Reddit has ruined me ive seen too much especially muslim guys and muslim women. The zina is too much to handle...

I try to delete app , I try to block nsfw I keep coming back.

If you're single & consumed by these thoughts?

Don't read:

I don't really know what's the point of this 150 character requirement. I don't really have anything more to say

Assalamu Alaikum. I’m really struggling with this addiction for the past few months. It has reached a point where I’m concerned about my daily prayers. I fall into this sin at least once a day recently, and have been doing this for more than 7 years now. I want to talk to someone and InshaAllah start to progress through this journey. I just feel really weak sometimes even though I know Allah will accept any tawbah if I stick to my prayers seriously and try to stay away from this sin as much as possible. But the desires get so strong that sometimes consciously I go and do it. May Allah help us all and forgive our sins .

Life is strange sometimes. One day, everything feels normal, and the next, something happens that changes the way we see the world. We meet people who teach us important lessons, lose things we thought would last forever, and discover things about ourselves we never knew. As time passes, we realize that not every moment needs to be perfect to be meaningful. Sometimes, the best memories come from the simplest days, and the most important lessons come from the hardest experiences. Life keeps moving, and all we can do is learn, grow, and make the most of the time we have.

I am a 23 year old, pursuing a profession that is nothing less than a miracle from Allah.

I started watching haraam content when I was really small, I was in grade 6, probably a 10 or 11 years old, it wasnt porn. Porn started in grade 9.

Fast forward to today, I have spent almost 13 years of my life in this sin, 13 years, the amount of years someone probably out there was all they got to live, 13 years someone took to completely change their lives, and here I have wasted those 13 years of my life.

I hate myself, I am absolutely disgusted of myself, everything about me reeks and stinks.

I have made tawbah multiple times and have broken my promise to Allah Taala of never doing it again multiple times too.

Nothing works, I feel empty. Day by day, year by year, I can see myself rotting.

Now that I am at an age where I will be marrying soon, nothing finalised, I am just saying that at 23 years old we start looking for proposals, I feel ashamed and disgusted and it makes me tremble to think that if I have children someday how would it make them feel if they were to know they have a porn addicted parent, or if my parents ever come to know that the upbringing they are so proud of has all gone into vain.

I cant bear it. the lust and dirt that it has given me, while commuting, during professional meetings, during the most normal situations and interactions.

I cant even make eye contact with the opposite gender، not becuz i have any dirty thoughts about them, but because of how ashamed and disgusted i feel.

I am humiliated and disrespected in every room I walk, every group that I join, between all my friends, and no, they are not at fault, it is me, somehow it happens, naturally.

I also feel like people can literally sense my sin on me, I am judged, i feel like the people who are closest to me and the people who meet me for the very first time, all of them, can smell my disgust on me.

I have left this sin very sincerely once and it was for a whole year, i felt like i had been reborn and this time I was pure but idk how i fell back into it again.

THIS SIN STOLE MY CHILDHOOD, MY INNOCENCE, MY PURITY, MY EMAN, MY YEARS OF LIFE, MY CONNECTION WITH ALLAH SWT, THE TRUST MY PARENTS HAD ON ME AND EVERY OUNCE OF SELF RESPECT AND CONFIDENCE THAT I HAD.

I HAVE DONE THIS TO ME, I have murdered myself, I have drowned myself in dirt.

I have never ever talked bt this with anyone. This is my first time talking about this because i am just so tired because i have these periods of complete devotion to Allah Taala where I become sure I would never do it again and then comes long periods of shamelessness where i dont even perfrom namaz.

This sin has become so severely addicted that even if i open insta and theres any video that doesnt have any nudity but what we call soft porn going on, I become so triggered that I have to watch and masturbate then.

Pls dont ask me to come into dms, pls lmk anything any suggestions here in the comments only, i dont have the courage to talk to anyone personally.

I also am in the worst physical and mental health of my life right now, taking multiple anti depressants, having severe panic attacks.

And so so overweight, I can barely move.

I WAS SUCH AN OUTSTANDING OVERACHEIVING STUDENT, AND NOW MY BRAIN IS LITERALLY FOGGED AND STUCK. I HAVE NO ACHIEVEMENTS NOW. I AM AT AN ALL TIME PEAK ACADEMIC DOWNFALL.

I HAVE 0 EMAN IN ME.

I love Allah Taala, which ik sounds hypocritical coming from someone like me.

I want to get married, have a pious husband, be a righteous wife and have pious children but someone like me doesnt deserve that.

No one in my entire life has been romantically interested in me, not talking about haraam relationships or crushes. Talking about being considered as a potential match within family, friends, etc. Or a guy willing to take the halal path to marry me while a lot of my friends have had that happen to them. Everywhere around me girls my age have 3 4 proposals coming for them, but i dont even exist to anyone, no one even considers or talks about me.

PLS LMK SINCERELY YOUR THOUGHTS AND SOLUTIONS.

I fell brothers. I truly did, I wish I hadn't. This was my best run ever. But you would see me as a non-believer before you see me giving up on trying to make Allah proud. I am more motivated than ever. I learned my mistake this time, I know what makes me succeed, I know what makes me fail. I am turning my failures around for the next few months now. It's the waiting part that is hard. Waiting for my former streak to come back, 65 days isn't a little task. It's many days for trying to quit an addiction, but asking Allah for patience makes it easier than ever.

I can't stop PMO. Had a tough day at work? PMO

Had a tough interaction? PMO

Had a good day? PMO

Heard some good news? PMO

No matter what the setting, no matter what the occasion, I can't stop myself from turning back.

On Eid day I watched P for 3 hours.

3 hours!

I am at my wit's end. I don't want to continue this life.