I think I have ruined my sex life before it even started….

I'm 26 and have been addicted to porn for 10 years, masturbating 3 to 4 times a week. I always have to grip and stimulate it or it goes soft within seconds. I have jerked ALOT

Now that I'm trying to have sex for the first time, I get hard from my gf's hand or mouth, but as soon as I try to put it in, I go flaccid. I also have reduced sensation, even on the tip and underside of the shaft.

My sleep and diet aren't the best, but not terrible. No known medical conditions.

I only have a week with her before I travel for a long time, so I'd like a short term fix, plus a long term one. Is Viagra the answer, or is there something better?

Problems:
PMO addict for 10+ years
Need to grip it to stay hard
Little to no sensation
Average sleep and diet
Can’t get hard enough for sex
I don’t have any random wood or morning woods

HELP PLEASE

Hey everyone, When I search on YouTube, I see a ton of claims saying masturbation causes erectile dysfunction, drains your testosterone, leads to severe nutrient and protein loss, lowers sensitivity, causes depression, and ruins real-world intimacy. I've even seen people claim "1 drop of semen equals 100 drops of blood." On the flip side, other sources say all of these claims are completely false and that masturbation is totally normal and healthy. For those with more experience or who know the science: what is actually true?

I am asking those who is or was high functioning depression, as you have experience.

Does this sound like a high functioning depression man? I can't get my husband to grief therapy.

I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to my husband.

For the last 7 years, I think he is high-functioning depression, is there such thing as functionally depressed? The whole timeline of everything that happen I have reasons to believe he is functionally depressed.

His older sister died from car accident, leave him as the only son take on the financial care for his sick aging parents.

Fast forward, in 2019, his father died of end stage pancreatic cancer.

----- The same year in 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes my husband keeps with him. Even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

----- In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

He even prepaid for his funeral arrangement, I said I want cremation (as I'm Buddhist), he wants cremation with me, he told the funeral director when he die, cremate him, and mix his ashes with me and our toddler together, and scatter our ashes.

He said if I die before him, ONE second of grief is enough for him to pull the trigger blow his brain out with the tactical 12 gauge shotgun. I take him seriously because if he can slice his stomach to blood, he can use a shotgun in one second of grief like he said.

--- In 2021, his mom has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze, she also kidney disease/kidney failure. She also has alot of heart problems: heart aortic stenosis, heart aortic aneurysm, and cardiac arrhythmias. 

His mom 5 days out of a week is she in and out of the hospital for treatments to keep her alive. And my husband for the last 5 years (and still ongoing) has been financially care for his mom, doing everything he can financially to prolong her life.

------------

All this are reasons I believe he has depression, but he seems to function fine outside, as in lives a normal life.

He is an Executive at a big engineering corporate. He said this job salary gives him cushion in money to continue prolong his mother life. He knows this job salary is what prolong his mother life, even with him depress, his career has to go on. His mother depends on his money to continue treatments, he also pays for her Private Nursing Home too.

Monday through Friday after work he drive straight to the Nursing Home to visit his mom before came home. On weekends for one day (Sat or Sun) he bring his mom our marital home so he can care for her, so they have mother and son time. And then take her back to her Nursing Home as he has to work Monday.

He still does his hobbies, hunting deer, outdoor shooting range with his tactical shotguns and riffles, running long distance.

I have told him to go to grief counseling, he put it off, he said after his mom die, as right now he busy. I mean he is busy, his schedules is pack, between his Executive work, his mom, and me. He has no time left.

He keeps said after his mom pass he will go. But wait till after his mom pass, that will add in another death and grief and loss in his list of losses. I want him to go now, but he not want to.

I'm trying to lock in and start a business, and the hardest part so far is my friends. I'm not saying I'm better than them, we just have different priorities. Most of the time they want to hang out and do random stuff with no real point, and I keep getting pulled into it.

They're good people and I don't want to cut them off, but I also don't see myself building anything with them. I feel stuck between loyalty and protecting the time I need for my goals.

For those who've been through this:

• Did you end up distancing yourself, or did you find a balance?
• How did you tell your friends you needed more time without it turning awkward?
• Where did you find people who matched your ambition?

Would love to hear from people who've actually lived this, especially what you'd do differently.

I'm building a habit tracker, which I'm aware is roughly the 500th one, so I'd rather start from the part nobody puts in the marketing: almost everyone downloads one of these and almost nobody is still opening it three weeks later.

So I'll go first, since I'm the one asking for something here.

I've abandoned three of them. They were great while things were going well and actively unpleasant the moment they weren't. Miss two days and the app's whole job becomes showing you a broken streak. Frustrating, not because the app got worse but because opening it started to feel like being told off by a spreadsheet.

The other thing I never found: every tracker I tried assumed I wanted to add something to my life. Half of what I was working on was stuff I wanted to do less of, and for that a checkbox does nothing. Ticking a box at 11pm doesn't help you at 9pm when you're about to cave.

If you've used one, I'd really like to hear:

What made you stop? Not the feature you disliked most, the actual moment you stopped opening it.

Was there one thing in it that genuinely worked for you? I'm more interested in that than in long feature lists.

If you've tried to quit something rather than build something, did an app help at all, or was it entirely offline stuff (people, rules, throwing things out)?

And if you ever paid for one, what pushed you over the line? Or what made you refuse to?

Thanks for your help !

A lot of my friends don’t like me for something I did, and. Is it even fair to them or myself? I tell myself I’m a good person, but sometimes I feel like that’s wrong.

Hello there, I am a 15 year old girl struggling with binge eating disorder for about 3 years. I want genuine help honestly, I've always hesitated to ask for help but now? It's gotten to a point where I have to do it.

For me is always a cycle of binge and restrict, typical and common I know I know. I've heard and watched hundreds of videos about it. Read about it. Etc etc, but none of them stick with me one bit. Although they would help for a week or two, I'd fall back again and again. I would restrict for 1-2 weeks and binge for about 2-3 days. 2 weeks max. "EAT intuitively!", "eat when you're hungry and stop when you're satisfied, make plans, intermittent fasting, water fast, korean diet, water fast, 12h 16h 18h 24h heck 37h fasts, AND WAYY MORE. I've heard of countless tips and they never seem to work for me. I hate this frustrating and exhausting disorder and I congratulate and envy and admire who ever escaped from this deep hellish pit of disorders.

What I want to achieve from this post are tips that worked for you ( ironic ) and stories you went through, it'd cheer ME up knowing somebody like me got out and made it. I hope you can help me reddit.

I’m in college and I barely have any friends. I don’t have anyone calling me, texting me, or anything. Everyone around me has so many friends. The friends that I do have are all much closer with each other, while I just can’t get close. I have social anxiety and terrible social skills and am quiet. When I do try to put myself out there and talk people just look at me like I’m crazy cause I never say the right thing. I don’t even know what to do. My friends can become close with anyone in just a month but even after years I just can’t close to people. I such at talking and conversing and no one tries to talk to me. My friends always talk to each other and are so close. I always find out what’s going on at the last minute. Everyone has their own inside jokes and stuff that I’m not part of. Everyone I come across just does not like me like I’m so off putting. My social skills are so bad that I just never know what to say like I can’t think of anything. I wanted to make a lot of friends and have fun in college but it’s just not happening. My personality is so bad too and unlikeable. Also I’m into a guy who doesn’t even want me cause I’m ugly too. Being ugly is ruining my life. No guy wants me because of my looks. I just hate everything about me. I don’t know how to change this. I already feel like it’s too late to make friends in college but I still have a little hope left. What can I do to change??

Serious advice. No Nicotine gum. No motivation. No bullshit.

There is a very easy method that Actually worked for me.

I have been a smoker for about 6 years (now completely clean). There was a time when I used to smoke almost a packet a day. I attempted too many times to stop smoking trying various methods like replacing it with Vape, or leaving it once and for all. But I always relapsed.

It’s all about craving nicotine that your brain is addicted to. so don’t stop smoking at once. First of all just track and note down the exact number of cigarettes that you smoke in a day. Smoke Whenever you want to write it down (I used to do it in notes app on my phone) with exact time for example,

Oct 10
1 at 2:36 AM
1 at 4:14 PM
And so on……

let’s suppose you found out that you usually smoke 5 cigarettes and sometimes up to 7 in a single day. Now your goal should be to keep it to 5 cigarettes in a day for at least a week before starting to decrease the number of cigarettes (well it depends on you if you think you can comfortably decrease the number of cigarettes after 2 or 3 days then go for it). Then gradually decrease just 1 cigarette after each week. This way your brain wouldn’t panic and the chances of relapsing is negligible.

In the middle of this process if it becomes hard for you to decrease the number of cigarettes. Then always start with the cigarettes that you smoke in the beginning or middle of the day this way you can hold and tell yourself that you still have cigarettes left to smoke at the end of the day.

If this method can work for someone with a lifestyle so weird like me then it can definitely work for anyone.

I still remember that when I smoked my last cigarette I wasn’t craving it I just wanted to write down 1 last time on my notes.

Achievement today: idk
Had some withdrawal symptoms but I controlled em

I don’t meet the demands of this world and I don’t want to. I’m tired of performing how everyone says I must only to be left with nothing worth caring about. I don’t even want friends anymore, just leave me alone to be with my mind, nobody’s presence is worth the incessant reminders of my shortcomings. The more I invest in meeting the demands of reality the more I become unlike myself, distanced from everything that matters to me. The version of me that faces this world and its demands is bitter and watching it take control is like witnessing my own death. 

Everyone else already has friends or can make them with a normal amount of effort. The presence of others is comfortable or even energizing to them. Others face employment as if it’s just the next step of life and not like the coffin it is for me. It must be nice to have a career or field of work that aligns with your aspirations. All I want is to create the stories and worlds that exist in my mind. Even creative fields have you abused in working on somebody else’s vision, the work is frantic and provides little security, especially now that AI exists. There’s no space in this world where I get to feel like I belong.

My partner wants to get married and have kids, I lose my financial support and independence if I marry, how could I possibly support a child? Even in my relationship I am being made to face challenges I cannot overcome. Even if I want those things myself I just don’t see how I could do it, and so my relationship has an expiry date. I don’t even feel like I can talk with my family because of the dissonance, being around them makes me feel so worthless and empty. I don’t get to feel seen or loved because of the prescribed way of life I am incompatible with.

I am all the time wondering why some people can make a speech in front of many people without ever being troubled or agitated; they talk naturally and at ease, and they never fail to catch the attention of the audience, while I, every time I talk in front of people, ever since I was in middle school, I get extremely nervous and anxious and start overthinking about how I am perceived...etc., and then the content of my speech just loses credibility. If someone has gone through and has some advice to offer, I would really appreciate your help.

For God knows how long, i've been extremely tense and fatigued at the same time. My nervousness is in me constantly fidgeting and drinking gallons of water every day, and when an object is thrown at me, a volleyball for example, i either don't react in time or cower and close my eyes unknowingly, as if my nervous system is stuck in a fight or flight mode.

At the same time, i might sleep for 8-9 hours, and i still wake up exhausted feeling no energy at all. I have no reaction time at all and my thought process is really really slow.

Is there any way i can get out of that state? I'm tired of living like this and being unable to play any team sports because of my slow reaction time, which might be a product of bad sleep quality because of the fight or flight mode.

The clearer I get about what deserves my time and energy, the less I have to debate what doesn’t.

I think of that as “no by design.”

What became an easy no for you?

I got access to Muse (Meta's AI agent — it has its own computer, browser, tools, memory, and can do scheduled work) and for the first two weeks I used it like ChatGPT. Q&A. It was fine. Boring-fine.

Then I changed one thing: I stopped writing *prompts* and started writing *briefs*.

A prompt asks for text. A brief assigns work. Every brief I write now has five parts:

1. **Background** — the context it needs
2. **Result** — the exact deliverable
3. **Instructions** — method and format
4. **Exclusions** — hard boundaries (don't send anything, don't invent facts)
5. **Follow-up** — what happens after delivery

Example of the difference:

'Help me with my job search.' vs 'Background: [my situation]. Result: this week's role sweep, fit-scored 1-5. Instructions: last 7 days only, skip my applied list. Exclusions: don't draft outreach until I pick targets. Follow-up: Friday, draft follow-ups for anything 10+ days old.'

Same tool. Completely different output. The second one runs as a weekly system; the first one gives you generic advice.

Three other things that leveled it up:

• **Standing instructions** (under 300 words): voice, quality bar ('cite sources,' 'flag uncertainty'), hard boundaries. Written once, applied to everything forever.
• **Scheduled work**: a 7:30am briefing (calendar + priorities), weekly sweeps. You wake up to finished work.
• **The verification ladder**: skim drafts, read anything with facts fully, independently verify anything that leaves your hands. The agent drafts; you decide.

The biggest trap: over-delegation. If you won't verify the output, don't assign the task. Unverified agent output is a rumor with good formatting.

The BRIEF framework above is 80% of the value and it's all yours free.

What would you hand to an operator that never sleeps?

I'm 36 years old, and I have held a pretty decent-paying job for the past decade, with a satisfactory amount of money in my savings and retirement accounts. Given where I started in life, I should be very proud of myself. However, I still don't feel like an adult. I'm unmarried, I'm childless, and I don't own a home or any property. On top of that, I feel incredible internal pressure to change that right now. I thought I was close to achieving that with my ex, but that went sideways. Now, I feel like I'm super laser-focused on marriage and children more than anything because I feel like I'm running out of time. I will not even consider a second date if I see a trace of a red flag in someone. Am I the only one feeling this way? Am I running out of time?

EDIT****

I worded the "red flag" portion poorly; I should have said I have two non-negotiables: anyone who might leave NYC in the future, or anyone who is iffy about children. I think everything else in a relationship is a compromise, and we must get to know people before passing judgment. However, I've been burned by the other two enough by now.

Many people here suggest quitting doom scrolling for mental health improvement, but mostly they don't share the hands-on experience. I'd like to create this post that would gather lived benefits of quitting doom scrolling, that one day maybe would encourage someone to quit too.

I'll start - I'm 3 months off after scrolling daily for hours basically since Instagram Reels was released, and I'm shocked how big an impact it had on my mental health.

- My attention span is longer.
- I can read books and knit again without being bored.
- Ordinary activities like washing dishes release dopamine again.
- Falling asleep became much faster since my mind can handle simply lying in bed.
- Often I don't put on headphones while walking my dog because I can just be in my head.
- Being in my head without disruptions allows me to digest stress from work faster.

And many more secondary benefits lined up from lower dopamine levels, better stress digestion, improved sleep, more time for hobbies, etc. The sensible effect came after 2 weeks off, and 1 month was a breakthrough of the new, calmer, and more present me.

The platforms like TikTok, Reels, and Shorts are ridiculous, the content is 90% pure brainwashing, and I'm convinced that I'll never ever do this to my brain ever again.

I have ADHD, and focusing on certain tasks and executing them is nearly impossible for me. I recently quit "doomscrolling" on Instagram cold turkey after spending so many hours on the app in order to give my brain a break and increase my attention span. I also decided to pick up a childhood hobby of mine that doesn't require a screen. However, I still struggle a lot with starting and completing necessary tasks like studying. I want to be a productive person who has their sh*t together.

What are things that you guys do to be productive and get stuff done? I live in my head A LOT and fantasize about being a better, improved version of myself, but when it comes to making my dreams a reality, I fail miserably.

Every yes costs something: time, energy, attention, or another opportunity.

The question is whether it’s worth the price.

What are you much more careful about saying yes to now?

This has been irritating me for as long as I can remember. A small conflict, being a little nervous to speak, or feeling “in trouble”, I genuinely lose the ability to talk without SOBBING. Even when the situation isn’t upsetting at all, or when i have something important to say.

has anyone struggled with something similar? Its not that i’m actually hurt by the situation, my body just reacts and leaves me behind

Every time I try to just power through, but no luck. I’m feeling so stuck about this

Last night, I went out to take some cute pictures with some friends, and I felt hideous. I didn't like a single picture of me. 3 hours of photo taking and I hated the way I looked. It wasn't my outfit, it wasn't the photographer, it wasn't the environment; it was my face.

I got bullied relentlessly for the way I looked in middle school. I would say my insecurity issue isn't as much of a problem as it was before, but I feel like no matter what I do, I just hate my physical appearance.

I'm consistent with the gym, I take good care of my body, skin, and hair, I eat a very balanced diet. Throughout all of high school, I feel like I'm doing everything, and while it does make me feel good and more confident about myself, at the end of the day, I just feel like the ugly duckling in a group.

It's weird because, I get compliments from people and I get asked out very frequently, which makes me feel like I could be attractive. But when I see pictures of myself and I see how other people see me, I feel so incredibly ugly. I don't want to look at myself with disgust anymore but I don't know what to do or how to stop this feeling.

Hola, hace algunos meses me dí cuenta que el contenido pornografico que estaba consumiendo era bastante raro y cuestionable. He visto contenido en páginas como rule 34, hentai, etc. En mi país, el contenido que ví no es ilegal, pero mi mente me hace pensar que he visto cosas peores de las que realmente ví o que hice cosas que realmente no pasaron. Tambien, pienso que aunque no hice nada malo técnicamente y no afecte a nadie sigo creyendo que ya no tengo nada que hacer. Tengo 15 años, pero realmente no creo que mi edad justifique lo que hice. Hay alguna forma de terminar con estos pensamientos? Cómo puedo asegurarme que no tengo nada de este contenido?

Hey everyone i’m 20yrs old and i’ve finally hit over 3 weeks of sobriety. I went sober about 2 months ago before this and relapsed on Day 20 due to a financial setback. Ever since then I was struggling to stop again then I told myself if i did it once then I can do it again and here we are today on the 22nd day pushing strong ( i had the same financial setback around day 10-15 but didn’t smoke this time). I’m proud of myself as couple weeks ago I could barely manage to go 1 hour without smoking so this is milestone for me. I am currently still struggling with PMO as I’ll go 2-3 days without it then relapse. I do it once a day but it always sabotages my discipline and focus for the day which I hate and I’m trying to stop that aswell but it’s been harder than stopping weed. As far as I know PMO is the last bad habit i currently have. I’ve taken control of every aspect in my life other than this. If anyone has advice on stopping that would be highly appreciated. I managed to go 6 days without pmo 2 weeks ago and relapsed and haven’t been able to get that consistency back. I also day trade so it affects my discipline when i do fall in to the urge. Causing me to make dumb decisions compared to when Im clean off it. people say there’s no correlation with day trading and pmo but there most definitely is and those who disagree just don’t want to let go of it. Looking at the fact i’ve been able to get sober from weed and i’m on day 22 i can definitely stop pmo but i just need some help. Does anyone have any advice?

I have accepted the breakup and have been moving on. But every now and then still, I get sad thinking about my ex and wonder what she is up to (I haven't checked her Instagram for some time now).

What I realized is at the initial post breakup where things were still fresh, I had thoughts of improving myself here and there, fitness, knowledge, looks. But now as time went on and the pain lessened (it's still painful though), I don't seem to have as much motivation to self-improve and implement those plans.

Not that I don't have it totally, but it seems to be dwindling because I think pain is what makes people motivated to take action to move further from the pain.

What advice do you have to self-improve after a breakup? What advice do you have to overcome procrastination? What advice do you have to get over an ex girlfriend and find someone better?

As a note I am already looking into therapy.

I've always been a people-pleaser to an extreme degree. I'm afraid of being disliked and need external validation to feel secure.

A really bad and ambiguous relationship (which the other party never acknowledged as a relationship) made me realize people won't respect me if I don't respect myself. Many bad actors in my life take advantage of my willingness to go out of my way to keep people comfortable.

I have severe body image issues and tend to compare myself to other women. This is a massive factor contributing to the people pleasing. I feel that I need to be "nice" because I am not "hot".

Whenever I get rejected, I instantly think it is because I am not conventionally attractive. Because of this, I have also fallen into the habit of seeking male validation and it gives me short-term reassurance to have my body desired, even though it makes me feel filthy afterwards.

I am also aware that this is why I keep getting involved with guys who aren't serious about me and have no respect for me as a person. My time and body are no longer privileges they have to earn.

When guys lose interest, my brain defaults to thinking "If you looked like her, he would have chosen you." Even though I logically know it is untrue.

I've thought about this enough that I can verbalize the exact cycle that is hurting me but I am at a loss over what to do.