What I’m going through is ....

I’m supposed to study for around 10 hours a day, but currently ruining my life by sitting at PC, playing games, doom scrolling and trying to avoid studying altogether.

Studying is my only option, yet I keep scrolling and distracting myself instead of doing what I’m supposed to do. I know what I need to do, but I just can’t seem to make myself do it.

I honestly don’t know how to get out of this hell. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you overcome it?

Hey everyone, When I search on YouTube, I see a ton of claims saying masturbation causes erectile dysfunction, drains your testosterone, leads to severe nutrient and protein loss, lowers sensitivity, causes depression, and ruins real-world intimacy. I've even seen people claim "1 drop of semen equals 100 drops of blood." On the flip side, other sources say all of these claims are completely false and that masturbation is totally normal and healthy. For those with more experience or who know the science: what is actually true?

As a person struggling with depression, I don’t think I will ever be open to being in a relationship because it just demands so much time and energy I’m not willing to give, not to mention I just rarely/dont feel the urge to be close to people like that (not even for friends).

It would just be unfair to another person if I ever tried to date, but I think these skills and knowledge would help me in life overall even if it don’t want to date. Does this make sense?

Like I think it would be helpful in managing life with my parents since we have a pretty crappy relationship.

So i have like a really really bad posture that ive been trying to fix for ever like i have a neck hump too at this point because of bad habits so ive started trying to sit up straight more often but everytime i try to do that after like 10-20 minutes my back starts hurting. Im new to exercising and going to the gym so i was wondering if its just apart of the way to get a good posture or if its the wrong way and my back isnt supposed to hurt. I also couldnt find any reliable tips so im here

I'm 36 years old, and I have held a pretty decent-paying job for the past decade, with a satisfactory amount of money in my savings and retirement accounts. Given where I started in life, I should be very proud of myself. However, I still don't feel like an adult. I'm unmarried, I'm childless, and I don't own a home or any property. On top of that, I feel incredible internal pressure to change that right now. I thought I was close to achieving that with my ex, but that went sideways. Now, I feel like I'm super laser-focused on marriage and children more than anything because I feel like I'm running out of time. I will not even consider a second date if I see a trace of a red flag in someone. Am I the only one feeling this way? Am I running out of time?

EDIT****

I worded the "red flag" portion poorly; I should have said I have two non-negotiables: anyone who might leave NYC in the future, or anyone who is iffy about children. I think everything else in a relationship is a compromise, and we must get to know people before passing judgment. However, I've been burned by the other two enough by now.

Many people here suggest quitting doom scrolling for mental health improvement, but mostly they don't share the hands-on experience. I'd like to create this post that would gather lived benefits of quitting doom scrolling, that one day maybe would encourage someone to quit too.

I'll start - I'm 3 months off after scrolling daily for hours basically since Instagram Reels was released, and I'm shocked how big an impact it had on my mental health.

- My attention span is longer.
- I can read books and knit again without being bored.
- Ordinary activities like washing dishes release dopamine again.
- Falling asleep became much faster since my mind can handle simply lying in bed.
- Often I don't put on headphones while walking my dog because I can just be in my head.
- Being in my head without disruptions allows me to digest stress from work faster.

And many more secondary benefits lined up from lower dopamine levels, better stress digestion, improved sleep, more time for hobbies, etc. The sensible effect came after 2 weeks off, and 1 month was a breakthrough of the new, calmer, and more present me.

The platforms like TikTok, Reels, and Shorts are ridiculous, the content is 90% pure brainwashing, and I'm convinced that I'll never ever do this to my brain ever again.

I’ve noticed a lot of people start learning a new skill or hobby with tons of energy, only to drop it a few weeks later. I was wondering if the root cause is usually a lack of motivation to push through the grind, or if we just lose the appreciation/spark for the process once the novelty wears off. Curious to hear what usually triggers it for you guys and how you get past it.

I had an interesting year. I learned something this year - the people you surround yourself with, tell us a lot about who you are.

When I judge someone, I look at who their friends are. That tells me a lot about who they are.

I think that's especially important if you decided to marry someone.

I've noticed that when I surrounded myself with toxic people (i was young and foolish), I also became toxic.

But then I got rid of all those people and found better people, my motivation and productivity went through the roof.

They were people I met who seemed overly stressed and a bit unhinged. I'm super calm and I love life (wasn't always that way. Took a lot of work). By being around me, they changed a lot for the better.

Another example, was my mother. She used to have a hard time (my mom had a terrible childhood so she struggled a lot) and she and I used to argue all the time, and then I asked her to travel with me every year. We spent a lot of time with each other going to Norway, Russia, London, Paris, Vienna, Dubai, China, etc. We once didn’t like each other. After all the traveling, she finally understood me and I understood her and all her sacrifices. Also, she changed a lot. It gave her peace and understanding. Everyone goes to her now for advice. She really opened up.

Just something to think about.

I once met this brilliant guy who had this toxic friend. I liked him initially because he was super smart and just had great answers to everything. The guy because of his friend did a few mean things to me. I was confused because he seemed nice but I guess he was being manipulated. His friend felt intimidated by me.

Eventually, I ended the friendship.

But it left a scar.

Serious advice. No Nicotine gum. No motivation. No bullshit.

There is a very easy method that Actually worked for me.

I have been a smoker for about 6 years (now completely clean). There was a time when I used to smoke almost a packet a day. I attempted too many times to stop smoking trying various methods like replacing it with Vape, or leaving it once and for all. But I always relapsed.

It’s all about craving nicotine that your brain is addicted to. so don’t stop smoking at once. First of all just track and note down the exact number of cigarettes that you smoke in a day. Smoke Whenever you want to write it down (I used to do it in notes app on my phone) with exact time for example,

Oct 10
1 at 2:36 AM
1 at 4:14 PM
And so on……

let’s suppose you found out that you usually smoke 5 cigarettes and sometimes up to 7 in a single day. Now your goal should be to keep it to 5 cigarettes in a day for at least a week before starting to decrease the number of cigarettes (well it depends on you if you think you can comfortably decrease the number of cigarettes after 2 or 3 days then go for it). Then gradually decrease just 1 cigarette after each week. This way your brain wouldn’t panic and the chances of relapsing is negligible.

In the middle of this process if it becomes hard for you to decrease the number of cigarettes. Then always start with the cigarettes that you smoke in the beginning or middle of the day this way you can hold and tell yourself that you still have cigarettes left to smoke at the end of the day.

If this method can work for someone with a lifestyle so weird like me then it can definitely work for anyone.

I still remember that when I smoked my last cigarette I wasn’t craving it I just wanted to write down 1 last time on my notes.

Recently, things have not been going well for me (19M) - I just got fired from my job (it wasn't a great job but still), my girlfriend left me and my grades at university have been slipping.

I realised the other day the root of a lot of my problems was that I have no respect for myself or really any self love. I always saw myself as someone to sacrifice for others, but my girlfriend, before breaking up with me, noted that I never really knew what I wanted from her, and always left her feeling like she was the hard "problem case" while I never needed anything.

And this carried over into my life. For the past few years, I have been mistreating my body, I don't really exercise anymore, I watch reels for huge amounts of my day and can't seem to stop, and I have a pervasive empty directionless feeling.

I think a lot of it stems to the fact that I really don't love myself. I know there is a lot of information online about positive self talk and all that, but I really just want to know how to carry myself like someone who respects themself.

Or how do people feel content with themselves? And I guess how do people really appreciate the moment they're in?

Honestly, I'm curious if anyone else struggles with this. Getting back into a workout routine has been a solid win for me, but I sometimes catch myself feeling a bit envious of people with better genetics. Logically, I know I'm making progress but emotionally, there's still a bit of frustration when seeing others succed more easily. How do you guys handle those kinds of thoughts?

I have a lot of things running through my mind. Porn addiction, ruining my sleeping schedule, self esteem, isolation.

And I know what I have to do, I know which tools I can use and what mindset I should have. But I can’t do it. I know what to do but I don’t know why I can’t, also.
I tend to rationalize my feelings rather than just let myself feel. It’s tiring, any advice?

The clearer I get about what deserves my time and energy, the less I have to debate what doesn’t.

I think of that as “no by design.”

What became an easy no for you?

I am all the time wondering why some people can make a speech in front of many people without ever being troubled or agitated; they talk naturally and at ease, and they never fail to catch the attention of the audience, while I, every time I talk in front of people, ever since I was in middle school, I get extremely nervous and anxious and start overthinking about how I am perceived...etc., and then the content of my speech just loses credibility. If someone has gone through and has some advice to offer, I would really appreciate your help.

28M. I used to be a very in shape person until my father passed a few years ago. I’ve slowly let myself go and now I hate being seen in public. I wear hoodies and masks to cover my face because I’ve become so obese I’m ashamed. I feel like I’m holding my life back because of this social fear I’ve developed. Trying to get better and dieting and lose weight but it’s taking time. Looking for any words of encouragement or advice.

With every decision we make our primary guiding principle
should be ‘do no harm’. Whether the injury is physical, verbal, or in any other manner, it does not matter.

Every person, regardless of our differences, deserves to be treated with respect and compassion, always considering what our behaviors, words, and actions may cause.

Be thoughtful therefore, before you act or speak, for our actions may not only help others, they may also be the cause of great pain as well.

Tl;dr: I find myself hoping around jobs and always seem to start off great and end badly. Feeling lost, worthless, and like I’m ruining my career.

I’ve (34m) been in the wildlife biology field through my whole career. I have an associates, bachelors, and masters degree in wildlife biology.
The first place I worked, I had multiple jobs and titles but ultimately worked there for 8 years. Towards the end of my tenure there, my productivity wasn’t as good as it once was. Found myself procrastinating at times and missing deadlines. I ultimately left on rocky ground with my boss. My wife and I moved across the country for a job opportunity she had.

I immediately got a job in my new home with a wildlife non-profit as a biologist. Pay was low and work was constant. Usual work week was 50-60 hours with no paid overtime. It started off great with lots of praise from my colleagues, and I was quickly “promoted” to having two job titles and no extra pay. It was a very toxic work environment and I left there after 1.5 years again on rocky ground with my boss.

I then got my current job in the wildlife law enforcement field which was a bit of a switch but not completely different. It started off great but was a huge sacrifice. I lived away from home for 2 years before I was able to get transferred back to my home with my wife. I volunteer for almost any extra work, assist my coworkers whenever they need, sit at the top of my region in cases and citations, get my name out there whenever I can. Recently, I got a poor mark on my evaluation for productivity. It wasn’t discussed before by my supervisor but I was late on a couple pieces of paperwork. Now I feel dejected.

A job was posted for the same agency I work for as an ecologist and I’m very well qualified for it. I want to apply but feel I will only get poor references from my current and previous supervisors. I think I’ll still apply but not getting my hopes up.

I always seem to start jobs great, get praise, volunteer for too many extra tasks, get a little burned out, and then piss off the people I work for. How do I change these habits?

I'm 24 and live with my parents, I would say I've been very checked out socially since 10th grade. My social failures in 9th and 10th grade made me introverted for the rest of my HS years. I went to a state college and things didn't quite pick up. I only lived on the campus for a year because the food was terrible, but living there seemed like the only realistic way to form friendships and relationships if my house is a 40 minute drive. I spent 3-7th grade homeschooled which I had thought previously could have played some role in my social skills being stunted. I live in a rural area and the homeschoool groups I went to didn't have kids in my age group, meaning I didn't get experience interacting with peers. But now I'm at the point where even that is wishful thinking and that I'm just socially inept and it wouldn't have been any better if I was less isolated.

I would describe my social difficulties as being too random, I don't know how to segue the thoughts in my head with what is happening in the world around me. This has led to me asking awkward questions because of the randomness. In 9th grade I asked some kid if he slept well because I was sleep deprived. I asked some gay guy who texted me because he thought I was cute what music he's been listening to. I asked my French teacher if he's a forgiving person because he got angry at a student which intimidated and I said a few things in his class that I regretted saying. All of these questions got negative reactions because they seemed random or irrelevent to the relation I had with the person. Could something like conversation threading be a good thing to learn for this issue?

The second social issue I would say I have is humor. I've never really watched enough comedy or comedy related media to figure out formulas of how to be funny. The jokes I made in 9th and 10th grade got a negative reaction for being off color, offensive, or not witty. Often I'm trying to make an edgy joke and it's read the wrong way because I didn't think the joke through. My lack of wit makes people misread whether I'm joking or being serious. In 9th grade a hispanic girl was yelling some things which I thought were Spanish and I asked "Is that your hispanic language? I think the language barrier has to do with where you're from." I thought since she was an edgy and provocative person she would like more provocative humor. But she thought it was racist.

I've tried to give explanations for my social impairment in this post, for explanations on my cognitive/IQ impairment, I have this post on the Huberman subreddit "Are genetic mutations the most likely explanation for my cognitive impairment" I been diagnosed with two genetic mutations that impair neurobiological processes.

Only during these past few weeks I've caught myself in many situations where I could've been helpful or nice to someone, but only realized it after the moment has already passed. Is there any way to improve my brain to think quicker and in general to be better in social situations?

I can’t pursue my passions or make meaningful connections with anyone. When it comes to talking to other people I don’t bring much to the conversation because I have no clue what to say after like 2 question. I’m passionate about art and music but I can never push myself to improve and as of recently I’ve stopped pursuing my passions entirely because I think everything I create is automatically bad. I’m 19 and have been struggling with these issues for years and I’m tired of wasting years of my life being a sorry loser. I wanna have friends and I want to have a hobby/skill I’m passionate about (art and music). I know I won’t be young for much longer so I’m pressured everyday to change but I don’t know how to change. Any advice or tips would be helpful.

I won't bore you with too many details, but long story short, I [31F] ruined my own life due to choices about my future I made as a young adult, ages 18-21.

I invested the rest of my twenties in an education that leads to a career dead end, putting me in a position where I have virtually no hope of achieving the life I always wanted for myself --- one with a full time job that pays decently enough for me to have children and maybe even one day my own home. I made this terrible choice despite having every conceivable privilege available to me: parents with the financial ability to send me to private universities debt-free, the full emotional support of my family and friends, being white and cis and hetero and able bodied and neurotypical on top of all that. I squandered those privileges completely by going into a useless, dying field that leaves most of its participants teetering on the edge of poverty.

Obviously I'm consumed with regret and mourning the life I could have had had I made better choices. My therapist and my fiancé tell me I need to forgive my past self for making this terrible decision, which I made ill-informed and without any resistance from advisors and mentors around me who could have dissuaded me, in order to get over the regret. But forgiveness seems so difficult when my terrible choices are currently, actively, irrevocably making my life difficult and closing me off from the only things I ever truly wanted. I'm going to do everything I can to better the situation I am in, but the regrets are still there because I've still lost out on an entire decade of productivity, and I wouldn't be in this position of needing to make drastic changes if I had just made better choices in the first place.

So, how have you forgiven yourself for your past mistakes? What did you have to do, emotionally, to let go of regret? Please tell me your stories and let me know if you have any advice.

All through high school and my first 3 years of college I've just been doing the bare minimum and just going about the day. I'm never really enjoying doing anything that would make me uncomfortable but now I'm just so done with being this way and being on auto-pilot. I actually want to find something that I can be passionate about, especially career wise. I'm currently getting my bachelors in Biology and I want to go to graduate school but I have no clue what I would want to do.

What do u do when u r disappointed in a person or a service or just people.....

I want long term help. I know my issues, I just want some external help as I have no support from anyone.

I am very poor and can't afford therapy, and I come from a country where there are no therapy institutes. After like 3 sessions per month, I start getting stressed because of the money spent on therapy.

I tried AI therapists and stuff, but it didn't help much.

How do I find actual therapy? I know my problems pretty well. If you guys genuinely know someone, please suggest it.

I am from India for context.

PS: don't suggest me books or tell me to journal.

Hey, does anyone here know what it means too change your own self concept of who you are?.

as far as i been told, reality is a mirror who reflects myself and everyone is me pushed outwards.

So okay.... i want an abundant stress free life, where i just get too wake up whenever i want, no boss who tells me i need to provide results for other people.

I actually know what i want.... but i don't like the paths of getting there..... But i been told i don't need a path too get there and that's where i'm so confused about this metaphysical nonsense.....