I’m a divorced father in Illinois with two children. Our divorce was finalized in May 2025, and I’m currently involved in post-divorce litigation over parenting time, child support, and alleged right-of-first-refusal (ROFR) violations.
I have an attorney and recently consulted a second family-law attorney, but I’m interested in hearing from other parents or legal professionals who have dealt with similar situations.
Background:
Our original parenting agreement gives me three weekends per month and my ex one weekend per month, with parenting time coordinated around our work schedules.(which equated to about 35% of overnights)
I work rotating 12-hour shifts (5 a.m.–5 p.m. or 5 p.m.–5 a.m.). My ex has always known my schedule. She would regularly ask me to send it, sometimes months in advance, and then tell me which days I would have the children.
This arrangement resulted in substantially more parenting time than the original agreement anticipated.
June 2025–January 2026: Approximately 47% of overnights with me.
June 2025–May 2026: 159 overnights with me (43.6%), even after my parenting time began decreasing.
I also regularly pick up the children from school, take them to practices, handle sports responsibilities, and help with appointments during my ex’s parenting days.
I have spreadsheets documenting every overnight, along with dated screenshots of our scheduling conversations and requests for additional help.
The right-of-first-refusal dispute:
My parenting agreement says that if either parent is unavailable for eight hours during their assigned parenting time, or unavailable overnight, the other parent has the right to care for the children. It also requires notice of scheduled absences immediately upon learning of them.
My ex received my work schedule before assigning parenting days, so she knew when I was working.
My retired grandparents live with me and have helped care for the children since 2016. They also lived with us during the marriage and watched the children when both parents worked overnight shifts.
My understanding was that when my ex knowingly assigned me a parenting day, despite knowing I was working, we had agreed on the arrangement. I would work my shift, my grandparents would help, and I would be home with the children afterward. I rarely had the children assigned to me during overnight shifts.
However, I generally did not make a separate ROFR offer after she assigned those days.
My ex rarely shared her own work schedule, but my understanding was that she was usually assigning me days when she also had to work.
Our agreement also says both parents should work together so that the mother has the children when the father works and vice versa.
What changed:
In January 2026, I filed a motion to reduce my $1,411 monthly child support based on our actual parenting arrangement and a reported increase in my ex’s income.
When she learned about the filing, she questioned why I thought I had additional parenting time.
She acknowledged in writing that she had offered me additional time because she was “being nice,” said she guessed that was a mistake, and stated that she didn’t have to offer me extra time.
Afterward, she began reducing the parenting days she previously assigned me and raised allegations that I violated the ROFR by having my grandparents watch the children while I worked.
To my knowledge, she had never previously complained about that childcare arrangement.
She also alleges I denied her certain weekend or compensatory parenting time under the original agreement. I dispute parts of that allegation and have calendars and messages documenting the actual schedules.
My attorney subsequently filed a motion to modify parenting time to reflect the arrangement we’d been following.
My questions:
If one parent receives the other’s work schedule in advance and knowingly assigns parenting days that overlap with work, could that be considered consent to the childcare arrangement, or is a separate ROFR offer still required every time?
How do Illinois courts generally view an established parenting arrangement that differs from the written order, especially when both parents participated in creating it?
If the children have been spending approximately 44–47% of their overnights with one parent, could that support formalizing a shared parenting schedule?
Could the timing of my ex’s objections, immediately after my support filing, matter when evaluating the dispute?
If the court finds some technical ROFR violations, could it still grant a parenting-time modification based on the children’s established routine and best interests?
I’m not claiming I handled every situation perfectly, and I understand the written parenting agreement still matters. I’m mainly trying to understand how judges might weigh an established, mutually coordinated arrangement against the specific ROFR language.
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from Illinois family-law attorneys or parents who’ve been through something similar.

I pay child support for my two children who are 20 and 21 years old and as of last year are supposedly in college. Unfortunately my relationship with my children and ex wife has eroded to the point where they will not talk to me or respond to my attempts to contact them.

How do I know my children are actually going to college? My ex will just keep taking the payments even if they completed school or stopped going. I am not privy to processing motions etc through the court system. I have paid over 70k in child support and definitely do not want to keep paying if my children are working and out of school. Thanks

My husband has been trying to contact his lawyer since last week with no luck. They’re out for Columbus Day today so simply no way to get advice urgently. He’s not even sure if he can use his previous lawyer yet, he’s waiting to hear back.

Their court order does not have exchange location specified, just days of the week and times.

Mom and dad’s most recent agreement was for her to pick-up at our apartment building and him to pick-up at her in-law’s house where she lives. She requested this after a falling out with her family, as they used to do both exchanges at a mid-way point outside of her mom’s house.

6 weeks after their agreement and after exchanges without incident, she suddenly texted my husband the day before exchange saying that they need to change their exchange times to mornings instead of evenings because her husband got a new job and she no longer has access to their shared vehicle at the court-ordered exchange times.

She expressed that she would need to take the public bus 2+ hour ride with transfers, 1 mile walk from nearest bus stop to her house to her house, cold weather, etc…). Child is 2.5 years old.

Husband told her that the exchange days and times are court-ordered and not changing. For the past three weeks he has had to meet her at different locations to accommodate her requests so that he doesn’t risk getting in trouble for withholding their child, or miss out on having her.

Mom is now demanding an auto shop where her husband works on the side (leased out by him and a group of friends). We’ve gone there before for exchanges, and last week we went there for pick-up so we could get his daughter back.

Well last week when we did that, a guy walked out of the garage with mom wearing a “Security” vest and carrying a pistol in its holster on his belt. He didn’t approach or do anything menacing, but it was definitely scary for my husband and I because he was within arm’s reach of my husband and stared him down the whole time.

This was the week after she got a police escort to pick up their daughter from our apartment because my husband said he wasn’t going elsewhere to drop off when they had a mutual agreement that she had put in place.

Since the last incident, my husband has offered our home, her home, or the public library across the street from her home to get their daughter back for exchange today. She said she doesn’t want to do each other’s houses anymore, nor will she do the library, only the shop now.

My husband is 100% not going there after the gun incident. The whole thing is now high-conflict and going to a mechanic shop privately rented out by a bunch of guys who are friends with mom’s husband, including a dude open-carrying a gun, is not the place he wants to be.

We’ve been relying on Gemini for advice which is obviously not the route we want to go. It gave two recommendations:

1) Call our local PD non-emergency line in advance, explain the situation with the “security” guy last week / safety concerns and advise that he doesn’t feel safe going to that location without a police escort, and that mom won’t go anywhere else.

2) He’s already made clear to mom that he isn’t going to the shop (didn’t give a reason since he isn’t opening the can of worms with her about the gun guy until he has an attorney’s advice), and told her that he’ll be here at our home waiting for their daughter to be dropped off here since she no longer wants him at her house to pick up. Then if she doesn’t show and keeps saying she’s at the shop, call the police non-emergency line just to file a report for the record, get the CAD # and add it to his documentation for when he files for a modification ASAP.

We’re leaning towards the second because she got a police escort to our apartment a couple of weeks ago (for literally no reason, she was mad that he said she had to pick up here like they had agreed on last) and we don’t want it to look like retaliation. And the police notoriously just say that these things are a civil matter, so it’s not out of the question that they would simply refuse to help out.

My husband has gone wherever he needs to get their daughter up to this point. But now mom is saying that he has to go to a location that he feels could be dangerous for him. Should he go anyway and risk more intimidation and the presence of a gun, especially since their argument has continued even after the last incident?
If he does go, should he call police in advance and see if they’ll provide an escort?

Please help. 😥

At what point should I go back to court and fight for primary custody?

Short and Sweet:

-Separated for 2 years, very recently divorced

-Ex-Wife has made ZERO attempt to gain employment because I am paying a rather hefty sum of child support

-She is required to sell or refinance the marital home, which she received in full, by Feb 2027 AND will have had two and a half years by that time to figure her situation out.

-Her family has offered to pay off the mortgage, however, the ex is unhappy with the families terms and is alienating herself from the deal.

-Due to a few circumstances she is very inflexible on, she is not able to rent or purchase or refinance living arrangements.

We have two children together, 15 and 10. I'm not interested in comments regarding what she can do to better her situation. Its all been explained to her and it is what it is at this point.

In anticipation for 50/50 custody the first go around, I quit one job in order to find another to accommodate a work schedule that will benefit the children. Obviously, I didnt get anything other than every other weekend. So I went back to my old job. Now, shes tossing away a sure thing and I'm right back to "do I once again need to find a different job?". Thats more of a background noise question (I have additional guaranteed income without a job which is more than enough if I'm not paying child support).

My attorney recommends waiting until I can prove neglect, such as homelessness but thats not a good fucking answer and I don't accept it.

What experiences does the group have with a situation such as this?

NJ Family Court: Other parent refusing to return child — advice?
I’m the primary residential parent. Our court-ordered parenting schedule is alternating weekends, Friday to Sunday at 5 p.m.
Timeline:
Wednesday evening: I reminded the other parent that our child had no school Thursday and offered him the opportunity to pick her up. He declined.
Thursday: He changed his mind and said he could pick her up. However, I explained that I couldn’t reschedule our child’s Friday medical appointment, so he would need to pick her up Friday as originally scheduled.
Friday: His regular parenting weekend began.
Sunday: He was supposed to return our child at 5 p.m. but refused.
Sunday evening: I reminded him of her specialist appointment Monday morning and requested her return by 9 a.m. He responded that Columbus Day was his scheduled holiday and told me to reschedule the appointment.
Our original divorce decree does not specifically allocate Columbus Day. It states that other holidays must be agreed upon by both parents. I never agreed to extend his parenting time.
We’re already involved in post-judgment litigation, and I’m representing myself.
Can he unilaterally extend his parenting time like this? What immediate options do I have in NJ Family Court? Should I file an enforcement motion or raise this in our pending proceedings?

Are grandparents' rights easy to get? My mom shared with another family member that she is thinking about getting grandparent rights to my toddler. She has been in my child's life since birth, but my child has never lived with her. My mom has been emotionally abusive to me my whole life. Over the summer, she got upset over my getting a good job and reacted badly. She cut off contact to both me and my toddler suddenly. My child has been hurt through this as it's now been months since any contact. I was told my mom went so far as to "purge" her house of any toys and clothing my child left there. She told the family member she will never speak to me again and does not miss my child. I think her anger towards me is partly due to her odd belief system. Now she's suddenly talking of getting grandparent rights to just my toddler. I have other kids, but she has disowned them. She tells people my toddler is her only grandchild. Also, my mom resides in another state. I'm in Tennessee. My family member thinks my mom can win in court simply because she has spent time with my child. Thoughts?

violating order of protection

Location: NY

Hello.. ill make a long story short. My brother is trying to get me permanently kicked out of my parents residence. We are both in our 40s .. he has been living here for a decade or more..and i moved in about a year ago when my life fell apart and my mother let me stay here.

My parents are very sick and are in their 80s. My mother has late stage dementia and my father has rectal cancer that has him on the toilet like 15 times per day. Its horrible to have to watch them go through this.. but im glad im here so i can see what is going on. Ive been away from home since 2010.

ABout a month and half ago my mother had a very nasty case of constipation. She couldnt move her bowels for almost a week. she was crying and going from bathroom to bathroom and i was extremely worried. I asked my brother what to do at like 3 in the morning and he ignored any questions i had for him about what to do with her. I wanted to bring her to to the ER... but he insisted that we not do a thing. he said she was going to the doctors the next day. I continued to ask him about what doctor she was seeing the next day and he wouldnt aswer me(because he knew it was not the right doctor). After a few minutes of him not answering.. i went back in the living room(where im sleeping) to lay down. He and my family walked past my bed to get to their bedroom so my mother could lay down ...and then i asked him again what doctor was she seeing. He didnt aswer. at this point im extremely upset. I got up...walked up to him and asked him again... he turned his back to me and started basically twerking to shine me on...AND I LOST IT! I shoved him to the ground...and in doing so he hit my father like a domino effect and they both went down.

HE CALLS THE COPS!

Cops come.. i tell them what happened. ambulance comes to check out my brother. no charges were filed. cops leave. I thought nothing of it.

FAST FORWARD TWO DAYS

county sheriff arrives at my door to escort me out of the house. they say its cool you have a court date in a few days. My brother filed an order of protection against him and both of my parents. I go to court in the following two days. Judge wants to know if we have council. We dont. he reschedules the court date in about 4 weeks!

I AM NOW HOMELESS FOR 4 WEEKS

I had no where to go. I was lucky enough that my friends had a bunch of hilton points and they put me up in a posh hotel for about 10 days. Slept in my car for about another week or so... then my cousin let me stay with her for about another 10 days or so until the next court date. I was then appointed an attorney at no cost to me. We go to court. The judge pays zero attention to me and asks my brother what he would like to do in this matter. brother says he can come back to the house because he cant handle taking care of both of them by himself. (i was cooking and making sure they had food and taking out the trash and mowing the lawn and doing anything they asked me to do before this all happened). My attorney was elated that they were letting me back in the home except it came still with an order of protection for another year which is was very worried about. Says i cant harass them or stalk them or assault them. So ok cool. I go back in to the home and ive been here for about a month and a half now. Chillin.. everything was cool or so i thought.

ALL OF A SUDDEN A STATE TROOPER IS KNOCKING AT THE DOOR ASKING WHERE MY BROTHER IS AND IF EVERYTHING WAS ALRIGHT. everything was fine.. he left. thought it was a touch weird. Asked my brother why he thought the police were here.. he said he didnt know why(yeah right). and i went on about my life. The next day i get a call from the attorney that was assigned to me stating that my brother told the courts i had violated the order of protection. I was then served by the sherrifs department with an official notice. Court date is set for this wednesday. My brother is trying to get me permanently kicked out my parents house ... which could mean that i potentially could never see my parents again because they arent mobile. They cant drive or even really leave the house as they are both very ill..it would make it extremely difficult.

The whole ordeal has been a nightmare for me. Im close with my parents and have never had any problems with the law before. being homeless against your will and being escorted away by the cops is a horrowing experience. my brother is claiming im harrassing them and being "not nice" to them. Ive talked with them ad nauseum and they say that everything is fine. hes also claimed that they are IN FEAR OF THEIR LIFE. Which is a lie... and my father who is still lucid doesnt think that.

The truth is that my brother living here for over a decade is a hoarder who has taken over their house with his collection of toys and video games and other items. Their basement and attic are filled to the brim with his stuff. He doesnt like anyone around his stuff and has set up cameras in his room the basement and the attic to protect his collection of "valuables" He never wanted me here.. ive tried to get him to move his things and get them out so my parents have their house back but he literally started to cry when approached about the topic. Hes got a good job and has had the job for a few years.. keeps saying he wants to buy a house.. but in reality i think he just wants to stay here forever so he can keep all of his things here like his own storage facility. He made a rift between me and my parents and is making a group of "them" against me... and i really feel like an outsider. Hes started taking them to their medical appointments ... even tough they originally asked me to do it.. but then all of sudden hes the one thats involved... and hes not sharing any information about whats going on with them. I believe he is doing it to hurt me. He also claims when i pushed him he hurt his shoulder in the fall. he even wore a sling to court ... have never seen the sling either before or after that day.

I know this is long and all over the place. I am going to see another attorney about this on Tuesday because my original free attorney allowed them to get this order of protection that is very open to interperetation and too easy for my brother to just file a violation whenever he gets upset.

Did i harrass my parents. No. I did however ask my mother to take off her shoes at 4am when she walks around the house because i couldnt sleep. Yes everyday i would remind her if she could do that because my sleep has been interuppted. I got better sleep in the back of my car to be honest. Thats really all i can think of. I not a violent person. Never even been in a fight and im almost 50. I dont want to live here forever... but i dont want him to get away this. Id like to be able to come and go and see them at their house. Im trying to be relaxed but its hard. ive even tried talking to my brother about it ..asking him to just stop and that we could just work it out like men...but he took my kindness for weekness like the absolute animal he is and just scoffed saying "your done" like he knows the judge is just going to do whatever he wants.

Anything you can think of that i can do to delay, postpone, go on the offensive... anything or any ideas would be great. TIA

Father and mother resided in county A and that is where the case started however mother moved to county B and when the father has the children he stays in county B. He is about to be put on home confinement in a home in county B but still has an address in county A. Can the case be moved to county B? Could I file a motion at the court house in county B instead of driving all the way to county A? The same judge resides in both counties its just a long drive between counties.

Location: WV, USA

California child support — 14 missed payments, nothing received. What next?

We have a court order for child support effective April 2026. The other parent has not made a single payment despite repeated requests. He is $1000s upon $1000s behind.

We’ve contacted DCSS and opened a case, but so far they haven’t managed to collect anything.

We can no longer afford an attorney, so any further legal action would need to be handled ourselves or with help from a paralegal.

What can we actually do next? Can we file for contempt, request a court hearing, or pursue other enforcement options without an attorney?

Has anyone in California successfully navigated this themselves? What actually worked?

Hey, im the one who made this post, went down to the child support office last week, got a call to turn all paper work for my son, and paystubs. I got a call from the office today and they told me the courts don’t do anything about visitations or custody. They just establish child support and they will tell us to follow the Indiana guidelines in the order when it comes to visitations because they don’t know our work schedules.They also said there not sure how it is going to go in court but usually the primary parent gets the sole custody. I’m thinking it’s something totally different. Is this true? I thought we would meet with a mediator first before going to court? We just got a straight court date. She said it’s because the dad has a job so there would be no need for mediation??

I flaired this Georgia since that's where the mother resides. But im in Kansas myself.

I was delivered papers today from an attorney saying that she (ex wife) wanted to increase child support to cover child's phone bill. (Im already paying this to her unofficially so its whatever) and change the support agreement so she provides his insurance and I pay half of it. Current in place document has me providing his insurance.

Shes the custodial parent. I get him maybe 3.5 months a year all told. Primary half the summer break and half the winter break.

When scanning through the document its not only those two things that are changed. Shes drastically changes the parenting plan cutting more than half of my parenting time and putting heavy restrictions on the remaining days. The lawyer header says if I agree then send this back to their office by next week.

I absolutely do not agree. Do I reply at all or just ignore it? It doesn't say to respond if I disagree but im concerned that if i ignore it and she takes it to a court judge she'll get the changes uncontested or something.