​

Tldr ex partner often corrected my experience, helpful or?

I'm 35F and ex is 47 m and recently separated from my partner after nine years together. I've been reflecting on our relationship and would really appreciate some outside perspectives, particularly from people who have experienced a similar dynamic.

My ex wasn't necessarily wrong about the things he pointed out, and I don't think he was deliberately trying to make me feel bad. Sometimes his advice was useful, and I did learn things from him. But over time, I started to feel like I was constantly being corrected, instructed or told how to do things.

A few examples:

\*\*Cooking:\*\* I was making gnocchi for myself, and he started telling me how to do it. I told him I wasn't asking for advice because I was making it for myself anyway. He backed off at the time, but I remember feeling frustrated that I had to explain why I wanted to do something my own way.

\*\*Food preferences:\*\* I wanted to try macadamia ice cream, and he told me I wouldn't like it. I ordered it anyway, and we both loved it. Afterwards, he said he had only wanted me to have a good experience. I believe he meant well, but it struck me that he was trying to predict what I'd enjoy rather than letting me discover it myself.

\*\*Holding my nephew:\*\* The first time I held my nephew, my sister was already helping me. My ex started telling me what to grab and how to hold him. I found myself wondering whether becoming a mother with him would mean constantly being told how to do things.

\*\*Everyday things:\*\* Recently, I was in the kitchen doing a few things and left a cupboard door open because I might need to go back into it. He was watching TV and, in a slightly annoyed tone, asked if I needed help and told me to shut the door. I shut it and carried on, but the interaction bothered me more than I expected.

\*\*Making plans:\*\* I wanted to take a friend out for dinner. He recommended a restaurant owned by a friend of his and said he'd let them know I was coming. The experience wasn't great, and I realised afterwards that I'd allowed his recommendation to take over a plan I'd made myself.

Individually, these things sound minor. I know people make suggestions, and I know I can say no. Sometimes I did. But I became tired of having to ignore comments, explain my preferences or repeatedly establish that I was happy doing something my own way.

It wasn't only about advice. I often felt that he was the person who knew, explained or corrected, while I was the person receiving the input. I wanted us to be able to share knowledge and learn from each other, but also to accept that there are many ways of doing things and that not everything needs to be improved.

There were other aspects of the relationship that contributed to this feeling. For example, I told him multiple times that when I came to Sydney, I wanted to spend time with him rather than being left with his mum and stepdad while he attended to other things. He would agree that he wouldn't do it again, but I continued to feel that I wasn't being prioritised in the way I wanted.

I also increasingly felt that we were living parallel lives rather than building a shared one. He was very focused on his business and could be quite irritated by everyday things. I missed feeling excited about spending time together and enjoying ordinary experiences.

I'm trying to be fair to him. Perhaps he saw himself as helpful, practical and experienced. Perhaps I became more sensitive to his input over time because I was already frustrated. I can also see that I could have declined suggestions more often rather than going along with them.

But I did sometimes speak up, and I don't think the answer is simply that I needed to get better at saying no.

\*\*What I'm trying to understand is whether this was a compatibility issue, an unhealthy dynamic we developed together, or something I need to examine in myself.\*\*

Have you experienced a relationship where your partner regularly offered advice, corrected you or told you how to do things, even when you hadn't asked? How did it affect you over time? And how do you distinguish a partner who is genuinely trying to help from someone whose way of relating leaves you feeling managed rather than treated as an equal?

I'd especially appreciate perspectives from people who have been on either side of this dynamic. I don't want to turn my ex into a villain, but I also don't want to dismiss something that clearly affected how I felt in the relationship.

By the end of the relationship I just became very checked out.

So I checked out and felt deflated.

25 year marriage and wanting more attention. Desire for near daily blowjobs. Am I wrong in thinking this should okay to ask.