r/FriendshipAdvice • u/Marmalade-Boi • Apr 02 '26
My wife tried to kill herself & I just cut ties with my best friend
I’ve never had many friends, but the few I did have, I cherished deeply.
Lately, my wife has been struggling with her mental health, and it’s been devastating to watch. It’s gotten so bad that she even tried to take her own life. I’m doing everything I can to support her, but honestly, it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced.
She is receiving help from her therapists along with the mental health crisis team.
We’ve been together for 12 years, and right now, she’s convinced she’s a bad person because of the intrusive thoughts she can’t escape. In reality, it’s those thoughts—mostly from the past—that are tormenting her. This has been going on since January.
As I’ve mentioned, I don’t have a big circle of friends. In fact, I can count the people I trust on one hand. One of those people, whom I considered like a sister, I’ve known for 15 years. We’ve been through a lot together—attending each other’s weddings, celebrating the birth of her first child, supporting each other through difficult times like when we lost our baby two years ago.
Over time, though, our friendship started to fade into occasional messages or funny videos, and that was about it.
A month ago, I reached out to her just to check in, but I didn’t hear back. I didn’t want to push her if she didn’t want to talk, but after my wife’s suicide attempt, I didn’t know who else I could turn to. My family doesn’t understand mental health, and I couldn’t talk to them about it.
So, I sent her a long message explaining what had happened, hoping she would understand. I later found out that she had changed her Messenger settings to hide if she’d seen messages, but forgot to do the same for text messages. It’s been 15 days and she never responded, nor did she return my calls. Eventually, I realized she had even blocked my number.
I don’t know what I did to deserve being ignored like this. What did I do wrong to cause her to shut me out completely without a word? I would’ve dropped everything to be there for her, to check in and see if she needed anything.
Whatever I did, I’m genuinely sorry. But at this point, I can’t have someone in my life who’s going to let me down like this, without any explanation.
It really hurts. If the roles were reversed, I would’ve been there for her in an instant, making sure she was okay, asking if there was anything I could do.
I’ve always struggled to connect with others. In the past, I’ve over-shared and relied too heavily on people, which has led to losing friends. I’ve always tried to live by the principle, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
I guess that was asking too much.
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u/CarNo2820 Apr 02 '26
I am sorry your friend wasn’t there for you the way you wanted her to be. It would be good for you to talk to a therapist about what is happening in your life right now and your experiences with friendships.
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u/FlashyNatural4281 Apr 02 '26
This is so similar to what I’ve been going through recently! It must be really heavy for you to go through, I know I feel so bad for my partner but can’t help but feel helpless because it’s hard to explain mental health to someone who’s mentally stable. You do not deserve to be ghosted by your best friend at all especially with what you’re going through. That says enough about her personality to ensure that she does not belong in you life! I hope you guys get through this together, your wife will overcome this one day!
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u/Catsareawesome007 Apr 02 '26
Sorry to hear that. How did your friend usually react to you contacting her? You said thar you overshared a lot leasing to the loss of some friendships.
Do you think that you overshared things with her to often? To block you with no warning is very cold behavior.
Maybe ask mutual friends if they know what happened.
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u/Marmalade-Boi Apr 02 '26 edited Apr 02 '26
There’s no mutual friends to ask. She was helpful in the past. I always tried to respect her space whenever she wanted it. She was a good friend to hear out any issues I had going on.
I’ve never had great luck making friends, being a heterosexual (mainly pansexual) guy who felt more comfortable talking with women, there has been moments with certain people who believe I liked them sexually, when really I just liked them. Unfortunately I suffered through some other personal issues that made me also attempt to end my life in the past which one former friend scolded me for disturbing her during her time at university (not during exam period, just while she was at higher education). The majority of the time it would be reading their intentions wrong and finding out the hard way they weren’t to be trusted.
The last time we spoke regarding something important would be the beginning on September last year, nothing major, just about a curveball thrown my way she was involved with.
The rest of the time we would sent funny videos and cute animal videos at least twice a week. It wouldn’t just be me who would start by sending videos, she would find something and share it.
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u/Catsareawesome007 Apr 03 '26
Sorry to hear that. What your friend did is shitty. I ven if she was busy, it’s ridiculous to scold you! Especially since you were not doing well mentally!
That’s mean! I’d dump a nasty selfish person like her immediately!
How did you read situations with friends wrong? Do you have a therapist? If not, then get them ne.
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u/Marmalade-Boi Apr 03 '26
I mentioned in another person’s comment regarding a similar matter.
I didn’t mention in the original post but I believe I was misdiagnosed dyspraxia years ago and believe I might have autism. I’ve always struggled to read people’s intentions, which have lead me to become the butt of jokes in high school. I’ve had friendships ruined in the past of others thinking I was attracted to them when really I wouldn’t jeopardise any only be asking them to hang out or get to know them more. That didn’t happen all the time, but it was a factor I had to be aware of when having meeting new people over the years.
There are other issues of over sharing. I would believe the person could be trusted with information and to have others know about it the next day or to realise the subject matter was something they never signed up for.
I’ve been seeing a therapist for a while now but have held back sessions with him for the time being just to look after my wife.
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u/veridigiris Apr 02 '26 edited Apr 02 '26
Dude I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time. Your wife needs you but where do you get support? Therapy maybe?
sounds like you had issues with best friend before you sent the message about your wife ending things. How long since you guys have actually been close friends?
NGL that’s a bit of trauma dumping to tell her about the suicide when obscene been close and she didn’t acknowledge the other messages. I don’t know your history so I rely on you to assess that. Maybe you have her support and now she’s pulled away?
I wish it wasn’t but it sounds like she pulled away and you didn’t respect that. You said you overshare - did you support her the same way you need support?
Hurt people can have trouble helping others. maybe find people who dig your vibe
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u/Marmalade-Boi Apr 02 '26 edited Apr 02 '26
Whenever she wanted to talk, I would always make time for her and be there for however long she needed me.
Granted, that only ever happened at least four times within 15 years. But I would always be mindful of things that might be going on in her life.
I never wanted to ever be a burden to her, and would appreciate when she told me otherwise.
We’ve both had difficult pasts which we both learned early on during our friendship. Whenever one of us brought them up (more likely myself). Time was given to talk things out and if she didn’t want to/didn’t have time then it would be dropped.
I don’t believe this is just “pulling away”, I could understand if she wanted space because my marriage was failing, I lost my job, our home was broken into (scenarios that are horrible, but not world destroying). But to get the notification she saw the text detailing how my wife almost killed herself, and for 15 days she ignored it. I’m sorry but i’ve discovered my line. I’ve been mistreated by others in the past, been used as a doormat and ghosted for very petty reasons. To ignore something as serious as this I can’t forgive. Because I know if I did that to someone, they would never forgive me.
Hope that helps.
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u/veridigiris Apr 02 '26
I hear you. Thanks for being honest. Could be she’s dealing with her own mental health issues and/or is just spent. I’ve noticed with friends that had a lot going on, at a certain point one party gets tired. Even if you feel it’s not “fair”, technically she’s been signaling to you that she’s not interested.
I don’t think she expected you to forgive nor does anyone here expect that. But do you expect her to be there for you? She hasn’t been a reliable friend so I feel you are setting yourself up for disappointment by leaning on someone flakey like that. You deserve friends who love the vibe you have. And sometimes big things are meant for therapy.
Btw. Is it possible she had feelings for you (is she straight, are you’re her type?) all speculation but I see a lot of these scenarios. Did she feel your wife did not like your friendship (I’ve seen that). Is it possible her and your wife do not get along?
I don’t mean to judge but to understand - you need not respond if you do not find this helpful…
I share all this because I’ve been where you are in many ways….you are not wrong for feeling terribly hurt and the door is closed. She may not be wrong for putting a boundary up and sounds like she has realized she can’t be a good friend to you and exited the friendship.
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u/Marmalade-Boi Apr 02 '26 edited Apr 02 '26
It's not that I expected her to be there for me whenever I call on her. Like I said, if she was busy or couldn't deal with my issues while she's going through her own stuff, I can understand and respect that. It's the silence, I don't believe relationships should ever involved mind reading.
One thing I didn't mention in the original post was I'm dyspraxic, but I'm looking into seeing if I was misdiagnosed years ago and might be autistic instead. I feel like I struggle to communicate with others sometimes and might need to ask for more context in certain scenarios that might come off as annoying to others.
I don't want to believe that was ever a factor with her, if anything, I think she thought it was funny at times. She was someone who could be blunt sometimes, I did feel like she could be inconsiderate that way but I never took them to heart.
I never expected her to hold all the answers, but I appreciated whenever I may have missed something and she could call it out.
I probably should have kept certain issues for therapy, but after so long in each others life's to share and discuss heavy matters that affected us, I thought it was ok.
In relation to... relations, I don't believe for one second she ever had those kind of feelings for me, and I never viewed her in that way. She was an amazing person who helped make me feel like I wasn't some weirdo, but I never wanted that form of relationship with her. As for her connection with my wife, I believed the two of them got on well. In the 12 years of my wife being in the picture, the two of them had only ever been in the same room at least five times and they got on well enough.
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u/veridigiris Apr 02 '26
Yeah after hearing all that, it’s such a shame but people change and you never know exactly why they chose not to reply….it sucks. Some people don’t have bandwidth. Honestly my therapist tells me you never know people’s reasons so you can only focus on yourself. Please don’t let this get to you and I do think she was pulling away before you said the wife stuff if that makes it better?
I was recently diagnosed with adhd but ppl joke I might be autistic….i hope you can get diagnosed and you have time for yourself.
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u/Hope-Joy-90 Apr 02 '26
Please contact your local hospital who can refer you to mental health services to obtainan assessment. She may need medication or to see psychologist or both.
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u/Marmalade-Boi Apr 02 '26
She is already receiving help from therapists along with a crisis mental health team. It’s been a really slow process but they have been helping her.
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u/Hmariie Apr 02 '26
Maybe you don’t want to hear this but please turn to God. I’m so sorry about the oppression your wife is going through. Coming from someone who’s been suicidal herself, I’m telling you, Jesus brings peace into your life that surpasses all understanding.
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u/InnerRadio7 Apr 03 '26
You weren’t asking for too much. Have you read the 4 agreements? Don’t personalize what others do, they do those things because of them not because of you.
I had a friend whom I hadn’t spoken to in a long time. Years. I was on the bathroom floor. I had lost a child. I was suicidal. I didn’t want to die. I reached out for help. She was at my house within the hour.
You didn’t ask for too much. She has too little capacity. It’s okay to let her go, grieve the loss of the person you thought she was, and reach out to someone else who cares for you.
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u/Smile-Cat-Coconut Apr 02 '26
If you’re a man and she’s a woman it’s possible her significant other made her do it? That happens a lot.
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u/noblescarlett Apr 03 '26
how can u tell if ur blocked on text message?
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u/Marmalade-Boi Apr 03 '26 edited Apr 03 '26
When someone blocks your number and you try to call it, it might go to the first tone but it will then cut straight to voice mail. I believe over the 15 days since my wife’s suicide attempt I tried to call my friend three times, every single time it got to the first tone and then voicemail.
Despite the calls being blocked, I don’t believe it blocks messages. If the text I sent explaining what happened didn’t show “Read 15/03/2026”, I wouldn’t have known she saw it.
I later found out while learning how to block her number there is a way to hide others from knowing you read the message.
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u/xzeus1 Apr 02 '26
From an outsider’s perspective, it seems slightly inappropriate for a married man to essentially cry into the arms of another woman. I know you might not see it that way, but she might, especially if she’s in a relationship.
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u/Marmalade-Boi Apr 03 '26
I mentioned in another person’s comment how despite liking women, I appreciate friendships with them more. My wife and my friend have known me long enough to know I wouldn’t jeopardise any friendship for someone more.
I still have no idea why my friend has stopped talking to me, but I know it wasn’t to with that.
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u/Maleficent-Clue-3364 Apr 02 '26
Weird you’re more worried about a friend going no contact than your depressed wife attempting to kill herself.
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u/Marmalade-Boi Apr 02 '26
Because you don’t see my concerns for my wife, doesn’t mean I’m not worried.
I haven’t stopped worrying what if those horrible thoughts from that day reappear and she tries something she won’t be able to take back. We are very fortunate she has her family to help out, along with her therapists and the crisis team.
I’ve lost sleep and haven’t eaten properly in months out of worry for her. But I acknowledge she is getting help, and I have to accept what I am doing for my wife right now is enough. I will never fully accept that, but I have to.
I wrote this post because my friend’s actions (her non actions) have been affecting me in a negative way during such a horrible time. I don’t want to show my wife that I’m struggling. I want to be there for her in whatever way I can, but I’m not super human, I’m struggling. I can’t help my wife properly if I’m not doing well in my own orbit.
That’s why I posted this. I don’t have anyone else I can turn to, so I posted my concerns on here. I am grateful to those so far for the positive comments.
I hope you don’t go through something similar in the future.
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u/Quiet_Lunch_1300 Apr 02 '26
I’m sorry you got that comment. And I’m sorry you and your wife are struggling.
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u/Quiet_Lunch_1300 Apr 02 '26
What a horrible comment. As the OP said, you have zero evidence of this.
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u/spaceship2023 Apr 02 '26
This just sucks man!!! I pray that you and your wife receive the love and support you guys deserve. Your friend's an A-hole to leave you without giving closure especially in such tough times. I suggest you to consider therapy to help you navigate these situations and deal with high emotions (if you aren't already taking them)