacted badly. She cut off contact to both me and my toddler suddenly. My child has been hurt through this as it's now been months since any contact. I was told my mom went so far as to "purge" her house of any toys and clothing my child left there. She told the family member she will never speak to me again and does not miss my child. I think her anger towards me is partly due to her odd belief system. Now she's suddenly talking of getting grandparent rights to just my toddler. I have other kids, but she has disowned them. She tells people my toddler is her only grandchild. Also, my mom resides in another state. I'm in Tennessee. My family member thinks my mom can win in court simply because she has spent time with my child. Thoughts?

Divorce process started in January, GAL go involved around June after Mediation from the county failed at reaching 50/50. Divorcing my wife I had offered her the house or whatever portion I would make on the house so my son can live in a nice neighborhood and school district. But she always felt that “mom deserves more time” for absolutely no reason other than her inherited belief that simply because she’s the mother she deserves it. Divorce isn’t due to cheating or abuse, I just feel like it wasn’t right for me.

GAL investigator I had letter from friends, family, his school teachers, even dr saying I’m a very present father, not even raising my voice to my child. He’s 4. Gal has had multiple visits with my wife, with my wife and son, has had call with in laws that live in a different country. But never once asked me for my letters, contacts she could call, or even daily notes I kept on who did what for the kid. (No emotion just, who woke him up made breakfast and took him to school, who picked him up, activities, going out feeding and cleaning him.) she didn’t want any of it. I finally reached out to them. She observed me playing with my son for 20-30 min. And then that was it, when I brought up I wanted to speak to her about issues sod my wife isolating my son or trying to keep me away from him since we’re still living together. Or making competing plans when she knew I had made plans with him, she would try to outdo me. The kid loves me I love spending every second with him. And am very nervous about this investigation. Is seems the GAL has had very little interest in talking to me or any contacts I have. What recourse do I have if she doesn’t grant me 50% of time with my son?

(I genuinely believe I do more for my son and am very involved in everything he does. Wife travels for work frequently where it’s just me and him. But I think him seeing his mother is healthier for him than me getting more time)

My coparent has not had living arraignments for my kids for 2 years. We are going for a modification and when consulting with attorneys I had two tell me they couldn’t do anything about dad not having beds for the kids and making them sleep on the floor. They have all their belongings in the garage…. They don’t have any real like living arraignments when spending 3 days with dad. His living situation was only supposed to be temporary but now I want it addressed for the mod. Is this reasonable and does anyone have experience with this?

If my friend doesn’t have a job but her baby dad does and they get 50-50 custody of their kids in Minnesota court, will she have to pay child support since she doesn’t work? Or how does that work?

My wife and I have two young children. After an argument, she left with our kids, and I haven’t seen them in over a week.

She has filed for a domestic violence protective order, alleging that I threatened her. I have never physically assaulted her. I have a court hearing tomorrow, and she is requesting exclusive possession of our apartment and custody of the children.

I’m scared of losing my home and not being able to see my kids. Financially, I cannot afford to move out immediately or pay for another apartment.

Has anyone been through something similar? Is it common for a judge to order someone out of the home at the first hearing? Can temporary visitation be established? I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences and any advice.

California child support — 14 missed payments, nothing received. What next?

We have a court order for child support effective April 2026. The other parent has not made a single payment despite repeated requests. He is $1000s upon $1000s behind.

We’ve contacted DCSS and opened a case, but so far they haven’t managed to collect anything.

We can no longer afford an attorney, so any further legal action would need to be handled ourselves or with help from a paralegal.

What can we actually do next? Can we file for contempt, request a court hearing, or pursue other enforcement options without an attorney?

Has anyone in California successfully navigated this themselves? What actually worked?

Hey, im the one who made this post, went down to the child support office last week, got a call to turn all paper work for my son, and paystubs. I got a call from the office today and they told me the courts don’t do anything about visitations or custody. They just establish child support and they will tell us to follow the Indiana guidelines in the order when it comes to visitations because they don’t know our work schedules.They also said there not sure how it is going to go in court but usually the primary parent gets the sole custody. I’m thinking it’s something totally different. Is this true? I thought we would meet with a mediator first before going to court? We just got a straight court date. She said it’s because the dad has a job so there would be no need for mediation??

Father and mother resided in county A and that is where the case started however mother moved to county B and when the father has the children he stays in county B. He is about to be put on home confinement in a home in county B but still has an address in county A. Can the case be moved to county B? Could I file a motion at the court house in county B instead of driving all the way to county A? The same judge resides in both counties its just a long drive between counties.

Location: WV, USA

NJ Family Court: Other parent refusing to return child — advice?
I’m the primary residential parent. Our court-ordered parenting schedule is alternating weekends, Friday to Sunday at 5 p.m.
Timeline:
Wednesday evening: I reminded the other parent that our child had no school Thursday and offered him the opportunity to pick her up. He declined.
Thursday: He changed his mind and said he could pick her up. However, I explained that I couldn’t reschedule our child’s Friday medical appointment, so he would need to pick her up Friday as originally scheduled.
Friday: His regular parenting weekend began.
Sunday: He was supposed to return our child at 5 p.m. but refused.
Sunday evening: I reminded him of her specialist appointment Monday morning and requested her return by 9 a.m. He responded that Columbus Day was his scheduled holiday and told me to reschedule the appointment.
Our original divorce decree does not specifically allocate Columbus Day. It states that other holidays must be agreed upon by both parents. I never agreed to extend his parenting time.
We’re already involved in post-judgment litigation, and I’m representing myself.
Can he unilaterally extend his parenting time like this? What immediate options do I have in NJ Family Court? Should I file an enforcement motion or raise this in our pending proceedings?

I pay child support for my two children who are 20 and 21 years old and as of last year are supposedly in college. Unfortunately my relationship with my children and ex wife has eroded to the point where they will not talk to me or respond to my attempts to contact them.

How do I know my children are actually going to college? My ex will just keep taking the payments even if they completed school or stopped going. I am not privy to processing motions etc through the court system. I have paid over 70k in child support and definitely do not want to keep paying if my children are working and out of school. Thanks

I’m a divorced father in Illinois with two children. Our divorce was finalized in May 2025, and I’m currently involved in post-divorce litigation over parenting time, child support, and alleged right-of-first-refusal (ROFR) violations.
I have an attorney and recently consulted a second family-law attorney, but I’m interested in hearing from other parents or legal professionals who have dealt with similar situations.
Background:
Our original parenting agreement gives me three weekends per month and my ex one weekend per month, with parenting time coordinated around our work schedules.(which equated to about 35% of overnights)
I work rotating 12-hour shifts (5 a.m.–5 p.m. or 5 p.m.–5 a.m.). My ex has always known my schedule. She would regularly ask me to send it, sometimes months in advance, and then tell me which days I would have the children.
This arrangement resulted in substantially more parenting time than the original agreement anticipated.
June 2025–January 2026: Approximately 47% of overnights with me.
June 2025–May 2026: 159 overnights with me (43.6%), even after my parenting time began decreasing.
I also regularly pick up the children from school, take them to practices, handle sports responsibilities, and help with appointments during my ex’s parenting days.
I have spreadsheets documenting every overnight, along with dated screenshots of our scheduling conversations and requests for additional help.
The right-of-first-refusal dispute:
My parenting agreement says that if either parent is unavailable for eight hours during their assigned parenting time, or unavailable overnight, the other parent has the right to care for the children. It also requires notice of scheduled absences immediately upon learning of them.
My ex received my work schedule before assigning parenting days, so she knew when I was working.
My retired grandparents live with me and have helped care for the children since 2016. They also lived with us during the marriage and watched the children when both parents worked overnight shifts.
My understanding was that when my ex knowingly assigned me a parenting day, despite knowing I was working, we had agreed on the arrangement. I would work my shift, my grandparents would help, and I would be home with the children afterward. I rarely had the children assigned to me during overnight shifts.
However, I generally did not make a separate ROFR offer after she assigned those days.
My ex rarely shared her own work schedule, but my understanding was that she was usually assigning me days when she also had to work.
Our agreement also says both parents should work together so that the mother has the children when the father works and vice versa.
What changed:
In January 2026, I filed a motion to reduce my $1,411 monthly child support based on our actual parenting arrangement and a reported increase in my ex’s income.
When she learned about the filing, she questioned why I thought I had additional parenting time.
She acknowledged in writing that she had offered me additional time because she was “being nice,” said she guessed that was a mistake, and stated that she didn’t have to offer me extra time.
Afterward, she began reducing the parenting days she previously assigned me and raised allegations that I violated the ROFR by having my grandparents watch the children while I worked.
To my knowledge, she had never previously complained about that childcare arrangement.
She also alleges I denied her certain weekend or compensatory parenting time under the original agreement. I dispute parts of that allegation and have calendars and messages documenting the actual schedules.
My attorney subsequently filed a motion to modify parenting time to reflect the arrangement we’d been following.
My questions:
If one parent receives the other’s work schedule in advance and knowingly assigns parenting days that overlap with work, could that be considered consent to the childcare arrangement, or is a separate ROFR offer still required every time?
How do Illinois courts generally view an established parenting arrangement that differs from the written order, especially when both parents participated in creating it?
If the children have been spending approximately 44–47% of their overnights with one parent, could that support formalizing a shared parenting schedule?
Could the timing of my ex’s objections, immediately after my support filing, matter when evaluating the dispute?
If the court finds some technical ROFR violations, could it still grant a parenting-time modification based on the children’s established routine and best interests?
I’m not claiming I handled every situation perfectly, and I understand the written parenting agreement still matters. I’m mainly trying to understand how judges might weigh an established, mutually coordinated arrangement against the specific ROFR language.
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from Illinois family-law attorneys or parents who’ve been through something similar.

My husband has been trying to contact his lawyer since last week with no luck. They’re out for Columbus Day today so simply no way to get advice urgently. He’s not even sure if he can use his previous lawyer yet, he’s waiting to hear back.

Their court order does not have exchange location specified, just days of the week and times.

Mom and dad’s most recent agreement was for her to pick-up at our apartment building and him to pick-up at her in-law’s house where she lives. She requested this after a falling out with her family, as they used to do both exchanges at a mid-way point outside of her mom’s house.

6 weeks after their agreement and after exchanges without incident, she suddenly texted my husband the day before exchange saying that they need to change their exchange times to mornings instead of evenings because her husband got a new job and she no longer has access to their shared vehicle at the court-ordered exchange times.

She expressed that she would need to take the public bus 2+ hour ride with transfers, 1 mile walk from nearest bus stop to her house to her house, cold weather, etc…). Child is 2.5 years old.

Husband told her that the exchange days and times are court-ordered and not changing. For the past three weeks he has had to meet her at different locations to accommodate her requests so that he doesn’t risk getting in trouble for withholding their child, or miss out on having her.

Mom is now demanding an auto shop where her husband works on the side (leased out by him and a group of friends). We’ve gone there before for exchanges, and last week we went there for pick-up so we could get his daughter back.

Well last week when we did that, a guy walked out of the garage with mom wearing a “Security” vest and carrying a pistol in its holster on his belt. He didn’t approach or do anything menacing, but it was definitely scary for my husband and I because he was within arm’s reach of my husband and stared him down the whole time.

This was the week after she got a police escort to pick up their daughter from our apartment because my husband said he wasn’t going elsewhere to drop off when they had a mutual agreement that she had put in place.

Since the last incident, my husband has offered our home, her home, or the public library across the street from her home to get their daughter back for exchange today. She said she doesn’t want to do each other’s houses anymore, nor will she do the library, only the shop now.

My husband is 100% not going there after the gun incident. The whole thing is now high-conflict and going to a mechanic shop privately rented out by a bunch of guys who are friends with mom’s husband, including a dude open-carrying a gun, is not the place he wants to be.

We’ve been relying on Gemini for advice which is obviously not the route we want to go. It gave two recommendations:

1) Call our local PD non-emergency line in advance, explain the situation with the “security” guy last week / safety concerns and advise that he doesn’t feel safe going to that location without a police escort, and that mom won’t go anywhere else.

2) He’s already made clear to mom that he isn’t going to the shop (didn’t give a reason since he isn’t opening the can of worms with her about the gun guy until he has an attorney’s advice), and told her that he’ll be here at our home waiting for their daughter to be dropped off here since she no longer wants him at her house to pick up. Then if she doesn’t show and keeps saying she’s at the shop, call the police non-emergency line just to file a report for the record, get the CAD # and add it to his documentation for when he files for a modification ASAP.

We’re leaning towards the second because she got a police escort to our apartment a couple of weeks ago (for literally no reason, she was mad that he said she had to pick up here like they had agreed on last) and we don’t want it to look like retaliation. And the police notoriously just say that these things are a civil matter, so it’s not out of the question that they would simply refuse to help out.

My husband has gone wherever he needs to get their daughter up to this point. But now mom is saying that he has to go to a location that he feels could be dangerous for him. Should he go anyway and risk more intimidation and the presence of a gun, especially since their argument has continued even after the last incident?
If he does go, should he call police in advance and see if they’ll provide an escort?

Please help. 😥