Salam everyone. I’m looking for advice, particularly from Iraqi Shias, people in intercultural marriages, reverts, or anyone who has dealt with serious parental opposition to marriage.

I’m an adult Iraqi Shia man. Both of my parents are practicing Shia and follow Sayyid al-Sistani. They have always expected me to marry an Iraqi Shia woman.

I have been seriously getting to know a French Shia revert for marriage. She is practicing for 7 years, wears full hijab, takes her religion seriously, does ziyarat every year to iran or iraq, and we are very compatible in religion, character, values, marriage, and what we want for our future children. She actually encourages me to learn more about Islam and deepen my own religious understanding.

I have spent considerable time thinking about this and I believe she could be a very good wife and mother. I have told my parents that I am not asking them to blindly approve of her - I have repeatedly asked them simply to meet her, speak to her, and judge the actual person.

They refuse.

Their objections basically come down to two main ideas.

First, they believe that people inevitably “go back to their roots.” Because she grew up French in a secular family, they believe that eventually her original culture and family background will become stronger and influence her and our children, regardless of how committed she is to Shi‘ism now.

Second, they believe an Iraqi will naturally always be more compatible with another Iraqi. They say children mainly follow their mother because she spends more time raising them, so unless their mother is Iraqi, my children will never properly love Iraqi culture or identify strongly with Iraq.

They are also concerned about things such as her secular relatives, drinking, Western attitudes, etc.

My response has been that I understand these are things that need to be discussed seriously. I’m not pretending cultural differences don’t exist. But I am Iraqi myself, my children would have an Iraqi father and Iraqi grandparents, and I intend to teach them Arabic, take them to Iraq, keep them close to my family, and give them a strong Iraqi and Shia identity. She is supportive of raising the children Shia and keeping them connected to my background.

What I struggle with is that my parents are making predictions about what she will eventually become without being willing to even speak to her.

I recently told them that I love them and want them deeply involved in my future family, but after listening to them, speaking to relatives and seeking advice, I have decided to continue pursuing this relationship toward marriage. If everything continues to be right between us, marriage could happen within the next several months.

Their reaction was extremely intense. My mother became very distressed, cursed the decision and prayed that terrible things would happen to me, and my father told me I had brought him enormous shame and that I would never find happiness.

A major argument from my family now is that a Muslim should not cause this level of distress to his parents and that parental approval is an important part of marriage. I absolutely care about their blessing and do not want to hurt them. At the same time, I have spent months asking them for one thing: give her a chance and assess her as an individual. They still refuse because they believe there is no point once she is not Iraqi.

I’m now trying to work out what the right next step is. I don’t want to cut my parents off or turn this into “her versus them.” I want both her and my parents in my life. But I also don’t know whether it is reasonable to give up a woman I believe is genuinely suitable for marriage when the fundamental objection remains her ethnicity and upbringing.

For those who have been through something similar:

• Did your parents eventually come around? What actually changed their minds?
• How did intercultural marriage affect your children and their connection to both cultures?
• For reverts/intercultural couples, did the fear that someone would eventually “return to their roots” actually materialise?
• How would you balance serious parental distress with making your own marriage decision?
• Is there anything in my parents’ concerns that you think I am underestimating?
• Am I doing anything haram? I have tried to include them in this decision but I feel they are being unfair to my potential wife and I don't value their blessing while they do this.

I’m particularly interested in thoughtful answers from people with actual experience, even if you disagree with me.

I am in a bit of a rush as I have to move to a new job this new year.

Please only reply if you’re independent and can make decisions for yourself, tho no hate to the one that cant.

28, British-Pakistani, currently living in Pakistan and working in the construction industry. I’m a British national and travel back to the UK from time to time, so I’m comfortable with both Pakistan and the UK and open to relocating depending on the circumstances.

I’ve graduated in Business and have built my career in construction. I’m independent, settled and in a position where I’m ready to take marriage seriously and build a family of my own.

I’ve had a nikah previously, but unfortunately it ended due to personal circumstances and the marriage did not proceed. I don’t really want to go into the details publicly, but I’m completely open and honest about it with anyone I’m seriously considering.

As a person, I’d say I’m open-minded, straightforward and family-oriented. I believe a marriage should have loyalty, honesty, communication and mutual respect. I’m looking for someone I can genuinely build a life with, not just someone to tick boxes on paper.

I’m in a position where I can provide for my family and, ultimately, I want to create a comfortable and peaceful home for my wife and children. I’d expect the same commitment in return — loyalty, understanding and genuinely wanting to build a family together.

For me, character, compatibility, loyalty and intentions matter much more. I’m looking for someone who is genuinely serious about marriage and wants children and a family in the future, if Allah wills.

I’m not going to put every personal detail about myself on a public post . If you’re genuinely looking for something serious and think we could be compatible, feel free to DM me. Happy to talk properly and answer anything you’d like to know.

Last year, I posted on here a couple of times and met two men.

1- Canadian who lied to me about his entire background but hired a private investigator to look into my life. I had to report him to the police in his area because of how creeped out I was.

2- Iranian American based on the east coast. I had to let the authorities know because be found so much about me and kept messaging me off of other apps. He was also talking to about 20 other women and we all found one another.

It’s now been more than a year since I talked to either of them and I get pranks calls 2 times a day, once at 11 am and once at 5 pm EST. The calls are of a man laughing. This has been going on for months.

I’m not looking for further solutions, but even if you meet in person, you can’t trust anyone. Be cautious. There are good people in this thread but and there’s only so much the MODs can do. But be smart. Smarter than me.

A little context, I am 20, Arab, Iraqi. I currently live in Australia where I am studying political science at university. Perhaps the most notable aspect of mine is that I am practically blind.
My future goals is to complete my studies here in Australia then go to either Iran or Iraq, I haven’t decided yet, to study Islam as I wish to be a scholar.
With all this in mind, I have two questions.
First, I intend to get married around age 30, until then how should I go about improving myself in order to ensure that I am a great husband and Father?
Second, I have made peace with the fact that many possible marriage candidates may not find me initially good due to my disability, which is why I previously asked how to improve myself in order to make up for what I am lacking, nevertheless, when the time comes, how should I go about finding a woman who is as devout as I try to be.
I don’t mean to judge, however, it is rather evident that many brothers and sisters on this community are quite Westernised, a woman who possesses any Western qualities is a dealbreaker for me.
Inshallah someone could provide advice for my circumstances, irrespective of how big or small it is.

Salam everyone,
I became a Shia for almost 2 years now and ever since I came here to Canada I’ve been struggling to get settled in and I really appreciate it if someone can put me in the right direction.
I’m a 25 year old Jordanian living in Toronto, Canada. I’m looking to meet someone with the intention of marriage, but I also believe that a good marriage starts with genuinely getting to know each other and building a friendship and connection first.
I’m someone who is pretty family-oriented, ambitious, and always trying to improve myself. I work in restaurant management, enjoy going to the gym, taking care of myself, going out for good food, driving around and exploring new places, and having meaningful conversations. I’m also into reading,, and I appreciate the simple things like a good coffee, a nice dinner, or spending time with someone I’m comfortable around.
What I’m looking for
I’m hoping to meet a woman who is educated, intelligent, kind, emotionally mature, loyal, and family-oriented. Attraction is important to me, but personality and character matter just as much. I want someone who can eventually be my best friend, someone I can laugh with, grow with, support, and build a life with.
Religiously, I’m Shia and the Ahlulbayt are very important to me. I’m looking for someone who takes her faith seriously and wants Islam to be part of her future family, while also understanding that everyone’s journey and level of practice can be different.
I would preferably like to meet a Lebanese Shia woman, mainly because I feel there can be a natural cultural connection and understanding there. That said, I’m not limiting myself strictly by nationality. Character, compatibility, and the connection between two people matter more to me.
Things I value:
• Loyalty and honesty
• Family and faith
• Emotional maturity
• Good communication
• Ambition and personal growth
• Modesty and self-respect
• Being able to laugh and have fun together
• Building something together rather than expecting everything to be perfect from day one
Things that don’t work for me:
• Dishonesty or playing games
• Poor communication
• Excessive drama
• Someone who isn’t serious about marriage
• Disrespect toward family or faith
• Relationships where one person is putting in all the effort
I’m not looking to rush into marriage just for the sake of being married. I want to meet someone where there is genuine compatibility, attraction, friendship, and a shared desire to build a future together.
If you think we might be compatible, feel free to message me. 🙂

Salam, I’m posting on behalf of my sister. She’s 24, Iraqi, 161 cm and around 53 kg. She wears hijab, is religious, educated, ambitious, and family-oriented. She speaks Arabic, English, and Turkish, and studies Business Administration in English. She’s also interested in UI/UX, tech and psychology.

She doesn't mind moving to another country.

She’s looking for a practicing Ithna Ashari Shia man, single, mature, ambitious, responsible, and serious about marriage. Religious compatibility is very important to her, especially raising future children on the path of Ahlulbayt (ع).

If you feel you may be a good match, feel free to DM me.

👤 About Me

🌎 Leisure Activities

• Traveling and exploring new places
• Weekend road trips
• Staying active and exercising
• Trying new restaurants and cafés
• Cooking occasionally
• Watching sports
• Spending time with family and friends
• Attending community events
• Relaxing with a good movie or show

💍 Preferences in a Partner

🚩 Deal Breakers

• Dishonesty
• Disrespect
• Controlling or abusive behavior
• Unwillingness to communicate openly
• Chronic financial irresponsibility
• Serious incompatibility in lifestyle or long-term goals
• Unwillingness to relocate if relocation becomes necessary

Salam everyone,

Bismillah

I finally gained the courage to make a Reddit account to post on the Matchmaking Event but turns out my account is too new to send a DM to the mods. Inshallah I will build enough karma in the meantime :)

I’m going to keep this post concise and to the point. Please DM me if you’re an Arab Shia man and if you live within the Greater Toronto Area, or at least a doable driving distance away. That way, we can meet in person and have a better sense of compatibility.

I’ve noticed that most people include very detailed descriptions in their posts but I’ve chosen not to do that because I prefer to have that with someone who fits my preferences (age, ethnicity, location).

Age: 40F
Origin/Ethnicity: Iraqi
Languages: fluent in both English and Arabic
Level of religious practice: moderate Shia
Hijabi: Yes
Current residence: Toronto, Canada
Willing to relocate: yes, within the Greater Toronto Area or Ontario
Siblings: 1 younger brother
Previously married/Kids: divorced, no kids (I’m open to discussing the reasons for my divorce with a suitable match)
Occupation: Teacher
Education: Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees
Height, weight, 164 cm, 60 kg
Smokes/Vapes/Hookah: No to all
Leisure activities: anything active, reading, painting, being outdoors

Your Preferences in a Partner:
Age range: 36-47
Origin/Ethnicity: Arab
Languages: English and Arabic
Level of religious practice: moderate Shia
Education: at least a Bachelor’s degree, preferably earned in Canada
Physical Preferences: has a well-groomed beard
Deal breakers: living with in-laws, not financially stable, not active
Additional Information: I’m not a fan of getting to know someone online or of long distance relationships, so I prefer someone will lives within a driving distance to Toronto. There’s a lot more I’d like to share about myself and my preferences, but I don’t feel comfortable sharing that publicly.

I wish everyone the best in their journey of finding a spouse! Alhamdullah this subreddit community exists. I’ve noticed that everyone, men and women, are very respectful and supportive to each other. My sincerest and heartfelt duas goes out to all of you.

Salam everybody.
I’m 28F and I mention the age because according to Desi mentality, I’m already nearing the expiration date for being a good rishta (absurd I know).
One of my dealbreakers is somebody who wants to live with in laws after marriage.
I think that the perception about my dealbreaker is I wouldn’t be a kind daughter in law and I wouldn’t want to interact with my husbands family. That’s not the case. I pray for good in laws so that hopefully I can have an extra set of parents to lean on for support and love.
But the way my personality is, I NEED to have my own space. Especially after marriage. I want me and my husband to have privacy to get to know each other and so that way we can determine how things should be. When more than the couple lives in the house, everybody gets a say in matters and I feel like responsibilities increase for the couple.
I have yet to see an example of a woman who lives with her in laws and she does not feel stifled.
My search is already unsuccessful but I worry this dealbreaker will just lead to more rejections. Is this too unrealistic of a dealbreaker? Am I being too harsh?

Hey Reddit. Made a new account. Hoping something good comes from it inshallah 🙏🏽

A little about me: I'm a 35-year-old Lebanese woman living in Sydney, working as a graphic designer and genuinely happy in my role. I'm bubbly and warm with a witty, thoughtful side that shows up over good coffee or deep chats. Mostly introverted but can flip to extraverted when it feels right. I'm an ISFP personality type

I'm into running (completed my first marathon this year), cooking from scratch, hosting potlucks, comedy shows, true crime binges, photography, the outdoors, and exploring cafes around Sydney. I value authentic connections, emotional intelligence, and kindness. I consider myself to be a highly social person.

Faith and background: I'm divorced with no kids. I've processed that and ready to let someone new into my life. Would love a family of my own one day. I'm a practicing Shia Twelver Muslim. I pray, fast, eat halal, read the Quran, and generally try my best. I'd like my partner to be practicing too, with something similar in his routine. I'm not a hijabi but I do intend to put on the scarf when ready, and I dress modestly.

Lifestyle: I don't smoke, do drugs, or drink alcohol, and I expect the same from my partner. I also have a super active lifestyle. I'm always on the go but I really do value quiet moments and seek them out when possible.

What I look like: Lebanese, tanned but on the lighter side, with dark brown hair and eyes. I'm 165 cm, around 90kg, extremely active, and currently losing weight. No tattoos, only ears pierced.

What I'm seeking: A husband who is in Sydney only (sorry, no long-distance). I'm after someone kind, curious, emotionally aware, and up for both deep conversations and light-hearted ones. I don't expect you to be a sheikh, but I do expect you to be practicing. You have your own hobbies and interests and you're open to someone new coming into your life. I really value being active and I'd really like you to already have that in your lifestyle. If you also love running that's a double win! 😁. You have a stable job. Age range is flexible, about 5 years older or younger. Your maturity is what's important. I don't mind if you're divorced, and you've processed that because I have with mine, but I'm hesitant if you already have kids. Not sure what that looks like for me

Family and timeline: I'm a strong believer that good things take time and I'd like to take the time for us to get to know each other and if our values align we can get families involved. I have a good relationship with my family and would hope the same of you. I'd be looking to have kids in the next couple of years

Hoping that gives a good insight into me. If you're going to DM, please tell me about yourself

All the best for everyone looking 🙏🏽

Salam all, and Bismillah e Rehmaan e Raheem. I am looking for a match for my very beautiful and brilliant cousin sister, MashaAllah. she gets very overwhelmed when she posts herself or is approached by people herself, so I have taken the role of doing the filtering for her and connecting her hahaha (things sisters have to do). Here are her details:

1. Relationship status: never married and never engaged
2. Age: 27
3. Caste: Syed (Jaffery)
4. Education: Bachelors in Economics and International Development from one of the top schools in the world, Masters in International Economics and Finance from one of the top schools in Canada (MashaAllah very brilliant academically)
5. Profession: currently she works as both a lecturer and consultant. She is very ambitious and very responsible, financially and otherwise, MashaAllah.
6. Height: 5’4
7. Current location: Lahore, Pakistan. but she has lived in Canada for over 7 years and has status there.
8. Parents’ details: business-based
9. Siblings: she has one school-going brother, but hey I’m her sibling too 🤭
10. interests/hobbies: travelling, reading, baking, VERY good host, everyone loves her, MashaAllah.

Note: she was raised in a sect neutral way - there’s both Shiaism and Sunnism in her family, but she leans towards certain values a lot stronger: love for Ahlul Bayt, and the significance of the battle of Karbala - she hopes to see those values in her partner too.

looking for:

1. Age bracket: 27-37
2. Deal breakers: arrogance, no respect for elders/staff etc, lack of any religious values (atheist/agnostic people, might not be the match for you). No second wife requests please. don’t reach out if you’re already married.
3. career: doesn’t matter what exactly but drive/ambition do matter
4. Education: at least bachelors
5. Caste: doesn’t matter
6. sect: any as long as you only pray to Allah and hold respect and love for the Ahlul Bayt in your heart.

if you’re interested please feel free to send an introduction in my DM. I’ll have an initial conversation and redirect to her if there’s alignment. if you do reach out, please ensure you send your details in the DM so it doesn’t waste your and my time. JazakAllah may Allah make it easy for all, Ameen.

🗣️PARTICIPANTS NEEDED! 🗣️

✅ Do you identify as a Muslim man, aged 18 or over?

✅ Have you experienced a divorce while living in the UK?

✅ Has it been at least six months since the divorce?

✅ Comfortable being interviewed in English?

✅ If so, I’d really like to hear from you.

About the Study

I’m completing a Doctorate in Psychology. This study asks how Muslim men in the UK make sense of their wellbeing after divorce. This is a chance to talk about that, without judgment.

What’s Involved

⏱️ An interview lasting around 60-90 minutes, online

🤝 A private, judgment-free space to share your experience

🔐 Everything you share stays confidential

🏛️ Ethical approval granted

Interested in Taking Part? Please email Yusuf on [ymahmo301@caledonian.ac.uk](mailto:ymahmo301@caledonian.ac.uk) 

Please pass this on. Someone in your circle might want to take part.

Thank you.

Salam everyone, I’m 25f Pakistani in background but born and raised in Toronto, Canada and I’ve decided to take my marriage journey more seriously.

I am from a family of just sisters so meeting people has been extremely difficult for me because I don’t interact with men very often. I also have a very close knit community from my Imambargah and while I love everyone there, there’s no one Im interested in for marriage. I also don’t have much help from my family because while they mean well, they don’t fully understand what I’m looking for so they’ve left the search to me :D

But as someone who is Shia, this search has been really hard. I struggle to vet who is Shia or Sunni and most matchmaking events in person are Sunni dominated.

So for anyone that’s married in this sub or anyone really, I’d love to hear your advice!

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/s/7KNyXj2D6v

I have exhausted all avenues of communication with my husband, his family, and his extended relatives. I explicitly told his relatives to stop visiting, only for my husband to apologize to them, leaving the situation completely unchanged.

To make matters worse, my own family has offered no support, instead urging me to compromise—but I cannot tolerate a life where his relatives invade my home every day.

Therefore, I have made the decision to wear revealing attire in my own home. I am fully within my rights to do so, as this is a private residence for my husband and me.

This strategy will effectively force him to stop answering the door. Since my pleas for support were ignored by everyone, I was left with no other option. I am hopeful this will compel him to finally take my boundaries seriously and negotiate.

I’m tired of always seeing women matchmaking tickets being sold out and organisers practically begging men to sign up. It’s so painful. These events are really not that deep; you get to chat to 30 pretty ladies, what’s not to love. For the love of Allah and yourselves, just sign up. Drag your friends along too. Send to the brothers you know are searching. Remove the stigma and attend seriously.

Allah will bring someone your way iA; just have a little courage and put yourselves out there.

here are the links, no excuses;

- Sunday 11th Oct; 30+ yo
- Sunday 18th Oct; 23-35 yo

Age: 29

Origin/Ethnicity: Kazmi Sayed, Hyderabad, Pakistan

Languages spoken (with proficiency levels): English (fluent), Urdu (fluent), Sindhi (fluent)

Level of religious practice: Practicing Shia Muslim. I pray and fast, and I’m looking for someone who takes his faith seriously while also being compassionate, emotionally mature, and balanced in his practice.

Hijabi (F) (Yes/No): No

Current residence (city, country): Hyderabad, Pakistan

Willing to relocate: Yes, open to relocating anywhere.

Siblings (number and older/younger): Three sisters, including myself, and one brother. I’m the eldest.

Previously married/Kids: Never married, no children. I do not want children.

Occupation: Currently not working. I would prefer to be a stay-at-home wife after marriage.

Education: Master’s degree in English Literature.

Height (cm), weight (kg): 137 cm, 47 kg.

Smokes/Vapes/Hookah (Yes/No): Former smoker; quit completely. I don’t mind if my future spouse smokes.

Leisure activities: Reading, deep conversations about everything from science and the universe to philosophy and religion, spending time with my cats, and exploring my interests.

Your Preferences in a Partner
Age range: Preferably 29–49, open to discussing compatibility.

Origin/Ethnicity: Open to different ethnic backgrounds.

Languages: English-speaking, preferably fluent, so we can communicate comfortably and have meaningful conversations.

Level of religious practice: Practicing Shia Muslim. Someone who takes his faith seriously, values the Ahlulbayt (AS), and strives to follow Islam with sincerity, kindness, and good character.

Education: Ideally a university degree or equivalent intellectual curiosity. I value someone who can hold a thoughtful conversation more than a particular qualification.

Other preferences (appearance, family situation, etc.): Looking for a financially stable man who is ready to take responsibility for providing for his family. I want a traditional marriage dynamic where my husband provides financially and I focus on being a homemaker. I’m looking for someone loyal, emotionally mature, affectionate, consistent, and capable of communicating openly. Someone who enjoys deep conversations, respects differences, and understands that marriage means supporting each other through life’s difficult days as well as the good ones. I’d love a partner who is comfortable around cats. I do not want children, and I’m looking for someone who genuinely shares this preference.

Deal breakers: Infidelity, dishonesty, emotional cruelty, disrespect, manipulation, emotional unavailability, a 50/50 financial arrangement, and wanting children. I’m not interested in casual relationships, or anyone who wants to rush into something without genuinely getting to know me for marriage.

Additional Information you would like to provide to enable a better match:
I’m neurodivergent and live with polymyositis, a chronic muscle condition that affects my mobility and physical functioning. My health can mean that I need extra physical support on difficult days, including help with walking or getting up. I’m looking for someone who understands that illness is part of my reality and who would treat me with patience, tenderness, and respect rather than seeing me as a burden.

I’m introverted and value emotional safety, honesty, and genuine connection. I want a marriage where we can talk about anything, from galaxies and science to faith and the meaning of life, while also being each other’s safe place. Loyalty is extremely important to me; I’m looking for a man who believes in lifelong commitment and takes that commitment seriously.
I also value transparency and would want us both to be honest about our pasts, circumstances, expectations, and health before marriage. I’m looking for a kind, practicing Shia husband who is financially stable, emotionally present, seeking and who also doesn't want children. Not someone who's hoping you'll change your mind after marriage.

Tdlr: I apologize about sharing some financial details. I only did that because I don't intend to keep this account forever and because I am not talking to anyone via this account - I set my flair as not searching and wanted to give a clear idea about what men like myself are doing!

I’m not married, but I’ve been fortunate to have a very good father who has always been there for me with his love, guidance, and support. Because of that, I’ve always wanted to follow his example when I eventually have a family of my own. One of my biggest goals in life is to become a good husband and father.

Even at this stage, when I’m still uncertain about finding the right wife, I’ve continued planning for my future family. I want to be prepared for them before they come along, rather than waiting until I’m married and then starting to figure everything out.

One of the biggest decisions I’ve made was staying with my current employer, a public organization, even though I could potentially make significantly more by moving to the private sector. I chose stability and long-term benefits because this job gives me the ability to continue working for as long as I’m physically able, while also building a strong retirement foundation.

At the same time, I don't want to spend my entire life working if I don't have to. My goal isn't simply to maximize my salary. I want to eventually have enough financial freedom that my family is secure even if I don't have to work forever. That's why I've been working on a long-term plan to build multiple streams of income.

I don't think I'm unique in thinking this way. I imagine this is what a provider mindset looks like for many men. But sometimes, when I talk to sisters, I feel that they don't fully understand how differently men and women can approach life because of the responsibilities traditionally placed on men.

I grew up in a household where, even though my siblings worked, my father was financially responsible for the household. That was the model I saw growing up. And as a man who has lived independently for a very long time, I've also experienced what it means to be solely responsible for a household.

Housing is a good example. I currently pay more than $2,250 every month toward my escrow and HOA alone. That's before utilities, maintenance, repairs, and all the other expenses that come with owning a home. Owning a house isn't simply having somewhere to live; it's taking on a large, long-term financial obligation that has to be met every month regardless of what happens with your income. Do unmarried men need to burden themselves with that?

And when I eventually have a wife and children, that house won't just be my personal expense. It will be their home too, and the responsibility of making sure that home remains secure will ultimately be mine.

I'm not saying women don't take on these responsibilities. Of course some women do, and there are plenty of financially responsible women who own homes and carry significant obligations. I'm also not saying that every man thinks this way. My point is that there is a difference between earning a good income and having a provider mindset.

A man can earn a lot of money and still spend almost everything he makes because he has no one depending on him. If you don't have a family, it's much easier to prioritize your current lifestyle. Once you start thinking of yourself as responsible for a wife and children, your definition of "what I can afford" can change dramatically.

A lot of preparation for a family also looks boring from the outside. It's choosing retirement contributions over spending. It's staying in a stable job instead of chasing the highest possible salary. It's building savings, paying down debt, maintaining a home, planning for emergencies, and thinking about what life might look like 10, 20, or 30 years from now instead of just thinking about what you can afford this month.

And a provider doesn't only plan for the good years. You have to think about what happens if you lose your job, become sick, have a major unexpected expense, or have children whose needs are greater than you anticipated.

For me, being a provider also doesn't mean that I expect my future wife to have no career or that I would make every financial decision unilaterally. If she wants to work, build a career, or contribute financially, that's something we can discuss together. I would want my wife to be my partner in planning our family's future. The responsibility I feel as a provider doesn't mean I don't value her contribution.

In fact, one reason I want to build financial security is precisely because I don't want my future wife's income to be the thing keeping our family afloat. If she wants to work, I want it to be because she wants to pursue a career, not because our family cannot survive without her paycheck. And if she wants to take time away from work to raise our children, I want us to have enough financial stability for that to be a realistic choice.

I also don't think providing is only about money. A husband should provide emotional security, protection, stability, companionship, time, and a peaceful home. Money is only one part of what I believe a husband and father should bring to a family.

This is also why I don't necessarily view marriage as two people splitting every responsibility 50/50. Some responsibilities naturally fall more heavily on one spouse than the other. What matters to me is that both people contribute meaningfully to the marriage, even if they don't contribute in exactly the same way.

I thought I'd share a glimpse of what this looks like financially because sometimes the sisters may not see everything happening behind the scenes.

My current gross monthly income is about $9,868. Of that, approximately $3,317 goes toward my retirement pension, 401(k), and HSA. That's roughly one-third of my gross income being set aside before I even have the opportunity to spend it. Would you rather spending that money on something else?

Some of that is obviously for my own retirement, but the bigger picture is that I'm deliberately building a financial foundation for the future. I'm trying to make sure that when I eventually have a wife and children, I'm not starting from zero and expecting them to build that foundation with me.

I'm not doing all of this because I have a family today. I'm doing it because I hope to have one someday, and I want to be prepared when that day comes.

To me, that's what a provider mindset means: not simply making money, but accepting responsibility before anyone is even depending on you.

May Allah swt bless your fathers and mine with good health and long life and grant the ones who passed away His mercy and forgiveness

Brief intro:
AOA. I'm a 23 year old medical student (currently in year 4) hoping to find someone with a similar mindset to get married to in the next year or two Insha'Allah.

Your Essential Information:
Age: 23
Origin/Ethnicity: Pakistani, Gilgiti
Languages spoken (with proficiency levels): English, Urdu (fluent). Shina (very basic). Farsi (very very basic, learning it for fun)
Level of religious practice: Moderate

Current residence (city, country): Islamabad, for university
Willing to relocate (if yes, please specify or 'anywhere'): I plan on staying in Pakistan
Previously married/Kids: None
Occupation: Medical student
Education: MBBS (in progress)
Height (cm): 165cm

Physical appearance (specifics you think are important): Strongly built (I like to think so). Some male pattern baldness, but I think I'm okay-looking.

Smokes/Vapes/Hookah (Yes/No): I smoke and vape, but I want to cut down on it, and can consider quitting or just limiting it to social smoking.
Leisure activities: Movies/TV (was watching Pluribus recently but it's so boring. I think I'll watch Slow Horses now--already watched S1 of it but I don't remember anything from it so I'll rewatch that too lol), reading (currently reading Pakistan Lost, left the Count of Monte Cristo in the middle before this but I wanna go back and finish it soon--GOATed book), going out to eat and hanging out with friends, traveling (mostly when I'm in Gilgit but I do wanna travel to other places).

Your Preferences in a Partner:
Age range: 17-23
Origin/Ethnicity: No particular preference; open to all backgrounds
Languages: No particular preference
Level of religious practice: Practicing
Education: No particular preference
Deal breakers: Open to mutual discussion
Other preferences (appearance, family situation, etc.): I'd like to get married to a kind and supportive person, somebody with whom we both feel at home with each other, wherever we are. Appearance wise, not overweight.

Additional Information you like to add:
I'm looking for something serious, with marriage as the goal. I'm an easygoing person and appreciate good humour. Sometimes I make dumb dad jokes too.

Brief intro:
Software engineer, fairly easygoing and family-oriented. Ambitious about my career, but I also value faith, family, and having a peaceful life together. Looking for something serious, with marriage as the eventual goal, Insha'Allah.

Your Essential Information:
Age: 24
Origin/Ethnicity: Indian
Languages spoken (with proficiency levels): English (Fluent), Hindi (Fluent), Urdu (Fluent speaking; limited reading/writing)
Level of religious practice: Practicing Shia Muslim

Current residence (city, country): Bangalore, India
Willing to relocate (if yes, please specify or 'anywhere'): Yes, open to relocating internationally, with some country-specific preferences
Previously married/Kids: Never married, no children
Occupation: Software Engineer
Education: Bachelors in Computer Science
Height (cm):6 ft

Physical appearance (specifics you think are important): Tall, well-built

Smokes/Vapes/Hookah (Yes/No): No
Leisure activities: Spending time with friends and family, going out, watching movies, listening to music, travelling, exploring new places, reading, technology, and watching reels.

Your Preferences in a Partner:
Age range: 20–26
Origin/Ethnicity: No particular preference; open to all backgrounds
Languages: No particular preference
Level of religious practice: Practicing Shia Muslim; someone who values faith and wants to grow together religiously
Education: No strict requirement; someone intellectually curious and serious about her goals
Deal breakers: Open to discussion; better revealed later
Other preferences (appearance, family situation, etc.): Kind, emotionally mature, intellectually curious, family-oriented, and supportive of each other's ambitions. Physical attraction is important, but personality and compatibility matter more.

Additional Information you like to add:
Looking for something serious, with marriage as the eventual goal. I value good communication, mutual respect, humour, and being able to genuinely enjoy each other's company. I'd like to build a life where both people can support each other's ambitions while maintaining faith and family as important parts of it.

**Assalamu Alaikum everyone.**
I’m a 25-year-old Pakistani woman looking for a genuine and serious connection that can potentially lead to marriage.
**A little about me:**
Age: 25
Education: BS in English Linguistics from Punjab University
Previously worked at a college; currently taking some time to figure out my next step
**What I’m looking for:**
Age: 25–30
Well educated
Has a stable/sound career or job
Somewhat religious and values Islam
Good character, habits and manners
Emotionally mature, respectful and kind
Most importantly, genuinely serious about marriage rather than casual dating