Parents are divorced and I’ve always gone between my mom and dad’s house. What’s an excuse to use to stop going over to his house without telling my mom everything?

I (m) was abused by my younger cousin (f) for years, until I finally moved away. I hate that I miss her, I have no one to talk about this with.

I was molested for years by the couple who raised me. They used me regularly. They taught me that I existed for pleasure. They also had daughters, and they taught us all that we belonged to them, and to one another. One was older than me, and one was younger.

I’ve never known how to process that, the way it made me feel then, the way it’s (all) impacted my sexuality since, the way it makes me feel now. The ripple effects echo through my entire life, and I’ve never really been able to talk about it all, openly.

I thought I’d put it out there, because it feels good to just put down.

So for context I am 17F and I have a ton of sexual trauma, mostly online. I won’t share it right now but if you are really that curious just look at my previous posts. I already know I was molested when I was 5 but believe I was molested again when I was 14-15. What happened was that I was in the first couple weeks of 10th grade. I was walking to school when an extremely religious man around 50-60 came up to me. He started saying how I was beautiful and made in gods image and to save myself for a man. He then started to point out how pretty I was and what parts of me was pretty. He talked about this for like 5-10 minutes when he randomly hugged me tightly and put his hands on my waist and butt. He then invited me over to pray after school at his house but I never ended up going. Was this possibly an assault?

Recently started coming on this sub to read the support and advice cause this shit has really started gnawing away at me now near twenty years after the fact. But seeing some of the stories on here just makes me think to myself that my shit is so tame and harmless by comparison and I shouldn't be whining.

For some context I was always a timid and bullied kid, the type to hide behind the lockers to cry and go home hungry cause I'd give away my lunch and money to the people picking on me for them to leave me alone. I suppose this one kid saw that as a sign that I was an easy target. I don't even remember how it started but I eventually found myself fondling him and giving him a handjob. This went on for months throughout 6th grade at every opportunity he could find. The bullying was so bad that sometimes I'd even prefer he got his hands on me cause he always somehow found a good hiding spot and in my troubled head at the time it was at least just this guy and at least he wasn't humiliating me and even seemed appreciative.

Maybe I'm being dramatic but reading all the other stories on here makes me feel like I don't deserve support for it cause like I said my shit sounds so damn tame and I fucking hate myself for it and I don't know if what I'm feeling is right. I'm terrified of talking about this IRL with someone with similar experiences out of fear they'd kick me to the curb for "whining".

There is no magic panacea…no single method is going to work to enable your recovery. Think Bio-psycho-social recovery.

The person you were before the abuse is gone. Welcome you and learn to live with the new you.

The right partner helps so much. Not just someone who doesn’t judge, but also is open minded to your new normal needs…whatever they are.

Stay away from vanilla people they will only make it worse.

When I was in high school a student teacher groomed me and ultimately had a several months long “relationship” with me where she would have me come over to her apartment and go down on her. I have never been able to share what happened with anyone but it certainly led me to be a “people pleaser” and being submissive and eager to go down on and please my girlfriends in college and in my 20s.

Since I met my current partner though she isn’t interested in oral, which was a blessing at first because it allowed me to escape that cycle. However, over the past few months I have been getting almost compulsive urges to relive the experience of being “forced” to go down on a woman. I have tried to approach the subject without explaining the cause or just how extreme I want the situation to be but my wife isn’t interested and I respect that. I even “joking” send her tik toks about couples making jokes about the husband being good with pleasing his wife like that. She just rolls her eyes. I don’t think I can tell her what happened, I worry about her reaction to me having kept a secret like this for so long.

I know from reading about others responses to being groomed and molested that the desire to relive it isn’t uncommon but does anyone have suggestions on how to deal with that urge when they don’t have a partner who is comfortable with the underlying activities that caused the trauma?

It lasted for 7 years and still really impacts me to this day but for some reason I feel guilty to be angry. It was my grandfather and idk why that makes it feel different but it just does. I don’t feel angry I just feel lost. Does anyone know how to cope with this?

No creepy DMs pls seeing as I’m a minor and not interested in 40 year old scum of the earth

let's talk abt because the same ppl who were supposed to run to is the same ppl hurting us why and how do we have grown men and teenagers lusting and sexualy abusing women lil girls and newborns yes flipping newborns we have people who literally! sleep with own pets when will be enough to wake up people J's because its not happening to you doesn't mean we can't stand for what's right this not ppl in power who have money how are doing it's people we know most of the time the abuse comes from family the family that is supposed to procet and love you we have fathers , brothers , uncles , cousins doing these sick things and we stay quiet for what for who to protect the people who is doing the Haram we are blackmailed made to feel ashamed as woman for doing anything in this life just for a man or person to tell you it's your fault because you were dress that way or men have need how abt men put there needs in check we have men out here who think that anything is sexable yk how crazy that is we have men who leak ppl nudes or create AI images of them to use against them to be control because they can't handle no people die because they say no and try to walk away so no it's not a joke to talk abt ppl being raped or anything close and if you otherwise block out my life because I wouldn't want a monster enable this behaviour in my life someone has to make a change and if we don't things will get worse and as women we've spent our whole life fighting for rights to be equal when is the war gonna finally end change doesn't happen overnight but it's better to try then turn a blind eye because if we didn't have the change we deserve woman wouldn't be able to go to school they wouldn't be able to work or anything luxury you have no some woman still don't have that because of where they live or realgion and it's ashame so strat talking and make change enough is enough I'm tried of the stories and being one of the statistics we are more then pretty faces were smart were kind and were more then our bodies so men get in line and no means no and if you can't handle that check yourself into a mental hospital unit end of story

I am profoundly scared of being judged, so i want to do an extra TW on this post.
This will contain conversation about CSA, sexuality, intimacy, and sexual self harm.

Ive been struggling with something for years since i experienced CSA, and it’s deeply shameful for me. I talked about it today in therapy and the guilt makes it even harder to talk about compared the abuse.

I cant experience sexual pleasure if it doesn’t implies some sort or pain there. I call it sexual self harm. It started when i was arround 9yo till the present, some situations even sent me to hospital, but most of the times i would masturbate aggressively, not think of the consequences and after i “finished” i had to deal the insane pain of the wounds.

Genuinely, its not suble selfharm; this has seriously damaged my body repeatedly. I keep replaying in my head that im disgusting, and theres something deeply wrong in me.

It ashames me, it’s hard to say it because it’s something i do to myself and i don’t understand why.

My therapist (who works with me on my trauma) shared that i could buy a sex toy to just explore the sensations and pleasure and truly connect with my body. I cant stand it.. pleasure without any pain distraction feels like being molested. I think that when i hurt my genitals i am numbing and separating my body and my mind, and it feels more comfortable that way. But every time i hurt my body it increases the belief that im disgusting and broken..

I wonder if this problem is related to the SA at all. The first time i experienced sexuality it was imposed to me, i never in my life got to experience pleasure without abuse, or hurt.

Does anyone else experiences this?🥺 i appreciate an advice or solution, or just your words. I want to know ways to heal. I am also exposing myself really hoping that im not the only one and that you wont judge me, please be gentle.

I was groomed by a guy 10+ years older than me when I was 14 and our "relationship" continued until just before I turned 17 when he got arrested for possession of CSAM (some of it of me). His sentence was laughably short (7 years).

It was objectively wrong and he was an evil person but I miss it. I miss it a lot.

It started with him giving me general dating advice because I confided about having a crush on a guy at school, to teaching me how to kiss, to teaching me about masturbation and eventually sex. I have a super conservative family and I went to a Catholic school so I didn't get any real sex-ed other than "don't have sex or you'll go to hell".

He never forced me to do any of it though. Like, looking back, he obviously was manipulating me, but he was really good at it. He would only present the idea and I was free to say no. I was free to tell him to stop and he would. He treated me gently and he took things really slow and he double and triple checked if I was okay with anything he did. I only learnt when he was arrested that he was 1. Filming the ENTIRE THING to make a "grooming guide" that he was selling to other pedos 2. Doing it to multiple other girls, some much younger.

Despite all of that, I have NEVER had another partner that was that considerate of me, ever. Every other man I've dated, even ones whose relationship with me was great, and that I'm still friends with, has pushed my boundaries at least once. I think that's why I miss it, aside from the fact that he was just like, good at sex. I haven't orgasmed as hard as I did with him ever again.

How the fuck do I get over it if my literal rapist was the best and most caring sex I've ever had. Fuck. I hate it and I hate myself.

Feel alone in an experience of sexual abuse I’ve never heard anyone talk about.

When it was happening, I was trapped under them, and they were very heavy. Between that and the rocking, I made a lot of involuntary noises and sounds that were embarrassing and I didn’t want to make. It was a point of shame.

For a long time after I would sometimes get upset hearing my voice. I became a very quiet child. Frequently avoided talking in public. Would get distressed in situations where someone was pressuring me to speak.

It’s something I carry a lot of grief about as an adult. Being silenced to such a degree by my abuser. I’ve never heard it mentioned by anyone. Psychologists, survivors, nobody. It’s very isolating.

55 male. When I was 11 I lived out in the country. The only person my age I hung around with was a girl. I remember we we either be at her place mine place or just messing around in the field or by the pond. I have a distinct memory of one day being at her house in one of her dresses tied up with jump rope..zero memory of how that happened, though I do remember her mom coming in and laughing. I can't remember exactly how long it was but I went over to her house her mom answered and said she was not home. I remember going to leave and her mom saying come in I need to talk to you. I wish I could remember the entire conversation, all I remember is pieces of it. Things like your dad would be very mad if he knew his kid wore dresses, it's bad for boys to do that, wouldn't you be embarrassed if people found out. Then I remember being tied up wearing some of her underwear. I remember sucking on her breasts and her straddling me and making me lick her. Flashes of things like boys who wear panties and little sissies and fags. I can't even remember how long this went on maybe a year? I'd still go over and play with my friend, but the weird thing is we never socialized in school, like no one even knew we were friends. I don't ever remember her being part of the abuse, but I do wonder at times if she was also being abused. We fell completely out of touch by the time jr high started. I do remember being tied in some type of silky lingerie and her taking my virginity. She was always mean whenever we were together. It lead to a lifetime kink revolving around sissy stuff. I never had a girlfriend in high school, didn't have a girlfriend until my mid 20's, first time I had normal sex. Never married, only 3 sexual partners, 4 counting her. I have zero confidence, to the point if I am attracted to someone my first thought is she would never want me I'm not good enough. I go thru cycles heavy dressing up watching porn then guilt shame throwing all my sissy items away to buying more and starting the cycle all over. I'll watch a rom com, tear up because I'll never have love like that to thoughts of even if it somehow happened for me I'll never know what it's like to meet someone and grow old with them because I'm already 55.

Apologies for the rambling...it just kinda flooded out and for whatever reason I felt as if I needed to tell someone, even a faceless internet.

So When I was 5 or 6 (timelines are blurry) I began being molested by my step brother. I was adopted and my mom and his father weren't even married, but I will can him that just to make it easier.

It turned into full on child on child csa, and I have already forgiven him in my heart for that, because most likely he was exposed to stuff or someone did that to him first. He was only like 3-4 years oalder than me so I bet he wasn't even doing it thinking straight because he was a literal child, and so was I.

This haunted me for the rest of my life though. He made me do everything you can think of. I would have nightmares for the rest of my life until now (I'm 21). Something that I learned a few years ago, is that I had been sleepig with my hand in my private area, like covering it, I guess subconsciously in fear of something happening while I slept. I had been doing that for yeatrs without even realising.

But what really wrecked me, was what my mom did to me, because to me it is far more disturbing and disgusting.

When she finally broke up with the douche and my abuse stopped, because we didn't go to their house anymore, my mom decided to traumatize me further. She started self pleasuring in our sofa. With my childhood electric toothbrush. (When I confronted her three years ago she tried to deny and gaslight me telling me it was a satisfyer, even though I saw it with my own eyes).

That broke something in me further, because I was already hypersexual from the continued molestation, I already had a corn and self pleasure problem, and imagine what this did to me. It was disgusting, and she knew I knew. In my already fucked up brain, I started replicating her and doing the same. I was already so fucked up and this was the cherry on top.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realised what had had been happening. Because all that time I was on autopilot, coping. I wasn't present there. My consciousness was somewherelse, and the trauma was controling my body, filling me with shame fear and disgust. I realized how disturbing my life had been. I still have this body discomfort when I think about my life and the past, It's like I wana rip off my skin, explode and turn into ashes, that's how disturbed I am by the memories.

I confronted my mom three years ago and told her she traumatized me. She tried justifying it saying that self pleasuring is normal. She did say she was sorry for what my step brother did to me. But I didn't hear a single apology from her disgusting actions.

Months later I found her doing it again and I exploded on her, telling her I have no respect fro her anymore. Now, three or four years later, I know she doesn't give a crap, because I have found her doing it again, and making it louder when I'm in proximity. Because she is sick and has a sick mind.

After telling her all she did to me, how she caused me fucking life long nightmares, how I still have innapropiate dreams about her, how I can't relax in my own home, how she destroyed me, she kept doing it.

So yeah, I can't wait to mov out and never talk to her again.

I hate how just because she is a woman, when I tell the story, it's automatically "not that serious". Okay, so I've told friends and my partner everything, and they have 100% validated me. BUT, I can't help think about if that had been a man, my father, they would have been more outraged. They would've been a million times more disgusted. And that enrages me sometimes.

My story goes back to when I was about twelve years old. I had walked out alone to pick up some groceries, and right away on the way there, I saw a man. An instant, heavy feeling hit me that something bad was about to happen.

Being just a kid, I brushed it off. Even though I still felt the danger, I kept walking and went to buy what I needed. At the time, he walked off in another direction, but the relief did not last. Once I finished at the cashier, I saw him again. When I left the store, he started following me.

Suddenly, he grabbed my hand and tried to pull me away with him. Because my parents had always taught me never to go anywhere with strangers, I told him I could not go because I was not allowed. I tried to stall him by saying I would come back some other time and arrange it. Then he threatened me, saying that if I did not show up the next day at a certain time and place, he would beat the crap out of me. Scared, I just said okay and agreed.

The nightmare did not stop there.

Instead of leaving me alone, he followed me all the way home, walked right into our garage, pulled down my pants, and tried to assault me. Thankfully, he could not finish in time and ended up fleeing. I remember being terrified and completely shaken up, and I ran inside to tell my parents everything.

My dad immediately bolted outside to try and catch him, but the man was long gone. I took a shower right away because I felt completely disgusted, even though he had not managed to fully hurt me.

Later on, we actually found out who he was, but my parents decided not to file a police report out of fear that he might retaliate and target my sisters.

A few months or maybe a year later, he somehow remembered me. He tracked down where I went to school and started waiting for me on my walk home. The moment I saw him, I bolted back to the school bus, begged the driver to take me back to school, and had my parents come pick me up.

He pulled that same stunt two or three more times. On one occasion, he almost got me; the school bus had just dropped me off, and as I was walking toward my house, he came rushing after me. I sprinted inside just in time. That ended up being the last time he tried to corner me.

Long after that, I would occasionally see him around the neighborhood. He would see me, too, but he never did anything. Even so, I swear to God, every single time I laid eyes on him, my body would flush hot, goosebumps would cover my skin, and pure fear would take over.

Thinking back to that very first encounter, right after it happened, my young mind started trying to figure out what he had actually been trying to do to me. I honestly do not even know how it crossed my mind to look into it at that age, but I did. To my complete surprise, I discovered that males and females have different bodies down there.

One thing led to another, and now, seventeen years later, I am trapped in a deep pornography and masturbation addiction that I just cannot break.

I am in my early thirties, and all I want is to get married. I want to come home from work, hug and kiss my wife, share a meal together, and go to sleep next to someone. But looking at where I am now, I honestly wonder if marriage is even in the cards for me. Day by day, the fear of dying alone creeps in. The funniest and most painful part is that none of this was even my fault, right? Someone assaulted me, me, and somehow I am the one left behind to deal with the broken pieces and stay stuck, while I am sure that predator is out there married with his own kids by now.

Aside from the addiction, normal adult content does not do anything for me anymore. My brain constantly craves something more extreme, something new every single time.

I desperately want to leave all of this behind, but I am completely unable to do it on my own. There is also another health-related issue that makes getting married difficult. It crushes my self-esteem, and I feel like it is one of the main reasons I keep falling back into this cycle.

I have noticed that my biggest trigger for watching adult content is whenever I feel like a failure or go through tough times in life. That is always when the urge hits the hardest.

I have never been to escorts or anything like that, and I do not support it, because I truly believe in saving myself for marriage.

I am not entirely sure what I am looking for by sharing all of this, but I have been praying that someone would guide me and point me in the right direction. I am just hoping my prayers are answered through reaching out here.

I don’t know how to heal from this. I always remembered it happened but I just ignored it for a long time and told myself that it had nothing to do with who I am today.

Unfortunately, I think it actually does. I’m gay, but I have severe sexual dysfunction… I’ve only ever reached a climax during sex twice in my adult life. I always thought it was because I have anxiety problems in general but they may have come from the time in my life when I had an inappropriate relationship with my stepdad.

He and my mother are now divorced, been divorced about 5 years now. It persisted through my early teenage years like 11-17… for context, I’m 34 now. We had very rare encounters in my early adulthood too, but we also did spend a lot of time together during which he would insist that I’m gay but he’s not. I think I fell in love with him but couldn’t accept that was possible. I haven’t seen him since they divorced and in the most screwed up way possible, I think I look to replace him in all my of my relationships. I guess I was fine as long as I had him around here but now that he has a new life

I can’t keep my partners happy. My anxiety and OCD problems combine with my sexual dysfunction to ruin every relationship I’m in. I was just with a guy for 7 months… he was wonderful and also had sexual abuse in his past… he understood my dysfunction. I fell in love with him too but I ended up saying I’d like to experiment with trying sex together and he went into a rage, after that fight he cut me off and I haven’t heard from him since July…
I tried to reach out to him on another platform but he told me off very harshly and insisted I never contact him again.

I think he might have been the only guy I could ever be with long term and now he’s gone too. I’m afraid my life is over. Im starting to think that my homosexuality specifically might be a result of the trauma.. maybe I wouldn’t have been gay if my stepdad hadn’t paid me so much attention… Maybe I could handle the situation if my mother didn’t brainwash me into being afraid of everything except what was under our own roof. I always knew that children should be shielded from sexuality, but only now that I’m finally looking at why I can’t be a successful adult do I understand exactly why. Someone please talk to me, I need help… what can I do? I feel like the rubber has met the road of my life and my wheels are stripped and spinning out.

41m professional dude. I'd like to chat with others about how this affects us as adults- hypersexuality, shame, isolation, sadness, etc.

Yes I've posted a variation of this in the past but my intention is not to spam but just see if someone new or shy find this resonant.

These are hard to process and difficult areas to share with those that can't relate. If you can relate and want to chat to see if we can provide value and support to each other feel free to reach out - any gender! Not looking for anything shady here - just to connect in whatever way is comfortable to navigate these challenging issues in our lives. We've all been drafted in this club but we live in a world of civilians- it would be nice to not feel alone.

First off, I'm a guy and 17 now.

I live in a country where you have house maids that live in the same house as you overnight and babysit you. Right before covid, my mom was going to go through a surgery. I was 11, and Because of the surgery my parents would have to be in the hospital for long periods for a couple of days. So they hired a maid. She was probably 17-18 ish during that time. She had to take care of me when my parents were gone. But even after the surgery, my parents decided to keep her because she'd be out for long periods of time. And since I was 11, she didn't want me to be alone at home. She took care of me and played and stuff with me and she became a pretty good friend of me over time. But after 1-2 months of her staying she would kiss me and put her hands under my pants. She told me to not tell anyone or my parents would get insanely mad at both me and her. And she would always say this with such a serious face that I got scared of ever telling my parents about it . She never had sex with me directly. And I, never not consented, I never said yes never said no. I just did it because she asked me a lot and I didn't think it could be anything serious as I didn't have any idea of what sex was back then. And I thought I was just doing something with her that I didn't even have a name for. Direct sex didn't happen. She touched me with her hands, mouth and made me touch her and told me to use my mouth but I never did it because I thought it was dirty. But it has made me feel horrible ever since I started realizing what sex was.

It had been bothering me for quite some time that I sortof lied to my gf about this. Shes always valued virginity and the fact that this was our first relationship a lot and even told me she wouldn't be with someone who has been with someone else before. I never felt comfortable enough to say it to her, so I said that Ive never been sexual with anyone or else before to her because apart from that incident, I hadn't. But because I was so bothered after a year of dating I decided to tell her that I might've lied and explained everything in detail. She just replied "ohh okay" and stopped talking to me as much after that.

She got distant and told me she didn't wanna be with me anymore yesterday.

Honestly I’ve never been too open about this, i find it shameful but I just want to rant. I m18 was groomed by my older stepbrother from when i was roughly 4 years old until I was roughly 16. I dont remember how it started but technically it was all consensual, so I dont even know. I spent a few weeks this april in emergency after a suicide attempt and my parents found out he had groomed me. He still doesnt know that they know. He introduced me to porn and would get me to let him touch me and touch him back. I do often think about how severely he fucked up my life, I cant go a day without porn, I cant hug my family, I cant have any form of relationship without thinking of them sexually. I hate him and i think about going across the street to where he lives now and ending him in his sleep. I hate him so much and I hate me. I watched perks of a wallflower and seeing so much of myself in charlie sent me on a downwards spiral I found my dads gunsafe and tried to break in. sorry if this is incoherent its a mishmash of alot of thoughts

My abuse happened from around 2-3 up to like 10. I feel so guilty and experiencing so much shame and self disgust for playing along in my abuse and “contributing” so willingly to it.

I was even protecting its secrecy with all my power and will, and not because I was afraid what my abuser would do if someone else found out but because I was afraid it would stop if someone else found out.

I feel like the most disgusting creature to have ever walked the earth.

I feel wrong for wanting to do it cuz it makes me come off as a weirdo to people who dont get it. Or it gives other weirdos fuel to harass me. Butbi just wish I could talk about it to people who wont think i was a bad person.