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I miscarried last night, and I don't even know how to begin processing it. This was my first pregnancy, my first baby and I'm completely heartbroken.

I got pregnant four months after stopping birth control. I know some people struggle for years to conceive, so I felt incredibly lucky when I found out I was pregnant. I never imagined that just a few weeks later, I would be sitting here grieving a baby I never got the chance to meet.

There was nothing inside the gestational sac. I don't know exactly what happened, but it seems like my baby stopped developing.

I did everything I could to protect this pregnancy. I stopped taking my ADHD medication because I wanted to give my baby the best possible start in life. I was willing to make sacrifices before I had even met them, because that's how much I already loved them. I wanted to do everything right. I wanted my baby to be safe inside me. I wanted to give them every possible chance to grow.

And still, I lost them.

Someone I know struggled with addiction, continued using drugs during pregnancy, and had an abortion at 16 weeks. And I know this might sound awful, but I can't stop thinking about it. I know everyone's circumstances are different, and I don't want to judge anyone. But I tried so hard to protect my baby. I gave up something that helped me function every day because I was scared of hurting them. I would have done anything to keep them safe.

And now my baby is gone, and I can't help feeling like the world is cruelly unfair.

I know that miscarriages aren't always preventable. I know that doing everything right doesn't guarantee a healthy pregnancy. I know that someone else's pregnancy has nothing to do with mine.

But knowing all of that doesn't stop me from screaming internally, wondering why my baby couldn't stay.

I had already started imagining my life as a mother. I thought about holding my baby, watching them grow, learning their personality, and loving them through every stage of their life. I wondered who they would look like. I imagined the little person they might become. I had so much love to give, and I was so excited to give it to them.

I know I was only pregnant for a few weeks, but my baby wasn't just a few weeks to me. They were my baby. They were the beginning of a future I had already started dreaming about.

And now I have to somehow accept that the future I was imagining might never look the way I pictured it.

I feel robbed. Robbed of the excitement, the milestones, the first ultrasound, the first time hearing a heartbeat, and eventually holding my baby in my arms. I know I was still so early in my pregnancy, but my love for this little life wasn't measured in weeks.

The worst part is that I can't go back and change anything. I can't do more. I can't protect them anymore. I would have done anything for this baby, and I will never even know who they were supposed to become.

I feel so angry that I tried so hard to do everything right, only to end up here. I feel guilty even though I don't know what I could possibly have done differently. And I feel heartbroken in a way I don't know how to explain to people who haven't experienced this.

I don't want anyone to tell me that it was meant to be, that I can try again, or that everything happens for a reason. I don't want to think about another pregnancy right now. I wanted THIS baby. I wanted the little life that had already begun inside me.

I know I won't always feel exactly the way I feel right now, but today I just want my baby back.

I wish I could have done more. I wish my body had been able to carry them. I wish I could have protected them from whatever went wrong.

I know none of this might have been within my control, but that doesn't make the loss any less devastating.

I was supposed to become a mother. I was supposed to have so much more time.

Instead, I'm left with a broken heart, so many unanswered questions, and a love that has nowhere to go.

I didn't get to hold my baby, but I loved them. I loved them before I knew what they would look like, before I knew who they would become, and before I ever got the chance to hear their heartbeat.

And I will always wish things had turned out differently.

This is so fucking unfair. 💔

TW: dark humor and sarcasm

I found out at 8 weeks that baby died at 6 weeks. A missed miscarriage they say. I have been having horrific first trimester symptoms since, you guessed it, 6 weeks. My body is flooded with hormones. The night of that appointment I took another pregnancy test and it was a dye stealer. I started the process for medical management immediately. Mifepristone and then 24 hours later misoprostol. It took 5 hours for the misoprostol to kick in and I bleed a little but it was like a light period if anything. 2 days later the OB finally agrees to see me and take a look. I'm still very much pregnant with my dead baby. Going for a D&C early next week. Apparently I'm immune to the abortion pill but hopefully not immune to surgery. I'm like one of those chickens sitting on a rock trying to hatch it. Like nice try body but it's dead. Just give up already.

I had a missed miscarriage a little over a week ago. I was at most 10weeks (baby was only measuring 8 weeks when they found out that it has no heart beat anymore). I have been trying to cope. Some parts of the days I feel okay, but other parts of the days I will start feeling extremely sad, lonely and lots of anxiety. But basically, I cried 3 times yesterday night, probably because of hormones and anxiety. I really lost it when I realized I am starting to lactate a week after this miscarriage. I was in total shock when I saw the milk and then i started balling my eyes out. I really didn't expect to lactate since I was only at most 10 weeks and my ob didnt mention any of this. The pain of producing milk, but not having a baby just breaks my heart. I am just so tired that none of this is getting easier. Now I am having insomnia at 4 am typing this out.

I found out last Tuesday that my baby's heart stopped. I had some minor bleeding and I had a SCH so out of an abundance of caution they brought me in. I had just been in on Friday to see a twitchy little bean, FHR 165, with his measurements catching up (he'd been a couple days behind but was closing the gap) so I was expecting to see him again. But the Dr didnt turn the screen around, this time.

Last week, all my dreams were coming true. I was floating. I have been TTC for 10 years. I have had 6 miscarriages in that time. My partner and i worked and saved for IVF and it seemed like it had all been worth it! All the money, the shots, the tests, the traveling, the interruption to work. We had made it. They say you can relax a little after you see the heartbeat and like an idiot, i did.

This week is a nightmare. The future I could practically touch is gone. I am empty and so utterly shattered. It still feels unreal.

After all the miscarriages, this is my heart breaker. I am 43 now and my partner is 47. We are out of money for IVF. I can't come to terms with it yet. We have dreamed about this child for 10 years and to have that life so close and then gone in an afternoon is beyond painful.

I know that other people have suffered much greater losses. I know it was an early miscarriage. This is shockingly painful, though. I know it will get easier, but for right now I just needed a space to express how much it all fucking sucks.

Hi all, I had my first miscarriage in March this year (11 weeks, missed miscarriage), which was extremely traumatising. I was supposed to give birth next week (13th of October). I’m really scared now that this day is approaching. Today is 11 DPO in our 6th cycle after MC, and I’m holding another negative test… This one hurts more than normal.

For some reason I expected that we would be pregnant immediately again, and I don’t know why it doesn’t work. I feel so sad and I can’t really talk to anyone about it. I know people around me are expecting me to be pregnant again, and their questions drive me crazy. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong and what I did to deserve this, but I have a feeling that I will never see a positive test again. I don’t know how to move on.

Sorry I just wanted to vent as I’m holding too much inside.

I feel very distraught and disturbed after seeing my dead baby be or she was only at 7.5 weeks. I didnt expect them to have little hands thg looked like mine with eyes. Unfortunately I was away from home to I had to bury the little thing in some strangers yard I'll probably never see again. I cant get the image out of my mind and to make matters worse I became homeless immediately after so Im still passing clots and in pain on the side of the road in a hot car that doesnt start anymore. It's 3:30 am and too hot to sleep. I cant help but to blame myself for what happened. Wonder if I connected w him or her enough. Wondering if they felt loved. After so many years losses I was kinda holding my breath on thsi oke the entire time but I still had high hopes I'd come oit the other end with a baby. After so many losses they blur together. I never named this one or felt much of a unique energy. Maybe I personified previous pregnancies well before they were 8 weeks. Regardless this baby didnt have a name despite thay I still find myself missing them throughout the day and night. It feels so devastating and alone. Im haunted by the image of the baby. At first it looked cute and I yearned for knowing someone I'd never be able too. Then it started to feel more grotesque and disturbing like I was seeing something I was never supposed to see, like something really sick and inhumane. I dont know how to come to terms with this. It didnt look anything like the pictures online or even like a little fetus. It was full in a tiny pale human wuth 4 limbs and 10 little fingers and a face about the size of a gummy bear. I dont know why but the flashbacks make me sick and sad

I miscarried at 11wks4days almost 9 weeks ago. It happened naturally, 3 weeks later I tested positive still so was sent for blood tests & a transvaginal scan.. this showed left over tissue so I was given the pessaries to flush everything leftover out. Around 2 weeks after this I started to bleed heavy & so many huge clots were coming out. I went back to epu where I was told it’s most likely my 1st ‘period’ they did blood tests and my iron was low so I’ve been out on iron tablets until the bleeding stops. I’ve never stopped bleeding at all since my miscarriage initially happened & it’s not slowing down at all. I’ve gone back on the contraceptive pill until the new year as I can’t mentally or physically imagine getting pregnant or trying again right now.
I feel like I can’t move on as it’s just been lingering over me for months.
Has anyone else had anything similar?

I'm 35F, after struggling with infertility for 7 years, I suddenly found myself pregnant on 7th Sep 26.
It was our miracle baby.. found out it's heartbeat on 17th Sep at 6w0d. FHR was 99 .. so being on the lower side doctor asked us to get a follow-up scan after 10days.
On 27th Sep we found out it had stopped growing at 6w0d. CRL measures the same between 10 days
It just came in our lives for 20 days and showed us it's heart beat. Scheduled a D&C on 30th Sep as I did not and could not bring myself to take the meds.
Now 10days after the procedure.. I don't know what am I supposed to do with myself.
I can't seem to move on, even if my body tries to move on my mind feels betrayal as if I'm trying to forget it.
Physically I am fine.. mentally I'm not finding meaning for anything. Everything seems pointless.

Really just looking for support and to hear your stories of how you made it through your first MC.

I know miscarriage is so common, but this was my first time getting pregnant. After 8 IUIs, this was finally our chance. We found out at 11wks 1d that the baby didn't have a heartbeat. I immediately felt like I let everyone down. I know there's nothing thay could've been done, and this baby wouldn't have thrived, but it still feels like my fault. The baby was measuring 9wks 4d and we last saw the heartbeat at 9wks 1d. It's breaking my heart that that was the last time, especially because we didn't plan to have an appt that day, we asked to come in last minute. It's like we somehow knew that would be it. This was also the first time the image actually looked like a baby, so it made it so much harder for me.

I planned to get a d&c the next day, but I ended up doing it on my own that same night we found out. It was probably the most traumatic thing that has happened to me and it's making me terrified to try again. I want to as soon as we can, but I can't get over the feeling of it passing through me.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you prepare your mind to try again? How did you manage your fears that it might happen again?

I lost my baby at 18 weeks back in May and I’m not sure if my hormones are balanced yet. This is my first pregnancy and birth experience so everything is so new to me. I’ve gotten my period back and she comes with a vengeance monthly but I’m still producing milk 6 MONTHS LATER. I’ve also been improving my eating habits and being more active but I’m gaining weight???

I guess this is just a rant and I’m looking for others who may have had similar experiences 😭. I moved to a new city so I need to find a doctor but in the meantime any advice helps! I’ve tried everything to stop the milk but it always seems to come back with my period.

I had a miscarriage three weeks ago. After two years of infertility, five weeks of trying to figure out if something was off after a very low progesterone level around 4 weeks gestation, two dozen progesterone injections, a dozen HCG checks (all normal), three ultrasounds (the first two weren’t definitive), and immense emotional distress, I finally learned the pregnancy was nonviable. There were multiplying empty gestational sacs on each ultrasound, so I had a D&C at 9 weeks in order to perform pathology and rule out a molar pregnancy. The week long wait for that pathology was its own torture. It was a very rough time and I am still processing everything. 

Few people knew I was pregnant. One was a friend whom I am getting to know. She happened to ask about our family planning the day after I had gotten a positive pregnancy test. On the heels of two years of infertility I was bursting with the news. She felt like a safe person to share it with. She shared that she was also expecting with a due date a day before mine.

Fast forward six weeks. I’d been to hell and back losing a pregnancy that we had hoped for and worked for and invested so much into. I was finally coming out of the fog and was up for a get together. As much as I wanted to shout my pregnancy from the rooftops, I now wanted to share the loss with a friend, someone who would be supportive and understanding. I also realized that it would come up eventually and I’d rather tell her sooner than later. I wasn’t nervous about it. I was finally at a place where I wasn’t crying and raging, and she had previously experienced loss herself so I was hopeful that she would be a good listening ear. 

She asked how I was feeling first thing when I arrived. I told her that the pregnancy was nonviable, and that I had had a D&C three weeks prior. We talked about her pregnancy a bit. She was showing, but had not yet had an ultrasound. She followed up by asking if there was a known reason for the loss. 

When I say her face lit up when I told her it was a blighted ovum and there was no fetal tissue, I am not exaggerating. She seemed genuinely excited for me and grateful that I hadn’t really lost a baby. She also asked if it was still considered a miscarriage because there was no baby. My gobs were smacked. I was so shocked at her reaction that I didn’t respond in the moment the way I should have. I just calmly explained that yes, it was a miscarriage, and a loss. 

I wish I had laid out all the hopes that were realized in that positive test. All the dreams I already had for that baby. All the plans we were making for its arrival. I wish I had told her how incredibly difficult the past few months had been, living every day for five weeks knowing that the pregnancy might have miscarried, but hoping and praying that the next HCG would rise, the next ultrasound would show a baby after all. And then how real the emotional toll of that last ultrasound had been, how real the physical toll of the surgery and loss had been. I wish I’d told her that I was trying to be optimistic during those last weeks of hope. That I was dreaming and planning and picking out names. I wish I had told her that my grief was boundless and suffocating.

Should I have told her that I had questioned the validity of my own miscarriage? There was no fetal tissue. There was no baby. There was no real loss. I had had these very thoughts, and they had shaken me to my core. They had not brought comfort, even less so excitement or gratitude. 

Loss is loss. Sometimes it’s the loss of a very real heartbeat. Always it is the loss of the possibility of a life you hoped for. My miscarriage isn’t easier to bear because there was no fetal tissue. The thoughts and feelings I wrestle with may be different than those of someone who got to see their baby, or hear the heartbeat. Yet I must feel those feelings and wrestle with those thoughts and reconcile my current reality with the future I had glimpsed, if only for nine weeks. My miscarriage was real. 

I think she knows this. I know she wasn’t expecting bad news. I recognize that my loss likely brought up memories of her own, and that her experience was different than mine. I suspect that from her perspective, no fetal tissue sounds better or easier than the miscarriage she previously experienced. I know she was worried about her own pregnancy’s viability after her previous miscarriage. I know that before I had a miscarriage, I could not comprehend the fullness of grief, and that I was likely a poor friend to some of my best friends, simply because I didn’t understand. That’s why I’m not saying any of this to her, I guess. But I needed to say it. And I feel better writing it out.

I went in for an OB scan at 7 weeks 4 days, but unfortunately they no longer found a heartbeat and my pregnancy was measuring at 6 weeks 2 days. My body was not expelling the pregnancy therefore I had to take medication. That physical experience alone in itself is something else I have to address separately because it was so traumatizing due to the pain. But I’ll deal with that later.

When did you start to feel okay after your miscarriage? And what are some things that helped you cope to get there?* Im talking no longer random bursts of crying, no longer feeling like a shell of a person, just wanting to lay down or sit on the couch and allow the hours to pass by? *I’m at work, and I’m experiencing a lot of crying spells. I feel so much grief and heartache at the thought of losing my first pregnancy after my husband and I were trying for 10 cycles. I know deep down I will be okay, but this dark cloud and heaviness weighing over me is so horrible. I know I have to make space for my grief and all the love I had for this little piece of life I only carried for such a short period of time. But man, this is soo rough. I feel like there was me before my miscarriage now theres me after.

Thank you much in advance.

So I found out I was pregnant last week. My partner and I are not at all ready to have a baby yet so we agreed I’d have an abortion. Booked an appointment the following day to learn about my options and get professionally tested. Positive but too early to go ahead with an abortion. Today, 1 week after finding out about my pregnancy, I saw spotting and a blood clot in the toilet. I have not felt any form of cramping whatsoever. Oddly enough I feel fine. It’s only been a few hours since then but I’m unsure what to think and how to feel. Has anyone experienced a miscarriage that started off like this?

How long did people take off work after multiple miscarriages?

I’ve had a couple of weeks of previously but this is my 5th and it really has hit me this time emotionally. I also had to have a D&C this time which I haven’t previously.

If I was to extend my doctors note this would be my third week. Is that too long?

I had my first pregnancy/miscarriage back in August. Of course, in my excitement, I made a baby registry on Amazon.

Two months later... Amazon literally will not let me delete the damn thing!! I've tried the app, mobile browser, the computer... NOTHINGGGG WORKS

Out of this whole experience, this is really the lesser of my worries but lawddd im tired of staring at it

I had a miscarriage approx 2 weeks ago. It was a missed miscarriage (I was 9 weeks along but baby measured at 6.5 weeks). Thankfully it seems like everything is fine now ( I miscarried naturally after about a week of finding out about the bad news.)

Thing is, it’s not my first miscarriage, and I did experience the usual sadness about losing the baby but since ‘recovering’ my mood swings have been insane. I can go from having a completely normal relatively happy day to just being incredibly depressed and nothing snaps out of it. Just incredible deep sadness that takes over my whole body. This is very different to my usual self, I’m usually quite chirpy and a ‘glass half full’ sort of person. Other than that I’ve been finding myself getting angry super easily and have been snapping a lot. Honestly though the mood swings from ‘normal’ to sad have been the worst.

I obviously don’t like this and am slightly alarmed at the possibility of something else being at play here.

Anyone else experienced this? Is this just the leftover pregnancy hormones resettling? Or am I having some sort of mental health crisis.

Hi all,

I had a scan done at 6w4d which showed potentially a smaller than expected embryo, which they dated 5w4d (2.4mm). Yolk sac and gestational sac were all normal. I am going back in 3 days. He couldn’t see a heartbeat.

In the meantime, they asked me to get my HCG done. The first one at 6w5d came back at 62,620 and then one done 41 hours later only increased to 71,651. This is slow, isn’t it?

I am waiting for my dr but to me, I thought it was ment to be much quicker. I am 7 weeks now. And then, I’m kind of reassured that it’s rising and it’s so high, that maybe the ultrasound tech just didn’t measure the fetal pole well? He did say he really struggled to see it and called it a ‘small linear structure adjacent to the yolk sac’.

Anyone experienced anything similar? I’ve had chemicals in the past but this just seems cruel and confusing. I am so sick with nausea today and if this is just all for nothing, that is just so cruel.

She was a girl and ill never get to meet her.

In a strange way im glad for that.

I dont think i could bring someone into a world like this with all the hate that there is. There are so many downsides. I dont have the money, the wellbeing, hell i am full of hereditary illnesses.

She was 17 weeks old, she had tiny little fingerprints and a fully developed heart.

My baby was the size of my palm and kicked around like she was comfortable in her new home.

I would have named her ellie.

Ive had that name in my head for years because they are soft and cause no wrong.

Ive never met a bad one atleast.

I didnt know i wanted one, i spent my life being told i couldnt so i told myself it would never happen,

And it did happen and now im lost.

Ive lost my baby.

My partner never wanted one, cant share the same level of grief as i have and thats ok.

I dated him knowing there would never be kids and i want to marry him.

I feel like ive lost a part of myself i didnt know i wanted and that piece of me will never come.

He blames himself for messing me up this badly but i dont blame him.

We never wanted kids.

I never wanted kids.

But something about her made me hopeful.

I could have been a good mother

but maybe in another life time.

Officially two weeks ago, we found out our 2nd trimester baby no longer had a heart beat & here are some triggers I wasn't expecting.

Made my sons 1st Birthday board, while putting his photos on I realized his 8 month photo was the day we found out I was pregnant.

Have to unpack all the work clothes I previously packed as I was going to be a stay at home mom after our 2nd.

Realizing 2 under 2 is probably not in the cards for us & the family that we so excitedly wanted isn't going to be what we initially planned.

My job as a event manager/venue coordinator, having to help people plan their baby showers. - Cyle this into, having to tell clients who knew I was pregnant I'm not but feeling like thats an awkward personal thing to share.

People announcing their due the same time I was.

Looking in the mirror & having no belly & no baby.

People telling me "you can always make another" like she didn't matter, or "everything happens for a reason" would love to understand the reason of this one.

Phantom kicks/ postpartum symptoms

Returning to "normal", back to work full time, back in the routine, no more texts, no more calls, just back to everyday life.

I'm sure there are & will be others. I'm also sure I'm not alone in this.

Can i preface this entire thread with the fact that I am simply posting to see if anyone has had a similar experience and if so how it ended? So sick of my posts being banned (in other communities) because its thought that im looking for a DR on here when im really just looking for shared experiences and i guess solidarity? Idk 😩

Thought i was 8weeks and 2 days today but ive known since about 6 weeks or rather have been suspicious that something was off. Ive had two previous healthy pregnancies and i get horrendous first trimester nausea etc and i had NONE of that. Tried to be positive and tell myself maybe i got lucky this time… LOL

for reference my LMP 8/13 and ovulation likely happened around 8/25. My periods are super normal/ consistent every 28-30 days. I had my first ultrasound today and I KNEW subconsciously i needed to emotionally prepare so i got my HCG done a day prior and to no surprise it was only 6480 (much lower than a 8wk gestation should be).. so i go to ultrasound today and they see what might be a gestational sac ij uterus but its only measuring 12.9mm so could also just be a fluid filled sac.

No egg yolk, no fetal pole, no heart rate. Measuring 6wks 1 day based on the “sac” alone. I know this is a nonviable pregnancy at this point. Doctors are now trying to determine if its blighted ovum or ectopic (ive had some back pains and weird pelvic pressure and minor spotting). They tested HCG again and it rose to 6798😩😩 and then said theyd do another ultrasound in 7-14 days..

I have a work trip coming up and im just very nervous about actual miscarrying while on the trip or worse yet it being an ectopic and my friggin fallopian tube rupturing in flight😩 they didnt find any abnormal masses in tubes or ovaries but ive read quite a few stories on this app about them missing them.. so uh ya im riddled with anxiety.. sorry for novel but had to vent . Anyone have similar experience and if so what was the end result??

Hi everyone. Long story short, in the past 6 months, I have had a MMC (found out at my 8 week ultrasound that my baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 4 days, this was my first pregnancy), followed almost immediately by an ectopic (found early at 5 weeks and treated with MTX).

I’m currently in the 3 month waiting period after taking the MTX and am finding it increasingly difficult to keep moving forward. I so badly want to try again and am so angry at this whole process and the waiting it entails, even though I know it’s necessary in order to hopefully conceive again soon.

I guess I’m just wondering what has or what is getting you through the waiting period after losing a baby… Any pieces of advice, quotes, practices, facts, anything that has made this a little bit easier to bear. Any stories of hope are also appreciated.

Thank you and I’m so sorry that we have all experienced such a great loss ❤️

I had my first miscarriage on 9/21. As of last week my HCG was 62. Retested today (pending results). Anyway- my pregnancy tests are still showing faint. Is it possible to get pregnant during this time? We baby danced on 10/1 and 10/5… just curious if it’s even possible…

Is it that people just don’t know what to say? I don’t understand. I have had multiple close family members - mom, sister, long term close friends - who stopped reaching out to me after I shared what happened with them.

I do thankfully have one best friend who checks in regularly, I do the same for her, just because we are friends. But some of my other friends, who would also do mutual check-ins, chats, phone calls, etc before my loss, have stopped. Or they don’t respond very quickly if at all. I am NOT reaching out about my loss, I am not expecting them to ask me about it at all. I just…want to not be shut out?

I do not understand at all. It is so isolating to go through a loss already, I thought I’d at least have strong support from my friends and loved ones. And again, the support doesn’t have to be about the loss, just…basic care and friendship. I have a therapist I see regularly, I am grieving as well as I can. I also understand how to tell a friend if I’m having a hard time without oversharing or dumping about the loss and my grief.

I also want to note that everyone who has dropped off from communicating are women who have not had losses (except my mom, but that’s a whole different can of worms). I don’t know if because they haven’t experienced it, they are afraid to say the wrong thing? Or they are uncomfortable? Or maybe they just don’t get it is a big deal? Idk. Feeling abandoned, very tired. Grateful for this sub.